Wednesday, December 30, 2009

New Year's Celebration

I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year's celebration. We've been through a lot, but the good news is that we are all making it to 2010. Yay!

I will be celebrating in New Orleans at the infamous Bienville House. By last count, there will four couples, me, a real girl, and maybe another straggler or two. We'll practically be on top of each other crammed into the legendary whorehouse mansion. Good times!

Lots of LOVE, HUGS and KISSES to y'all! :)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

WITCH -- TAKE BACK THAT SPELL!


My dear blog readers... I have quietly tip toed back here before the affliction strikes again. You may have noticed the unusual jaded and bitchiness that has crept upon my blog. I swear it's not me! I think a sinister disposition swap spell has been cast by a well known blogger. It is so obvious. While he's being all horndog and cheery, I have an incurable case of jimboitis.

HELP ME! Make him reverse the spell... before it's too late! Arrggghhh....

Monday, December 21, 2009

Wild Bucking Horse


What is this strange wet-like substance forming in my eyes? What the hell is that?! Isn't this what babies do?! FUCK!

That stupid Susan Boyle rendition of "Wild Horses" got me confused in the head. It brainwashes you into thinking that love can be so strong that it can even supersede DEATH!

I hung around three couples last night at the Bourbon Pub. If you saw how much they cherished each other, it would make you vomit too. Then there was my Ex... always in direct view cutting up and having a good 'ol time.

Slipping in and out of my consciousness was Susan crooning "Wild Horses couldn't drag me away. Wild, wild horses couldn't drag me away". BITCH... get those stupid syrupy lyrics out of my head!

Repeat the SINGLE MAN's Mantra:

I will not settle.
I will not settle.
I will not settle.

I don't need a man.
I don't need a man.
I don't need a man.

My dogs did get irritated with me. After jarring them awake for the umpteenth time to tell them how much I loved them, they growled and moved to the foot of the bed. Doh!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Pocket Meaux


Are you looking for an excellent stocking stuffer for Christmas? Buy a Pocket Meaux! They are friendly and adorable... your whole household will enjoy!

The Brettcajun doll comes complete with leather restraints, a gag, and a bottle of poppers. Retailers have put heavy discounts on the Brettcajun doll after a spike in returns and customer complaints.

Monday, December 14, 2009

BC EVITA


It won't be easy, you'll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
that I still need your love after all that I've done...


Ladies and gentlemen... please forgive me. I have forsaken you. I once swore that I would never go Durbanbuddish on you, but I failed to keep my promise. I've been running around and trying everything new.

So much has happened to your little Eva Peron. The international press has viciously sacked my reputation. Rotten tomatoes are routinely thrown the moment I step into the Bourbon Pub. I am even hounded by taunts of "Midget"?! Standing at a sassy 5'7" does NOT make me a midget. Grr...

Why the hate? It's obvious... my good deeds are overlooked. For instance, I recently began house sitting and caring for an older couple. Do you know how hard it is to get two curmudgeons to the gym? It's downright exhausting! I nag and belittle with harsh words. I pull off my belt and threaten to whip. All to no avail. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't give them abs.

Just recently, I got into trouble trying to motivate a person shaped more like a Clydesdale than a tennis player. My sin: daring to use the words "inferior tennis player". Whaaaaat? Can't negative reinforcement work in some instances? Well, that person got all in a tizzy and threw a hissy fit. Apparently, he is not a fan of Sue from Glee.

Then there is my Ex. We handled the divorce well initially, but now we no longer speak to one another. My friends say, "An Ex is an Ex for a reason... he should be out of your life." I find myself stumbling over this concept. The divorce was finalized in March, yet I still find myself looking over shoulders before I kiss anyone. That's totally whack!

...Have I said too much?
There's nothing more I can think of to say to you.
But all you have to do is look at me to know
That every word is true

Monday, December 07, 2009

Wicked Garden


Change often confuses the senses. What's up or down? Right or wrong? Real or unreal? While the mind races to find order amid the chaos, my inner Gemini is reveling in new adventure.

I'll be honest... change is good. Instead of watching my life play out predictably, I am starring in a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants suspense thriller. Hell, even I don't know what's coming around the corner. I like it... lots!

To clear the air from the chattering classes:

1. I have not quit my job.

2. I am still very much single.

3. I have not moved to New Orleans full time yet, but that may come soon. I am still transitioning between the country and the city.

4. My dogs will always be with me.

6. I have some of the best friends in the world.

7. The Saints will win the Super Bowl.