The League Conspiracy
Count your blessings how fortunate you are. Yes... YOU! You have no idea about the high level of drama, suspense, backstabbing, and underhanded dealing that I have to put up with weekly. I yearn to trade places and live your more humble life.
What am I talking about? I am talking about them. They are out to FUCKING get me! Who are they? They are the members of my tennis league. I have dealt with this bullshit the entire season since I have become the Sharapova of the League. The who? Just know that's she's immensely beautiful, mean as a snake, and will have your balls for lunch on the tennis court. That's me.
Through the first six weeks of league tennis, I held the #1 position out of 72 league members. (please note: originally I thought there were 69 members... but I later found out the true number was "72" because the captains were not counted) The powers that be were NOT happy that I hogged the top spot for so long. They plotted against me by sending in a WOOFY stud to kiss me one fateful weekend to give me the bug. In a few short days, I got congested and ran a fever. Their evil plan worked brilliantly. Boy did I get my ass kicked that week! I tumbled way out of the Top 10 from just one match. Do I hear laughing?!
In the following weeks, I fought and crawled back up to #8. I am a fighter baby! Last week, I kicked ass with my doubles partner and rose to #6 with one more week left in the league. (I can send you doubting Thomases the weblink if you don't believe me.)
Today, I get a phone call that just chapped my ass raw. My doubles partner mysteriously cannot play tonight. They are now substituting in a player that has a piss poor league record. In fact, he plays at the lowest court level in the entire league. You cunty bastards!
Wait... it gets better. I just got the news that they switched our opponents to two individuals who play at the very highest court level in our league. You are doing this to me on the very last week of the league? What a fucking kick to the balls!
Stay tuned for the results of this VERY CHALLENGING match tonight!
What am I talking about? I am talking about them. They are out to FUCKING get me! Who are they? They are the members of my tennis league. I have dealt with this bullshit the entire season since I have become the Sharapova of the League. The who? Just know that's she's immensely beautiful, mean as a snake, and will have your balls for lunch on the tennis court. That's me.
Through the first six weeks of league tennis, I held the #1 position out of 72 league members. (please note: originally I thought there were 69 members... but I later found out the true number was "72" because the captains were not counted) The powers that be were NOT happy that I hogged the top spot for so long. They plotted against me by sending in a WOOFY stud to kiss me one fateful weekend to give me the bug. In a few short days, I got congested and ran a fever. Their evil plan worked brilliantly. Boy did I get my ass kicked that week! I tumbled way out of the Top 10 from just one match. Do I hear laughing?!
In the following weeks, I fought and crawled back up to #8. I am a fighter baby! Last week, I kicked ass with my doubles partner and rose to #6 with one more week left in the league. (I can send you doubting Thomases the weblink if you don't believe me.)
Today, I get a phone call that just chapped my ass raw. My doubles partner mysteriously cannot play tonight. They are now substituting in a player that has a piss poor league record. In fact, he plays at the lowest court level in the entire league. You cunty bastards!
Wait... it gets better. I just got the news that they switched our opponents to two individuals who play at the very highest court level in our league. You are doing this to me on the very last week of the league? What a fucking kick to the balls!
Stay tuned for the results of this VERY CHALLENGING match tonight!
posted by Brettcajun at Thursday, April 24, 2008
3 Comments:
That's fucked up. Is it a challenge ladder situation that you guys play on. You need to join a USTA league and the more points you acquire is soley based on you as an individual. Contact your local USTA league director. You will be play better players and hone your skills.
I'm on my way to practice right now for our match this weekend.
I've had several glasses of wine so I'm having some trouble comprehending all of this but I will say that it sounds very similar to something that Hillary Rodham Clinton said on the Today Show many years ago.
Well, that stinks! I hope you blow them outta the water!
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