Monday, March 23, 2009

A New Day:

I have some of the best friends in the world. Even though I have moved down to ugly duckling status, some have taken me under their wings to protect and coddle me during these trying times.

Whipping Boy and his partner were so sweet. They would tell me, Yeah... you may be ugly... and no one wants you... but we'll be seen with you! Just put this brown paper bag over your head.

The best part were them playing the role of the fussy couple. Before we landed in San Antonio, one had accidentally spilled a drink on the other. They were bitching and eyeball rolling each other. Walking through the terminal, the wet one was frantically searching for flights back to New Orleans. I got all teary eyed and thanked them for trying to make me feel better about being single.

The next morning, Whipping Boy and his partner escorted me to the tennis center with my Wilson (K) Factor Pro racquet and a brown paper bag still firmly on my head. Before we got out of the vehicle, Whipping Boy wrote a large "S" with a black sharpie. In a fatherly voice, he calmly told me... You must walk with your shame Hester.

When we arrived at the tournament check-in desk, I was immediately ordered to remove the bag over my head. As I did, I heard a gasp from the crowd. I begged for the bag back, but this time Whipping Boy refused to let me have it. I was now forced to make eye contact with my peers, who were naturally all happily married and in perfect relationships. Gulp.

Fortunately, there were some kind souls who felt sorry for me. They risked being ostracized by others by letting me hit with them. One nice man with a furry beard took the biggest risk of all by giving me a nice backrub right there on the tennis courts! It had been so long since I had been touched, that I almost shed a tear. (The Veronica's Untouched song is totally about me!)

Everyone associated with the Heart of Texas 7 were warned in advance that there may be fireworks from a freshly broken up couple. When I finally did encounter my Ex, there was remarkably no drama. He wore a fabulous black tennis outfit (with magical slimming powers) that I bought him for Christmas. Bastard.

During the weekend, the whole Louisiana contingent of two couples and two suddenly single people came together and supported each other. We refused to be fractured by the D.I.V.O.R.C.E. and watched each other play. Dinners were completely no-drama events. Well, there was this 20 year old waitress who I wanted to bitch slap at Chilis, but I won't go there. The weekend actually turned out to be nice and enjoyable for everyone.

Monte ended up performing the best in the tournament. He won five singles matches in three days and was the runner up in C Singles. He and E.Shrew won the D Doubles Championship Trophy.

I flopped in most of the matches I had to play. I lost a thrilling 6-4,4-6,6-3 singles match to the #3 seed and a 6-4,7-6 doubles match with my partner Kevin. God continues to have a sense of humor in blessing me with futility in tournaments so far in 2009.

Monte, Me, and E.Shrew:



Blogger RG said...

So what you're saying is that there was no blood on the tennis courts from racket beatings then? Booooooooring! LOL

March 23, 2009  
Blogger -Tony- said...

Sounds like you had a great weekend with some wonderful progress on moving forward. Congrats! However, a bit of smashing tennis rackets would have made for a much better story.

March 23, 2009  
Blogger mikeinbama said...

I'm glad you had a relaxing tennis weekend. Keep working on your tennis game because you'll eventually break through with the champions trophy.

March 23, 2009  
Blogger Ray's Cowboy said...

First of all have you lost weight?? It shows that you have.. Glad you had a great weekend.

March 23, 2009  
Blogger Brettcajun said...

These pics were all taken during the last day of the three day tournament. I am pretty sure I was sucking-in in all these pics. LOL.

I probably did lose some weight from the breakup and tons of intense cardio from this tennis tourny.

March 23, 2009  
Blogger Jim said...

And where are the pictures of said brown bag you were forced to wear? Or was that metaphorically?

March 23, 2009  
Blogger (F)redddy said...

Bitch, please. You're an ugly duckling like I'm hot. Now we're both liars. Thanks for making me stoop to your level. :-)

March 23, 2009  
Anonymous Derek said...

sounds like a perfect weekend! U will always be the pretty one, never forget that!

March 24, 2009  
Blogger cb said...

Damn, everyone you are photographed with looks so HUGE!

March 30, 2009  
Blogger Mark in DE said...

A real friend is one who will provide you with the needed brown paper bag.

April 02, 2009  

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