My Journey into the Lycan Den
The church bell alarm on my iPhone jarred me awake at 5am. My immediate reaction was to go back to sleep, but I knew I had a mission. It was on this day that I would begin a perilous journey into my new life.
What should I arm myself with? With only minutes to decide, I chose Adidas Formotion battle gear with Clima365 technology. My people are skilled in agility, motion, and speed. Though we may be puny, our gluttonous enemies have virtually no chance to capture us when we are properly armed.
I arrived to the Lycan Den with much trepidation. "Calm your nerves", I whispered to myself. You are a leader of your people and you have every right to be here.
The steroid laden Lycan brutes caught a whiff of my L'Occitane scent and immediately stopped what they were doing. Their eyes turned brighter. Fangs lengthened. I was pretty sure they were all giving me the exact same look of disdain. Was it my canary yellow shorts? Gulp!
Let me tell you, being judged simultaneously by a pack of 10 Lycans is quite the eery feeling. I was crossing my fingers that the power of the canary yellow shirts would blind them if they launched an attack.
Fortunately, the dropdead gorgeous Lycan leader greeted me before I was anyone's prey. He reassured me that as long as I was near his side, no harm would come to me. I immediately felt safe in his arms.... and boy did I want to be in his arms!
In the course of one hour, the Lycan leader worked me through nine manly chest and back exercises. His hand was placed on my muscles each time to check that they were indeed being worked. It was titillating, but I remained focused to the task at hand. I was certainly pushed further than I ever thought I could go.
At the end of our session, the Lycan leader announced I did much better than he had anticipated. WTF? Did this svelte figure make him think I can only do girly weights? My people are used to this type of stereotyping. It's a cross we must bear.
I survived my journey into the Lycan Den. I'll be back at the same time Wednesday morning, where the Lycan leader will give my legs a full one hour workout. I am very excited about the leg lift portion of the program!
I'll have to remember to not wear my canary yellow shorts. Afterall, the Lycan leader is too precious for me to blind.