Haunting Memories

Last night, I celebrated Tommy's life with some close friends at a restaurant in Baton Rouge. It was very comforting to get that support. I am still very upset by the loss of my Ex.

I feel a lot of guilt. Because of me, Tommy quit his job and moved from Natchez, MS. He risked his career and moved further away from his 16 year old son to share a life with me.

My friend Luke smiled at the memory of how much Tommy adored me. Tommy would sit next to me and pet on me continuously. "Isn't he precious?", Tommie would ask. "Do you need anything baby"? Luke cringed and told us we made him sick. I was Tommy's pretty bird.

As I mentioned in the previous blog post, here was the inside of a card Tommy wrote to me:



I feel horrible guilt about it now, but I remember wanting to be out of the relationship because I was bored. We didn't know at the time, but Tommy had a thyroid issue that made him very tired and subject to extreme mood swings. It seemed all Tommy wanted to do was lay on the couch or sleep. I had a hunger for a more active lifestyle. So, we went our seperate ways.

Tommy moved on to another relationship rather quickly within a few weeks. I was very happy for him, because JP was a good partner for him. They made a sweet couple and were always smiling.

In the last three years, Tommy was single and seemed to revel in it. He told me that his whole outlook on life had changed. He was perfectly happy being single. It was quite the turnaround from the guy I knew.

I just wish I had picked up on the warning signs. I am not going to write about his personal business here, but Tommy's death was accidental and didn't have to happen. I am struggling with an extreme sense of guilt for not doing everything in my power to help him.

Unfortunately, life doesn't grant us Time Machines. If I could go back in time, I would and make it all better. I'm sorry I couldn't do more to help you Tommy. It pains me that such a true Southern gentleman is now gone. :(