Playing Possum
There is a whole lot of drama at the chicken pen these days. First, there has been a great mystery of WHAT has been stealing eggs. Then there is a make-your-hair-stand-up psycho drama of who killed Myrtle and Betsy.
Dragging a headless Betsy by her cold dead feet has haunted me for months. I had no choice but to throw her over a fence because I was in a rush to play a league match. She didn't even have a proper burial!
Last night, as I was letting Boudreaux and Pierre in the house, I noticed a movement in the chicken pen. Rocky and the hens were all in the roost, but there was a creature in there! I'll be damned if I am gonna let another varmint kill one of my chickens! I put on my green crocs, grabbed a flashlight and brought my precious iPhone.
It was a possum. Do possums eat chickens? I had no clue, so I grabbed a stick and poked the possum with a stick. That bitch wouldn't even move when I poked her in the ass. I knew it was a female because she had big swollen titties. I think she was pregnant.
What if this possum eats one of my chickens?! As I was sitting there wondering what to do, I began to shine my flashlight on the oak tree that hovers above the chicken pen. I saw two eyes staring back at me. Another possum! My hair began standing up on my head. Drum in music from the movie Psycho!
At this moment, Rocky jumped down from the roost. I was like, "Nooo.... Rocky... get back up there!" So, here I was... running around the chicken pen deflecting Rocky's blows while trying to put him back up in the roost before that rabies infected creature bit him. I did succeed in grabbing the Cock and putting him where he belonged.
Neither of these possums were moving anytime soon. I sure wasn't going to risk getting rabies by physically removing the female possum. So, I had no choice but to go back to the house and hope that the female possum would find it's way out and NOT kill a chicken.
This morning, I woke up to find the possums gone. I began counting. 1... 3... 5... 7... FUCK! Where's my 8th chicken? I began to panic. Luckily, the 8th chicken was in a nest laying an egg. Whew! This is ameriacle! (DB joke)
SIDENOTE: Wikipedia has since rested my fears of what the possums were up to. They were probably in there eating chicken feed or looking for eggs. Whew.
posted by Brettcajun at Tuesday, December 16, 2008
17 Comments:
Possums' are gross. I hate those little bastards.
My favorite part was when you grabbed the Cock and put it where it belonged.
I'm glad everyone is ok. :-)
Are you nuts? Possums will attack without any provocation. Their teeth are very sharp and they do eat live chickens. Either set up some kill traps or get a rifle.
LOCAL HUMOR:
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum it could be done!
(That has always been my favorite joke.)
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We used to stop the car and try to "Punt the 'Possom" when we'd see them in the road. Sounds cruel, I know, and PETA would probably get me, but I guess that's what you do growing up in eastern KY.
A possum in the henhouse is an old Hungarian superstition you are about to be visited by a good fortune.
Or Dame Edna.
Whatever critter did the crime, you must kill all four-legged non-dog or cat critters you possibly can. That's my credo here in DC and it seems to work. Eat the remains if you can.
Seriously though, you do need to stay clear of possums or raccoons, both can carry rabies.
Just kill them.
Possums do eat chickens, they also will attack, they do not always play dead (so to speak) Get some cages that you can trap them in or a gun. personally I would do both. What would happen if your dogs got into a fight with one of them. Be careful.
Ray
When I moved to San Francisco from the Midwest, I thought I had left these nasty beasts behind. However, they and raccoons have visited my back garden several times. They adapt to urban environments quite well and find even more trash to gnaw on.
Green Crocs? Are you ... gay? :-)
American possums look nasty and just plain ugly... Aussie one's are much cuter and can be trained as house pets and can even fetch a beer on command (wait... I just made that bit up).
And green crocs? Wow.
Only the naughtiest of creatures come out at night. And that explains what you were doing outside.
I'm glad the cock has a place to be put away.
The only thing worse than having a possum in the hen house is having one under your bathroom sink at 3am. (read my post possum in a can for more details) I avoid them if possible. very sharp teeth and a nasty disposition.
Possums, when they are truly hungry will kill and eat a chicken, but mostly for meat they will eat vermin like rats and field mice. They stick mostly to the veggies and fruit though - an occasional egg stolen from a next. They aren't particularly good fighters unless cornered and they have a nasty bite with razor sharp incisors.
I wouldn't be troubled too much about them being rabid if they're still coming out at night, since they're naturally nocturnal. If you find one rummaging around your hen-house or any other place during the day, most probably that possum is rabid and I recommend shooting the fucker.
If you're wondering - I once worked at the Museum of Natural History in Dayton.
I don't know about southern possums, but Yankee possums kill chickens. And steal eggs. And are just F***ing nasty.
This is why god made 22's. This is coming from someone who really doesn't like guns.
Trust me, just kill the vicious little bastards.
I was quite sure be successful in grabbing the cock. I'd expect nothing less.
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