Thursday, August 25, 2011

Tennis GAWD:

Across from my desk, Dad-Boss plops down. He smugly greets me with a smirk... "The Tennis Pro!" I grit my teeth and utter "that's right!" We gnash our teeth and glare in awkward silence.

I start the conversation. "Did you know that I beat Jeff (brother-in-law) 6-0, 6-0? Yep. That's called a double bagle. We played a third set and I won that one 6-2. So, if you are counting... I won 18 out of 20 games". Dad Boss sneers as if unimpressed. More awkward silence.

On days like this, my spirit is on fire. In fact, I walk around with a little pep in my step. Tonight starts four straight nights of tennis... a sport I rule. No one, not even Dad Boss, can bring me down.

People wonder why I play so much tennis. It's not very hard to figure out. The sport of tennis rewards me. I am triumphant, respected, and feared on the courts. It is something a Dad-Boss has never given me. I am just his strange gay son. Perhaps his greatest embarrassment?

And that is why...

Adidas SITH SHOES: Long have I waited for the last Jedi to fall at my feet.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Lonely Beagle:

Before you think I've gone all soft and squishy, please note I am a cold and heartless DBAG. One icky post should not be enough to shatter an image I have spent years meticulously constructing. Ahem...

Continuing with the story... I was dropping off payroll to my brother yesterday, when Lexi the beagle runs across my sister's yard to greet me. She rolls over and yelps out the most pitiful cry. Her cries cut right through me because I know she needs to be loved.

My brother-in-law bought Lexi as a puppy for his kids. She was made to be an outside dog. The trouble is that my sister's family is never home. Between work and the children's rigorous school, gymnastics, and baseball schedule, Lexi often spends her time alone. For a beagle, a social dog, it's misery. :(

I always pick up Lexi and give her gobs of smooches. She's a welcome guest in my home. Lexi plays well with my dachshunds Boudreaux and Pierre. Whenever I keep her, she relaxes with us on the couch in the evenings and sleeps peacefully in our bed at night. We are one big happy loving family!

As we played the jumping in my vehicle game yesterday, I couldn't help but hurt for Lexi. She so desperately wanted to come home with me. I'd take her out my vehicle and she'd jump back in over and over. When I thought I had finally won, she placed her cute little head between the door and floorboard. I couldn't close the door. Her eyes... determined... desperate... left me defeated.

I took Lexi home and texted my sister that she would be staying with me for the night. To my surprise, Lexi has slowly adapted to the social norms of my household. She was on her best behavior and did very little play biting. Lexi did make ME yelp once when she bit the bulge showing in my boxers. OUCH! Gawd dammit!!! Don't worry -- "Slab" is okay.

My sister has realized Lexi would have a better life somewhere else. She has offered the dog to me. I already have two dogs, so one more will not terribly alter my lifestyle. One drawback is two small dogs are sometimes manageable to travel with, but never three! Also, having three dogs would be considered a big negative in the dating department. I already worry if my house smells like a kennel to others. I dunno. Does it?

There is another person that has agreed to take Lexi. He'd like to make her a rabbit hunting dog. My question is... what would her life be like? Would Lexi be treated as a member of their family? Would she be their only dog? OR... would Lexi be locked up in a cage sadly remembering the only time she was ever happy (in my home)?


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Real Housewives of the Blogworld:

It may surprise you to know that I actually watched two episodes of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" on Sunday. I did NOT want to watch the show, but a part of me had a fascination with why gay men love it.

On my widescreen HDTV, the women all look like hags. The outright bitchiness and way they cut down each other made me think: I am normal... they are THE train wrecks! Honestly, I was entertained by the twisted spectacle.

Then my Gemini mind began to roam. Wouldn't it be FUN to have bloggers entertain the masses with their outright bitchery towards one another? Ohhh.... yeah... I kinda already do that with TJ and Jimbo! LOL. For the record, I DO love those guys.

They are so much a part of my life along with other bloggers such as: Homer, Kelly, Moby, Kyle, Blobby, Mangina Monologues, Erik,RG, Jay,Jim,Lewis, Ryan and many others TOO numerous to mention...

We should plan a future blogger weekend someday. Maybe like a cruise? Can you imagine the rivalries? The putdowns? The incest? Wouldn't that make for REALLY GOOD reality TV?! Bravo should totally pick up the series. :)