Monday, March 31, 2008

LSU 56 North Carolina 50

FINAL FOUR BABY! CONGRATS TO LSU LADY TIGERS!




Channeling Our Inner Lesbian


Women's basketball has become so popular on college campuses everywhere. As money has poured into the sport, the colorful personalities among coaches and players keep us well entertained. How can you not love Pat Summitt's mean angry stare on television? Or how about her rivalry with UCONN's Geno Auriemma?

The women's Final Four is shaping up to be loaded with the traditional powers. It would not surprise me to see two SEC schools, one ACC school, and one Big East School in Tampa. My prediction: LSU, Tennessee, Maryland and UCONN.

I personally cannot wait to see the LSU Lady Tigers WHOOP those Lady Vols. Candace Parker for Tennessee has too much attitude. Look for LSU's Sylvia Fowles, SEC Player of the Year, to upstage media darling Candace Parker. Hide and watch!

REMEMBER KIDS: It takes a Tennessee team to put LSU in the Championship Game!
Look for me in the front row wearing purple. I'll be sitting next to a big loudmouthed Tar Heel fan wearing a white cap. We may even get in a fist fight just to be true lesbians. LOL.

LSU Lady Tigers vs. UNC Lady Tar Heels
New Orleans Arena
6:30 pm Central
ESPN

Saturday, March 29, 2008

New Orleans Regional Semi's

Daddy Kev was not too happy with the North Carolina Lady Tar Heels first half performance. It looked bleak, but they pulled it out over Louisville.

Me and E.Shrew getting ready to cheer for the LSU Lady Tigers. We sat in first row at mid-court, and we were on television every time each team moved the ball. A friend of mine Toby said he saw me jumping like a girl when LSU made an incredible steal. HA HA!

Me posing in front of the LSU Lady Tigers warming up. They dominated Oklahoma State the entire game. That means on Monday night, it is LSU Lady Tigers vs. UNC Lady Tar Heels in the regional finals. The winner will probably play those evil Lady Vols.

Daddy Kev Has Arrived!



Friday, March 28, 2008

I AM THE TURD!


We all have our station in life. In the tennis world, I am the shit. There are exactly 69 players in my local men's league. Guess who is sitting at #1 in the Top Ten posted on the league's website? It's meeee! Weeeee!

That's right Debbie Downers and Doubting Thomases... I am 4-0 in league tennis matches. Overall, they count every single game won or loss that make up those individual matches. So, my .700 winning percentage comes from having a 50-21 record.

I was not scheduled to play last night, but I showed up on the court just to scream "GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS!" at Whipping Boy. Because someone didn't show up, my team needed a sub. I was placed in a doubles match with three very good players. Gulp. This was going to be much stiffer competition than I had been playing. I worried about my winning percentage, but it really didn't matter. I still whooped ass with my doubles partner Paul 6-0, 4-6, 6-1. WOOHOO!

My legs, aggressive net bullying, lobs, and hard ground strokes helped my team win. Afterwards, the person who is right behind me at #2 in the Top Ten wanted to know our score. I could see the wheels in his head spinning with math. Too bad that I am a cold calculating bitch. I had already figured out that even if he had won 6-0, 6-0, I would still have a scant better winning percentage.

For one more week, I will have a bulls-eye squarely on my back with 68 other competitors. That's fine. This position suits me perfectly. :)

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Daddy Kev is Coming!


I am so excited. Fate is bringing Daddy Kev to the Big Easy for the the NCAAW Regional semi-finals and finals. He is a BIG Lady Tar Heels fan. They have to play hot Louisville on Saturday, while my LSU Lady Tigers play Oklahoma State. If both of our teams win (and they should), we will get the rare treat to witness our teams clash on Monday night.

Daddy Kev is one of those guys that we have good chemistry with. Whenever we are in Atlanta for Madonna concerts or LSU playing in yet another SEC Championship Game, we always hook up with Daddy Kev. Since he's all Daddish and I am all Boiish... we get along fine. He is intelligent, funny and witty. The best part is when he acts all tough and calls you on your shit. Daddy Kev also has very strong hands. I always try to be unruly because he DOES spank for bad behavior! ;)

The winner out of UNC and LSU will probably play those Evil Lady Vols in the Final Four. Ever since they beat the LSU Lady Tigers in the SEC Tournament, I have been waiting for revenge. I am sure Daddy Kev would LOVE to see the ACC's premiere team beat up the Lady Vols too. It's something about the Lady Vol domination of the sport that makes you want to root against them.

So, here's to good times with good friends!


Not related to this post (I SWEAR!), I just have the urge to start singing in my best Holly Dunn voice:

Daddy's Hands

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin´.
Daddy´s hands, were hard as steel when I´d done wrong.
Daddy´s hands, weren´t always gentle
But I´ve come to understand.
There was always love in Daddy´s hands.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The Strife is O'er

Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia!
The strife is o'er, the battle done,
the victory of life is won;
the song of triumph has begun.
Alleluia!


I am back from the funeral of my Aunt Donna. She had a lovely funeral aided by the old lady singing choir. They sang quite a few hymns. My favorite was "The Strife is O'er". They missed a few notes on just about every song. I was not the only one that noticed either!

Let me tell you... a Catholic Mass will wear you out! You have to pay attention or you will be embarrassed by the rest of the church goers. Since I was a pall bearer, I had to the sit in the front row. So, I felt like all eyes were on me. You stand up, sit down, kneel down, stand back up, kneel down again, etc. You have to look whether your neighbor is sitting or kneeling so you don't screw up. I only sat down twice when I should have been kneeling. DOH! My mother was probably smirking in the pew right behind me.

The worst part of Catholic Mass for me is always the Rite of Peace part. Basically, you are suddenly supposed to shake hands with everyone around you and say "Peace be with you!" That used to make me not want to go to Church because I used to be so shy. Since I was with my entire family, I was actually not stressing out about it this time.

Then it happened. When we get to the part where we turn to our neighbor, the persons on my left and right side are each saying "Peace Be With You!" to the other side of them. PANIC! I then try and save face by turning around to where I know my mother is... and she is saying "Peace Be With You!" to her neighbors. DOH! Thanks Catholic Church for reminding once again that I am not first choice. UGH.

The really stressful part didn't happen until we had to place our hands on the coffin and roll it down the center aisle out the church and to the awaiting hearse. When you have eight pall bearers, it's quite easy to kick the shoes of whomever is in front of you and get kicked by the person behind you. The tricky part was not to trip or stumble from the close quarters while keeping both hands on the coffin. I did that pretty well considering I am pretty clumsy.

Then comes the sad part. When you actually have to pick up the coffin off the thingamajig with wheels... you feel the weight of your deceased relative. You immediately realize what you are doing and who is in there. This is the last time you are going to be this close to them. The tears come flowing down as you load that body into the hearse. Everyone is outside the church crying along with you. :(

In many ways, funerals can be an inspiring thing. You feel a renewed sense of spirit and strong family bonds. We were able to honor our beloved relative for two days together. I can't think of a more fitting way to go. I only hope when my time comes... I am sent off with as much love as my Aunt Donna.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

THE TIE: BANE OF MEN


Today promises to be a horrible day. I have to wear this cruel contraption called a "tie". No matter what size shirt I wear, I loathe having to button up my top button. In fact, I will do everything in my power not to. Wearing a tie makes me breathe heavy, sweat, and gag. I feel like a puppy trying to get used to his first collar:


And can we talk about the pre-historic human invention called the "watch"? Do you know that I rarely wear one? It's true. In fact, the watch you see in this picture has a dead battery. I'll have to go to a jewelry store today just in case someone asks me what time it is. I am not a watch wearing person. If I need to know what time it is, I simply look at my cell phone.

So, today I'll be standing around with my twin brother trying to be all stoic at the wake. I do not like to cry. In fact, I try not to ever cry. I asked my partner not to come with me to the wake for this very reason. If he see's me cry this afternoon, he will only expect me to perform that trick from now on. I just can't get his hopes up.

Monday, March 24, 2008

The Blanket


For over five years, the blanket has kept me warm. Whenever I lay down to watch television, the blanket is always there with me. When Boudreaux got kicked in the head by a crazy horse and almost died, the blanket was there to comfort him back to good health for five days. When we introduced six weeks old Jack Shrew to my Dachshunds, the blanket was there to give the newest baby in the family comfort. The blanket is always there on the couch comforting all of us.

My Aunt Donna spent well over a year making the blanket. It was my favorite Christmas gift because of the amount of time and love she put into creating it.

Thank you Aunt Donna for enriching my life. You were always there rooting for me to overcome my challenges when I was struggling. You finally got the chance to meet my partner for the first time late last year. You got to see your nephew truly happy in his personal life. We finally had that understanding that I had successfully overcome my biggest challenge in life. I was being true to myself.

I shall never forget what a wonderful person you are Aunt Donna. I am so sad that you left us on Saturday, March 22, 2008. May you rest in peace. God Bless.

Love,

Your Nephew Brett

Chilling with Buds in Backyard Easter Sunday

Beauregard is a Fan:

Or does he only love me for the beer?

My best Kelly Stern look:

We are fading into a slumber... ZZZzzz...

Give me a beer you drunk assed fool!

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Easter in New Orleans

The beginning of Chris Owens Easter Parade today  at 1pm

A Brass Band:

Drinking and Chilling with our Buds:

A tragic bead accident cut Brian's head:
Poor Baby:

This is not a Drag Queen. It is Chris Owens.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

The Prettiest Foal Ever Born on the Farm






Of all the offspring born each spring, this is the prettiest foal ever born on the family horse farm. The tail is white. The rest of the body is charcoal black. This horse will definitely fetch a handsome selling price.

The Winds of Change Point to HILLARY!


Hillary is now surging to a significant poll lead over Obama. This does not come as a shock to me. The crazy preacher rants that were publicized is harming his campaign. And can we talk about that sub par speech that Obama gave? The sheep were baa baa baaing over the speech, but I was underwhelmed. If you ask other Bloggers who they support, only a small fringe really prefer Obama over Hillary. That's the truth.

You want more truth? Geraldine Ferraro was forced out of Hillary's campaign by a ultra-liberal fringe for comments she made. Shame on you screaming liberals! You know what? Geraldine Ferraro was absolutely correct in her assessment. Her comments reflected reality. I suppose some on the ultra-liberal fringe would rather live in a magical land of gingerbread and gumdrops than reality.

It's a shame you can't speak your mind in political discourse. I feel that same pressure on my own blog. I don't mind. I can flat out disagree with you, but I'll still hug and give you a big sloppy wet kiss afterwards. So, today I am drawing a line in the sand. I refuse to bend. My personal opinion will not be drowned out by the loudest screaming Queens. You can disagree with me all you want. I am entitled to my opinion as much as you are yours.

It's uncool to love me one moment then suddenly hate me just because I prefer Hillary Clinton over Obama. If I diss Obama's speech, for example, it does NOT make me a racist. I am personally tired of the white guilt trip pressure you guys try to apply on me. It's not fair to me. I'll respect your opinion. You respect mine. Mmmkay?

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Someone Got Groomed...



My Dachshunds are so lovable now that they have been groomed. I have been cuddling so much with them tonight. In the video, I am with Pierre. He's the sweetest. :)

Pecking Order in the Henhouse


The great Thorleif Schjelderup-Ebbe discovered that chickens were organized by a system called "pecking order". In this system, a chicken pecks another of lower rank, while submitting to pecking from one of higher rank. The top chicken can peck any hen it wants. The bottom chicken constantly get pecked on, but cannot peck any of the other ones. From top to bottom, there is a pecking order established creating an organized social structure in the henhouse. It creates order where every chicken basically knows things like: who gets to eat first, who gets to shit in the community water, and who has first dibs where they lay an egg.

This applies to all facets of our lives. In fact, I can easily see this on the tennis courts. There are some chickens higher up in the pecking order that I cannot beat peck like Kevin W., Brian D., and Ken. Well, Ken is actually more like an old hen than a chicken, but you get the point! It hurts to be pecked on in tennis, but I understand my place in the pecking order.

In the blogworld, there are many different pecking orders. For example, I am like a bottom chicken in the perceived "smarts" department. It's not that I am really dumb. I just don't show that side of me. I prefer to sit on top the roost and peck everyone else in other departments. (i.e., Most Boorish, Immature, Popular, etc.) My top comb is still healing from getting pecked on in blogger political dustups last month.

Thinking of the concept of "Pecking Order", the important thing is that you choose something you are good at and focus on that. Don't fret if someone has a better career or car than you. They are probably the bottom chicken in several areas where you are the top. Just think about that next time who are feeling you are at the bottom of the pecking order.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Thanks to the Coolest Clothing Company in the World!


When I got home from the Austin tennis tournament, I was greeted by the biggest package at my front door. It was a special gift from this COOL CLOTHING COMPANY. I love Boiish. In fact, my gray Boiish muscle striped t-shirt always brings me good luck. I will now have lots of cool shirts, shorts, swim suits, jogging pants, shorts, etc. Thanks Boiish for making this Cajun feel SOOO special! :)

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Goodbye Austin!


I am leaving Austin smiling for all the good times, the hot men, and best of all... my tennis friends. Thank you Austin for welcoming this Coonass with open arms. These tournaments come and go so quickly. You spend most of your time worrying about your game, playing, and then trying to prepare for your next one. Time flies so quickly that you don't seem to have enough time to spend with your buddies. I am happy to have been part of a sports tournament with so many athletic gay men. It feels great to have another hobby to be part of. :)

Now the hard part comes. Whipping Boy, E.Shrew and I have a 7 1/2 hour trip back home today. Ugh. That part sucks. Thankfully, E.Shrew is a control queen and likes to do all the driving. I'll be in the back seat directing the music and resting. It'll probably be a good time for me to start planning a new workout schedule.  

After seeing so many muscle studs at this tournament, I know I can get bigger arms AND play tennis. It wont be easy, but it's possible. After looking at many of the pictures taken, I MUST cut back on Taco Bell. And here I thought that I was playing so much tennis that I could eat anything I wanted! WRONG. I am sorry... but sucking-in no longer cuts it. If I am going to DC in two months, I am going to get in better shape!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

SEMI-FINALS SHOWDOWN WITH #2 SEED

Within 36 hours, this was my fourth tennis match. My ankles and knees were sore. The Sun was hot. I had played Kevin in doubles twice in tournaments and he has beaten me each time with his excellent doubles partner Francisco. This was our first singles match ever.



The wind was a HUGE factor for me to deal with in this match. I was so consumed with trying to figure out how to play with the wind, that I just settled for playing my opponent's style of game. This was not a good idea. It wasn't until the middle of the second set that I began to play MY style of play... but would it be too little too late?



As you can see, I am constantly pivoting on my feet. I am hopping, running and doing everything necessary to be in a good position to whack that ball back. That's probably why both my ankles feel shot from all the pressure I put on them. Today, my friend Kevin beat me 6-4, 6-4 in a competitive game. I am glad I lost to a friend. I am very happy that tomorrow he will play in both the singles AND the doubles championship game. I am hoping he wins both trophies!



I am leaving Austin with a 3-2 record. Overall, I won two singles matches and one doubles match. My two losses were in singles and doubles. I felt I played the best of my ability. It makes me feel good that each of the losses came from person(s) that are in the Championship Game today. Not bad!

Quarter Finals SLUGFEST

I had horrible cotton mouth today in 92 degrees F weather in Austin. I was immediately down 0-2 to my opponent and I was gagging and dry heaving on the court. I guess taking Claritin-D two hours before the match was NOT smart on my part. I went through tons of bottles of water.

My competitive drive willed me to play my game despite the dehydration.

My opponent protested whenever I would drink water on even games. He thought you can only get a break during odd games. WRONG! The rules say you get 25 seconds during even games and 90 seconds during odd games. He tried to force me to play without drinking water after each game. I said "FUCK YOU!" and I showed my displeasure by bullying this Queen on the court. I won 6-4, 6-2 with plenty muscle power and net aggression.

My good friends nicknamed this guy "CHESTY". He played in our division on the court right next to me. He is a muscle stud that played every single game shirtless. That was nice eye candy to see.

Friday, March 14, 2008

TOURNAMENT UPDATE

I won 6-1, 6-0 today in singles and advanced to the quarter-finals. Whipping Boy and I won our doubles match 6-1, 7-5 today to advance tomorrow. In other action, Whipping Boy lost in the first round 6-2, 6-2 in singles. E.Shrew had to withdraw from the tournament from a pulled calf muscle. Poor Baby. I feel sorry for him because now his whole tennis weekend is ruined. :( I play singles tomorrow at 9:30am, then Whipping Boy and I play our next doubles match at 2pm. I could possibly play FOUR matches tomorrow if I continue to advance in singles and doubles. Stay tuned... :)

AND SO IT BEGINS...


Day #1 of the Austin Tennis Tournament. No more time for practice or trash talking. Now is the time to play! The biggest unknown is not how well we'll do today, but what we'll wear. Since I am the #3 seed and I get a first round bye, I am choosing to wear my Boiish red stripped muscle tee. Red is the perfect color. As a color of strength, health, and vitality, Red is often the color chosen by someone outgoing, aggressive, vigorous and impulsive. That's according to "The Healing Power of Color" by Betty Wood (Inner Traditions, 1998). I want my first singles opponent to know they are playing with a hungry and charging Bull today!

Whipping Boy and E.Shrew have a taller task today. While I only have one singles match and one doubles match, they each must play two singles matches and one doubles match. I get the luxury of watching a match between two opponents who must face-off this morning before they battle me today at 12:30. It took me lots of hard work and a long time to finally be seeded in a tournament, but now I get to reap the benefits.

The way the brackets run, I will not face E.Shrew unless we were to meet in the Championship Game. He is on the opposite end of the bracket. Whipping Boy and I are headed on a collision course in the Quarterfinals (which starts at 9:30am tomorrow). Even though I know my opponent very well, I am not looking forward to the match up. There is going to be a LONG seven hour drive for someone come Sunday if this chance meeting happens. Fortunately, Whipping Boy and I are doubles partners in this tournament. We'll get to play together as a team at 5pm in the first round.

I will update our progress in the first day of the Austin tennis tournament around 3pm Central today. Wish us luck! :)

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Her Witchcraft, My Sorcery!


Whipping Boy, E.Shrew, and I will travel to the Queer Capital of Texas today for a Big Gay Tennis Tournament. The most stunning development so far on the trip is Whipping Boy's psychological evil mind tricks. It is outright WITCHCRAFT! Since we may very well face each other in the Quarterfinals, he is already trying to fuck with my head. I have been hounded non-stop by this magical symbol:

Supposedly, the four finger symbol represents his ONLY motivation for this trip. Whipping Boy stubbornly refuses to tell me what it all means. The only hint I get from him is that it has everything to do with ME. My Gawd... I love attention... but this is ridiculous! 

He plans to launch this spell immediately when we walk on the courts Saturday morning. I must find out a way to block this spell! After a sleepless night of tossing and turning, I finally came up with my own sorcery to block his witchcraft:


This means: "May God Help Your Backhand!" See... Whipping Boy's main weakness is his backhand. From now on, everytime I am threatened with his four finger symbol, I have my own powerful magic to thwart him. We'll see who the real witch is. STAY TUNED!