Thursday, October 30, 2008

500,000 Blog Hit Milestone

A lone hit from Saint Louis, Missouri put my blog over the 500,000 hit milestone at approximately 7:14am this morning. It just beat out a hit from Cleveland, Ohio that came shortly after. It appears it was referred from this blog

I am sorry to say that there is no prize such as someone getting to sleep with me wearing only a jockstrap. That is reserved ONLY for the person that makes my counter reach the magical number of: 696,969. 

I do feel a sense of pride when I get approached by strangers on the street saying, "Oh my Gawd... you are Brettcajun!". Those nice emails letting me know that I somehow helped someone "come out" makes all the time and energy I put into the blog worth it. There are folks out there that are so afraid of their sexuality that they contemplate suicide. If I can help individuals realize that they can live a normal and happy life, then I have achieved a greater good.

Do you know what the primary motivation for starting my blog was? I wanted to be immortal. If something ever were to happen to me, a chronological journal of my life would forever be out here on the internet. 

Although I often get criticized for it, I think all the pictures and videos give readers a little clearer understanding of who I am. So, here's to the next milestone... 1,000,000 here we come!

Monday, October 27, 2008

My Whorish New Orleans Weekend

Halloween is traditionally celebrated in New Orleans the first weekend before the actual holiday. That is if you are gay. The circuit party on Saturday brings in the tired looking and washed up contingent from Atlanta and other nearby southern meccas. Because of the shitty economy, the city looked less packed than in years past.

Lushes have increasingly become a major turn off for me. It could be because I have adopted a Madonna Ritchie complex. Surely, you have read how compulsive Madonna's daily exercise regimen has become? Well, that's been me for the past year. Since I deem alcohol as a detriment to my tennis game, I have made it a practice to not drink and to judge all others who stay inebriated.

Alcohol is a wasteful human endeavor. You get a temporary buzz, but you ultimately began to miss work, the gym, and that size 30 pair of jeans. I think just about every friend of mine is pretty plump nowadays. I could literally stick an apple in their mouth and roast them as piggies.

And this has absolutely nothing to do with me consistently being told I was too skinny with that concerned look. When you are a tennis SUPER STAR, you play tennis five times a week. You don't spend your whole week sitting on your ass eating potato chips or being propped up on that bar stool with a sugary Hurricane daiquiri.

I will confess that I did let down my hair and drank lots on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. It was back to being Brettcajun from the good 'ole days. I freely gave kisses to many who were not my boyfriend. I may have even played show-and-tell right there in the bar at 5pm in the afternoon. It was back to being the Tazmanian Devil MESS I used to be. Ahh... good times.

Now if you don't mind, I have one last tennis tournament to prepare for in 2008. The HouTex Tournament is next weekend. All my Texas rivals will be there waiting to knock me off my perch. To hell with my damned drinking buddies, I have a tennis tournament to win!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Football Blues

We met up with Brian and Greg at Good Friend's bar at noon today to watch the New Orleans Saints play the San Diego Chargers in London. Thank God, the Saints won and improved their record to 4-4. Jeez... I can't take anymore losing from my favorite football teams! I am still in denial how far LSU and my high school football team have fallen.

Friday, October 24, 2008

When Bulldogs Mess With Tigers:

Are we FIRED UP for the LSU vs Georgia game? HELL YEAH! The LSU Tigers are ready to claw the crap out of the whiniest team in the SEC. You can betcha sweet Georiga Ass that it is going to be a bloodbath in Death Valley in front of a sea of purple and gold.

This CBS nationally televised game is THE Game of the Week in the college football world. The kickoff is set for 2:30pm Central at Tiger Stadium in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. This game will be a good warm up for when Alabama's Crimson Tide make their ill fated appearance on November 8th.

God... I just wish I could be a fly on the wall to witness all the hissy fits Kyle will surely throw tomorrow. How ever will his partner Neil deal? Stay tuned... ;)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Do Trees have Bungholes?

I suddenly feel like Lemmiwinks, the Gerbil King, ready to begin my quest inside of CB from Mangina Monologues. Le-Le-Lemmiwinks Lemmiwinks Lemmi-Lemmiwinks Lemmiwinks, Lemm-Le-Lemmiwinks the Gerbil King! All hail the Gerbil King!

Okay, I do feel guilty for showing the exposed anus of a tree. It doesn't seem very respectful. Even I have a conscience. All jokes about the Gerbil King aside, I chose to post these pics mainly for your scientific curiosity. And to take a swipe at CB... who thinks I am a wee man.

Monday, October 20, 2008

The Memory of Trees

It has been fifty days since Hurricane Gustav, but destruction still litters the Louisiana landscape. Walking around the horse pasture with birds of death circling around, adds to the spookiness of it all.

The American Black Vulture has a huge wingspan. It travels with others awaiting for the death of something. The Evil look of the bird sends shivers down my spine:

While walking with the Shrew, I couldn't help but stumble upon the biggest symbol of Hurricane Gustav's wrath:

Of course, curiosity got the best of me. I have actually never witnessed the preservation of the death of something so mighty and majestic before. What does it look like from underneath?

I wonder just how old is this ancient one?

This is quite a familiar scene everywhere. Huge Oak trees with their roots and large chunks of earth uprooted:

Can you imagine how fast the wind must have been blowing to take this tree down? It just boggles my mind:

Just to give you a perspective... (either this was a big tree or I am a wee man):

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Down On the Ponderosa

My dad apparently got a new John Deere tractor. We were shocked to see that this tractor came with air conditioning and a cd player. That's Flossy Flossy in our book!

A Boy and his horse:

This Mare is very pregnant, but she is always sweet to us. She sure loves to get her picture taken like someone I know:

I am checking out her teeth to make sure she doesn't need Crest whitening strips. Oh look... the Rogaine is working on me! Woohoo.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Living in Betty Suarez Land

Are we not all insufferable at times? Let's be honest. How often do you find yourself believing that the whole world revolves around you? Consideration for what is going on in other's lives is just not something you freely give. The only thing that matters is how our lives and dreams are impacted by others. In a nutshell, we often live in our own Betty Suarez Land.

I learned the perils of living in "Betty Suarez Land" last night. It has been no secret to those close to me that I have been stewing for weeks. I wanted OUT of my local men's tennis league. In fact, I have been scheming to abandon the league all week.

Why all the hissing and Diva-like behavior? Because I was sick and tired of being paired up with an individual who I deem to have a serious flaw in his tennis game. He couldn't do something so simple as serving the ball across the net in the opposite square. I was willing and ready to rattle off the names of eight individuals who I am better than. While these individuals have enjoyed the thrill of being paired up with great doubles partners, I was stuck with a tennis nincompoop.

The only thing that stopped me from calling my team captain is that I knew my tongue would split in two. Venom would spit out rendering nothing but ugliness on the intended victim. I couldn't trust myself. Subtlety knows not me.

My assigned doubles partner last night was once again the person I pegged as the league nincompoop. When news came that we would be pitted against E.Shrew and a guy with a solid reputation on the courts, my heart sank. I could easily imagine E.Shrew gloating across the net from me with his shit eating grin. Text messages of laughter would surely come rolling in from Whipping Boy after we were trounced. I resigned myself to accept my fate. I would be a martyr making the ultimate sacrifice for my team.

What happened on the court last night would have never been imaginable to me in a million years. My doubles partner brilliantly served and landed so many powerful Aces, that I swear there were smoke on the balls. E.Shrew couldn't even blink before the ball inexplicably bounced past his motionless racquet. Even my doubles partner's ground strokes were stealth-like deadly. I dare say that his game was better than anything I have EVER done. We beat E.Shrew and his partner 6-4, 6-3 last night, giving our team a complete sweep for the night.

When I asked the formerly worst doubles partner in league what changed to get his serve to be so powerful, he told me that he was tired of letting down his team each week. He practiced tossing the ball a thousand times each day outside his home. I thanked my lucky stars that I never made that call to my team captain. Sometimes it's not all about you Betty.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I would like to thank my friend, Erick, in Costa Rica for making this wonderful graphic for me. Wow. We could almost sell Brettcajun t-shirts and calendars if we put our minds to it! Thanks for brightening my day.

The 2008 World Tour will likely come to an end next month in either Houston or Tampa. It has already been a whirlwind tour that brought me to Fort Lauderdale, Austin, New Orleans, Louisville, and Dallas. I haven't even traveled out of the country, but "World Tour" sounds so much cooler than "U.S. Tour".

I still don't even have a passport to travel out of the country if I wanted to. That fact does make me blush. You blog readers should nag me to death until I get one. Just don't send me any lil green patches on Facebook or I'll hunt you down.

Monday, October 13, 2008

A Brit Waxed Me Today

Today I lost to a guy from Liverpool (pictured with me above) 3-6, 6-1, 7-5 in the Consolation Finals. He was a very consistent player. I had success when I played aggressive, lobbed the ball and charged the net. My failure was trying to play it too safe in the second set and the final two games of the third set. So, no trophy for me in Dallas. But I did go 2-2 in singles and 1-1 in doubles. A 3-3 tournament record is not bad at all! I was quite proud of my running and backhand.

The best part was getting to see my friends on the GLTA tennis circuit. My charming hosts, Francisco and Isaac, were very nice to me. Kevin was a dear friend driving me around town and spending time with me. Whipping Boy and his partner were supportive of my ups and downs in the tournament. It was also good to see Brian D. (pictured with me below) and Hot Boy Troy again. I'll see most of these fellas next month in Houston, TX. I can't wait for our next tennis adventure! THANKS GUYS. :)

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Bounce Back Sunday

Francisco (pictured above) and his partner have been great hosts to me. They have an adorable dog named Lika and a cat-dog named Dennis. We were 20 men strong at Gloria's Mexican restaurant last night. Since I was bummed over LSU's dismal performance against Florida, I drank me a 16 oz. sangria swirl. MMmm.

For whatever reason, I have the uncanny ability to come storming back on the second day of a disappointing tennis tournament. Today, I won two matches. The first was a slaughter of this drag queen that thought she was Venus Williams. You could hear her howls of fury as I spanked her ass on the court. Later, I played an exhausting match and outlasted someone whom I had an 0-2 tournament record against. I took the match in a 7 point tiebreaker. WHEW! 

Tomorrow at 10:00am, I play a match against someone from Great Britain in the Consolation Finals. WOOHOO. I am thrilled I have made it this far in the higher division. Being in the Consolation Finals is proof that I can compete at this level. By the way, the guy that beat me in the first round is in the semi-finals for tomorrow. He may very well win this whole tournament. Now I don't feel so bad now about losing to him. 

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Dallas Tennis Tournament

Today hasn't been a good day of tennis for me. I had a 3-0 lead over the #8 seed (out of 38 participants), but lost the match 6-3, 6-1. He was 6'3" and at the net the entire time. His serve and awesome net play was the difference factor.

Afterwards, Whipping Boy and I creamed a doubles team 6-1, 6-1. I was quite proud of our performance. Unfortunately, an hour later we lost to the #1 seed 7-5, 6-2 in the semi-finals. We blew a 5-3 lead in the first set. It was a match where I was one angry ball of fire. I must have said the F word a hundred times.

So... I still have a chance left to win a trophy if I win the 18 person Consolation Tournament tomorrow. This is for all the people who were eliminated today in the first round.

Here are some pictures taken so far:

Me and Hot Boy Troy

Francisco, Me, and Kevin. Yes, I am sucking in and I do realize my body looks deformed.

Me and Whipping Boy before our first doubles match:

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Beauty Pageant? What Beauty Pageant?

When I first learned there was a Beauty Pageant that I was not even nominated for, I was filled with utter rage! I just wanted to reach through my computer screen and knock Kelly Stern upside the head with my shoe.

Why the violence tinged with bitterness? Because Kelly Stern entered under the "Silver Fox" category. He is my same age!!! (38) You vile sorry little big bitch! What does that make me?! If you answer, you lose a right testicle.

Personally, I would have entered under the "Boy Next Door" category. Yeah, my denial goes unchecked... but whateva! Let me live in my own crazy bubble world. I am calling all attention whores to help Kelly Stern win her first EVER beauty pageant. You can vote for the old gray mare HERE.

Everyone should win at least one beauty pageant in their lifetime. I know I will forever cherish my "Mr. Bayou Grizzly 2006" leather sash. You wouldn't believe how many times the title has come in handy whenever my friends call me FAT or TOO SKINNY. I can forever remind them of the time my tear stained face won in front of a packed house at George's Place in Baton Rouge. :)

Monday, October 06, 2008

The Truth Shall Set You Free!

You may be surprised to learn that my cell phone is very unassuming. There are no pink rhinestones adorning the front. I can't even check my reflection out on the back side. My Nokia 2610 has everything that I really need in a phone. I can read email, check football scores, and update my Face Book page.

Just this past Saturday, I thought I finally found a great excuse for getting the Apple iPhone. While my other half was living in his other world, I had to find something to do. So, I met some buds and we spent the afternoon walking around the Faubourg Marigny with a young couple that had just moved to New Orleans.

It was at the trashy Phoenix bar, that I had a divine revelation. A guy named Chris took a particular interest in me. He was determined to engage me in conversation because I was being quiet. When Chris found out that I am an avid tennis player, he chuckled in disbelief. He couldn't see it. Chris said I looked more like a lumber jack. I forgave him for stereotyping me. After all, I was wearing my tight fitting brown Texas shirt, a baseball cap, and a furrier-than-usual beard.

It was at this exact moment that I had a bright idea. I was determined to prove that I was not some brutish lumberjack incapable of being articulate! I promptly borrowed a friend's iPhone to show Chris my blog. He arched one eyebrow. I could see the wheels in his head turning. The fog was lifting before his eyes to reveal the luminous aura of my true self.

I didn't stop there. I wanted Chris to be further enlightened, so had the genius idea of going directly to my You Tube page. As Chris watched my most popular videos on the iPhone, his eyes lit up in what I thought was pure wanderlust.

When he finally took his eyes away from the screen, he cast a steely gaze my way. I saw a tear suddenly appear. Chris was not sitting next to a lumberjack afterall. He was sitting next to someone quite insane! Abruptly, he moved his bar stool two feet away from me.

It took me just three minutes to ruin the lumberjack facade. I apologized to Chris and promptly gave the iPhone back to it's rightful owner. This is precisely why I cannot own such a technological marvel. I must protect others from the true identity of being "brettcajun". The truth shall set you free.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Prepare or Die

This is my last weekend to prepare for the Texas Open 2008. I have taken so many lessons. I have played an insane tennis schedule that keeps me sore from top to bottom. Am I ready? Will I be properly prepared when I step on those courts?

Last year, I played the #2 seed and lost a heart breaking 7-5, 6-3 match in the first round. This year, I am stepping out of my comfort zone by playing in a higher division. It'll be balls-to-the-wall fast paced action. If I don't play the best game of my life, I will surely get stomped out of the first round.

Butterflies have already arrived a week early. Will I be prepared to bring my A game? Or will the fear of losing nag and tug at my brain? I must arrive focused and ready to whoop some ass. Stay tuned... it's seven days away.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Tsk. Tsk. Should have picked Hillary!

Governor Sarah Palin clearly won the Vice Presidential debate last night. Of the two candidates, she actually has a personality. And before one more person tells me... "GET OVER IT! HILLARY LOST!"... I am going to kick you in the balls. I am not over it. I want to scream "I TOLD YOU SO!" a million fucking times.

I shook my head in disgust last night at the sheer folly of picking someone so downright dull as Senator Joe Biden. Rattling off a mindnumbing amount of facts would muddy any message you are trying to convey. Watching Biden last night reminded me of John Kerry and Al Gore's worst traits.

People don't want to be bored to death with fact overload! They want to be dazzled with your personality. Even though Governor Sarah Palin didn't answer most of the questions posed, she simply came off better than Biden did on live television.

If the McCain/Palin ticket wins... we must blame Obama, who was too proud to pick a smarter and better rival as Vice President.