Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Power of 42:

Once upon a time, a hysterical stranger would approach me -- "OMG. You're Brettcajun. I looooove your blog!" I was revered as a God. Sure, it turned off boyfriends, but it fed an inner need. I'd take a pic with the quivering fan and totally take advantage of rock-star status by copping a feel. If succulent nips were protruding through shirt, I'd  always reward them with long stretched tugs.

Fame is soooo fleeting. Nowadays, I am much more likely to be approached by soccer moms. They whisper into my furry ears, "I found your blog. LOVE IT!" An uneasiness ensues. "You do? The icky gayness and obvious narcissism didn't make you scream and run for the hills?" Hmpfh.Obviously not!

Which brings me to my point. I love being 42. At this age, I have obtained wisdom. Through good and bad life experiences, my intuition and perception of others are sharp with razor-like precision. Don't attempt to lie or put on airs because I can see through all your bullshit. If you have an agenda, I will detect it.

With wisdom comes power, and it's fucking amazing! No longer am I a slave to naively trusting others or foolishly thinking they have my best interests. I seldom mince words. If you want my opinion, I can always be counted on to deliver it with brutal honesty. "That was MEAN!" Well, why did you ask? Did you want the truth or what you wanted to hear?

At my age, I am entitled to express an opinion without worry of politeness or political correctness. I am well past the phase where the goal is to accumulate friends and be well-liked. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. I am now in the ornery phase of NOT liking people. They consume precious free time, suck up oxygen, and prevent me from enjoying a set routine I have spent years honing.

Which brings us to a shit-hit-the-fan moment that illustrates all of the above:

I was recently asked by a bar acquaintance/Facebook twink to attend a pool party. "Umm... why are you asking me?" Twink: "SQUEE! You'll have lots of fun and my friends would love to meet you!"  Me: "So, you want me to be a Trophy Daddy to show off to all your friends? The Twink's eyes flared and cherub face blushed in crimson. "There will be LOTS of food and drinks at the party!" Humm... a non-answer. "So, basically you are telling me I am a prostitute who will make public appearances at pool parties for free food and drinks?!" The once exuberant Twink was stunned into silence.
All believers shall bear witness to and be wary of The Power of 42.
-The Book of Brett 

19 Comments:

Blogger Jim said...

We want pictures from the pool party!

June 19, 2012  
Blogger TED said...

So someone invites you to a party, and you assume there must be a nefarious agenda and make him wish he hadn't invited you.

This wisdom thing sounds overrated.

June 19, 2012  
Anonymous jimbo said...

You are famous like Octomom.

June 19, 2012  
Blogger Brettcajun said...

The point is TED that I am not going to a freaking pool party with a twink I barely know just to be used to make his friends envious then discarded afterwards like Jimbo's bloody tampon.

June 19, 2012  
Blogger Tony (LT) said...

No amount of age gives a person license to be impolite. If you figure the guy had an agenda, a simple "thanks, but I can't" would have served the same purpose.

June 20, 2012  
Blogger Brettcajun said...

I disagree LT. Do you think Serial Mom just let things go when Carl stood up Misty on a date? NO! Serial Mom tracked Carl down, found him with another girl, then impaled him with a fireplace poker in a men's restroom.

June 20, 2012  
Anonymous Jeff said...

Besides being surprised you've watched SERIAL MOM, didn't she get killed in the end for committing a fashion faux-pas?

June 20, 2012  
Blogger Brettcajun said...

Jeff... are you sure you are really gay? Serial Mom does NOT committ fashion faux-pas!!! And she was acquited of all murder charges.

June 20, 2012  
Blogger Blobby said...

At my age, I am entitled to express an opinion without worry of politeness or political correctness.

This implies you worried about this before. ...and I don't think you have.

June 20, 2012  
Blogger Brettcajun said...

If I criticized you for Nellie hand gestures and saying "Oh gurl!" in the past Blobby, it was out of love!

June 20, 2012  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I shudder to think how "wise" you may be when you're 60.
Anyway, my favorite part of this story is when the guy goes, "SQUEE!" Tell that part again!

June 20, 2012  
Blogger Nurse P said...

This seems to be one of those blogs where you are inviting people to pick on you or to get upset over your interaction with said Twink. I haven't been reading your blog very long, but I have learned that seem to enjoy when your opinions are not favored and people come crashing down on you.

At any rate, this blog is just a big ole hot mess of brettcajun weirdness. Fans of your blog tell you the like what you write, so you pull on their nipples? But, only if the nipples protrude through their shirts? And now mothers are telling you they like your blogs, but this is surprising because of your conceitedness and homosexuality? And at the end a twink asks you a pool party and you assume it's because he wants to show you off as a trophy daddy or pimp you out like a cheap whore who just wants food and drink?

Were you manic when you wrote this? Do you have a steroids/crystal meth problem that you haven't ever confessed to? For a minute, I felt like a was reading a transcript from one of my psychiatric evaluations I do at work.

I think that says it all, don't you?

June 20, 2012  
Anonymous Kevin M said...

I think anyone who chooses a serial killer character as a role model is hardly in a position to claim wisdom.

But in any event: Carl stood up Misty, actively doing something to hurt another person's feelings. This twink merely invited you to attend a function you didn't want to go to. Your reaction was not only rude, but tacky.

June 20, 2012  
Blogger Brettcajun said...

"EFF YOU KEV EMM!!!!" Sorry... that was the Power of 42 speaking... not me.

June 21, 2012  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you wearing a corset in that picture?

June 23, 2012  
Anonymous Jeff said...

Sorry. I'm even older than you and got confused. It was Serial Mom who killed Patty Hearst for wearing white shoes after Labor Day. Do you remember who Patty Hearst is? In real life her grandfather got away with killing a man.

OMG! All this talk about people getting away with murder reminds me of the Louisiana Justice System.

June 23, 2012  
Blogger ryan charisma said...

you talk to twinks?

June 26, 2012  
Anonymous Antoine said...

J'ai 35 ans. Donc encore 7 ans à attendre pour avoir le pouvoir de la sagesse. Dommage qu'il faille aussi prendre quelques rires et quelques kilos. Bref c'est comme ça pour tout le monde.

June 29, 2012  
Anonymous Antoine said...

J'ai 35 ans. Donc encore 7 ans à attendre pour avoir le pouvoir de la sagesse. Dommage qu'il faille aussi prendre quelques rires et quelques kilos. Bref c'est comme ça pour tout le monde.

June 29, 2012  

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