Monday, September 12, 2011

Epiphany:

If we give pause to our hectic lives, we may gain valuable insight about ourselves. Sure, hints are thrown our way. The whole picture is not always clear, until suddenly it hits you. These are powerful moments.

Recently, I met a guy. On the surface, he met ALL of my criteria. Kevin M. would call my preferences "superficial", but I know what I like. He's my height, a few years older, sports a muscular build, loves dogs, masculine, sexually compatible with nice parts, football crazy, loves his family, has a job, college educated, loves cooking (BONUS), non-smoker, drinks very little (DOUBLE BONUS), not pretentious, and is receptive to learning the sport of tennis (TRIPLE BONUS).

After a respectable movie and dinner date, we make out on the couch. We did not "SEAL THE DEAL", but I was okay with that. The next day, we introduced our dogs to each other. They got along wonderfully. He announces -- "Well, now that our dogs get along fine... the Daddies can date!"

The only problem was that Southern Decadence was looming. I had made plans to spend the sluttiest weekend of the year in New Orleans. I couldn't cancel, because I had friends coming in from all over the country. We agree to spend two of the days together

When he arrived at my hotel, I knew I had crossed into a creepy vulnerable state of mind. Standing in front of me was a truly beautiful man. My heart went pitter patter. Where I was in control prior, I wasn't in control now. DAMN!

As we walked through the French Quarter, I beamed. Next to me was a fine looking man. Periodically, I'd give him neck massages or affectionate hugs. I was in bliss as I gleefully introduced him to friends.

He stated -- "Gawd... you know a lot of people! Everyone and their grandmother loves you." I nodded, "Yeah, I have a lot of friends". I didn't pay much attention to that portentous exchange, but it would hold a key to what would later transpire.

The evening turned into nightfall. We were dancing shirtless at Oz. I hadn't gone dancing in ages, so I was having a ball. A couple strange things happened: a girl pinched my nipple and held on for an uncomfortably long time and a total stranger lustily felt up my sweaty hairy chest and pecs. I am used to this sort of behavior, so I just smiled and continued on as if nothing had happened.

After gyrating on the stage for two hours, my date announces that he had had enough and was ready to leave. It was only midnight. I could have danced for another hour, but willingly agreed to call it a night. Besides, I looked forward to spending one-on-one time with his hunky self.

On the walk back, I got an eerie feeling that something was troubling my date. I asked if he was okay. He replied, "Everyone was hemming and hawing over you in there." I could see the EXACT same resentment on his face that my Ex used to give me.

What do I say or do? Naturally, I put my arm around him and gave him a big kiss. "It doesn't matter... I'm with you." We quietly walk back to the hotel in drizzling darkness.

We shower and climb into bed together... naked. His skin feels sooo good. I turn him on his side to spoon. I cup his pecs and rest my lips on his neck. As soon as I kiss his soft ears and neck, he abruptly announces he wants to sleep. I pout inwardly, but say "Okay".

The next morning, I awake with a serious case of morning wood. Once again, I am denied. I was dumbfounded. This is exactly what happened countless times with the Ex! I stare off into blankness. Why is he denying me? It was at this precise moment that I was hit with a thunder bolt of clarity.

Oh.