I AM THE TURD!
We all have our station in life. In the tennis world, I am the shit. There are exactly 69 players in my local men's league. Guess who is sitting at #1 in the Top Ten posted on the league's website? It's meeee! Weeeee!
That's right Debbie Downers and Doubting Thomases... I am 4-0 in league tennis matches. Overall, they count every single game won or loss that make up those individual matches. So, my .700 winning percentage comes from having a 50-21 record.
I was not scheduled to play last night, but I showed up on the court just to scream "GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS!" at Whipping Boy. Because someone didn't show up, my team needed a sub. I was placed in a doubles match with three very good players. Gulp. This was going to be much stiffer competition than I had been playing. I worried about my winning percentage, but it really didn't matter. I still whooped ass with my doubles partner Paul 6-0, 4-6, 6-1. WOOHOO!
My legs, aggressive net bullying, lobs, and hard ground strokes helped my team win. Afterwards, the person who is right behind me at #2 in the Top Ten wanted to know our score. I could see the wheels in his head spinning with math. Too bad that I am a cold calculating bitch. I had already figured out that even if he had won 6-0, 6-0, I would still have a scant better winning percentage.
For one more week, I will have a bulls-eye squarely on my back with 68 other competitors. That's fine. This position suits me perfectly. :)