Friday, April 30, 2010

Louisiana: Under Siege





I love my state of Louisiana. It is so beautiful and culturally rich. It saddens me that much wildlife is going to perish in this "Sportsman's Paradise" because of human folly.

Many people like to discount Louisiana, but we are vital to the nation's interests as a top port, energy center, and wildlife refuge. Forty percent of our nation's wetlands is found in Louisiana. I am crossing my fingers that as much life can be spared as possible.

For all the animals we endanger... I am sorry we humans are such douchebags.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Conversations with the Devil


The night I'll never forget: Sunday, April 25, 2010. I was kidnapped, brutalized, and cut wide open. They finally got me... the Brettcajun Hater's Club. First, my tongue was cut out. Then my fingers chopped up like carrots. Slab hung limp and bloody from a fireplace poker. Every iconic piece of me was cut out and put on display.

You should've seen the throngs of enemies fight over who'd hold the honor of cutting out my cold wee heart. The victor thrust a dagger deep and ripped out that wiggly heart to the cheering of the masses. I distinctly heard a familiar voice shout -- "ROT IN HELL!"

This was the moment my spirit was set free. Though my body lay cold, I was still conscious. My first sensation was overwhelming peace and tranquility. I looked for the mythical "light", but couldn't find it. So, here I was... just floating around as if I were in a holding pattern. I had a sneaky sense that higher powers were intently studying me... befuddled what to do.

Suddenly, I find myself in total darkness. There were no stars in the sky, no sounds, just pitch black nothingness. This is soooo freaking weird! At that very moment, a red creature appeared before me. OMG. STFU. It's none other than the Devil himself! I excitedly exclaim, "You DO exist!"

The Devil has a perplexed look on his face. It's almost as if he were thinking, "Why did they send YOU here?" I blurt out -- "hey buddy... how ya doing?" The Devil was clearly annoyed. I could just tell.

He began walking. Shit. I didn't know what to do, so I followed. I don't know exactly how. It was more like I was floating behind him. "Where are we going?"

The Devil turns around, clearly peeved, and gives me a "STOP TALKING YOU IMBECILE!" look. I am like, "Whoa... what got into your panties?" The moment I thought that, I distinctly remember his shoulders going up and head bobbing down. Oh shit. I think he hears everything I think. Bwahaha!

Whoa, soooo cool man... I am walking around with THE DEVIL himself. He sure is funny looking with that overbite thing he got going on... and that pointy tail... looks like a penis... a looong skinny penis... no slab there... ha ha.

He swiftly turns around as if he is gonna jack me up. His eyes flash brightly. The Devil is incensed. I ain't skeered. "Whaaaat? What did I do? Am I annoying you?"

The next thing I know, I wake up in my comfy bed at the Bienville House. I feel around and verify my body parts are indeed intact. Whew! I am kinda bummed though. The Devil couldn't stand being around me for more than five minutes. Hmpfh!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

WOOFiest MOFO:



This is a picture of a FAT BEAR named Scott. He's a tobacco chewing inbred Kentucky Hillybilly. JESUS! She's gotten BIG!!! You could move right in that big chin.


Who is woofiest? VOTE HERE.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Fleur De Lis Tournament


The great GLTA Fleur De Lis Tournament is over and I am one tired MOFO. I was pleasantly surprised with my play. I have been winning a lot lately and I was curious if that would show up in the tournament. What if I were not playing quality opponents? Well, playing four matches on the first day sure answered that question and tested my endurance. You can checkout my tournament results here.

As you can see, I won my first two singles matches to advance to the Quarterfinals. It was here where I was eliminated 6-4, 6-4. My opponent was an excellent player. I didn't feel bad about losing, because the score was close and I played to the very best of my ability.

In doubles, my partner Martin (shown above) and I won a long match in the first round. Our reward was playing another match thirty minutes later. We lost that one 7-6, 6-0. I was out on the courts and in the sun for at least 8 hours on the first day. BRUTAL!


This is me donning what I call my "Blue Smurf" body armor. It is my favorite shirt. I reserve it for times when I face a challenging opponent. For some reason, it gives me courage to kick ass on the courts.


Pictured above is me with a friend (John). We were both up early Saturday warming up for our matches. Sadly, we were both eliminated on this day.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Quest for Validation


Being single has served me well. There is no whiny boyfriend preventing me from playing in four tennis leagues. I have been averaging 4-5 matches every week. Those 2 hours of intense cardio each time I play give me the stamina of a horse. I can go for HOURS.

I've been winning... LOTS! I finished the Flex League at a perfect 6-0. I am 5-1 in the USTA League and 4-0 in the local men's doubles league. Hopefully, these winning ways will translate into a tennis championship in this weekend's Fleur de Lis Tournament in New Orleans.

My doubles partner is a SEXY MOFO. Grrr... we have seen each other's names on the tennis circuit, but have never met. He found me on a social networking site and asked if I could be his doubles partner. I wasted no time in going BOING saying SURE!

I'll be posting lots of pictures and stories of my run through the tennis tournament, which starts this Friday. Wish me luck! ;)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Blog Note:

I would like to apologize for looking like a nellie, freaky, crazy person in that last video. If anybody had nightmares of a bearded Heauxmeaux in an orange Wendy's wig, then I apologize for that too.

Why did I do that video? Well, for one... I absolutely love Ke$ha. She is everything I aspire to be. Her song about Stephen tickled my funny bone. We've all been there where we have become absolutely obsessed with an unobtainable individual. This song perfectly captures that insanity.

Why would I put myself out there looking absolutely batshit crazy? Umm... that's just something I do. Whenever I get inspired, I never think of it as ME making a fool out of myself. Hopefully, watching the video made you smile.

Just chalk it up as one of the more silly things I have done. I am perfectly fine being the strange crazy person on your screen. ;)

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Obsessed with Stephen

Monday, April 05, 2010

In Touch


I have recently taken steps to reflect upon my character and personality. When it seemed like the universe was united against me, I knew it was time to do self-analysis. What if they were all correct? What if it is ME that is the problem? How could they ALL possibly be wrong?

I'll be honest. This has not been easy. My ego was dragged kicking and screaming. "It's a conspiracy! A trap! CRUSH THEM. Crush them all. Burn their villages. Rape their women. Enslave their children. Don't be a pussy -- they will RUE the day they ever fucked with me! Grr..."

Thankfully, the more sensible side of my Gemini self held firm. It said, "BC... you ain't conquering diddly squat. Why don't you observe how your actions affects others? Pay attention... look for clues."

So, I set out on a quest to make sense of it all. Here are some of my observations:

(1) I am ultimately responsible for my own happiness. I can't depend on others to make me happy. I have to get out there and create my own happiness.

(2) Disappointments are temporary setbacks, but shouldn't make or break me. They should not hold such the power to ruin my day or week. Everybody has their own agenda... priorities... goals. If I am deeply disappointed, then I must have erroneously given a person or event too much power over me.

(3) As much satisfaction as it would be to duct tape, tie-up, and beat the shit out of mouthy people, it's more prudent to grin and bear them. Verbally jousting with others solves no problems and can get downright ugly. Harmony can only be achieved through less violence and lowered weapons.

Once I began to realize these simple realities, I have been living a far happier life. Everyone may now breathe a sigh of relief. :)