Monday, March 25, 2013

Neighborhood Gossip:

Yesterday, I was minding my own business moving a sprinkler around the front yard when I heard what looked like a 5 year old African American boy. He excitedly chirped to his parents, "LOOK! That's the gay guy that moved in the neighborhood! That's him! I bet it's him."

Mom and Dad were pulling the little boy and his younger sister in a wagon on the street in front of my house. I was stunned from the awkwardness of it all. I didn't know quite what to say or do, so I just smiled and waved "Hi". It was definitely a weird life moment. The Dad shushed his son and said "hey" half-heartedly. The Mom studied me carefully as they kept moving.

I went back into the house and told the boyfriend, "You are not going to believe what just happened to me!" At first, Mean Cub questioned my hearing. "Are you sure that is what happened?" Son of a Bitch! He doesn't believe me. He could sense I was genuinely upset and offered, "Well, you are always walking around your two gay dogs. You have only yourself to blame!"

Daschunds are NOT gay dogs, I protest. They are ferocious bullies of the dog park:

I fingered the blame on Mean Cub's "HRC" sticker on the back of his gay car for outing us to the neighborhood. He was all defensive, "Nobody knows what 'HRC' stands for here Dumbass. It's your gay dogs!"

For the next hour, I mulled over the repercussions of what transpired. Obviously, I was stereotyped by neighbors because I am the ONLY person living alone in the neighborhood with no wife or kids. Okay, I get it. It's normal for parents to get curious about anyone NEW moving into the neighborhood. Protecting children from strangers is instinctual and they were probably just trying to figure out my story. (FYI to Parents: Gays are not attracted to children. Eww...)

The more I thought about it, the less bothered I became. I don't flounce around, wearing Scottish Kilts and Renaissance Drag, or fly the rainbow flag. The neighbors only see me dressed very well walking two small dogs. They sized me up based on a stereotype and accurately guessed that I must indeed be a gay man. Whoopty Doo.

As I told this story to co-workers and Dad, they chuckled. They are pushing me to mess with the neighbors by having a female co-worker spend an hour at my home everyday this week to confuse them all. LOL.

In the meantime, I am hitting the gym hard. RAWR! I'll be damned if anyone thinks I am gay gawd dammit! Ohhh..... wait a  minute.   


Blogger BearTalks said...

I am sorry to tell that, but... the dogs do seem kinda gay :D

March 25, 2013  
Anonymous Jeff said...

I'd have to say it is the dogs. What are their names again, Bubbles & Princess?

March 25, 2013  
Blogger Martin Bowers said...

HRC ???
Homo Rodeo Clown...that's it :)

March 25, 2013  
Blogger Jim said...

Hey!! I resemble some of those remarks!


March 25, 2013  
Blogger RG said...

Definitely the dogs. That and the living alone thing. Mary. LOL

March 25, 2013  
Blogger Jim said...

Oh... and I don't "flounce" bitch!

March 25, 2013  
Blogger Brettcajun said...

GRIN. (Jim) :)

March 25, 2013  
Blogger Raybeard said...

Why not make something positive out of the experience? Such as charging a fee - "Roll up! Roll up! Come and see a real live GAY man! - Children admitted free when accompanied by an adult". (Sorry, that last part was a rather weak joke).

March 26, 2013  
Blogger Brettcajun said...

Ugh. NO kids! Their chirpy little voices fray my nerves and are the scourge of society if you ask me. LOL

March 26, 2013  
Blogger Raybeard said...

With you 100% re kids. Who the hell invented them? Yuk!!!

March 26, 2013  
Blogger GseHouston said...

Well lets see. The neighbors watched you move in nice furniture and stuff. You know they watch everything the first year. You are rather fit for someone in your age group. Dress nice. 2 dogs. No apparent female companion. Mean cubs gay car and stickers. Well, the kid just did his math.

March 26, 2013  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Or MAYBE, the "black" family is thrilled to see another minority, likely more disparaged in your Gonzales suburb, than they.....

March 26, 2013  
Blogger iama{GAY}tkeeper said...

way to take something positive out of a situation like this.

March 26, 2013  
Blogger TED said...

How many single straight men in their forties have you seen out walking their two dachsunds?

March 26, 2013  
Anonymous Atahualpa said...

Its that hot arse you bounce around in those khakis as you walk the pooches. Can I have some fries with that shake. Shes just worried you are gonna take her, 'huzzzband'.


March 27, 2013  
Blogger Homer said...

They probably understand that the value of their house will go up once you moved in.

March 28, 2013  
Anonymous BearlyThere said...

Well, it certainly wasn't those shoes. SMH.

April 01, 2013  
Anonymous Bebe said...

Dachshunds are beyond gay. If you were actually to discuss such matters with your dogs, they would sniff their elegantly long noses, and pretend to hear unwelcome persons approaching the better to forgive you for your crassness in mentioning something so preposterous. I know- I have such a dog.

May 01, 2013  

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