The Prophecy

The Book of Brett is a collection of truths, wisdom, and prophecies. Unlike the Bible or Qur'an, it's not filled with bullshit made up stories to influence ignorant people. IT IS THE TRUTH. All will be revealed in coming months.

As a new follower, you must first learn the Prophecy of Cuntzilla. Legend holds that a riveting event will take place in the future. A bitchy gay man cracked out on ecstasy, beer, and Viagra will be visited by a fairy.

In the throngs of his drug induced delirium with one helluva boner, the bitchy queen is granted his one true wish. POOF! The fairy makes him a female pop star.

He is instantly teleported to a concert stage in front of 12,000 adoring gay men and 800 fag hags. He turns and discovers (in horror) that his stage name is "Cuntzilla". He pauses and thinks, "Hmm... it fits..." He hikes up his skirt, twirls around and belts out the most icky auto-tuned songs the Universe has ever heard (even more cringe worthy than Kylie).

The set list includes popular dance club smashes: "SWEATY ASS ON THE METRO", "I'M A CUNT 4 U", "GIMME GIMME GIMME YOUR BOYFRIEND AFTER MIDNIGHT", and punk infused "BITCH BITCH BITCH!".

After out-sleazing rival Ke$ha, Cuntzilla receives a standing ovation. It is proudly her best moment ever... right before vomiting and waking up naked in a bathtub in DC. It was all just a drug induced fantasy!

The moral of the story:

Sister... you ain't gonna be a female pop star! You are a 40 something year old gay man who has irreparably ruined your vocal chords from years of cock sucking. No matter how high you hike up your skirt or pop out your boobs, it ain't gonna happen. All your dreams are crushed. Sorry.