Tuesday, May 31, 2011

IML - Sinfully Delicious!

I have returned relatively unscathed from my first trip to IML. I didn't know what to expect. Maw Maw had me convinced it was an old leathery queen event brimming with STD's. "All it takes is one lick to get anal warts!" Mm Hmm. You can justify your crazy cat lady life all you want Debbie Downer, but you ain't deterring me!

Staying at the Hyatt (host hotel) provided PLENTY of opportunity for mischief. All you have to do is launch Grindr and you can have all the sex your slab or pucker hole can take. Sling parties in private rooms were readily available and advertised on various social networking sites.

It was common to not even leave the confines of the host hotel or go to any of the leather contest events. That's what I did with a couple (Chris and Chris) from KY. We had fun just roaming the Leather Mart and hotel lobby bar each and every day people watching. They are the sweetest couple and are quickly becoming best buds!

This is Joe -- a cool friend of Chris and Chris. He has an adorable personality. It was a pleasure to hang with him and the Chris couple.

IML is full of HOT GUYS with muscle and scruff. So many look like porn stars. Like Brad McGuire from Treasure Island for example. He was very personable and said "Hi" each and every time I passed.

On trips such as these, it is always good to meet other bloggers if nothing more than to prove you are the sanest of the bunch. The following bloggers were sweet and socially adept functioning human beings:

Chris from Wild Cuddler is a GIANT. I am not this goddamn short!!! Arggh. There was a time at IML where my iPhone violently vibrated non-stop. Everyone under the sun was suddenly texting me! I tried in vain to ignore my vibrating iPhone, but I couldn't stand it. I... I had to look! What if someone died? Chris threatened to take my iPhone away and smash it if I dared look at it again. GULP!

I also had the pleasure of meeting J.P. from Life is Such a Sweet Insanity at the Leather Mart. J.P. is a sweet guy.

I did BRIEFLY see a popular CINCY couple (Brian and Donald), a Louisville power couple (Bill and Chad), and wild Ricky almost every single day. We hardly got to spend much time together. We hugged, kissed, and quickly went on our merry ways. I didn't take it personally considering all the madness going around.

On Monday night, I went to my only IML Event "The Black and Blue Ball". I had lots of fun dancing with my friend MP. It was nice to hear club music with singing instead of just repetitive dance beats. Being picked up on the dance floor and french kissed by muscly Brian is still fondly remembered! ;) The guys that attended this were circuit boys who had the BEST BODIES. YUM! :P

Special thanks to Kevin for loaning me a cool leather cop uniform, belts and a vest. I received a lot of compliments from the cop uniform. Hmm... can I buy this from you Kevin since it fits me so well?


Monday, May 23, 2011

A Time for Battle:

There are moments in life when we are challenged. Conflict is a necessary and core tenent to being Sith. It elevates the strong and weeds out the weak. Butterflies fill our guts. Are we good enough? Doubt creeps in. We are about to receive a reality check. It's moments like this that I thrive.

Do you know what a real warrior is? A tennis player. We are true athletes. As our skill levels rise, we are plucked from obscurity and drafted on teams where we become warriors battling against others for supremacy. Our self worth is measured exclusively by skill, rating, and record. We are Sith.

This past weekend, my Baton Rouge team played in the Louisiana Championship Tournament. We were invited to participate after winning our nine team division with a perfect record. We faced the five best teams from Louisiana who earned the right to play by virtue of slaying their own competition.

After twenty-five matches, my team finished #2 in the tournament. Unless we miraculously get a wildcard spot in the regional playoffs, our four month season is over. As Sith, we are not happy with the result!

I personally feel shame towards my own performance. While I beat a team's #1 singles player on the first day, I lost a critical one in three sets to another team's #1 singles player. I must now grapple with the reality that my Team Captain could purge me from team next season. Your value to the team is only as good as your last match.

This is the way of the Sith. Life is harsh.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Cowboy Collage:

I have a hodgepodge group of followers. Some tune with twisted fascination to see what crazy thing I will do or say next. Most people hate me and want to punch me in the nose. I'm a douche. What can I say?

However, there is the rare exception. In the far corners of the world, I'll have a friend like Tai from Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. He appreciates the oddity that is me. He made this cowboy collage. Thank you, Tai! :)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Under House Arrest:

There lies my Heart. Imprisoned. Tortured. It hasn't seen the light of day in many moons. The coup d'├ętat took place approximately two years ago. On one fateful day, the Ego could not take it anymore. He flung the mamby pamby Heart into a cold and empty jail cell. "I'M IN CHARGE NOW!" And the rest is history...

The Heart still beats (rots) in a dark and damp cell. It's fed a ration of bread and water... only enough to survive. For kicks, the Ego likes water boarding him. It's a nice way of letting the Heart know exactly who is in charge. Hey, if it toughens him up a little... then a primary goal is achieved!

One day, a Champion will rise up to challenge and TAKE DOWN the Ego. It will take an asswhooping of epic proportions. When the Ego cries for mercy, the Champion must slay it! It will be worth it. The long suffering Heart will escape it's cruel imprisonment to see blue skies and abundant sunshine once again. AMEN. :)

Word to the Brave: Good luck. The battlefield is littered with dead bodies.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Thoughts on Latest Glee Episode:

I have an extreme man crush on Max Adler, the actor who plays Dave Karofsky. It is especially heightened since his character is a gay man having an uncomfortable time coming out. We even got to see his sensitive side in last night's "Prom Date" episode. The fear he struggles with is exactly what we all felt before coming out.

Except for Kurt. He doesn't seem to struggle. He acts like he's been GAY, GAY, GAY since sliding out the womb. His character usually makes me scowl, but I DID feel sorry for him when he won "Prom Queen" from fellow student write-in votes. It was a poignant moment, but he recovered nicely with support from Blaine.

I really like Kurt's father Burt. Kurt is lucky to have him. Burt is the perfect father of a gay son... accepting... involved... cares about what goes on in his son's life. He is what a parent should be like.

Many of us have families that don't care to know much about what goes on in our lives. You excitedly begin to tell them about a fun trip you just took or a great guy you met, only to be immediately cut off with a subject change. Frowning, you look down at your iPhone to see what your "other" family (gay friends) are doing.

It's particularly cruel when conversation shifts to talk about who your twin brother or nephews are dating. Your family listens with GLEE to those stories. It's fun to quiz nephews, who are way too young to date, talk about what girls they like. Umm... what about me? Am I a eunuch?

You get the keen sense that your life doesn't matter. Clueless that their behavior borders on mental abuse, they wonder why you've become so detached... and bitter. :(

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Who Am I?

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

The Book of Brett: Truth about Pakastanis

The Pakistani military establishment and government officials are two-timing whores. Screw morals! They don't give a damn about anything but taking money from U.S. taxpayers, Iran, AND Al Qaeda. We give them billions of dollars annually while they harbor terrorists, blow up a hotel in Mumbai, and pretend to hunt down Al Qaeda while secretly hiding Osama Bin Laden.

Whenever you see a Pakistani diplomat, you should point your finger at them and shout "WHORE!"

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Finding Mischief in Louisville:

Two weeks ago, my Ex wrote me:

"I'm not responsible for your reputation. It speaks for itself. You have turned into a bitter bitchy queen. You used to be fun and charming. You have let this competitive edge rule your life and it has damaged your relationships."

I would be lying if I said it didn't profoundly affect me. There have been similar whispers about my attitude from other quarters. Chirps here and there. My stubborn male pride bristles at any suggestion that I'm a douche.

An inner voice seethes and hisses, "master... they are jealous (and squishy!)... don't heed their warnings!" Then there is my heart still heavily guarded and under house arrest. It's the only sane part of me. It pleads, "It's not too late to turn away from the Dark Side! There is still time to heal the hole in your soul!"

The Louisville Trip would provide a perfect test of... Can I get along well with others in a non-competitive environment? On the surface, it was a risky trip filled with potential for great disappointment. Most of the people I was meeting were strictly Facebook friends whom I had never met.

I checked into my hotel at the Museum 21 C. It is a posh downtown hotel worthy of a Queen. My room was large with a great view, king sized bed, and a nice bathroom. The turn down service every day was appreciated, because I never had to worry about running out of fresh towels. Everybody knows or should know that I take frequent showers.

On the first day, I met up with owned bud Chad. He has a wonderful sense of humor in both the Facebook world and real world. We ate at a Qdoba Mexican Grill in Bardstown and had good conversation. From there, Chad took me around to see the gorgeous Cherokee Park and Cave Hill Cemetary.

I was passed off to the friendly couple of Chris and Chris (not pictured) where they introduced me to the wonderful chrisandwich. It was quite delicious! We eventually reconnected with Chad and his Daddy Bill, where we ate at the Irish Rover and had drinks at the Q (home bar of the delightful Casey Leek and singing cartwheel legend J.Buttons).

On Friday, Casey and I dueled on the tennis courts. I was whipping his ass in each set, before he would stage amazing comebacks. We ended up splitting our sets 7-6,6-7 and called it a "tie" so neither one of us would pout on the drive back. See... I can sometimes put the greater good ahead of my own blood lust for winning!

It was on Saturday that I would meet SUPER NERD Brian again after a fateful Southern Decadence meeting with his partner Donald a few years ago. Brian has a penchant for embarrassing you with really witty illustrations on your Facebook page:

I was dragged and forced to GEEK OUT with Chad and Brian at a Star Trek Exhibit:

On Saturday night, I went to a fabulous party with Bill, Chad, and Brian where I met some very friendly Kentucky boys and a WOOFY West Virginian named Alex:

After socializing, drinking, and making mischief, we ended the night at Tryangles and The Connection where I lost track of how many people I slobbered over. Bill and Chad must think I am super slutty when drinking. LOL.

By Sunday, I was totally exhausted and flew back home to Louisiana. Thank you, Louisville for renewing my spirit and teaching me that happiness can exist outside of a tennis court. I look forward to seeing you guys soon... at IML in Chicago. :)