It Will Rain:
There are three days in the calendar year that absolutely depress me: my birthday, Christmas Day, and Valentines Day. These holidays feel like punches to the gut when you are single. Sure, your friends can help you get through your birthday. But they are always busy doing family stuff on Christmas and romantic stuff on Valentines Day. I... I am at home alone with Boudreaux and Pierre... my two Dachshunds.While I should feel lucky that my pooches have been a part of my life for the last 10 years, I can't keep myself distracted enough to avoid the cold hard reality that I am a single gay man. Whatever tough exteriors I put on daily, I can't avoid that truth.
For those of you out there that will wag your index finger and say, "It's your own damn fault"... I beg to differ. I took the risk in opening up my heart to someone last year. We would see each other once a week. Sure, I wanted more... but that is all they would allow me. I was willing to give them time and space to allow our relationship to flourish. After three months, I dared to express disappointment when ten days and a major holiday passed without seeing each other.
My reward for sharing feelings was a goodbye text message. Apparently, feelings weren't allowed (even after three months). I was told that we weren't on the same page, but good luck in the future. He wished me well. It was quite the out-of-body experience to realize we had been living two different realities.
It was my fault for accepting less and naively hoping for the best. Where I was passive, I should have been stronger and demanded more. He would have immediately cut me off, but spared me greater heartache which I still feel now. :(
I vow to never let this happen to me again. So, while today it rains... tomorrow looks promising as I have emerged stronger and wiser.
posted by Brettcajun at Tuesday, February 14, 2012
12 Comments:
I seem to remember Homer posting something almost identical a few years ago. Now the boy's head has been in the clouds for years!
(Maybe you should have done what I did; get a new boyfriend before you pull the plug on the current one.)
Interesting metaphor--rain. You could do a lot with a meditation on what comes after the rains.
Just remember to keep loving yourself, to accept the love of your dogs, to continue to share your smile with the world, and to dream of meeting a large, hairy man from Nebraska. OK, perhaps, that last part was a bit much--but we all have our dreams.
As someone who was raised Catholic you could try and remind yourself that today is really St. Cyril and Methodius day. Well, that might not be so helpful either. I'm not that good at this--let's just leave it with I know you can get through this and you won't be single long.
Wish you the best,
August
You know - you can always call other single friends (or even old married friends that aren't doing much special on Valentine's Day) and suggest doing something. The same's true for Christmas. My family often does "family" Christmas on a day other than December 25 and you know you're always welcome on the day itself.
I've said it a hundred times and I'll say it a hundred more: when you reach a point in life when you're happy with your own company (and I don't mean resigned to being alone, or willing to put up with being alone, or OK with being alone until the right man comes along) - then, and only then, will you find someone else who wants to be with you. Because if you don't want to be with yourself, why would you think someone else would?
You will find your Gerald McRaney once you accept your inner Suzanne Sugarbakker.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You are good-looking, interesting, talented, and sweet. You can have a horde of guys eating out of your hand.
Be more confident. Go into a place, as if you owned it!
No one likes to be around a whiner!
Now get out and stand up for yourself. The world is at your fingertips!
Every so often I hear a story about a guy who was eighteen and saw a stranger across a crowded room and spent the next forty years with him, but for most of us, we get it wrong a lot of times before we get it right. So, really, if you dated one guy who wanted less than you wanted, that's just par for the course. Also, you might want to think about all the guys over your life who wanted more from you than you wanted to give them. If you really want to be with someone, stop whining and try again.
Eighteen months ago, I hugged the guy I'd been dating for the three months prior. I hugged him and told him that I loved him...he cringed. Two weeks went by without a text or phone call...when he finally did speak to me, he made a point of letting me know how "put-off" he was when I said "I love you". Why do I still hurt after all this time? I haven't found an answer to that question.
handsome man, you probably don't really realize that tonnes of guys are admiring you and willing to spend the rest of their lives with you :)
keep looking..
While I am certainly sympathetic to a broken heart, I encourage to try something. Rather than focusing on how this one man tore you to shreds with his rejection, open your mind up to the whole picture. I am sure for as much as he broke your heart, you have also gotten with men who wanted more than you could give. And, as a result, you did the same to them.
Brett, the only way you are ever going to find a good man.....one to love you, fuck you, and have the same in return...is to stop focusing on blaming and being disgruntled over who has harmed you. Accept that we hurt and get hurt in return. Accept yourself and give others the blessing of acceptance. Once you do that, then it will rain. And the rain will be the kind of rain of a story tale.
As my sainted Granny always says:
"Son, you cannot win if you do not play."
You probably had your ass handed to you regularly when you first took up tennis. But you stuck with it and if practice did not make your game exactly perfect, it at least gets you into the finals.
Same thing in love. If some asshole won't treat you with honesty, dignity and respect, move on. Mourn if you must and reflect on your part in, and you will always have a part in it. Then get up, walk it off, and get back in the game. There's someone out there who will put up with your bullshit and whose bullshit you can live with.
Go find him.
Everything else will follow.
Next time, put a little peanut butter on your anus and let Bordeaux snack out.
It'll be just like having a boyfriend.
Dude. You don't find love on Grindr...or Scruff...or Growler!
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