Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Art of Losing


Ladies and gentlemen... let me ask you something. Can it possibly get any lower than it is now? Do you folks realise that I am now sporting an embarrassing 0-3 record in the local Mixed Doubles League? I feel like the Notre Dame football team. Ugh.

Oh yes... it is quite true! While my peers from the men's league have won at least one match in the Mixed Doubles League, I have not. The saddest fact is that I once led the men's league for most of last season and finished at #8 out of 72 players.

The sucker punch to the balls came at precisely 9:40pm last night. That was when E.Shrew came strolling back in my house. Just by looking at him, I thought he had lost yet again. Why wouldn't I think that? E.Shrew's last win was reported on this very blog in The Secret to Getting Laid.

I was quite sure that Misery Loves Company would be our theme tonight. We losers would give comfort to each other. I would tell him, "Baby... you are not a loser! Your doubles partner sucks. YOU played great tonight."

This vision quickly evaporated as E.Shrew practically started doing handstands and somersaults. He was just feigning he had lost. ARGH! You bastard! He and his lady partner actually won, thus moving their record up to 1-2.

The news coincided with my sudden queasiness. I announced, "Oh my... I don't feel well. I need to go lay down. Can you please put the dogs in bed when you are ready to go to sleep?" The Shrew announces smugly that he is too energized from his victory to possibly retire to bed anytime soon. I felt hot steam rising from my head.

"Oh my goodness... my head is starting to hurt! I need to lay down. Goodnight." As I closed the bedroom door, the room was spinning around. I undressed and staggered into my bed. I could not be cheerful for the Shrew's victory on this night. The abyss of darkness is where I must lay.

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed. Was it all just a nightmare? (as I was praying for) Nope. I am still 0-3. The nightmare of my tennis season continues... :(

13 Comments:

Blogger Ray's Cowboy said...

I am sorry you did not win you game last night. Talk to your lady friend about her lack of playing well.
Ray

June 24, 2008  
Blogger Ryan Charisma said...

dump her!

don't play doubles.

or come here to NYC and play in the gay league. there's many, many hot mens here.

many.

June 24, 2008  
Blogger mikeinbama said...

You need to take a step back and take some time off. This is not about your game but about your head going into matches.

June 24, 2008  
Anonymous Kevin M said...

Mike,

You've hit the nail on the head, but that's unlikely to happen. Brett's (highly dysfunctional) family is extremely competitive and everyone in it loves to win and can't stand to lose. In their world, everything in life is a contest and if you don't win, you lose. His worldview is formed from that perspective.

Unless and until he recognizes that winning is only a temporary salve, that the inevitable next loss will send him spiraling down again, and accepts that winning isn't the point, no amount of examining his head is going to help.

June 24, 2008  
Anonymous E. Shrew said...

Traaa laaaa laaaaa.......laaaa laaa
Traaa laaaa laaaaa.......laaaa laaa
Traaa laaaa laaaaa.......laaaa laaa
Traaa laaaa laaaaa.......laaaa laaa
Traaa laaaa laaaaa.......laaaa laaa
Traaa laaaa laaaaa.......laaaa laaa
Traaa laaaa laaaaa.......laaaa laaa
Traaa laaaa laaaaa.......laaaa laaa
Traaa laaaa laaaaa.......laaaa laaa
Traaa laaaa laaaaa.......laaaa laaa
Traaa laaaa laaaaa.......laaaa laaa
Traaa laaaa laaaaa.......laaaa laaa
Traaa laaaa laaaaa.......laaaa laaa
Traaa laaaa laaaaa.......laaaa laaa
Traaa laaaa laaaaa.......laaaa laaa

June 24, 2008  
Blogger Jay said...

I go with my original theory on winning in mixed dubs (and btw, I'm 7-1 in my 8 matches this season), hit AT THE WOMAN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE NET!

Eventually, she is going to get psyched out by all the balls flying at her (no pun intended) and she'll start dumping them into the net or long/wide of the court. Go, boy, go!

June 24, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

blah blah blah boring!
DD

June 24, 2008  
Anonymous john said...

Keep it up Brett. You are the enjoyable part of my day

June 24, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe "someone" put a curse on you. Do you know of anyone who's pissed at you?

June 25, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but I just can't get past the picture, the pits, the nips. Who cares about tennis when you've got a body like that!

g in South Texas

June 25, 2008  
Blogger Lacey said...

you have the tiniest little nips.

June 26, 2008  
Blogger hbjock said...

Oh baby... you are just way too competitive. I worry about you sometimes.

June 26, 2008  
Anonymous Robert said...

Great googly-moogly. If you were here in Ft. Lauderdale, I would console you, and your tiny nips, in the most exquisite way.

June 28, 2008  

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