There is a whole lot of drama at the chicken pen these days. First, there has been a great mystery of WHAT has been stealing eggs. Then there is a make-your-hair-stand-up psycho drama of who killed Myrtle and Betsy.
Dragging a headless Betsy by her cold dead feet has haunted me for months. I had no choice but to throw her over a fence because I was in a rush to play a league match. She didn't even have a proper burial!
Last night, as I was letting Boudreaux and Pierre in the house, I noticed a movement in the chicken pen. Rocky and the hens were all in the roost, but there was a creature in there! I'll be damned if I am gonna let another varmint kill one of my chickens! I put on my green crocs, grabbed a flashlight and brought my precious iPhone.
It was a possum. Do possums eat chickens? I had no clue, so I grabbed a stick and poked the possum with a stick. That bitch wouldn't even move when I poked her in the ass. I knew it was a female because she had big swollen titties. I think she was pregnant.
What if this possum eats one of my chickens?! As I was sitting there wondering what to do, I began to shine my flashlight on the oak tree that hovers above the chicken pen. I saw two eyes staring back at me. Another possum! My hair began standing up on my head. Drum in music from the movie Psycho!
At this moment, Rocky jumped down from the roost. I was like, "Nooo.... Rocky... get back up there!" So, here I was... running around the chicken pen deflecting Rocky's blows while trying to put him back up in the roost before that rabies infected creature bit him. I did succeed in grabbing the Cock and putting him where he belonged.
Neither of these possums were moving anytime soon. I sure wasn't going to risk getting rabies by physically removing the female possum. So, I had no choice but to go back to the house and hope that the female possum would find it's way out and NOT kill a chicken.
This morning, I woke up to find the possums gone. I began counting. 1... 3... 5... 7... FUCK! Where's my 8th chicken? I began to panic. Luckily, the 8th chicken was in a nest laying an egg. Whew! This is ameriacle! (DB joke)
SIDENOTE: Wikipedia has since rested my fears of what the possums were up to. They were probably in there eating chicken feed or looking for eggs. Whew.