Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Adventures of "Swollen Knee"

You should see me on the tennis courts. I am superhuman. Within a split second, I can take off and chase down any tennis ball. My speed is the fastest in the men's league.

This great athletic feat comes at a price though. If I were a Native American, my name would be "Swollen Knee". There has been a nagging pain below my right knee for months. It feels swollen.

Instead of seeing a doctor about it, I have convinced myself that my knee is not really swollen. Nooooo siree! I have a need for blistering speed, so my body is busy morphing that knee into a scientific evolutionary breakthrough... a SUPER KNEE! It takes time to build such a marvel.

In the meantime, I am still running on the tennis courts with lightening speed. There is always pain when I began to run, but once that blood gets to pumping it magically goes away.

I am just your typical male choosing to be stubborn in denial and Doctor phobic. Ahem.

Friday, June 26, 2009

BC the Blogwhore

We have recently lost some very talented individuals. When celebrities pass away, we are harshly reminded of the fragility of life. No matter how divine a celebrity may seem, he or she is as mortal as the next human.

I can't help but think of those who enrich my untalented life daily. You are all very special to me. Let's love one another while we still can. To all my buds... here is a big hug from me to you. Ahh... feels so good! :)

As a sidenote, I was supposed to go to Houston this weekend for Pride. Since my host already has two big dogs, my Dachshunds AND me would have been too much for one weekend. I could not find a dependable dog sitter, so I am choosing to stay home in Louisiana. C'est la vie.

Have a great weekend everybody. Happy Fubs, Fanny Pats, and Nip Tugs!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


Congrats to the LSU Tigers for winning their sixth College World Series. In the best of 3 series, LSU outlasted the Texas Longhorns to win the crown. As an alumnus, I am VERY PROUD of the best damn sports university in America! GEAUX TIGERS!!!!

Monday, June 22, 2009

A Boy and His Mom

I must drive Mama 4 1/2 hours to Houston, TX for an eye specialist appointment today. If you count the trip back, that's nine hours of quality "talk time" on the drive. I'll be entertained by my family's very own NPR Radio Network... voiced by Mama!

Please say prayers for my sanity. If you were a nice friend, you would interrupt the NPR MOM broadcasts by calling me on my cell phone. I may even let you talk to Mama. My ears will thank you.

Friday, June 19, 2009

It has been 104 days since I became single. Before you giggle -- I am not obsessively adding each day daily. I like pulling out a calendar and counting every few weeks... just to marvel at how long it has been.

I used to cast scorn on single people. I erroneously judged them as very selfish. Now, I view them as smart people! Do you realize how great it is not having to negotiate with another?

I get up each morning with the freedom to do whatever I please. There is no nagging, bitching, or asking 20 questions about every goddamn thing. I don't even have to compromise. Yay! No misery here.

One day, I'll meet a gentleman that will put a ring on my finger. We'll be true equal partners in life for richer or poorer.

In the meantime, my singlehoodness is going swimmingly well. I am happy... and that is what counts the most! :)

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Not a Lap Dog

Where are the political opinions from well known bloggers? Have you all been neutered and rendered speechless since the election? I am VERY disappointed many of you have suddenly become passive excuse-making pussies. Where have your political convictions gone?

Our dear own Justice Department has just compared homosexuals to incestuous people. The Prez fully supports this description of us. Are you okay with that? I AM NOT! These are our civil rights we are talking about!

Surely, you have seen the headlines touting Obama expanding benefits to gay partners of federal employees. Read the details. Employees will be allowed to use sick leave to care for an ill partner or non-biological child. Same-sex partners of diplomats can now use medical facilities at foreign postings. Whoopty doo. Is that really the best you can do Prez? I am so underwhelmed by the level of your compassion. You can do more.

And if one more person accuses me of being a bitter Hillary Clinton supporter, I am going to put my foot up their ass. Hillary is not the President. Obama is. He is the one that made all these bold promises making him look like the great Messiah, but his actions have been sparse.

Where is the "CHANGE" we were promised with regard to our GLBT civil rights?! Or was that just a catchy campaign slogan? I am sorry, but I refuse to sit on my ass and make excuses all day. That's what defeated people do. I choose to make a stand and fight for my liberty.


Hat tip to Kelly Stern.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

High Noon on the Ponderosa

Sometimes you must stand up and be a real man. A rival gunslinger is coming after me. Sporting a shiny pistol, he has every intent on making me a notch on his belt loop.

What am I talking about? I am talking about the Flex League playoffs. While he won his division, I put on a decent performance to finish second in my division.

This outlaw is one badass on the tennis court. He is known for having a killer serve, screaming temper tantrums, and throwing racquets. Just last week, he hit E.Shrew's female double partner in the forehead with a tennis ball. He even tried to take away the Shrew's manhood by hitting him in the crotch. In other words, he is one bad ass motherfucker.

And I have to play him at 5:30pm today in G-Town. We have never played each other in singles, but I have a woeful 0-4 record against him in doubles. It's high noon on the Ponderosa and he's coming after me. Gulp!

Monday, June 15, 2009

A Skippidity Do Da Day

In times like this... I channel Donna Fargo. Sporting a fake smile, I therapeutically sing: Shine on me sunshine, walk with me world. It’s a skippidity do da day. I’m the happiest girl, in the whole U.S.A.

I am (SNIFF)... 39 years old. Yes... I am one year away from a Daddish "40". Instead of spending the whole day bawling, I am trying to sport a fake smile and a happy face.

Goddamn it to hell... it ain't a working! I'll now desperately cling to that last bastion of being in my 30's. Getting old sux.

Sing with me: There once was a time when I could not imagine how it would feel to say... I'm the happiest girl In the whole U.S.A.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Let Him Fly


I recorded this video a couple weeks ago, but I never posted it because I thought it was too strange. What is the purpose of me walking around and posing to a sad song?

Umm... now I know. It is the perfect video when you piss off your faithful readers by showing only your green crocs in the last video. LOL.

I love songs about heartache and loss... especially those by Patty Griffin. She always inspires me by her soulful voice. Her song "Let Him Fly" is playing in the background.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

A Day in the Chicken Pen

Everyday there is a constant threat of getting attacked by Rocky the Rooster. Sure... he's lovable in my videos, but he can be a mean bastard. See for yourself.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

My Latch Key Child

I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be. I can admit that I have selfishly lived a hectic lifestyle since becoming single. Between gym workouts, tennis matches, and non-stop weekend merriment, I am barely home.

Everytime I see my Ex out, he says... "those poor dogs". I used to think he was trying to make me feel guilty, so I'd go home and he would have New Orleans all to himself. Now I find myself agreeing with him.

Boudreaux and Pierre are exhibiting signs that they are not getting enough attention. It breaks my heart thinking how they have already reached half their life expectantcy. They deserve a higher quality of life.

I have made a vow to make some changes. I'll devote much more time to my furry children. Instead of being lazy and letting them run in their backyard, I'll take them on walking adventures. Hell, I may even let them roam free on the farm sometimes (under close supervision).

This coming weekend will bring an excellent opportunity to take my children on a mini-vacay. I am house sitting for a couple, who have a nice backyard complete with a pool and deck. We can take long walks in a different environment and play in the pool all weekend. I would love to see Boudreaux and Pierre swim again... it's been years!

Love your pets dearly. They only have a limited time here on Earth. Let's focus less on ourselves and give our pets the attention they deserve!

Friday, June 05, 2009



The LSU Tigers host the red beans and Rice Owls from Houston, Texas in a baseball Super Regional at Alex Box Stadium this weekend. The winner of the three game series gets a trip to the College World Series in Omaha, Nebraska. Geaux Tigers!!! KICK THEIR ASS.

Poor Jeff's team from Ohio State got blasted by Florida State 37-6 (IN BASEBALL) last weekend and does not get to play in a Super Regional. Bwahaha! That's Karma baby. Get your weak ass Big 10 team out of here!

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

A Precious Intervention

Let me be crystal clear on today's topic. It is NOT healthy to excessively partake in any one activity where it becomes an addiction. We have all been there before. We deny there is a problem. Our friends try to help us. We de-friend them. Then a loud chorus of others start voicing the same exact opinion.

This makes us angry. We see our friend's concern as a conspiracy directed against us. Et tu, Brute? They are not looking after our best interests... they are traitors! They secretly covet my PRECIOUS! When we reach this point, we have gone totally insane.

As for me, I developed an unhealthy addiction to tennis. In my mind, there was nothing wrong with playing tennis 18 out of the last 21 days. Friends were worried about me getting injured or becoming anorexic.

I would get all defensive and immediately counter with, "Do you realize how bad the obesity rate is in America?!" Or... "You nonathletic fuck! I am the tennis God!!! Let's go to the tennis court right now and I'll demonstrate how well I play!"

Over time, I have seen the error of my ways and cut back on tennis. I had to buy into the fact that I did indeed have a problem. Now, my physical regimen is sensibly balanced between working out and tennis.

I see friends overindulge in their addictions all the time: sexual compulsion, raging alcoholism, heart attack inducing steroid abuse, internet addiction, D&D nerdiness, obsession over a love interest, etc.

If you suffer from any of these issues, a good friend has every right to slap the shit out of you, tell you like it is, and try to make you see the light. That is what a real friend is for. We must throw caution to the wind and trust our bond will not be broken by having that conversation.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Mama... "They Are Talking About Me!"

When I am out and about in the city... I get all sorts of looks. Everyone in the local community knows about the made-for-Lifetime-television breakup.

It sucks to be tabloid fodder. Who am I licking and sticking? Will he get back together with the Ex? Who will he pair up with next? My life has become somewhat of a soap opera to the locals who tune in every week.

Being an established blogger makes it difficult for me. A lot of people already know my business. But I'd like to keep some to myself. To protect my privacy, I have decided to not write details about dates with others. It still feels like it is too soon to do so. So, you friends and strangers don't need to be looking for fresh gossip here on this blog. I have to protect my own privacy. Ya know?

In the meantime, it was fun to hang out with the Ex yesterday at the Bourbon Pub. It was like we were producing our own television series of Lost or Twin Peaks. The locals were trying to figure out exactly what was going on and looked confused. LOL.