Whatta I do?!
Sometimes I feel like Bunifa Latifah Halifah Sharifa Jackson -- a pole dancing meter maid from Hawthorne, California. I am just a rude, insensitive, and loudmouthed HO.
My reputation precedes me. Believe it or not, I really do have my head screwed on right. I have a good job, a car, a home, and no debt. I don't shop at Payless or wear 4" leopard print hooker heels.
While I am splashing around the dating pool, I am happily single. I am in no rush to settle down. Heck, I still have to figure out what kind of person I want as a partner.
Here is a good guideline:
1. HE must be a horndog. I workout too damn hard to let these muscles go to waste. Let's have fun with them! Ahem.
2. NO DRUNKS. I am sorry, but you are no use to me passed out each night. Sex with a passed out drunk is too close to necrophilia. Eww...
3. BE OUT. I will no longer accept dating anyone not comfortable in his own skin. While you think your sexuality is nobody's business, you are wrong. Your cowardly secret harms a relationship. I am not Pinocchio. I'll be goddamn if I let another person put me on a shelf whenever their family or straight friends come around!
4. I'M NOT YOUR PRECIOUS. While it feels good to be coveted, you can't be Gollum. I am happiest interacting with others. I am sad locked away in a trophy case. If you truly love me, then let me shine. What would Donna Fargo say? You can't be a beacon, if your light don't shine!
5. FUR. A furry face or chest helps tremendously. Grr...