Friday, February 27, 2009

Giving It Up for Lent

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Mardi Gras

Mardi Gras in New Orleans must have been the biggest in years. Hoards of people from all over were getting their drunk on. Recession? What recession? You would have never known there was a global economic meltdown in a city filled with so many happy people.

And us:

Even though the BF kept ditching me, there was always a friendly face to make out with. How does that nursery rhyme go? Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? With a pinch and a slab, All the boys line up in a row. Or something like that...

I met this handsome couple from L.A. The one on the left is a Swede. He likes talking to you really close, where your ears feel titillated from the sweet savory blowing. WOOF:

It is always nice to be recognized as "Brettcajun". Here is a German fan pictured with E.Shrew and I who thinks I dance like a white boy. It's okay. He thought I gave great nip tugs.

I was approached by others who weren't afraid to admit they read my blog. Rather than putting their arms around me and posing with the legend himself, all they wanted was a picture of me holding a beer. I had to spell check the word "hypocrite!" because it is just not a word I associate with.

Thankfully, I was not holding a beer when I ran into someone who frequently comments on my blog as "Dickspot". My mind could be a blur, but I think he apologized for being a dickhead. I should have put him over my knee and gave him a good spanking, but he was with his partner. Sorry Mike, but he's taken. Aww... darn!

Thanks America for filling the coffers of New Orleans once more during Mardi Gras. It was pretty cool to see so many happy, albeit drunk, people embracing the joys of carnival. It is now time for you Catholics to begin your 40 days of penance. Snap to it!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Spy Cam

I am just a dancing homo sometimes. I really dig the song Untouched by the Veronicas. For the sake of any cringes from the peanut gallery, I severely truncated the video. 

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Confessions of a Carpet Licker

Just last weekend, I watched LSU defeat Texas A&M in softball and a total of four college basketball games in their entirety. It was a perfectly relaxing way to enjoy my weekend.

Whenever I tell friends that New Orleans needs a sports themed gay bar, it is ALWAYS met with stone silence. You would have thought I farted. They are like, "WHY? Are you a lesbian?" I am like, "No. I just like sports."

Atlanta has WOOFS and it is not overrun by lesbians. In fact, I always see nothing but butch men there that share my love of sports. Of course, the only annoying thing is that they are ardent supporters of the Georgia Bulldogs and Atlanta Falcons. I am all LSU Tigers and New Orleans Saints.

I am still on my "SAY NO TO ALCOHOL" policy since last weekend's Tequila adventure. I am NOT being a hypocrite. I just think being in a sports bar surrounded by my best buds would be more fun than another drag show.

Is this anyone else's idea of a good time? Or am I just a lesbian trapped in a gay man's body?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Stoner Goat

E.Shrew and I stumbled upon a nanny goat in the Faubourg Marigny this past weekend. She was just minding her own business walking the streets with a dog collar around her neck. Most disturbing to me was that she seemed stoned!

At first, I thought something must have surely happened to my friend Joe. I whispered... "Is that you Joe? Have you been reincarnated?" It totally makes sense that Joe would come back as a goat. Fortunately, Joe is still alive and kicking as a human in SF. I checked in with his "Uncle Ralph" to be sure.

We eventually found the rightful owner, who was bitchy and snapped at us for being concerned. Apparently, it is common knowledge that the goat is always out roaming the streets. Hmpfh! Excuse us for being concerned Lady!

I have been humming along a tune in Stoner Goat's honor ever since the encounter...

Stoner Goat
Stoner Goat
With creepy yellow eyes

Stoner Goat
Stoner Goat
Why you be walking these streets?

Stoner Goat
Stoner Goat
How many joints have you smoked?

Stoner Goat
Stoner Goat
It was good to meet a creature stranger than I.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Judgemental Mary

Mardi Gras is in full swing in New Orleans. Quite frankly, I am so sick and tired of you drunk people. It is not a lifestyle that I support. You people have nasty beer breath and just piss everywhere. Do you know that you have a good chance of turning yellow and dying a horrible death from cirrhosis of the liver? NOT FUN!

Being a drunk is just not something I aspire to be. My goal is to live a very fit and healthy lifestyle. I don't smoke and drink only sparingly if I absolutely must.

Let us pray that Lent is here soon enough and you bad Catholics give up drinking for 40 days. I'll be praying for your liver.

Sunday, February 15, 2009


As a Roomba owner, I REALLY love this SNL Parody.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Beard Issues

My beard is quite bushy now. Sometimes I really like it, but other times I don't. With gray hairs splashed here and there on my chin and face, I fear I look old. Trimming those tell tale signs right out my beard must be done on a daily basis.

The downside to having a beard is that the scruffier look hides my trademark youthful innocence and purity. My friends ask, "Where oh where has the sweet-as-pie Brett gone?" I reply back, "I kicked his ass to the curb! Grr..."

With the rugged "Daddy" look going on, I can admit that my beard has given me a sense of empowerment. I have become much more aggressive. It is now not uncommon for me to bark orders at others and subject them to my will.

This is my quandary: do I stay in a MASC/BUTCH mode where I may kick your ass or do I go back to my sweet, innocent, and youthful former self? Hmm...

What does this remind you of?

To me, I see this as a perfect depiction of a longterm gay relationship. Time has not been kind to these crazy old bats who fuss nonstop. Is this what our relationships are destined to be like in 30 years? GULP!

We should really move forward with a Bear Retirement Community. Someone has to take care of us old queens when we get senile. Hetero nursing homes must be protected from all of our drama! LOL.

Monday, February 09, 2009


Would our political leaders STOP SPENDING MONEY!? Son of a bitch! How much debt are you bastards going to saddle us with when all is said and done? Jeez! What's wrong with you people?

And would the media and politicians stop using FEAR to scare gullable Americans into supporting this economic stimulus package? This is nothing more than the raping of our treasury to reward failed businesses.

Hasn't our "great" country already wrongly invaded Iraq using a trumped up "Fear Card"? Now the same fear card is being used to ensure future generations of Americans are saddled with an impossible debt load. And the masses are too blind to see this.

It's time for the American taxpayer to stand up and say ENOUGH!

My Strange Seductive Siren Call

Do you hear it? Listen carefully...

Ye olde sailor
come to me.
I need it so
Right here, right now.

Swim fast as you can
To my siren song.
You brutish bloke

Right here, right now.

Just this morning, I worked out my legs for one full hour. It awakened the beast deep inside me. Whenever I workout my upper body, the beast is nowhere to be found. It is the cocky Drill Instructor that rears his head.

Do certain gym workouts influence your sexual mood? (where your preferences shift) Or am I just a crazy fuck?

Friday, February 06, 2009

A Word from your Host:

DISCLAIMER: I should never blog after a gym workout and four sets of tennis. Especially if I haven't had a chance to properly close that can of whoopass. Can you say mega bitchy and in need of a good ________? Oh well... fuck it!

Thanks to all who commented on the "WTF?!" video. Let me reassure you that I have NOT gone mad. Sometimes I feel like acting silly. Or perhaps I take sadistic pleasure in embarrassing my blog character? Hmm...

For those of you who took such great joy in poking fun of me (DBud, Kyle, and Tonka), I am coming after you bitches!

To Father Tony and Ryan Charisma... did my goofy video really need to be critiqued by two goddamn Yanks? I am fully aware it was completely amateurish. This ain't Broadway. Not even close! Jeez...

Worst performance ever CB? Hmpfh! Wouldn't that be your rendition of "Single Ladies"? Though I may be marching along happily towards insanity, my brain will NEVER forget the image of a fat gay man bouncing along to Beyonce.

In conclusion, let me state the obvious... I have come to realize a long time ago that my mission in life is to make you all feel "normal". It's my ticket to heaven! Am I not accomplishing that?

Special thanks to my creative friend Eric from Costa Rica. He made the film strip capturing my various emotions. (click on it... it's cool!) Eric overlooks the crazy and loves me anyway.


Wednesday, February 04, 2009


Monday, February 02, 2009

Cajun Groundhog Day

We have our own colorful tradition in Louisiana on this special day. Pierre C. Shadeaux, a famous nutria from Louisiana's own swamps predicts our weather.

Pierre did NOT see his shadow outside of his custom built Acadian Cottage. Do you know what that means kids? Spring and warmer weather is just around the corner for us in Louisiana. Yay!

The famous Pierre C. Shadeaux:

In my book, nutria are just plain cooler than groundhogs.