Wednesday, October 31, 2007

It Aint Easy Being Easy

My soft porn audition:

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Swinging Back to a Former Lover

I have an announcement to make. It's true. You may have already heard the rumors. After a long absence, I have decided to give my former lover a second chance. We rekindled our romance today. I can not be any happier either!

I was real hesitate to try again. TRUST ME! What if we had both changed too much? Would he still miss me? Lord knows he has had many hunky men inside him since the day we broke up. He's kind of a man whore.

With great anticipation, I couldn't wait to slid deep inside him. It felt soooo good. Just like old times. Honestly, I was a tad disappointed when I realized I hadn't been missed too much down there. You can just tell when there has been plenty of men in and out! Can you say cauliflower? (see Dbud)

As I mounted his equipment, I couldn't help but wonder what he thought of my twinkish but more toned physique? Would I be rebuffed? I pulled, thrusted and pushed like I hadn't skipped a beat. Is he enjoying the thrusts from a leaner and meaner me? Afterall, my endurance and stamina has increased tenfold. Would I wear him out?

I did enjoy watching all the action in wall-to-wall mirrors. (Lord knows I love looking at myself) ZING! My pecs and biceps were not quite as big as they used to be, but every motion was done without the usual pudge in the way. Truth be told, he probably LOVED my flatter stomach. We could mesh our bodies together closer without the usual intereference of fat.

Our lovemaking was quite INTENSE. When our deed was done, our tools were quite well polished. Every muscle fiber felt strained to the max. I left all sweaty, well-drained, and slightly nauseous.

I shouldn't tell you this, but I was such a pig! I swallowed lots of protein at the very end. Swallowing protein is probably what has kept me thick and bear cubbish all these years. For some reason, Moby doesn't seem to have this same problem. It does make my skin look GREAT though. :)

It was a totally different experience from what I get with my current. Two ball slapping hours of fun does keep the weight off, but phucking around with Jim the Gym made me smile today. ;)

Monday, October 29, 2007

Directive from our Supreme Leader

This memo was handwritten on my desk this morning:

As you may know X-Mas Eve is on Monday and X-Mas Day is on Tuesday. We have (off) 1/2 Day Eve and All Day X-Mas Day. If you all work productive months of Nov. and December and not give me red ass for goofing off or talking at coffee pot etc when you have work to do I will afford to add other 1/2 day X-Mas Eve to our holiday schedule this year only. Let's try to encourage bullshitters and radio talk show hosts to do their jobs less excessive breaks to goof off and earn extra 1/2 day holiday off w/ pay. Good ones guide bad ones. You can do it.


Sunday, October 28, 2007

Sunday Afternoon with Miss Avalon

It was Halloween weekend in New Orleans. But drag queens regularly walk the French Quarter almost everyday. It's no big deal. It is what makes New Orleans a COOL TOWN. I love the freedom to be who you are and what you want to be here. :) Am I the only one that thinks Miss Avalon bears a strong resemblance to Richard Simmons?

Strippers Galore in New Orleans!

The one thing I love about New Orleans is the abundance of male strippers for the gays. New Orleans is the most liberal city in America... and I love the Big Easy for that!

Brettcajun and E.Shrew last night in New Orleans for Halloween

The Shrew and I did Halloween together cheap and easy. I was a leopard. The Shrew was a cat. You cannot see in the photograph our tails. For the first hour of our marathon Saturday (9 hours clocked bar time), I regretted wearing the harness because I had to constantly be mindful of sucking in. Fortunately, I got crocked and probably forgot to do it but I wasn't aware of it. We had a great time.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

While you were sleeping...

I got up early this morning to play a little friendly tennis match with Whipping Boy. I don't have big birthing hips. Those tennis balls in my pockets skew the look. It was going along pretty predictably. Whipping Boy eeked out a first set win 6-4. That's not uncommon. I breezed through the second set as I usually do 6-3. The third and final set SHOULD have been mine. Whipping Boy is a very POOR closer. In fact, I let him know that and a few other things.

Whoops. As a result of my taunting, Whipping Boy got fired up! It fueled something shocking. I lost to Whipping Boy! 6-4, 3-6, 6-3! Congratulations. Relish your RARE victory. See if you can string back to back victories together. What? You can't do that can you!?

Tennis: does the body good! I suppose that leather harness I am wearing tonight is going to look "okay". ;)

Friday, October 26, 2007

It's Halloween Weekend in New Orleans

HOT ass OZ Stripper

With Friends at The Bourbon Pub

Hot Mens everywhere! And look... my favorite stripper from Southern Decadence. Atari who?

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Will My Family Please Watch This?

Instead of worrying if so and so is going to grow up gay like his Uncle Brett, perhaps you should really consider this:

By the way, a famous study in the 1990s found that if one member of a pair of identical twins was gay, the other had a 52 percent chance of being gay too. Hmmm... I'd start worrying if I were you Bart. Thanks to Dan Savage for bringing my attention to this video! ;)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


We don't have the wine and cheese crowd that sit on their hands during the game. SEC Football... where trash talking is done best!

This is what got them in trouble with the LSU Band against the South Carolina Gamecocks: (KIND OF DIRTY!)

It Sucks to be a Florida Gator!

Just for Patsy and Paul... LSU students paying back obnoxious Auburn fans leaving Tiger Stadium. Apparently the Aubies stole their cheer from the Florida Gators! The good part starts with 36 seconds left in the video:

Betch Slapping WB

Have you noticed that I haven't been blogging much about any tennis conquests? That's because victories lately have been VERY hard to come by! Between games with the Office Guy, Whipping Boy, League Tennis and a new guy "M"... I have been playing against some tough competition. Every match is balls-to-wall aggressive style play. In fact, my regular weekly competition is actually stronger than those individuals who I play in tournaments. Now, why I cannot translate that excellent practice into tournament victories is stumping me as well! Hmpfh!

In windy conditions last night, I betch slapped Whipping Boy 7-5, 3-6, 6-4. That's 31 games of tennis in a two and a half hour marathon match. It was a hotly contested match with many thrilling rallies. In the end, I had just enough OOMPH to win. I was pleasantly surprised that Whipping Boy wanted to play the third and final set. Usually, we settle for a draw. I think he had a fire in his belly to beat me last night because I had been playing a little cocky. Whoooo.... meeeee?

The HouTex tennis tournament is less than 2 1/2 weeks away. League tennis will also be over by that time. With tennis season winding down, my butt will soon be making more appearances in the gym and less on the tennis courts. Please keep down the applause. ;)

Tennis has given me great stamina and cardio this year. I am probably in the best physical shape of my life. I tell you one thing, it is nice to walk around without having to suck-in like I used to. Those 10 extra pounds I was carrying around sure made me feel preggars!

Whew. I am glad something I enjoy so much like tennis makes shedding those pounds feel so effortless. So, cheers to the game tennis and all my tennis buds that have been doing their best to try to drub me on the courts! :)

Monday, October 22, 2007

The Musical Extravaganza!

My Best Jiggy Dance Ever!

Special thanks to Large Tony! What a wonderful way to brighten my day. Thanks a million LT! ;)

Sunday, October 21, 2007

LSU 30 Auburn 24

David biting an ear off of E.Shrew

The boy pinched my fat and said I was leaner in last year's Bayou Grizzlies Contest. I lifted up my shirt to protest, where he promptly told me I need to trim. Blah. Whatever Mary!

The Shrew, David, and Moi.

Me with the boy and his dog again. The boy had nice nipples. We tugged. He had nice Calvin Klein underwear.

Tiger Stadium an hour and a half before kickoff.

We are in the East Upper Deck.

LSU's beautiful campus.

The Shrew and I had a great time at the LSU vs. Auburn game. We did a cookout with my mother's famliy, then headed up to Baton Rouge. We were able to tailgate for a few hours with a bunch of Heauxmeauxs before the big game. I was surprised how many Auburn fans were at the game. They even brought their full band. They were very rowdy! It's always a treat to see a lively bunch from an opposing team. (Florida fans sit on their hands).

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Deep Into the Woods...

When the Shrew is away, I go bear hunting. I step out of my door and walk through 200 acres of land in hopes a hot muscle bear pounces on me. Join me in my quest for the elusive muscle bear...

Friday, October 19, 2007

Perez Hilton: Two Words


How does the Auburn fight song go? "I've been working on the railroad... I've been working on the railroad... I've been working the railroad... all God Damn Effing Day!"

Did you know that Auburn fans smell like mildewed trailers? Yep. It's true. It is a known fact that Auburn is the trailer capital of the world. They just talk up this "plains" thing to make it sound fancier. Patsy and Paul did good for themselves moving up to NYC. The rest of the SEC should be given a humanitarian award for putting up with our mildewed trailer smelling Aubie fans. The Shrew and I will be sure to bring clothes pins to the game Saturday night.

Folks, this is simply not Auburn's year. With the BCS National Championship Game at the Louisiana Superdome, it's LSU's destiny to win a third national championship by creaming Jeff's Ohio State team. It is becoming a college football tradition for the SEC Champion to drub Ohio State. Just in case you didn't know. ;)

Personally, I have a selfish reason for wanting LSU to beat Auburn. The Shrew and I really want a return date back to Atlanta for the SEC Championship game. Why? So, we can blow a wad (of dough) at the wonderful Swinging Richards. That's a place made in heaven for us! ;)

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Eat, Drink, and be Mary!

I look back on where I was, and I can only smile. One of the banes of my existence was not having any friends. It haunted me. Even after I came out, I had trouble socially acting normal. I would go on dates and they would ask, "What's wrong? Why are you always so serious and uptight?" It took me quite a while to loosen up and become the social whore butterfly I am now.

That child that used to sit alone on the school bus crying would be so proud of US right now. I almost wish I could go back in time and whisper in his ears "Buddy... it's going to be okay. Better times are coming!" That child would be so happy if he had a chance to look into the future to see how blessed we would become.

Today, I look around and see many people who I consider a friend. I have made such great progress from the lonely soul that thought no one would ever show up at his wedding or funeral. It shocks me that if I now want to play tennis, I could potentially call up to five friends who live close enough AND have the skills to play me.

I have other banes to my existence that I will be working on in short order. Next, I am going to focus on my career. I want to do something more rewarding personally and financially. Does this mean finally leaving the nest (family business)?

There has been mental abuse. For too long, I have been a prisoner to a magician that can successfully turn hay into gold. I was always made to feel that I was not good enough. It's broken my spirit so many times that I often walk the halls feeling like an empty shell. Do I have the courage to improve my happiness in this area? Stay tuned.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Top Six Blog Referrals

September 16th - October 16th
DBud has moved up to TOP position. Who would have thunk DBud being a bigger top than LT? Hmm...

1. Durbanbud 723
2. Largetony 544
3. Moby 403
4. Zeitzeuge 398
5. Homersworld 312
6. Kelly Stern 302

May 7, 2007 to Present (when Google Analytics was started):
LT drives a lot of traffic to most of our blogs apparently. Let us all praise his trouser snake that makes this all possible. All together now... Praise be the Giant Behometh!

1. Large Tony 3,205
2. Homersworld 2,148
3. Durban Bud 2,128
4. Moby 1,758
5. Zeitzeuge 925
6. Kelly Stern 817

(Reference: Google Analytics Report)

Monday, October 15, 2007

Another Crappy Brettcajun Movie

God. My horrible mini movies will fuck up even the greatest of songs! Enjoy the unfunkiest remix to what WAS a great song! With this movie, I am hoping to win a Razzie Award . ;)

Girls Ruin Everything!

So, I was TRYING to do a new video on the horse farm. This video was my first take before it was abruptly interrupted! As you can see, my video was rolling along fine until these girls sashayed into the background. I was so pissed. They then proceeded to follow me around and flirt until it turned dark. So... no movie. Dammit! Apparently, these girls do not have Gaydar. Or perhaps I am too straight acting? What do you think?

Good Friends

My body is running on fumes. Why may you ask? Well, let's start with the fact that I have only had four hours of sleep last night. Don't feel bad. I have a huge grin on my face. Yesterday, I got Drunkity Drunk Drunk with my BFF's at Good Friends. I blame it on the New Orleans Saints. They haven't scored more than two touchdowns in a game all season. With every touchdown, the bartenders at Good Friends give you free shots of cactus juice. The Saints scored 28 points before halftime. Sluuuuuurrrrrrr.

Between all the pre-football beers and four shots, I was quite the drunky boy last night. In fact, everyone kept using brutal honesty in telling me how drunk I was. Those who hung around me had to wisely guard their nipples. Last night, I was a nipple tugging fiend. What can you do? I was smiling. While the Shrew was away in DC, I was spending time with my friends who are the most fun. I couldn't think of a happier place to be.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

State of Denial

It did not happen. I am blocking it OUT OF MY MIND. Today, I will NOT go to my favorite website . There will be no countless hours spent reading articles about how great my favorite football team is. Nope. I am not even going to Google or scour the internet today. If I don't read about it, it never happened! Leave me alone. Let me be in my state of denial.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Cowboy Mini Movies

I Kiss You and Bat My Eyes!

Playing With My Beard

My Bad Boy Boudreaux

My Sweet Baby Pierre

Hear LSU Students Chant "Teabag Tebow!"

LSU Student Section taunt's Florida Gator's QB Tim Tebow after the game. This was not shown on network television. You can watch it here:

Adam's Brad has the hots for Tim Tebow. I don't understand it. I personally think he looks like Wynonna Judd without the big red hair. Too bad Brad, I think Tim Tebow likes black guys. You can see proof here:

When Florida was leading LSU 10-0, I heard live on national television "FUCK YOU TEBOW" from the LSU student section. You can read about it here... ESPN Message Board. Does this help explain some of my shenagins on the blog? I was raised in south Louisiana culture! ;)

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Rocky, Where Do We Go From Here?

I am back on the farm in swampy marshy Louisiana. This Hilly Billy traveled far to the big city of Dallas. Gosh! I have never seen so many darn tooting skyscraping buildings before. Jeebus... would you looky at the size of that hair on the Dallas women? Hell, you could feed yer whole pig herd on Adam's meaty legs. Those stories you hear are true. Everything is big in Texas!

After four days of being gone, I sure do miss Boudreaux and Pierre. I even got a tug on the old ticker for that mean old rooster Rocky. Sheeeet.... those critters are gonna be happy to see dis old coonnass back home.

Yeah, it's true. I got me a good ol' fashioned country ass-whooping in Texas. All that preparation for nothing! In one day, my country ass just went swooooosh right out the damn tournament! It just gives me the red ass. Well, at least L S SHOE won over dem Floraduh Gaytors.

So... where do I go from here? Is my tennis career over? No. I'll pick up my britches and try again in Houston next month. My tennis coach Tim told me last night that I am my own worst enemy. The "Losing is for losers!" mantra only sets me up to not have success. I am wound up so tightly, I can't possibly play my best game. The person that showed up on the courts to face the #2 seed was not the same person slugging it out every week here in bayou country.

Don't worry Peeps... I'll be back bigger and stronger. Just you wait and see! In the meantime, I have a job to tend to. I want to continue writing my book. The fact that you laugh at the very thought of me writing a book makes me grin. Beneath all the narcissistic jiggy dancing bimboish blog behavior, is an inspired individual underneath. This old country bumpkin may just surprise you folks one day! ;)

Monday, October 08, 2007

Congratulations Brian!

My friend Brian D. won the Singles Championship in our division in Dallas this afternoon. Congratulations Brian! Whipping Boy and I were able to catch most of Brian's Semi-Finals victory before our flights back home. We were at the tennis center trying to find out traits of a champion. Well, Brian definitely has what it takes. Congratulations! I am so proud of you!

Sunday, October 07, 2007

7-5 Loser

I played two matches ( Singles and Doubles) where I came out on the losing end both matches. I lost the Singles match 7-5, 6-3, then turned around and lost the Doubles Match with Brian D. 7-5, 7-5. That 7-5 losing score was pretty popular for me all weekend.

Me on the court today.

Hauling Ass in Doubles.

Serving to Francisco. Something about his meaty back, legs and thighs made me lusty after him. Or maybe because I like Latin men?

Since we were all big losers, we are going to head out to the Eagle in Dallas. I am looking to drink LOTS of beer and perhaps get a BJ by a hot muscle bear. Wish me luck! ;)

You Play Scared... You Lose

Whipping Boy, E.Shrew and I all lost our first round games against ranked opponents. I lost 7-5, 6-3 against a high seed. I blew a 3-0 lead in the 1st set too. Why did I lose? I played like a scared little girl and my much improved serve was ABSENT today. I had no power in my serve. Where did it go? Why am I not playing aggressive? Grrrr.... at 1pm... Brian D and I play our first Doubles Match. He won his first game in two sets. I was not surprised because he is the #1 seed. Wish us luck! Somewhere, I need to find my confidence. It ran away somewhere. Have you seen it?


Yesterday was a rainout. Whipping Boy was down 3-2 in his set before the rains came again. E.Shrew was still warming up with his opponent. I hadn't been assigned a court yet. So, today at 8am we resume the tennis tournament. We will be playing LOTS of tennis today!

Oh yeah... and how about those LSU TIGERS? Did ya'll watch that awesome game? Five for five on 4th downs! WAY TO GO!!!! We had pizza and watched the game at Adam and Brad's place. I was doing lots of jumping up and down on their couch last night! :)

Friday, October 05, 2007

This is the Moment

In a few hours, I soar into the air high above the clouds on that scary mechanical beast. I have butterflies. Not so much because of the hour plane ride to Dallas, but because of the tennis tournament. I have invested so much of my time (and this blog space) towards my preparation for this tournament.

I play the #2 seed tomorrow at 12:30pm in Singles. At 4:00pm, I am paired with the great Brian D. for an intense Doubles match. If I survive these two scares, Sunday will be a very busy day where I may end up playing up to four matches in one day. OUCH!

Adding to my anxieties is the inclusion of Whipping Boy and E.Shrew in this very same tournament. What if I were to lose tomorrow, and they both advance? GULP. I'll never hear the end of it! Why? Because I have played LOTS of tennis in the last few months, whereas they have been more or less Slackerdoodles.

The drama may get REAL HIGH. It is entirely possible that I will meet E.Shrew in the Semi-Finals on Sunday. Then, I may turnaround and face Whipping Boy in the Finals on Monday. Oh... what bad blood would this brew no matter what the results!

Tonight, we are going to meet up with the other 122 tennis players at Club Rush. There, we'll meet up with fellow blogger Mark. We'll have a few drinks, then grab dinner together. On Saturday, we'll meet up with hunky Adam and the always delightful nice ass Brad. We'll be watching the LSU Tigers battle the Florida Gators at their Batchelor's Pad. I am excited that these friends can finally meet Whipping Boy! He can vouch for every single dose of asswhooping I have doled out in the last few years. :)

I hope all these nervous jitters produces good results tomorrow. My skills will be on par with everyone elses. Who has the mental fortitude to advance through the bracket? We'll soon find out!

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Mike the Tiger VI Debuts at LSU vs. FLORIDA Game on Saturday!

Mike the Tiger VI will march down the Hill with the LSU Golden Band for Tigerland. He'll be paraded around Tiger Stadium before kickoff during a special ceremony. Yeah, fuck you PETA! The fans of the #1 ranked LSU Tigers willl be STOKED big time. Poor Florida. Smells like a second straight loss coming your way by another "Tigers" team. ;)

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Delivering an Asswhooping of Epic Proportions!

Grasshopper... when your ass is handed to you... take a whiff... smell the odor. Only then will you learn why your game stunk.

In my very last practice match before the Texas Open 2007 in Dallas, I careened Whipping Boy 6-1, 6-2. It was the most lopsided result against my rival in over a year. In one match, I avenged a month's worth of pitiful performances against Whipping Boy. I was intensely focused and highly confident when I administered MY version of justice. Yeehaw! Whipping Boy looked like he had been hit by a bus. I am thrilled to be going into the tournament on a hot streak. :)

Monday, October 01, 2007

Let's Return to the Horse Farm... Shall We?