Monkey Grooming

In exactly three weeks, I'll be in DC for the first time in my entire life. DC is the city of world famous SUPER STAR Click Boo! I am also very excited about meeting cool cats Jimbo and TJ. And that's not in any special order TJ. I could easily put TJ and Jimbo. I know how much you overanalyze such things. ;)

I have been putting a little OCD into making myself as presentable as possible. Sure, those crow's feet have comeback. I'll just have to have crinkly old man eyes or choose NOT to smile. I do have a goal of losing some 7 pounds of belly fat before I arrive in DC. It wont be easy, because I am a Piggie. Lord knows I panic that those queens in DC may do a pinch test and tell me how I don't meet some standard of acceptable belly fat.

And then there is the grooming. I have been sporting a beard (level 3) for well over a year. What if the more famous hairy faced DC bloggers tell me, "It's just NOT right!" and whip out a ruler. Lord. I have so many pressures confronting me to get everything right. Because they are like so cool with their soy lifestyles and the way they Blowoff others. I am just a country bumpkin pretending to be cool.

Lastly, there is the height issue. I am not 6 feet tall with 200#'s of muscle. Think Napoleon. Please don't pat me on the head and say "Aww... he is so tiny... he's cute!". That'll just make me launch a massive army assault on your precious little town. Yes. Rape and Pillage. Hell, you folks may be into that sort of thing. I'll find out soon!