The Deep Divide of the Human Condition
Sometimes going through hell can bring you some divine truth and clarity. Even when your very survival is at stake, your blindfold can rip off and you see the broader picture.In my case, I witnessed some silly human behavior. I was desperate to evacuate somewhere. I could not evacuate to my other half's condo in the French Quarter because his parents were staying at his place. Since he is not "OUT" to them, I was shit out of luck.
In fairness to the Shrew, my father has some growing up to do as well. My parent's electricity was being run by a generator. My dad didn't mind me sleeping at his place as long as I didn't bring anyone else. Now, how do you suppose the Shrew would react to that? It would probably hurt a little. Two sides of the same coin if you ask me.
Thank goodness for Brian and Greg. I probably don't tell those guys enough how much I appreciate them, but I sincerely do. A BIG HUG for those guys putting up with me and my dogs for the past five days. I am eternally grateful!
posted by Brettcajun at Monday, September 08, 2008
17 Comments:
Let me see if I've got this right: The Shrew's parents (who don't know) were staying with him in the French Quarter during Southern Decadence? Hmmmmm.....would loved to of heard that explanation.
What??? You can't go to either of your families homes during a storm? New families, perhaps? A long talk with them, perhaps? Man, that doesn't sound good.
Well, regardless of the 'issues' withyour families, I'm glad to hear that you and the pups has somewhere safe to go.
Thank God for good friends!!!
Yep. Thank God for friends.
You're welcome to come to Los Angeles!
I'm really glad you're safe and had a place to go.
BUT - THERE ARE HUGE GAPING ISSUES YOU BROUGHT UP THAT ADULT MEN SHOULDN'T HAVE.
The "Shrew's" parents don't know? really? Or is he just fooling himself that people can't tell? This breaks my heart and angers me. How old is Shrew? Because when I was 18 I wouldn't tell my parents either.
Shame is an ugly, ugly thing.
As for your father saying you could come by, but your bf couldn't. What a good Christian man. Keep the fags out in the storm eh? Is he one of those, "I don't mind you're gay, but I don't want to discuss it or see it?"
And do you allow that?
Ryan's right. But the Shrew didn't need a place to stay. He was perfectly fine enjoying his electricity in his New Orleans closet. If the fear of being exposed was so great, couldn't he said he was just helping out a friend? If he needed a place, and knowing he is your PARTNER, your dad probably would have let him at least sleep on the couch.
Haven't you guys been together for six years or more? So I guess you don't exist to his family. Does he still tell them he's "datin' some hot chicks?" I don't care how old one's parents are, they deserve to be told the truth, regardless of their biases or religion, especially if you're in your 40's. It's time to grow up and be a man, not a pussy.
I can actually understand your situation quite well, my boyfriend and I are in a similar situation. He isn't out to his parents, nor am I to my father. I've mentioned him in passing but Dad doesn't know the full extent of our relationship and for the sake of keeping things strong between us I don't ever intend to. Yes its awful at times however that's just how it is. To all the guys who can easily tell their parents averything and have them accept it, good for you, sadly it's not this way for everyone and your understanding, not your ire is certainly more helpful.
Brett I'm glad you were able to stay with friends, do be sure to let them know just how much you appreciate it, and don't let anyone tell you how to run your life or organise your relationship. If it's strong and you have the love of your family otherwise then thats all you need.
This is the kind of thread that reminds me why I come back here.
If E.Shrew's parents have no clue, then they're complete morons. I'm sorry, but any parent who can't figure out that his or her son, who lives in the French Quarter, is single, and never brings home girlfriends, is gay, is an idiot.
As for your dad, well, I know what you're dealing with (having met Jabba many times), but that's not just about the Shrew, you being gay, or whatever. It's the same old same old story: you and your brothers let Jabba run your lives because none of you can fathom leaving the safety of Daddy's nest, aka the family business. Meanwhile, he loves nothing better than pitting each of you against the others and manipulating your lives. Ever thought about getting your own generator?
And kezza: sorry, but you're not keeping your relationship with your dad "strong." You're living a lie to him (and your boyfriend's doing the same to his parents) for the sake of comfort. You're placing a higher priority on "getting along" with your father than on living an honest life. That's your choice.
Not everyone is willing to give up that comfort for the freedom that comes from living your life as you were meant to, but please don't sermonize about "don't let anyone tell you how to live your life or organize your relationship." Live your life any way you choose, but please don't try to fool the world into believing your family relationship is strong. If it couldn't survive coming out, then it's not that strong, is it?
Congrad's on having power again.
BTW: Somehow I've put new posts on my blog . .they just appear . .it's kind of a mystery.
Love Leo
Coming out was neither easy nor predictable. It was by far one of the most difficult conversations I have ever had with my parents, and acceptance was not certain nor guaranteed. It was a decision I labored about for some time. Despite the difficulties of uttering the words “I am gay” to a parent, it is an important milestone in learning to live your life in truth. It goes beyond the need for mere acceptance; it is a liberating force and a vital and healthy part of being your own person. It is unfair, unreasonable and simply depressing to treat your life, your partner, and your identity as a secret.
It's not anyone's place to judge a situation in which they don't know the full details.
Your life is YOUR life, and it's up to you to do what you think is right about it.
I'm just relieved that you all are safe and sound. That's the important thing.
Now go take a shower, boo. I'd bet you stink after days without water!
Curtis is right on the mark. Who's fucking business is it anyway? Glad you are OK. His parents don;t know, your pop don't want it in his face. Thats bf and dads right I guess. Good thing you have friends you can count and call on. My folks pulled that shit in the 2004 hurricanes - Charlie - I was welcome...alone, Francis - 'We' could come but not the animals, Jeanne - Don't even worry about it cause I wouldn't show up even if a Cat 5 was heading to Central Florida....
See its all good. Family, take em for what they are/aren't. Just be glad for your friends and you found a place to go.
There comes a day in every boy's life when he defiantly stands his father down, telling it like it is, no matter the issue: being gay, marrying a girl Dad doesn't like, dropping out of college, going into the army, whatever. It may not be pleasant, but that's the day you both respect each other as grown men, and just about every time everyone adjusts and moves forward. If we love and respect our parents, and ourselves, how can we do so with lies? Some don't come out because they'll be cut off financially, or cut out of a will. Is it worth it? What's the price of integrity and love?
What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger, and coming out never killed anyone. Being stranded alone in a hurricane has, though.
I'm reminded of a scene from near the end of Torch Song Trilogy.
Ed, Arnold's closeted, ex-sort-of boyfriend from years ago, has left his wife and wants another chance with Arnold. Arnold answers him:
"Ed, angel... I just threw my mother out of my house - MY MOTHER - and all she wanted was to not talk about it. You think I'm going to expect less from you?"
If you can't face up to your parents and insist on being treated with respect for who you are - then you're still a child. Maybe you're not ready to grow up, maybe you just don't want to grow up, but that's your choice. Just don't pretend you're anything approaching an adult.
My own parents had difficulty accepting me as gay at first, too. Two years of not talking to them finally convinced them that they, too, had a choice: accept me, or do without. They chose to accept me. Either way, it was their choice to make, and I stopped seeking their approval long ago.
Wow. Y'all have really shitty families.
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