Hanging with Austin's FINEST:

I love when sexy friends visit. Joey and Crail, from Austin, hung out and spent the night with me in New Orleans. Unlike many of the locals Matt D., they are adorably sweet!

There was only a smidgeon of drama at the Bourbon Pub last night. Someone had scathingly referred to me as a "midget" and questioned my coordination on Facebook last Sunday. We are not Facebook friends, but I saw the status update because a mutual friend had commented on it.

At 41 years old, I ain't taking ANY shit from anybody! If someone wants to poke fun at my height, I can sure as hell find a dozen physical, mental, and behavioral flaws on them.

As Crail and I passed by this Facebook coward, I loudly said -- "GODDAMN! THERE SURE IS SOME NELLIE ASS PEOPLE IN THIS BAR!" The Poof turned around to find me menacingly staring him down with fangs out... staying locked on even as I turned the corner. YES, I am that damn coordinated!

Later, the evil Facebook status updater had the gall to try to approach my buds Crail and Joey. (he has a thing for scruffy manly men) At the precise moment he was ready to introduce himself, they handed me a beer and put their arms around me. I couldn't have written a better bitch slapping script!

The moral of the story: IT IS ALWAYS BEST TO BE ON MY GOOD SIDE