Sunday, June 08, 2008

Future Site of our Bear Retirement Community

Let's face it. We bears are getting older and crotchety at a rapid pace. We need to start planning NOW for our bear retirement community. Think about it. Do we really want our families to place us in a nursing home with a bunch of crazy OLD women named Doris and Betty? HELL NO! We want to live our senile years amongst our own kind.

Just picture it: a nice big lake to catch our sun rays, plenty of trails to "cruise", and circuit parties daily at 5pm! I am sure this is exactly where Kelly and Jeff will park their tired old asses day in and day out. With Cosmos, of course!

For those that like animals, there will be horse petting activities. I will personally be in charge of taking care of those hung like horses. Okay, Moby, I'll share in the duties. I am selfless that way. LT, these mares have nothing on you!

For those old bears that look down and judge circuit parties at the Lake, our bear retirement community gives you the Tranquility Reflecting Pond. It is here that TJ, Jimbo, and Homer can reflect on their beauty all day. Or gossip and bitch!

We wont need Bear411 or Manhunt out in the middle of nowhere. We have something better to hunt bears! We'll scope them out here and lay our bear traps at night. I am assigning Timmy! with this task.

Could all of us old bears live together in peaceful harmony? Or will the FBI raid our camp and call us a "cult"? Thankfully, this property is in Mississippi. Only those Texas jerks would break up a masc bear retirement community! Whew. What do you think of this idea? Would you do it?


Blogger Kelly said...

When does it open? Do we have to put down a deposit? Will Large Tony be there??

June 08, 2008  
Blogger Brent said...

Save me a spot too!

June 08, 2008  
Blogger Jon said...

Brett, Right on! A brilliant idea and located in God's Country no less. I had a Eureka moment when I discovered your blog recently, and I find your sense of humor really delightful. Keep up the good work.

Jon on 6-8-08 at

June 08, 2008  
Blogger Lewis said...

Will there be a special wing dedicated to those of us who are non-bears...but like bears a lot? And as funny of a post as you've written, there is an awfully serious side to the idea. I mean, hell, who is going to take care of our saggy arses??

June 08, 2008  
Blogger cb said...

What? I'm not enough of a "bear" to be included???

June 08, 2008  
Blogger Mathias N Oz said...

Why do we have to wait till retirement? I want it now, we don't live long in my family.

June 08, 2008  
Blogger Father Tony of the Farmboyz said...

Actually Brett, it's a well-evolved idea, and there is a major one in the works in Arizona. I've posted about this a couple of times, and about a similar community living concept patterned after old fashioned monasteries (but without the guilt!) The market will be served.

June 08, 2008  
Blogger Brettcajun said...


You can lead the Sunday Gospel tent sing-a-longs.

June 09, 2008  
Blogger Atari_Age said...

Wait a sec... are you saying you, TJ, Jimbo, etc etc are all Bears???

I'm so confused. If they were all like you, I'd totally be trolling all the bear bars!

June 09, 2008  
Anonymous Jeff said...

I don't think I'd want to retire in Mississippi; it's so close to Louisianna.

(And you'll pay for that tired old ass comment.)

June 09, 2008  
Blogger CJ said...

Texas jerks? Damn.
Will you be making rugs from our remains when we pass on to that big daddy bar in the sky?

June 09, 2008  
Blogger Paul said...

Will there be tennis courts? And ball boys?

June 09, 2008  
Anonymous durban bud said...

I'm sure the locals in Mississippi would love a gay bear retirement community in their town!

I think it's a great idea. Would love to be surrounded by my bear "buds" in my final years. It would be fun to be 80 and have buttsex with you so we could post it on X-Tube.

Let's make this happen, Brett.

June 09, 2008  
Blogger cb said...

TJ- at 80, brett's sphincter would plum fall OUT during buttsex.

Much like his teeth.

June 09, 2008  
Blogger Brettcajun said...

Hey CB... gummi blowjobs are the BEST! I guess you'll have to move on towards FISTING in a few more years.

June 09, 2008  
Blogger patrick said...

So pretty, I'll retire there.

June 10, 2008  
Blogger Gooster said...

I hope those of us not quite as close to retirement age can come for conjugal visits! Great idea! You could also do a gays only dude ranch for those boys that like to rough it.

June 10, 2008  

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