Friday, October 30, 2009

Blogger Paparazzi

Durban Bud has a NEW commercial endorsement! First he hawked poppers for G Books, now comes this:

When Durban Bud is not endorsing Vagosene, he is earning street cred by being a potty mouthed rapper:

This photo was found in the Metro Weekly. It totally explains the long pauses between blog posts. TJ moonlights in seedy DC nightclubs as a dirty rap singer!

A mutual friend told me he even has a little ditty about ME! It goes... "Brett Brett Bobbafett. You make this fat girl wet!" Guuuurl... it's time to get yo fat ass back to Results the Gym and come up with better rhymes. Sho nuff!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Halloween Posse

Does your face ever hurt from smiling too much? Mine sure does... especially when I am hanging with my posse.

What's my posse? Let's just say there is this eccentric group of very interesting individuals I love to hang with. That's the best way I can put it. Sure, they relentlessly call me "midget"... but God I love 'em!

There is Crusty, Ape, some Bama boys, that cockblocker Matt Gee just to name a few. There are others who are unique and special in their own way. Todbear only wears either a solid blue or black shirt. His partner Kirtboo always has an interesting story to tell. Then there is that borg couple often referred to as "the Franks".

We'll be spending LOTS of time together (most under the same roof) this Halloween weekend. Throw in other electric personalities who will be present, and this holiday promises to be one for the books!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

When will I be loved?

I've been cheated
Been mistreated
When will I be loved?

I've been pushed down
I've been pushed round
When will I be loved?
I feel like a Linda Ronstadt song. As you can tell, I have been very bitchy lately. Why? I dunno. It has nothing to do with needing to get laid, losing in tennis, or becoming Kirstie Alley.

All I know is that I am hoping for someone special to come into my life. Since I get accused of running my blog as a dating service, I might as well give it a try!

I have so much love to give. I am ready for a relationship. The only caveat... I will no longer settle. I deserve a good man with his shit together.

What kind of man do I want? I'll spell it out for you. It would be nice to have a partner who appreciates sports. As an LSU season ticket holder, it makes me cringe to hear someone say "Oh... I'm gay honey! I don't like sportsss... where'sss my Cosssmo?" Ugh. TOTAL TURNOFF.

If you are not athletic, you must at least be willing to workout together. Squishy arms and a flabby ass is not appealing to me. (i.e., your ass shouldn't make a wave when drilled) If you get to play with a hard body, shouldn't I?

Let's talk about pets. I love animals. My dogs are my children. They sleep in the bed with me every night. Someone would have to accept sleeping with two furry Daschunds. Nothing makes me happier than waking up with those I love. Sharing a bed together is a strong bond that is important to me.

And lastly, I would like to be with someone who will appreciate me for who I am. I can read your thoughts -- "Oh... I wouldn't touch you with a 10 ft pole... you are too high maintenance!" Yes, I am Cajun and a Gemini. There is no hope of changing me or my quirky nature.

You have to realize that I have overcome so much adversity in life. If you see sheer madness, there is a reason. You have no idea about the struggles I have conquered. That's why you'll often find me smiling. My life gets better and better with every passing day. Don't hate my happiness -- appreciate it.

PS - facial hair, a furry body, employment, horndog ways and versatility are extra perks that would get my attention.

Is there anyone out there willing to take up the challenge?

Queen on the Move:

The clever combatant imposes his will on the enemy, but does not allow the enemy's will to be imposed on him.
- Sun Tzu

The art of war is much like a game of chess. There are many moving pieces. Word to the wise: don't pick a fight with a Queen.

As the most powerful piece on the board, the Queen is quite diabolical. With her long range and abilitity to move in any direction, the Queen strikes with a vengeance.

Especially if she is one pissed off mega bitch... like me.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Au Contraire, Mon Frere

Forgive me for my contempt. Our dear homophobic Governor Bobby Jindal wants to discipline and revoke the license of Justice of the Peace Bardwell for refusing to marry an interracial couple.

While I applaud Bobby Jindal for speaking out against Bardwell, I can't help but ask one question. What about MY right to marry MOFO?!

The anger twink in me wants to start a petition to disallow ALL Indian marriages in Louisiana. How does that make you feel Bobby??? Hey, if you can be an asshole, so can I!

Why the knee jerk response? Because Bobby is NOT concerned about GLBT rights. He is a "family values" politician who wholeheartedly supports Louisiana's constitutional amendment restricting marriage to one man and one woman.

When Bobby became Governor, one of his first priorities was to drop an executive order prohibiting employment discrimination against gay and lesbian state workers. On this issue, he stated “The reason for allowing the order to lapse is that I don’t think it is necessary to create additional special categories or special rights.”

While Bobby Jindal may not be a total bigot, he is still a douchebag when it comes to GLBT rights. The gay community in Louisiana should continue to staunchly oppose Bobby Jindal and support disallowing indians from marrying.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Denial, Anger, and Rage

Hello. I have resurfaced. If ever you don't hear from me in a whole week, there is a pretty good chance of catching up with my shenanigans on Facebook. The moment you don't hear from me there, assume I'm buried in someones backyard.

What's going on? Denial. Anger. Rage. In that order.

Denial. I am in denial about the LSU Tigers. Sure, they lost their first game of the season to #1 ranked Florida 13-3. But, us LSU fans know that there is not something right with this team. We need another Matt Flynn or Matt Mauck at QB.

Anger. I am ready to throw down my racquet in tennis. I am a talentless whore. Not only did I lose in the Flex League playoffs, I fell flat on my face in the Texas Open XXX. While I may be good, I lack special talent and skill to get to the next level. I am mired in mediocrity.

Rage. One of my goals this year was to get bigger. I hired a fine ass personal trainer. Sometimes he accidentally tea bags me, but we keep our relationship professional. We work out together three times a week. To aid in my goal, I have been ingesting lots of protein, creatine, and HMB. I have gotten big all over.

And it's not that I am being a narcissistic drama queen. LOTS of people are telling me I gained weight. I hear it on the tennis courts, in the bars, and at work. Oh my goodness... I had no clue I am getting fat... thanks for letting me know!

So, basically I am now Rosie O'Donnell... a mean angry lesbian. ARGH!

Monday, October 12, 2009

iPhone Luv

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Don't Hate the Player

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

The Evil in Me

Put me in a corner. Spit on me. Ridicule me. Just when you assume I'm roadkill, you had better LOOK OUT.

You see, I have a diabolical power. When there is a chip on my shoulder, adrenaline flows to hulk-like proportions. You had best run MOFO... cuz even Jesus can't save your ass!

Yes... I have lost four tennis matches in a row. Yes... a much older man ousted me out of the Flex League playoffs. Yes... Whipping Boy beat me in spectacular fashion and ended my four year winning streak against him.

I am obviously being judged as pathetic. While my peers have cushy first round opponents, the Tournament Gods are sending in Hot Boy Troy to swiftly end my miserable existence. Argh!

Can you hear me slamming down my fists?! I am NOT skeered.


Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Las Vegas Trip Summary

The following video was recorded by my friend Chris in the Pearl Theatre at the Palms. Kylie Minogue is a very talented singer. Chris and I didn't know most of her songs, but her devoted fans sure did! For me, it was a treat to watch Kylie perform AND whip her fans into a delirious frenzy.

If I had to sum up my Las Vegas trip with a picture, it would be this one:

Why the smiling? Because people make me happy. On this trip, I got to hangout with my friend Chris again. We walked the Strip lots, shopped, did all three rides on top of the Stratosphere, saw Kylie AND the Lion King, and met many old and new friends together.

Gambling wise, I had a bit of good fortune. I made some great college football picks and left Las Vegas a winner. There was that demoralizing loss in air hockey, but I'll get Chris back for that one day!

Monday, October 05, 2009

I LOST in Vegas

This is the only documented evidence of me losing:


Just to embarrass my friend Chris... this is him Jiggy Dancing! HA HA: