Cougars with No Gaydar
Have you ever worked in an office with all women? If you have, then you know they can be quite the chatty drama troop. You can forget trying to play the QUIET GAME... they flatout refuse to play!
Needless to say, I look forward to my lunch breaks. I can leave the office and recieve serenity for thirty whole minutes.Today, I chose to enjoy some peace and quiet at the local Wow - Cafe and Wingery. I was doing my usual... checking out ESPN sports highlights and fingering my preciousss iPhone.
I look up and see the cougar waitress staring down at me. GROAN. She has waited on me several times in the past. Unsweetened Ice Tea, right hon? There are no queeny hand gestures. No lisping. No high pitched squeals. I grunt out a manly one word response... "YES".
It can be quite a horrifying experience when a Cougar unknowingly pounces on a gay man. The signs: winks, fluttering of eyelashes, hand strokes through the hair, and long personal chats. You try not to panic and wonder where your gaggle of queers are when you need them!
Before I am given the chance to order, I am subjected to a ten minute speech about how difficult it is to find a good man. Instead of responding back... Oh, I know honey! They are just bassstardsss, I listen intently with a concerned look.
When I am finally allowed to order, I choose a large fried shrimp poboy. Instead of running to the kitchen with my order, the waitress notices that my iPhone is no longer cracked. I explain that I got a new one.
She then goes into excruciating detail about how she went to one of those cheap dollar stores four times last week looking for iPod accessories. We were talking about my iPhone and she is telling me about her iPod shopping extravaganza. Oh goodie! I get to learn with bated anticipation what she found shopping in each of those four trips! :/
Thankfully, my meal arrives quickly and I gobble it up. The waitress then announces that she is giving me a complimentary bread pudding. I thank her. She stands there and asks if I like it. I smile back and let her know that I do! She tells me how they make it. I am like... "Ohh... interesting!"
I pay my bill and leave. I am now pouting that I didn't get my 30 minutes of peace and quiet.