Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Thumbing My Nose Up at Thee!

I have tried to conform to a sanitized standard set forth by the Gay Mafia Bloggers, but I can't stand it anymore. You have made me boring! From now on, I am back to blogging exactly what's on my mind. I don't care how fucking crazy it makes me look.

I am sorry that my tennis posts make you people feel like lazy sacks of shit. Fuck you nonathletic people! Do you know how many times I yearn to write about my conquests and defeats, only to be muzzled? Too many goddamn times! I am busting out from the shackles of your theocracy! No longer will I hide my perverse nature anymore.

My Heresy:

Last night, I was determined to put an end to a miserable losing streak against a cunning foe. I arrived on the tennis court feeling like a bad ass... ready to impale my tormentor. I started the match by opening up a 2-0 lead in the first set. My foe was stunned as he always opens strong. (It is not unusual for him to take the first set 6-0.) I knew the only chance to win was to play uptempo and cocky. I wanted to mess with his head, so I made wisecracks whenever I won a hotly contested point. He was fuming. The strategy seemed to be working because he got the red ass, but he fought back to win the first set 6-4.

In the second set, I went up 3-2. I just needed three more wins to force the third set. In every game I won, I fought a long tough battle. In each game I lost, I played recklessly and had too many errant shots. I ended up losing the final four games in disgrace. Afterwards, my opponent suggested I get help with my flaccid backhand as I hung my head down in shame. Hmpfh! WHY do I keep losing to someone that is considerably older than me? I just can't stand it!

As God is my witness, I will plot and practice relentlessly until my tormentor becomes my Whipping Boy. He will rue the day! EVIL GRIN.

14 Comments:

Blogger mikeinbama said...

I love your tennis post, being a tennis player myself. I also like your football commentary, even though LSU is struggling this year and you won't give ALABAMA there props.(Good Luck against Ole Miss). I'm a competitive person. I love sports and competing is the next best thing to fighting someone. Please blog more about sports and your competitive nature.

November 19, 2008  
Anonymous Jeff said...

Actually, reading your "tennis" posts is like watching a soap opera; you can skip a paragraph or two and not really miss anything.

November 19, 2008  
Blogger StevieB said...

You tell'em bud! Write about anything your heart desires! *Tossing Brett into the air*
Fly be free!

November 19, 2008  
Blogger Moby said...

Honey, how many times do I have to tell you, bitter is not your color!

I'll be the first to admit I usually skip the tennis posts. You do tend to go on and on but it is YOUR blog. Write about whatever floats your boat mister.

November 19, 2008  
Blogger Homer said...

Ohmigod, I feel like I have finally lived now that I have read this particular post. Every previous day of my life has been a waste.

Brett, just write what you want to write and ignore hateful folks like me.

November 19, 2008  
Blogger Ryan Charisma said...

you write anything you want.

but what I'm really dying to hear about is how you participated in the 'national day of protest against proposition H8".

did you see a huge crowd?

November 19, 2008  
Anonymous alnhouston said...

is anyone else turned on? give 'em hell!

November 19, 2008  
Blogger Kyle said...

DO NOT HOLD BACK!
You sit down and type what ever comes to mind baby love! Its YOU we want to read! Tennis , what ever.. have faith , Brother! We do!

November 19, 2008  
OpenID equivocalvagabond said...

**goofy giggle** He said flaccid.

November 19, 2008  
Anonymous British Bear said...

Top man!

November 20, 2008  
Blogger AJohnP said...

I agree with what most of your faithful readers have already written.
I think Lesley Gore said it best when she sang:
"It's my blog and I'll write what I want to, write what I want to, write what I want to..."

Or something like that...

November 20, 2008  
Blogger JC said...

I find the tennis posts some of your best....

and flaccid backhand...is that anything like limp wrist?

November 21, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it sounds like he may not become your whipping boy, but you may become his SIPPING BOY. lol! who is he again and what is your record against him?

BTW mike in bama ... you have a nice body and some sweet buns!

November 21, 2008  
Blogger Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

No one would care if you had any words at all if you'd just show more skin. D not fight this fact.

November 28, 2008  

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