Self Reflection
Who am I? What brought me here? These are questions I have been pondering.
Lately, I have been analyzing my Pyrrhic victories. At what staggering cost did each win gain me? Were they worth it afterall?
I've always had an affinity toward George W. Bush's "You're either with us or against us...". I personally adapted that to... "You're either with me or against me!"
Say I have a grudge against someone. I'll be goddamn if YOU (my so called "friend") is gonna go make idle chit chat with that person. It's a question of loyalty. God help you if you become disloyal to me!
Now is this really sane? In my mind, I can perfectly justify this policy. But when did relationships with our friends/ ex-friends become battlefields? All it does is create cheap thrills, unnecessary drama, and longlasting harm.
Somewhere DEEP inside, a knowing inner voice has sighed for quite some time. It typically goes.. "Oh, Brett... you can be a better person than this!" With my emotions running the show, I typically ignored any self scolding. Even though I knew I was in the wrong.
Well, after much soul searching... I am coming around. That old Brett was a relic of the past. I summarily tossed that piece of junk on a trash pile. Brett 2.0 should be a MUCH improved model.
posted by Brettcajun at Wednesday, January 13, 2010
13 Comments:
We're all works in progress and all fall short in certain areas or at least need room for improvement. Good for you for noticing it, now you can get on with one day ruling the world :-)
There's a book called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" that changed my life. It made me see that petty grudges and errant emotions were wrecking my life. After I read the book I felt like I finally reached adulthood and my life changed for the better.
It's a tiny book written in super-short chapters. I kept it in the bathroom and read a few chapters each morning and thought about it throughout the day.
I strongly suggest you and everyone else read it. You'll be glad you did.
http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Sweat-Small-Stuff-Stuff/dp/0743540654
If I can add to Larry Ohio's comment - 99% of it is Small Stuff.
You sound like someone in need of a trip - away from all the familiar faces. Drop the dogs with a friend and hit the road. Go somewhere you've never been. Where you don't even speak the language!
Brett, You may hate me for this, but it needs to be said: You're NOT in High School anymore! You've been through several profound relationships, and you're not "New" to this. I can't help but wonder why this bothers you. Yes, I know you have emotions & feelings. We all have that. But there comes a point when you just have to realize what's best for you right now. And then just Go For It & leave the bullsh!t behind ya... Enuf said. Luv ya.
~Raw~
Somewhere DEEP inside, a knowing inner voice has sighed for quite some time. It typically goes.. "Oh, Brett... you can be a better person than this!" With my emotions running the show, I typically ignored any self scolding. Even though I knew I was in the wrong.
Change is good for us gemini! Everyday the reflection is different!
I'm not the guy to give advice here. Loyalty is such a great thing in friends. It's not necessarily realistic that they should believe everything you do, but it's nice when it happens.
Unlike others, I sweat the small stuff more than I should. Sometimes you can't change human nature.
People who aren't with you probably aren't against you. Most people just don't have that energy to commit to that stuff.
You're a smart guy. Ride it out for a bit, but keep your gut feelings on a back burner and just see what transpires.
Loyalty, in and of itself, is a good quality, Brett, and you shouldn't overlook it. In fact, you might look at who has stood by your side, believing in you, when other friends come and go, when you're looking at who's loyal.
But loyalty doesn't mean you control that person. Sure, it's nice when a friend takes your side in a disagreement. But even then, he may not feel it's necessary to cut off all ties with the object of your feud.
Now, if your "friend" steals $10,000 from your bank account, "borrows" your car, goes to do a drug deal, gets arrested and your car is seized in the process - yes, I think most mutual friends should have to pick a side. But if the friend merely said something to piss you off, or you two broke up over his childish behavior, or whatever - that doesn't rise to the level of "You have to shun him because I'm shunning him".
ESPECIALLY because you do have a habit of suddenly and without warning changing course - forgiving this person, now you're mad at that person. Your friends can't be expected to keep up.
Now if you'd just work on that issue of having to belittle everyone to bring them down so you can feel superior... you'll be well on your way to being a really improved person.
It's about time!!
Good for you for changing something about yourself that you honestly don't like!
Life's a process of trial and error. It's only logical to change what we don't like about ourselves. Otherwise, we stagnate.
Thanks for the post.
I can not imagine an improved Brett. But hey, it's your epiphany.Despite being gorgeous you are a smart fella.
I love comment moderation... it prevents loathsome fags from having a sounding board.
I am actually gobsmacked that you used the word "pyrrhic" in a sentence...
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