D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Sometimes I feel like Tammy Wynette. The moment hit me again this weekend at precisely 9:30am Sunday morning. I had just eliminated my first round foe 6-0, 6-0 in the Consolation Bracket. E.Shrew's opponent didn't show up, so he got to sit on his ass and watch me huff and puff for an hour.

It was me against E.Shrew in the Consolation Finals. This was the first time we had to play against each other in a tennis tournament. Umm... can you imagine the pressure of playing against your lover in front of others? It's very personal!

My strategy was to pretend I was not playing E.Shrew. That pretty turquoise shirt and white shorts looked like what I bought him for Christmas, but I was playing Joe Bleaux... not E.Shrew. This worked brilliantly as I was cruising along 5-3. I just needed two more points to take the first set.

Then something happened. My lead suddenly sank as E.Shrew won three straight games. SON OF A BITCH! I am going to lose the first set to E.Shrew! Why is this happening?!

Thoughts of an immediate D-I-V-O-R-C-E reverberated in my head. My ego will not allow a loss to the lowly Shrew. MUST. REGAIN. FOCUS. I was playing too tentatively. I had to ramp up the tempo and not worry about hitting it out.

That can of whoopass was ripped wide open because I took the first set 7-6 and opened a 5-0 lead in the second. The final score was 7-6, 6-1. I beat E.Shrew in the Consolation Finals in my first ever USTA singles tournament. D-I-V-O-R-C-E averted... for now.