Sunday, September 30, 2007

Gut Check Time


The DRAW has now been published for the Dallas Tournament next weekend. My path is more brutal than Whipping Boy's or E.Shrew's. I would have to beat the #2 seed in my very first game. If I am lucky, I would probably faced the #5 seed next who waxed me in last year's consolation finals in Houston. Gulp.


Why do the DRAW Gods always make my path harder? I must maneuver through a bracket filled with potential land mines. Am I properly prepared? Have I conditioned myself well enough to compete with the big boys? Time will soon tell.

LSU TIGERS RANKED #1



USC WHO? FUSC!

"Hey! Fightin' Tigers"

Hey! Fightin Tigers, fight all the way!
Hey! Fightin Tigers, win the game today!
You've got the know how, you're doin' fine,
Hold on to the ball, as you hit the wall,
And smash right through the line!
You've got to go for the touchdown, run up the score,
Make Mike the Tiger stand right up and roar!
Use all of your might as you fight tonight
And keep the goal in view!
Victory for LSU!
T...I...G...E...R...S...TIGERS!

Saturday, September 29, 2007

LSU 34, Tulane 9

E.Shrew and I with some bestest of buds Brian and Greg at 10am this morning. We were having pre-game drinks at the Bourbon Pub. They all tolerate me in small doses.

Tulane's Band. I didn't realize they even had a band. Oh my God... my high school band is five times as big. The treat was seeing that they have a flag boy. I have NEVER seen that. We giggled.
LSU's Golden Band from Tigerland.

During this game, half the crowd was asleep. Who plays football at 11:00 am ?!?! The LSU football team called the most boring offensive plays. I think they are saving up their creative playcalling for next week when we play the #7 Florida Gators. It WAS a treat to see so many Tulane fans. I had no clue they could be so rowdy! They were into the game for the first half when it was really tight. They went crazy when they scored a touchdown and took the lead. Of course, us LSU fans were PISSED OFF big time. Glad we showed them their station in life in the second half. Whew!

Greg, Brian and Moi at the Bourbon Pub today at 2pm drinking after the game.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Jump Starting my Brain


ADD is a three-letter acronym that stands for Attention-Deficit Disorder, a mental illness that impairs one's ability to keep focused. I have two nephews in my family that have been diagnosed and are currently being treated for this condition.

Personally, I have always suspected that I have ADD, but never did anything about it. I am easily distracted. Give me something boring to do... you can forget it! Heck, my memory aint even what it used to be. My brain has been feeling pretty foggy nowadays. Almost as if I am getting dumber! Is that even possible?

Well, I finally did something about my brain dead condition. Today, I took my first Adderall XR pill. How does it make me feel? Well, after a couple hours... I feel good! A co-worker was laughing at the way I said good. It gives me a nice buzz feeling. Damn... I could get used to this!

I was initially worried that the drug would make me feel like a crystal meth addict. I wouldn't mind being horny all the time, but just not crystal-meth-like horny. It's just not attractive hitting on others while you are tripping, shaking, and stuttering. Besides, being a cracked-out horny Robotron would probably scare away my co-workers.

So far, I feel REALLY GOOD. My brain does actually feel sharper! I even have a little pep to my walk. And no... I did not take this mental stimulant to help me play better tennis next weekend in Dallas. Seriously... I am not that freakish competitive. Or am I?

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Back to Winning Baby!!!

Pete, my doubles partner, and I won in league tennis tonight 6-2, 5-7, 6-0. We are now 2-1 in league play together. We have played great together as a team against some very good players. Whew! Losing streak is officialy over! I am scheduled to play E.Shrew tomorrow night. (That should be the start of a wonderful WINNING STREAK.) SNICKER. I can now go to bed tonight with a HUGE SMILE on my face.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Skid Row Monkey

Spiraling down that deep hole. I have been feeling depressed all day. If I were honest with myself, I'd admit that I have been feeling this way for weeks. My head has been racing with thoughts of how everything has gone so wrong. I feel like such a loser. I try to cope by finding comfort in things that help me escape, but nothing stops the downward trend.

There's no zeal. I am not steam rolling anyone. I am on an unprecedented losing skid only one week away from the tournament. Have I created monsters in those that I play? Where they have demonstrated vast improvements, my game has only improved in small increments.

Losing is for losers and I've been one for quite some time. My monkey ass has hit rock bottom with no end in sight. As a result, I am punishing my pitifully loathsome self.

New Brettcajun's World Tennis Rankings:

1. Office Guy
2. Whipping Boy
3. Heath
4. Brettcajun (what a loser!)
5. E.Shrew

Buddies 4 Ever

Their Daddy may have been a big loser on the tennis courts yesterday, but there is always unconditional love. No matter what kind of day I have had, my doggies always put me in a good mood. This is a short clip paying a "Bubbly" tribute to my buddies Boudreaux and Pierre.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

LSU Band Mad at Students

The LSU Band may refrain from playing the Touchdown Song at future football games because of bad behavior from the student section during the LSU vs. South Carolina football game. To help you understand... the song plays along and the crowd spells the name of our team by shouting: "T"!!! , "I"!!!, "G"!!!, "E"!!!, "R"!!!, "S"!!! Then they are supposed to shout out the word "TIGERS!" Instead, LSU students were shouting "Cocks, you suck!" (in reference to the South Carolina Game Cocks). I thought it was BRILLIANT!!! I fully support the students sense of humor here. You can find the full article HERE in the LSU student newspaper, The Daily Reveille. Sportsmanship? What's that?! ;)

The Saints: Sux Donkey Dick!


It is time to whip out the bags again. The New Orleans Saints: WHAT A SORRY EXCUSE FOR A FOOTBALL TEAM! Number one offense last year? MY ASS! They can't do SHIT on the football field. The defense is paper thin. The offense can hardly get a first down. Oh and fucking three! Who would have thunk it? WHO DAT? All New Orleans Saints fans should bring bags to put over their head at the next home game to demonstrate their displeasure with a team that was supposed to go to the Superbowl.

Gawd... the #2 ranked LSU Tigers up the river in Baton Rouge can play great offense AND defense. They have shined thus far on national television moving up and down the field at will. They are #1 in defense. I know one thing... LSU makes the Saints look REALLY BAD in the local sports section. Hell, I think the semi-pro Tigers could probably beat the Saints. Can we please put the Saints in a college football conference? Let's see... they could probably compete in the ACC this year. Hmm... even sorry ass Notre Dame could probably beat these AINTS. Hmpfh!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Methodical Madness with a Purpose

The Butterflies will surely come. They always do. You step onto that court. It is judgement day. Have you properly prepared for this battle? Your opponent is trying to knock the snot out of you. One lousy match will get you bounced right out of the tournament for good. Every win advances you through the bracket. The more you advance, you are exalted by your peers and get patted on the back. Lose? You may get a few "sorries", but no one's looking at your pretty dress at the party anymore.

In twelve days, hundreds of athletic gay men will descend upon Dallas for the Texas Open 2007. While Whipping Boy and E.Shrew are approaching this tournament with more cavalier attitudes, I already have pre-tournament jitters. This is serious business for me. I have forsaken the gym for three months to prepare for the tournament.

If you want to improve your game, you play against the very best. That's why I have joined an adult men's tennis league locally where the competition is ramped up. In my tennis league, everyone hits hard and every ball is chased after. The net is aggressively protected and defended. Overheads always come raining back down on you like missiles. These individuals take every single point as seriously as I do. It's kind of nice to find out you are not the only freakish competitive person.

To expose myself to a variety in styles of play, I have consistently played four individuals (Whipping Boy, Office Guy, Heath and E.Shrew). Each have their own unique strengths and weaknesses I must counteract. Playing different people actually helps me build up a menu of "weapons" to be used against future opponents.

The Office Guy serves extremely hard with a wicked curve. I first must break Office Guy's serve (hopefully by the second game), before I can even began playing the match. Whipping Boy hits hard sideline shots (his speciality) and hustles as well as I do. Heath is an aggressive net player who covers the court well and places his shots with precision. E.Shrew plays for 100% in and will try to draw your ego into many unforced errors as you try to beat him with winners.

I have done everything I can think of to prepare myself for this tournament. Some think I am overdoing it. The knots in my back may attest to that. But, I purposefully sent my body into shock to properly prepare for a successful run during the tournament. Nothing is guaranteed. I still have to play the matches. The draw could be wicked against me. But no one is more responsible for my own success or failure than me. Will I stayed focused? Can I triumph? Will it all be worth it? Time will tell... soon enough.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

I Aint Skeered


As I was careening towards a bolted down metal bench, I avoided a massive head injury only by using my hands and an arm as emergency brakes. The near collision scratched a layer of skin off both my hands, gave my left palm a deep internal bruise, and left my right forearm gleaming bright red. This was only after my first game last night in league play.

After playing a total of 45 games of tennis yesterday, every inch of my body is sore as fuck. I am literally a walking stiff this morning. My right wrist is sore. A sprain on the final point last night has left my right ankle swollen. In fact, just about every muscle in my back and neck are tense. Where is a relaxing hot tub and a good masseuse? Hell, give me a chiropractor!

These aches and pains are what I must endure just to compete with the big boys in the Texas Open 2007 in a couple weeks. My skills will be on par with my fellow competitors. The tennis champion that wins the ultimate crown will be the one that has the best endurance and stamina. I know this after participating in five tennis tournaments in the last few years.

Tonight, I face a challenger that used to be way down in the foe pecking order. Heath has suddenly gotten GREAT! I used to drub him with sheer grit, aggression, and wicked placement. But last Saturday, Heath handed me my worst defeat in a very long time. He kicked my ass 6-3, 6-0. Do I somehow bring out the best in the people I play? The fire in my belly is ready to unleash fury on Heath tonight. I hope he's ready. That can of whoopass is open. Can you smell defeat BOY?

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I Heart Bassett

Some of you like IKEA, but I buy exclusively from Bassett furniture. It reflects more of my style. This leather couch from Bassett feels sooooo good. Where's my snuggle buddy?




With this blog post, I am hoping to be nominated for the Non-Thinking Blogger's Award. Do you think I have a chance to win? ;)

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

My Cajun Heritage

Fairy Investigative Committee

Our blogworld is evolving at quite a fast pace. We have a Sheriff. We have lots of Town Whores milling about. As our world has grown, democracy has flourished and self governance became a necessity. Our little blog community has recently set up a investigative committee in charge of rooting out fake bloggers and keeping the bullshit factor to a minimum.

Well, I would like to add to our bureaucracy. I want to launch the Fairy Investigative Committee (FIC). Our purpose to nominate all those heauxmeaux bloggers who really should have their Gay Card taken away.

Just for fun to stir shit, do you know a blogger that should have their Gay Card taken away? Does someone not know all the movies or musicals they are supposed to? Can they correctly identify a Diva when they see one? How about their taste in clothes? If you know someone that doesn't carry around that thing called a "Gay Card", tell us about it. This is just for fun. The FIC does not really exist.

I can't believe this is a White Guy...

I could blog about a horrible tennis defeat to the Office Guy. But no... you guys don't want to read about it. Tennis posts are so unpopular. Instead, I want to share this video of my favorite song on the radio right now. I thought initially this was a black guy singing. But no... it's a former American Idol!

Monday, September 17, 2007

And the Winner Is...

After 175 votes cast, Adam from This Boy Elroy has won the Jiggy Dance Whoreoff Competition. Congratulations Adam! I was not surprised. His video immediately hogged most of the votes when the polling began. Zeitzeuge came in second. It's like the Grammy Awards nominating Tony Bennett almost every year. Apparently elder Bloggers who Jiggy Dance (and take off their shirts) get mega props in the blogger community. E.Shrew and I had the strangest fascination with Patrick's Words entry. We were mesmerized by the snake-like hypnotic dance and pinpoint accurate lipsynching. Ahhh... poor attention whores Kelly and I were starved for votes. I guess we'll have to do better next time. We can't expect to just show up, do our thing, and be voted most popular. My choreographer was SO FIRED yesterday. I hope Kelly in turn fired his wardrobe designer. ;)

I am just thrilled I didn't finish with ZERO votes. I didn't get squat after the first 45 votes were cast. I was convinced the Brettcajun Hater's Club was behind the conspiracy. Or perhaps my performance was as shiteaous as Britney's VMA appearance? Naaa... I am sticking to the Brettcajun Hater's Club conspiracy. So distraught, I had to call perennial non-vote getter Brushstrokes for coping skills. I even called Homer, who lent a sympathetic ear. In the end, I did what any competitive person would do. I immediately whipped up my local fan club to dial in and vote for me. Thanks guys from sparing me the embarrassment of having no votes! Of course, that meant Kelly was relegated to last place. Thanks for taking one for the BFF team Kelly!

I want to thank all of the participants, voters, and commenters who made the Jiggy Dance Whoreoff Competition a ratings winner. With the help of others feeding the frenzy ... it became a special blogger moment. The most beautiful thing for me was to see the REALness of the brave bloggers who chose to participate. When bloggers show that they are living and breathing real people, it makes me smile. I don't want to simply read what other Bloggers put out. I want to tug on your nipples, swap spit with you at the Saliva Pit, and grind with you on the dance floor. Keep it cool blogworld. ;)

Saturday, September 15, 2007


ENTRIES:

1. THIS BOY ELROY: video link



2. KELLY STERN: video link




3. ZEITZEUGE: video link



4. BRETTCAJUN: video link



5. PATRICK'S WORDS: video link


Click here to get your own player.



*** PLEASE NOTE *********************************************************
Be sure to comment and show your appreciation to the brave souls that did a Jiggy Dance! It takes some balls.
*****************************************************************************

VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE JIGGY DANCING WHORE HERE:

Friday, September 14, 2007

FIVE Jiggy Dance Whoreoff Participants So Far...


So, far... five brave souls have served me notice that they plan to challenge me to a Jiggy Dance Whoreoff. Bring it on bitches! Adam has just announced that I should get a video link from him tonight. SWEET! I have already received Kelly's Jiggy Dance. I snuck a peek and it is quite a hoot! Mark promised to record a Jiggy Dance today. Patrick is the MOST excited of all the contestants. It'll be interesting to see what he submits. I hope no one trips Patrick on stage. ;)

I encourage any blogger out there in the blogworld to submit a video of them Jiggy Dancing. If you suck at lip synching (like I do), then you can just dance to your favorite song. Just remember to have fun and make it entertaining! When you get home from work today, get a good buzz and do your own Jiggy Dance. Remember: just have a link to your video in my inbox (brettcajun@aol.com) by Saturday morning at 8am Central to be included in the Jiggy Dance Whoreoff competition.

I have a sneaking suspicion that every single Jiggy Dance will make us all smile. No matter what song you choose to do or how you dance, your true personality comes shining out. And that is what Jiggy Dancing is all about!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Jiggy Dance Whoreoff Poll

Two More Days Until We Shove Pineapples Up Our Twats!

Do you want to be 60 years old and regret never Jiggy Dancing while you were in your prime? Look Mary... you only have one life to live. There are billions upon billions of humans on this planet. Why not live a little and express yourself? Who else are you living for? Your birth was a miracle. Why waste it?

Jiggy Dancing is another outlet for you to express yourself. Your blog may let you chronicle your life with pictures and words, but Jiggy Dancing shows you in a more pure light. Taken all together, Jiggy Dancing makes you real.Why not be cool and express yourself too?

For those of you planning to participate in Saturdays "JIGGY DANCE WHOREOFF", please submit a link to your video by 8:00am Central Saturday. Whatever links I have in my inbox (brettcajun@aol.com), I'll put in the Jiggy Dance Whoreoff Saturday on my blog. We'll have all weekend to watch other bloggers strut their stuff and shake their groove thang. Are any of you COOL enough to do a Jiggy Dance?

I recorded my Jiggy Dance last night in Quicktime Pro. It is me dancing around to a three minute song. I don't lip sync or talk in mine, but you may do so in yours. There are cringeworthy parts in my video that made me laugh. No matter how many retakes, there is always going to be great parts and cringeworthy parts to your own video. You just have to do your best and have fun! No one is ever going to do the perfect Jiggy Dance. That's not the point. The point is to have fun expressing yourself!

I exported my Jiggy Dance for a medium speed stream and it clocked in under 8 megabytes. I'll put that on my Podomatic site late Friday night. If ya'll need some help with doing a video, let me know. I look forward to what will surely be a memorable and fun experience!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Art of War



"Know thy self, know thy enemy. A thousand battles, a thousand victories." - Sun Tzu

It was my darkest hour. Though the sun shined brightly, I distinctly remember the point in time where my impending doom was near. My self worth would soon be condemned to hell forever. Mr. Ego was long dead. Miss Priss Confidence raped and pillaged. Mr. Pride just impaled. I stared grimly at the battlefield as it oozed with casualties. The end was here.

My enemy was E.Shrew. I overestimated his cunning skill. What should have been a royal drubbing, was looking a lot like a disaster of epic proportions. I lost the first set 6-4. How could this be happening to me? A few days ago, the Office Guy cleaned my clock good. Then, Whipping Boy feasted on his first spoils of victory in a very long time. Now, I was losing to E.Shrew, who has not played much tennis at all in 2007.

When I was at my darkest hour of despair, I caught my tormentor's smirk. My soul screamed in rage under the cruel intention of that taunt: You've been playing all this tennis to prepare for these upcoming tournaments, and I am about to hand you defeat. The blood in my veins grew combustible like gasoline. I burned as if I were on fire.

From that reservoir of strength, I struck at my Shrew tormentor. I blasted him in the second set attacking his weaknesses: laziness and poor court position. He stumbled under the weight of my fury. Staring at his not-so-bright destiny on my sword wielding racquet, E.Shrew cowardly tucked tail and ran from playing the third and final set. It was the same "It's too hot" excuse. I can only shake my head in pity because E.Shrew's stamina will surely fail him in Dallas if he can't ever play an entire match.

The moral victory fueled my thirst for more. On that same Sunday afternoon, I out muscled Heath 7-5, 7-5 in an intense clash between two wicked war mongers. I fondly remember during the course of play, Heath oddly asking me "What are you thinking at this very moment?" I remember having a serious disposition at the time. I replied back, "I am thinking how I came prepared to play." I think Heath secretly admires my steely desire to win.

Hungry for more, I thumped the Office Guy in a mentally tough game this morning. I repelled his 100 mph serves right off the bat and he quickly abandoned it. I stayed mentally sharp and led the entire way to victory. The Office Guy looked like a whipped puppy at work all day. :)

Back to winning... bring it on MOFOs!

Monday, September 10, 2007

Jiggy Dance Whoreoff

Are you bored in the blogworld? Why not challenge me to a Jiggy Dance Whoreoff? If you are interested in participating, submit a link to a video of you dancing, lip-synching, etc. to your favorite music. Keep it under 5 minutes. You can do an intro to your music first if you like. Every blogger (and lurker Jeff) is invited to participate. All entries must be a new video that has never been posted before. A link to the video should be submitted by Friday at midnight to me at brettcajun@aol.com. I will create the contest blog post EARLY on Saturday and let the polling run through the weekend. Are any of you interested in participating?

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Tailgating at the LSU Game

I love pursing my voluptuous lips and holding something butch like a football.
E.Shrew and I start the tailgating at noon. The LSU hats we are wearing are courtesy of Jeff in Ohio. THANK YOU JEFF! We got compliments on the hats!

We loved meeting Marissa. She drinks like a sailor, but we didn't judge. We loved her curves and boobs. She was letting every gay man play with her boobs. The few straight guys tailgating with us were SOOOO pissed that we got a free card on Marissa's boobs, but they didn't. (LOL) And no Mom and Dad... I am still gay.

E.Shrew could not stop staring at the hunkiest guy at the tailgate. He's from Houston. I kept having to break the news to E.Shrew that he didn't stand a chance.

The guy in the white shirt is the hunky guy's boyfriend. This would be the one E.Shrew would have to fight to take his man. My money is on the guy in the white shirt.

Will someone please tell E.Shrew that it is PERVY and WRONG to take more pics of the hunky man than your own boyfriend?

I am pictured here having a migraine attack. I began to sweat profusely and had the WORST HEADACHE of my life. E.Shrew was kind enough to agree to leave the game before we even got to see the Tiger Band blare the fight song. After we got home, I laid down and watched LSU wallop Virginia Tech 48-7 on ESPN with Boudreaux and Pierre at my side. I began to feel a lot better after an hour or so. I was even able to eat again by midnight. Thank God!

After watching this game... I am convinced that LSU is the number one team in the nation. Who is going to beat LSU? We are steamrolling the opposition in offense and defense. I have never seen a stronger LSU team in my entire life. It reminds me of a Steve Spurrier coached Florida Gator team when they were blowing every other SEC team out the water. I bet our SEC brethren are quaking in their boots right now. Looks like LSU vs. USC for the BCS National Championship in New Olreans.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

It's Game Time at Tiger Stadium! GEAUX TIGERS!


The Shrew and I will be on the LSU Campus by noon today with our ice chest full of beer. We'll be walking around and hanging with the Krewe of Kweers on S. Stadium Drive and Highland Rd. There will be 40 something Heauxmeauxs tailgating under three tents, with two TV's, plenty alcohol, and lots of Jambalaya. I can't wait! This will be our very first tailgating adventure with such a large amount of Heauxmeauxs. It will be a circuit party all day! I'll be sure to take lots of pics!

Mike the Tiger VI, LSU's new mascot, will be introduced today. Mike VI is a symbol of strength and majestic beauty for our beloved university. PETA has launched a nasty campaign against him. Fuck PETA!

Friday, September 07, 2007

UGH!

There is only four weeks until the Texas Open 28 (Dallas). I should be gaining momentum. I should be playing near the top of my game. Unfortunately, I lost to Whipping Boy 6-3, 7-5. I am totally embarrassed. This must be the first time he has beaten me in 2007. I honestly can't remember the last time Whipping Boy got the best of me. It's been a huge drought.

First the Office Guy beats me on Thursday, then I lose every doubles match in the round robin. Now this travesty! I plan to play Heath on Sunday at City Park for an epic battle. He surely wants revenge from my last victory over him. Heath told me just this week that he is playing his best tennis ever. (thanks to a tennis coach) Will Heath deliver my third straight loss? How will my fragile ego handle it?

It doesn't. The losing streak comes to a screaching halt NOW! NO MAS!

Erasing the Lines Of My Two Lives

With great trepidation, I show up for the first meeting at the local tennis league. I am nervous. There were fifty people, ranging from age 16 to 55, huddled under a canopy at the tennis center. Nobody looks fat. Tennis players are never fat by the way. I personally think we can cure the obesity problem in the blogworld, and especially Mississippi, by forcing everybody into tennis leagues. Just my opinion.

I walk under the canopy with that familiar nervousness. It's obvious that most of these people know each other from years of playing together in the league. I am feeling excruciatingly awkward as Brett - Party of One. Hmm... same anxiety I always feel among a group of total strangers.

I spot my classmates, who are all Team Captains, but I dare not make eye contact. I convince myself that they are too busy signing up new people and fumbling with lists to make idle chitchat with me. My classmates look just as good as I do. Hell, my crows feet ain't any worse than theirs! I quietly stand up and wait for some sort of announcement to be made. Those twenty minutes are awkwardly painful.

As I patiently waited, I kept thinking how I didn't belong here. I kept thinking how much easier this would be if it was a gay tennis league like the Houston Tennis Club. In a gay tennis league, my confidence soars. With nothing more than a smile, I am eagerly greeted and cruised by everyone. I am in my comfort zone. But this is a straight tennis league. I can't waltz through this as easily. I feel like a black sheep or a square peg.

Mulling through all of my anxiety, I wanted to bolt. I didn't make much eye contact with others. I felt the painful reminder that I was behaving just as I did in High School. I was being the same quiet and invisible person. God. I hate myself for doing this all over again. Why have I put myself in a situation that is bringing back the same anxieties that used to haunt me growing up? I could just kick myself.

Before I shoved my own foot up my ass, the Team Captains began calling out people's names to start a round robin tennis tournament. Under their watchful gaze, the Team Captains would rate the new people and make the final picks for their team. Gulp. When the Team Captains got to my name, they looked up and smiled. They recognized the familiar name. I smiled awkwardly back. They look proud to see a familiar face they hadn't seen in 19 years. My face beamed back at them.

I am promptly assigned to a court with a 16 year old kid as my doubles partner. Across the court, our opponents were another 16 year old kid and a VERY WOOFY Cajun guy named Nick. His 16 year old partner has a KICK ASS serve. My 16 year old partner serves crappy and had a propensity for hitting the ball WAY OUT. I tried to counsel my kid partner to stop hitting the ball so hard, but he just shrugged his shoulders. Little punk.

My desire was to win -- despite my crazy ball slapping tennis partner. I played serious. Every time there was a challenge at the net, I would outsmart and out muscle Nick and his partner. Unfortunately, my partner kept generously giving them points trying to be a S U P E R S T A R! Little shithead. We lost 4-2 because he was clearly no Federer. :(

So, us two losers moved down to play the winners on the court adjacent to us. We switch partners. Of course, I get another 16 year old as my doubles partner. I soon discover that once again... I am graced with the worst out of the four to be my partner. How unlucky can I be today?

As I try to make the best out of a bad situation, I notice that I am hitting a lot harder than anyone on our court or any court near us. I am hauling ass, playing aggressively, and nailing the corners. Suddenly, I hear a Team Captain say, "I want Brett on my team!" Another voice says "Good choice." That made me smile so brightly. Those straps wound tightly around my heart released as if it was now glowing.

A former High School classmate had just picked me to be part of his team. I couldn't hold back my smile. I felt a flood of emotions gushing over me with relief. Wow! I am really no longer that invisible person anymore. Today, I AM somebody. It makes my heart just beam! :) Perhaps after joining this local tennis league, I can begin the process of erasing the lines of my two lives back into one. My soul feels like it is a step in the right direction.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Past Life Crashing into Present

My blog is usually a happy place. Looking back at the past three years, I haven't written many sad things about my life. There was this bit about my life growing up. When I broke up with E.Shrew, for what I thought was for good, I made a Goodbye Video. In one post that took only minutes to write, I was flooded with emotions when I wrote Winds Of Change. Then there is the typical Birthday Post.

I have been feeling great anxiety about tomorrow when I join a local tennis league. Don't bail on me yet folks. Keep reading. By joining this local tennis league tomorrow, I am definitely going back to my past life. You know... that prior life I lived before I was gay. Yes, that one.

I looked at the tennis league member list and found three classmates that I went to school with in my past life. I am truly terrified. I live in a Parish with a population of close to 100,000. Everyone knows my dad in the Parish. Worse, everyone knows that I am the gay son of my Dad. I came out over 10 years ago. I was quite the talk of the Parish back then.

So, how will I deal with merging my second life back to my first life? Surely, the members will whisper "I went to school with Brett! He's queer!" Can I handle that reality? From my blog, you would think so wouldn't you?

But see, I have mentally partitioned my life into two: BEFORE I CAME OUT and AFTER I CAMEOUT. I have never been to any High School Reunions. That was my past life. I don't know that person anymore. My twin brother told me at the last class reunion a lot of fellow classmates were disappointed they didn't get to see me. They said I was always nice to them. I was surprised when I heard that, because I didn't think anyone would even remember me at all. I was invisible to everyone.

Now, I must confront the uncomfortable reality that I have been living just one life all this time. It scares the living shit out of me. The sum of all my fears is about to happen tomorrow. I am going to meet classmates from my prior life 19 years ago. What's scarier, is that these three classmates are now team captains in charge of judging my tennis skills and deciding whether to pick me for their team. Makes me shiver! How will I handle this? Will I have sudden anxiety that will make me freak out and quit on the spot? Or will I be the brave gay man that I am supposed to be now?

Everytime I think of facing these three classmates again, my heart tightens. I feel great dred. Will they remember how much of a loner I was back then? How friendless I was? Or how I would sit at a cafeteria table all by myself every single school day? How many times I would sit alone at a library table every single lunch period rather than play with any friends? Will they remember that pathetic Brett? Or will they give me a chance to show them how great I have progressed? Perhaps the biggest question we should all ponder is... will I give them a chance?

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

New Orleans Trannie Hookers

We have to do something about the large Trannie Hooker problem in New Orleans. They are always lurking on the corner of Bourbon St. and St. Ann. They are some FUGLY! Who would pay for these whorish creatures? Not me! This was as close as I dared to get lest Slab fall off from some airborne Trannie Crotch Rot. Go ahead. Click on the pictures. Take a closer look. You know you want to!





What do the Trannie Hookers look like where you are from? I challenge you to find me one in your town that looks worse than these...

Meet LSU's (soon to be) Mike the Tiger VI!

Roscoe hails from Indiana. He will officially be named Mike VI sometime this week if everything continues to go smoothly. Mike the Tiger represents the majestic strength and beauty of our university. He has iconic status in Louisiana.

Mike's introduction will be just in time for next weekend's football game at Tiger Stadium. The Shrew and I will be tailgating with the Krewe of Kweeers getting well drunkety drunk in time to cheer on the LSU Tigers with 93,000 of our closest friends. I'll have to save my vocal chords because it is a HUGE GAME pitting #2 LSU against #9 Virginia Tech.

For those of you who do not know, LSU is the poster boy this season for SEC Football. The SEC nation is counting on us to thump and thrash other conference powerhouses. Then our ultimate mission to the take down #1 ranked media darling USC to prove once and for all that the SEC is better than the Pac-10. That's what everyone wants for Christmas in these parts.

We Survived Southern Decadence

I can safely say that E.Shrew and I survived Southern Decadence. There were lots of potential minefields that we navigated superbly. Atari Age joined us for the weekend of over-indulgence in every sin the Big Easy easily supplies. You folks that live in repressed conservative cities, should really come down to New Orleans and let your hair down. You'll leave VERY glowing and relaxed.

I know Atari did. You can just tell by looking at him. That boy got hit on left and right. When he wasn't getting hit on by total strangers on the street, I was passing him around to some buddies of mine. I am sure both my friends and Atari appreciated my kind gestures of giving and receiving.

I can safely vouch for Atari being a REAL PERSON. He's packing a big gun too. I think somebody whispered that to me. How else would I know? Any quirks with him? Umm... he is kind of a picky eater. While I was pigging out on a combo pizza with cheese and french silk pie, he ate much more healthier things. I guess that is why he got to parade around shirtless and I didn't. (LOL!) Atari is a good guest. We'd definitely be the bestest of buds if we lived in the same town.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Last Day of Southern Decadence

THE HOTTEST STRIPPER IN THE WORLD!



Me and E.Shrew

A North Carolina "Classic Bear". I sucked on his nipples. He's hot.

Ty LeBeouf. What a poser!

Atari took off his shirt and got plenty of attention:

Sunday, September 02, 2007

TJ WHO?




So, I was ordering drinks upstairs at the Bourbon Pub. A pretty hot guy is next to me. He's all woofy and sweaty. I looked down and suddenly noticed his arm tattoo. We lock eyes. I stammered... "Are you a porn star?" He says "yes" with the most gorgeous eyes. I asked Jake? He answered "yes". I screamed "Jake Dakota! OH MY GAWD!" So, I got to feel his soft-cotton-like hairy chest. Mmm... he sure smelled good. Aww... look he even put his sweaty hairy arm around me. HEAVEN!

Of course, as soon as we finished, I ditched E.Shrew and Atari and ran down the street screaming "I HAVE TO POST THESE!" So, here I am... admiring the beautiful man I just took pictures with. Don't worry TJ... I'll be very loving and sweet to him. ;) Wait a minute... I am Jiggy Dancing right now to this VIDEO. EVIL GRIN.