During a routine Doctor visit, I was asked if I would like the H1N1 vaccine and shots for Hep A & B. Hummm... well... I am sexually active AND Heauxmeaux...
I asked my Doctor the following questions:
Will it hurt? (I hate needles!)The Doctor laughed hysterically. I felt like a child for asking. He said, "I promise that you won't feel a thing. You won't feel bad afterwards." Mmmhmmm... and how much are you getting paid by Big Pharma to inject me?
Will I get sick afterwards?
Against my better judgement, I decided to be a good Heauxmeaux and get the shots. With each jab of a needle, a tear would sprout in my eyes. I felt like I was back in grade school... "Owww... it hurts! Sniff. Sniff." The Doctor smiled at me for being a pussy.
Well, no later than thirty seconds after the last injection, my body temperature rose dramatically. I began sweating like a pig. I felt light headed. The Doctor shrieked, "YOU ARE SWEATING!" I promptly discarded my sweater, leaving on only my sweaty t-shirt. The Doctor quickly patted my head with paper towels.
As my life was flashing before my eyes, the Doctor nervously urged me to lay down. GULP! Would I be yet another child to die from the H1N1 vaccine? No more Jiggy Dances?
I wished CRUEL things on a certain blogger (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE). Here I had been made to me feel like a dumb redneck for refusing to get vaccinated, now I am gonna die. It's your fault motherfucker!!!
After five minutes, my body shook uncontrollably. I had chills. I swiftly put back on my sweater. I am gonna die... I am gonna die... and it's all that dickwad's fault!
After ten minutes, I managed to escape my near death experience. I stood upright, drove home, and whined to my furry rugrats about the terrible experience. I felt shitty all last night. Yes, I am still wishing cruel things on that unnamed blogger.
But at least I am now vaccinated...