Yesterday, I was minding my own business moving a sprinkler around the front yard when I heard what looked like a 5 year old African American boy. He excitedly chirped to his parents, "LOOK! That's the gay guy that moved in the neighborhood! That's him! I bet it's him."
Mom and Dad were pulling the little boy and his younger sister in a wagon on the street in front of my house. I was stunned from the awkwardness of it all. I didn't know quite what to say or do, so I just smiled and waved "Hi". It was definitely a weird life moment. The Dad shushed his son and said "hey" half-heartedly. The Mom studied me carefully as they kept moving.
I went back into the house and told the boyfriend, "You are not going to believe what just happened to me!" At first, Mean Cub questioned my hearing. "Are you sure that is what happened?" Son of a Bitch! He doesn't believe me. He could sense I was genuinely upset and offered, "Well, you are always walking around your two gay dogs. You have only yourself to blame!"
Daschunds are NOT gay dogs, I protest. They are ferocious bullies of the dog park:
I fingered the blame on Mean Cub's "HRC" sticker on the back of his gay car for outing us to the neighborhood. He was all defensive, "Nobody knows what 'HRC' stands for here Dumbass. It's your gay dogs!"
For the next hour, I mulled over the repercussions of what transpired. Obviously, I was stereotyped by neighbors because I am the ONLY person living alone in the neighborhood with no wife or kids. Okay, I get it. It's normal for parents to get curious about anyone NEW moving into the neighborhood. Protecting children from strangers is instinctual and they were probably just trying to figure out my story. (FYI to Parents: Gays are not attracted to children. Eww...)
The more I thought about it, the less bothered I became. I don't flounce around, wearing Scottish Kilts and Renaissance Drag, or fly the rainbow flag. The neighbors only see me dressed very well walking two small dogs. They sized me up based on a stereotype and accurately guessed that I must indeed be a gay man. Whoopty Doo.
As I told this story to co-workers and Dad, they chuckled. They are pushing me to mess with the neighbors by having a female co-worker spend an hour at my home everyday this week to confuse them all. LOL.
In the meantime, I am hitting the gym hard. RAWR! I'll be damned if anyone thinks I am gay gawd dammit! Ohhh..... wait a minute.