Monday, November 28, 2011

M.I.A.


Has anyone seen these two? No blog posts. No return phone calls. I guess some people want to be left alone in their own little hermit worlds. Tsk. Tsk. I held out great hope that boot camp would have knocked some normalcy (and less squish) into these two. It's like my Daddy always says... you can lead a horse to water... but you can't make them hung. (SIGH)

Monday, November 21, 2011

I:Robot


Recently, I stepped out of a comfortable programmed lifestyle to test the waters of being human again. I can confirm there are exhilarating highs and painstaking lows. My routine has gone from following a script of commands to achieve a predictable result, to a muddled mess of human emotions.

Which is better? THAT... I do not yet know.

I am perfect (stronger) as a robot. As a human... meh... wimpy... whiny... insecure. I detest my human traits. I do not know what the future holds. I fret about uncertainties and variables (i.e., people) I cannot control.

My Ego is impatient. He has given the Heart a narrow window to succeed or be vanquished back to the icy cold circuitry as a robot. Love will no longer be an option, but neither will heart ache or disappointment.

Madness? Perhaps.

But it describes my thoughts succintly.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011


If I could give an award to one of my favorite bloggers, it would be JIMBO! His raging bitterness about anything and everyone provides me with constant entertainment.

Psst... my Ego wants to do sadistic things to him. If I had magical powers, I would instantly teleport fellow bloggers (even Karl... UGH!) to a locked room.

We'd sport hipster glasses and mischievously chat with one other ONLY with our iPhones. Hell, we'd invite drunk Jennifers to come over and party with us. If they were part of a bachelorette party with penis Mardi Gras beads... all the better! The fantastic night will end in a frenzy of sassy and smooth twinks gyrating their size 28 skinny jeans all over a bound and gagged Jimbo. HEAVEN! :)

It would almost be as fun as putting a shirtless Durban Bud in the center of a crowded dance floor without any technology... or Purell. The more he tried to exit the steamy dance orgy, the deeper the crowd swallows him up. Sweaty shirtless bears rubbing their stanky armpits all over. Is it so wrong to wish this upon TJ? (Note: those who know TJ personally would find this scenario completely hilarz!) SMIRK.

Anyway, congratulations Jimbo!!! Your relentless and seething bitchery has won you the coveted Bloody Tampon Award. RAGE ON Cuntzilla... RAGE ON...

(Mental Note: So glad I don't have any quirks!)

Monday, November 14, 2011

Reality Check:


I am back from Houston. While I did not win any trophies, I was competitive in all tennis matches. My inability to finish strong and hold a lead was a recurrent theme.

In singles, I was eliminated in the first round. I was cruising along fine 6-1,4-1 against a player nicknamed "Hollywood" by the locals. Hollywood is a physically fit and conditioned athlete who is mirror image of myself: excellent runner, chases down everything, hits everything back like a back board. I got stuck playing in SAFE MODE after having a commanding lead, while Hollywood fought back with impressive winners. He defeated me in three sets in a match that lasted 2 1/2 hours.

In doubles, Rod and I scored a stunning upset of the #3 team. Our reward was playing a stronger team thirty minutes later. Before this match, my quads, hamstrings, and knees were all shot. Thankfully, I had knee braces in my tennis bag and that helped. We took the first set 6-4, had 5-3 leads in the second and third sets but blew them. We did not finish strong.

After 8 sets of tennis, I was hobbling around like an old man. I have never felt this crippled before in a tournament after the first day. What changed? Sure, I am older... but so is everyone else! The only thing I can put my finger on is that I haven't worked out my legs in the gym all year. My excuse: "I play tennis five times a week. I don't need to work out my legs." Now, I am starting to wonder if that holds true. Perhaps my legs DO need to be worked out and bulked up. Hmmm.... something to ponder.

I am thankful to Robert, my host, for accommodating me and my furry rugrats. He has a beautiful home in the Heights and the sweetest Shih Tzu. My dogs got along fine with his well mannered pooch. Robert is an excellent Masseur... so his trade was very much appreciated and needed. I hope we weren't too high maintenance for him. GRIN.

My next tennis tournament is in March 2012 (Austin). I have 4 months to bulk up legs and ramp up conditioning. As evidenced by this weekend, I am no where near where I need to be.