Monday, April 04, 2011

The List

Have you ever got your ass chewed out publicly? I have. Just yesterday. I was having a good 'ole time at the Bourbon Pub. I met a HOT muscle daddy. I was up to my usual bar flirtation rituals: pulling on nips, feeling solid 19" arms, and lightly punching hard pecs with both fists.

The juice head gorilla reached in to kiss me. What was I to do? It would have been disrespectful to hold back and not do the manly exchange of spit. So, I obliged. Then someone got the red ass.

See, there is a significantly younger person who has been interested in me for quite some time. He was a nice play thing. I never took our friendship seriously because of the age difference and the fact that he could move away at any moment.

In recent weeks, the younger person clearly let me know they would like a relationship. I purposelessly used male defense mechanisms of: tone deafness and cluelessness.

It was with great surprise to see him out at the Pub, because I hadn't heard from him all week. Usually, I'd get texts and cute pics through out the day. This should have been a clue. (Duh!) I shrugged it off, hung out and chatted with him over Bud Lite.

When it was time to call it a night, I kissed the juice head gorilla "goodbye". The young fella offered to walk me to my vehicle. (insert Admiral Ackbar's classic it's a trap!)

Just a few feet away from the Pub, I was abruptly stopped on the sidewalk. Unleashed was a fiery asshole-ripping speech going through a laundry list of what was wrong with me. Oh my gawd. Not in front of my stomping grounds!

So, there I was. Motionless. Taking the brutal beat down. Friends walked by and smirked. Every word he seethed was completely true. Hell, I would think I was a douche too!

At this moment, I had a familiar feeling that I had witnessed this scene before. What dramatic television series was this from? Oh yeah... this was when Felicity undressed Ben from "The List" in season two:

In the future, I should convey exactly what I am looking for so there are no communication issues, hurt feelings, or dramatic scenes played out in front of the Pub.

I wonder if I should mail him an Emmy for best dramatic role in a soap opera? I'm sure the scene got GREAT ratings from Pub patrons. (BLUSH)


Anonymous Kevin M said...

I'd have started my response to him with "And you think this public display of fishwifery behavior is going to make me want you MORE?"

Granted, your decision to be clearer about what you want (if you can stick to it) is a good thing. It's a lesson I'd have hoped you would have learned 20 years ago, but better late than never.

April 04, 2011  
Blogger RG said...

Brett involved in some drama outside of a bar? Say it ain't so...I just...(giggle)...he's, but...(snort)...Bwaaaaaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha (Sorry couldn't hold it in any more - even when I type it out, I have to laugh)

April 04, 2011  
Anonymous BosGuy said...

Maybe you did deserve a dressing down, maybe not - you would know best, but I'm a firm believer that with few exceptions there is a time and place for everything.

Dramatic tongue-lashings at a bar is generally a sign of too much drink or too immature.


April 04, 2011  
Anonymous radicalp said...

Brett you (by you own fey admission) deserved it...

April 04, 2011  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG, you are totally a Ben!

Unless you knock it off right now, you're going to realize what you missed in this feller after he cuts off all his hair and shows up at a party in a very revealing red dress.

I could go on, but I've embarrassed myself enough.

- Jeremy

April 04, 2011  
Blogger Homer said...

I wish I could have watched...

April 04, 2011  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It must be 'sweeps week'. Wonder what's on cable.

April 04, 2011  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

No fun in this.

Public displays like this are bad manners and bad taste too.

I am sorry this occurred.

April 05, 2011  
Anonymous British Bear said...

One can only hope that he was a better actor than Kerry Russell.

But the fact that you are prepared to share all of this with strangers across the world (and invite comments on your behaviour) tells me that, really, you STILL don't get it, do you?

Wise up, man. Act your age.

April 05, 2011  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fucking "Felicity?" Seriously??

Don't ever pretend you're fucking butcher than anyone else ever again.


April 05, 2011  
Blogger WranglerMan said...

Hope that you learned a lesson!

April 07, 2011  
Blogger cb said...

What? You didn't claw his eyes out or snatch his weave??

April 10, 2011  

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