Your Mother is a Hook in my Snizz!
I am NOT in a happy mood today and it's all your mother's fault. Her utter lack of creativity is forcing me to do some spring cleaning. She has made an absolutely muck of my cell phone.
My address book is a complete mess. The biggest offending names are: Brian, Chris, John, Kevin, Michael, and Tony. Stupid me would have never dreamed that there would be four Chris's, four Tonys, five Johns, five Kevins, and six Brians in my life!
The absolute WORST offending name is "Michael". Your mother REALLY sucks!!! It doesn't matter if you go by "Mike", "Mikey", or "Michael", there are too freaking many of you. It's almost like you are all Chinese. Do you realize I have TEN of you in my cell phone?! If I need to call "Mom", I have to scroll through all of you to get to her. So rude.
How can I drive my SUV at 80 MPH and scroll through the same goddamned names efficiently? My brain takes too long to figure out who's who because I don't have last names for everyone. I am sorry, but last names aren't important in a bar!
It is still your mother's problem that I have to fix. She has given me no choice but to put a locale, a profession, a personality trait, or a sexual preference for all of you. From now on, you unoriginal tards will be listed as such on my cell:
Brian AussieBttm
Brian HaulAssHall
Brian D. Bull
Brian Northshore
Brian RoidMo
Brian Zeitzeuge
Chris KrunkMoNOLA
Chris PA Bear Cub
Chris Realtor
Chris YMCA-Wanker
John ADDMariahCarey
John BOQinFQ
John LittleJohn
John PhoenixLawyer
John PokerBitch
Kevin DaHoodKunt
Kevin BRGoatRope
Kevin ATL Tarheel
Kevin PotMo
Michael C.E.Ho
Michael Evil Shrew
Michael Ex-Office Guy
Michael N2BlackGuys
Michael HairBurn
Michael TennisMo
Michael LeatherSluz
Mike ChicagoBoogieHo
Mike FQHotBooty
Mike BigNoseItalian
Tony BallsDockE
Tony ExGrizzley
Tony Farmboyz
Tony World'sPiece
posted by Brettcajun at Wednesday, April 16, 2008
7 Comments:
Well, it would probably be easier if you knew the last names of your tricks as well. Then they wouldn't need to be "Michael From the Alley", "Michael from the Bookstore", Michael from the gym...
To cb: LOL! Glad my name doesn't fall into that list! I know the pain. I got a txt from Tom and have 3 "Tom"s in my phone... took me 2 days to figure out if I should meet up or not! LOL!
And me? Where am I? You could use the number a little more often if you don't mind.
Hey, you forgot to list me.
I *heart* the descriptions you gave to the names. LOL
Kelly is just an original in every way... like Mary Poppins... tee hee...
I didn't see "Curtis" on the list, so I guess my mom is safe.
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