It won't be easy, you'll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
that I still need your love after all that I've done...
Ladies and gentlemen... please forgive me. I have forsaken you. I once swore that I would never go Durbanbuddish on you, but I failed to keep my promise. I've been running around and trying everything new.
So much has happened to your little Eva Peron. The international press has viciously sacked my reputation. Rotten tomatoes are routinely thrown the moment I step into the Bourbon Pub. I am even hounded by taunts of "Midget"?! Standing at a sassy 5'7" does NOT make me a midget. Grr...
Why the hate? It's obvious... my good deeds are overlooked. For instance, I recently began house sitting and caring for an older couple. Do you know how hard it is to get two curmudgeons to the gym? It's downright exhausting! I nag and belittle with harsh words. I pull off my belt and threaten to whip. All to no avail. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't give them abs.
Just recently, I got into trouble trying to motivate a person shaped more like a Clydesdale than a tennis player. My sin: daring to use the words "inferior tennis player". Whaaaaat? Can't negative reinforcement work in some instances? Well, that person got all in a tizzy and threw a hissy fit. Apparently, he is not a fan of Sue from Glee.
Then there is my Ex. We handled the divorce well initially, but now we no longer speak to one another. My friends say, "An Ex is an Ex for a reason... he should be out of your life." I find myself stumbling over this concept. The divorce was finalized in March, yet I still find myself looking over shoulders before I kiss anyone. That's totally whack!
...Have I said too much?
There's nothing more I can think of to say to you.
But all you have to do is look at me to know
That every word is true