Friday, June 29, 2007

Football Upset





Today was not a good day for football. First the news out of the NFL was that they cancelled NFL Europa. Dammit! I have been following that league for the last 16 years. My favorite team was the Frankfurt Galaxy. I am going to miss them. They lost to Hamburg in the World Bowl a week ago in front of 48,000 Germans.

Today, the Brettcajun Coonass football team lost two games. We play the first team to score 5 touchdowns wins (OT if you get the ball second and score on last possession.) In the first game, I threw brilliant touchdown passes. We lost 35-28 because my Evil Twin was heavily involved in all his team's scoring, while I was mostly just the QB for our team. In the second game, I pulled a quad muscle racing for a touchdown on 4th down. Without me being in the game, it was all downhill. We lost 35-14, after being up 14-7. :( I am in the green shirt. Evil Twin is in the blue shirt. Our two nephews are the other players (12 year olds).

Football League Standings
1. Evil Twin Tornados 2-1
2. Brettcajun Coonasses 1-2

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Breeding


For the first time, I am going to try hatching eggs. I typically get about 8 eggs a day from my hens. So, I marked 4 eggs on yesterday and 4 eggs today with a big X. I put both Myrtle and Betsy in charge of sitting on these eggs until little baby chicks are hatched. Myrtle and Betsy are excellent choices because they are both going through a nesting phase. What's that? Basically, they are good girls that stay sitting in the nests all day. They don't waste away their good moral values chasing Cock.

Myrtle (Star of my last video)

Betsy

The trick is finding the slutty hens that love Cock day in and day out. The more top feathers missing, the sluttier the hens!

Basically, I am hoping all the eggs I have marked come from hens just like this* :

*This was a TJ inspired post. (one of my favorite bloggers) SMOOCH

Tabooli Has Deacon Blues

They got a name for the winners in the world
I want a name when I lose
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me Deacon Blues

I popped up bright and early at 4:45am this morning. Today was the weekly tennis grudge match against the Office Guy. I stretched all my muscles on the tennis court. My right shoulder was hurt from yesterday's football game. My hamstrings, quads, and ass all felt bruised. Though I was battle weary, I felt heroic for simply showing up for this tennis match.

As soon as my opponent stepped onto the court, I heard that familiar Kill Bill theme song in my head. You know that unforgettable music that blares whenever Uma Thurman see's an enemy assassin? This MOFO was going down. As God is my witness, I will avenge the loss from last week!

I bolted out to a 3-0 lead. Piece of cake. I was already writing my blog post in my head: WAXING OFFICE GUY. But the Office Guy (and God) had other things in store for me. The Office Guy won two straight games. I won the next. The score was 4-2. Then the Office Guy did the unthinkable and rattled off three straight victories. I was down in the set 4-5! My confidence dropped severely when I was down 30:Love in what seemed like the final game. I was doomed.
I fought back and wrestled that game away from Office guy.

We were now tied at 5-5. Then, I maliciously used the drop shot to behead the Office Guy in a hardfought game to pull ahead 6-5. I was one more victory away from getting a GIGANTIC HEAD. Could it be? My moment of glory was only minutes away! I went up 30:Love. So far... so good. Two more points and I will be ordained HOMO ruler of the sports world!

But God surely had other things in store for me. Unbeknownest to me, the last week of Big Headedness was too much for our Divine Being to stomach. He lifted the powers of Office Guy to wrestle away the one game I needed to win.

We were now tied at 6-6 and forced into the 7 point tie-breaker game. This would determine the winner. The 7 point tie-breaker game was an utter disaster for me. (stop cheering you bitches!) I lost that game 7-4 and was never ahead. :( The final score in the loss to Office Guy was: 7-6. We determine our "victories" by the winner of one set because that is all the time we have before work.

New Brettcajun's World Tennis Rankings:

1. Brettcajun
2. Whipping Boy (rarely puts together back to back wins)
3. Office Guy (2 game win streak)
4. E.Shrew (hasn't played in EONS)
5. Heath (can't beat me)

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Brettcajun Vs. Evil Twin Brother




My Nephew knew EXACTLY what to say to coax me into playing one-on-one football today. I was minding my own business watering my plants outside, when the challenge was thrown down. My Nephew said that he wanted to see who the "dominant twin" really was. He was thinking it was his Daddy, but he wanted to make sure. Those are fighting words!

My nephew was the QB for both teams. The football field was as wide as regulation, but only about 35 yards long. That grey t-shirt was drenched in sweat. I let Evil Twin Brother have the ball first. I got the wind knocked out of me twice. Once I landed on my back after catching a pass. Then, I landed hard on my shoulder trying to stop Evil Twin Brother from scoring a touchdown on fourth down. After a great 15 yard slant pass to the left, I raced down the sideline for a strike in the endzone. My quick cutbacks and lightening speed helped me score most of the time on first and second down. I was simply too much for Evil Twin Brother. Successfully stopping him on downs TWICE put the nail in the coffin. Who's the dominant twin now, punk?

Brettcajun ..............35
Evil Twin Brother ......28

And yeah... he saw me getting the Nephew to take my pics on the football field. Evil Twin Brother let out a big groan because he knew EXACTLY where these pics were going. HA HA! Now our mutal poker buddies, who read this blog, will surely rag your ass that you let your fag brother beat you in a manly game of football. Jimbo you're next!

I have no doubt that Evil Twin brother will be creating mind-blowing plays in his head at work tomorrow. He will demand a rematch as soon as I get home from work. I am not surprised. I would do the EXACT same thing. I wouldn't expect anything less from my twin brother. ;)

Monday, June 25, 2007

Back Home

I am back from San Francisco. I got home in the wee hours this morning after 5 hours crunched in a seat on the airplane. It appears that changing my flight to fly out of Oakland yesterday evening was wise, because Dallas weather today would have cancelled my flight to New Orleans. (Orbitz just called my cell phone to tell me) My partner was found sleeping in his bed exhausted from his much longer flight back home from Europe. We haven't seen each other in three weeks! I am letting him take care of errands, unpacking, etc. even though I want to pounce on him so badly right now. It's been three weeks!

I want to say a few things about this weekend while I have the chance. I got to meet a large chunk of my blogroll in a very short amount of time. It was too short though. If I hadn't seen some of these guys Thursday night, then our Friday night encounter would have been too fast. I am glad I got my butt up very early to visit with Lewis and his partner on Friday morning! It was here I got to spend more quality time with them as well as Jimmi and Dan. And that's just the thing. With so many bloggers, I never had enough time to visit with each one as much as I wanted to.

Friday night was as crazy as I thought it would be. Of all people, I ended up spending the most time talking one-on-one with someone I pissed on. That was well worth the time though! But it was a whirlwind. With all the flash photography going around, I worked that room up and down with everyone. Unfortunately, I felt I only got to spend token amounts of time with most of the other bloggers. I felt bad too! I really wanted to spend more time, but I couldn't!

When Saturday rolled around, I spent time mostly with Kelly and Jeff (is anyone surprised?) and Joe (manly-pointer). I had a full and exhausting day. I was out at the Castro on a cold and windy day, and I was more consumed with my red eye than anything else. First, I thought I had crabs in my eye pink eye, but then I was worried that perhaps the very windy conditions were affecting me. I was so exhausted after a full day at the festival, I retired to bed early (sorry Adam). So, I found myself spending more time with the few that got up early each day and were on my time schedule.

It was good to see Tony (Tony's World) at the Parade. We got to spend about 30 minutes together. He is a lot more muscular than he appears on his blog! It was nice to finally meet him and his partner Kevin. I then hung out some more with Kelly, Jeff, and Joe on the final day of the festival. In retrospect, I have to do a better job of planning beforehand so I can spend more time with each person. Maybe we should have several organized events to go to instead of just one? Something to ponder.

I want to thank Dan for organizing such a great event. This was our best chance to meet our fellow bloggers all in one place. I want to thank Moby for hosting me. I felt bad that Moby and I only spent so much time with each other, but I feel confident he understands we were both pretty strung out and on different time schedules. I did enjoy all the scary motorcycle rides through the city and his stealth-like maneveuring through moving cars. (I closed my eyes sometimes) Ha ha.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Sunday Pride









Today is my last day here in SF. The city is PACKED with people. I have never seen so many people packed in this city before. I had a lot of fun hanging with Joe (manly-pointer) and Kelly & Jeff yesterday. Kelly and I even bought leather harnesses together at the festival. I was out and about in the Castro last night for several hours in very cool and windy conditions. I retired to bed by midnight last night.

Moby has been a great host. He has once again put up with all my eccentric behavior. (taking lots of showers, waking up with the chickens, being afraid of the metal worm tubes of transportation, etc.) He even provided two porn stars the whole weekend for me to admire. Let me tell you one thing... the men here are SUPER BEEFY. They workout five days a week and HARD. I may be the shit in New Orleans... but I aint JACK here! :)

I'll try to take a lot of pics of Pride today. I am flying out of Oakland this afternoon on a late non-stop flight to New Orleans. The Shrew will be back in New Orleans this afternoon. So... I can't wait to come home and see him. It's been three weeks!

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Jester took some good pics...


Random Pics

With my short haircut and a dark room, I look extremely bald in all these pics. I'll post more soon! I am now going up to see my friend Joe and then head to the festival.




Look Mutha Fucka ...let me tell you one thing!



I am sorry.

Friday, June 22, 2007

24 Hours in San Francisco

Me, Jimmi, Lewis and Dan

Me and a Baby Chick

I had to pee on something


Well, I made it to THE CITY. I took the metal tube worm of transportation all the way to Moby's in the Castro. For a country person living in a state with NO mass transit like this, it was a little intimidating. I was fine until I walked to the place where I was transferring from Bart to the Muni station but there was no attendant on duty. I didn't know what to do. I didn't understand the instructions on the sign when no attendant was there, but I eventually figured it out. One thing that is so different here is the abscence of a large black population. I have seen more Asians here than my entire life in Louisiana. I guess the Asian population here is the same as our black population back home.

I met up with Jimmi and Dan at Badlands. Both are very nice guys. They were just like they acted in the Dan and Jimmi Variety Cast. I felt like a groupie! I tried to be "very sweet" to minimize damage control from past bad behavior on this blog. Ha ha. Then I met Dan's Donnan. He was busy serving up drinks at Badlands.

Later that night, Moby rode me through the city on his motorcycle to the Powerhouse. I was a little scared. It was like a Grand Theft Auto video game where we were avoiding cars, people, etc. I put my life in Moby's hands and made it out okay. The one thing I had to learn to do was to stop knocking my helmet against his whenever he would stop.

At the Powerhouse, we met up with Adam & Brad, Kalvin & JR, Dan & Donnan, Jimmi and Atari Age. I have to say, this is an attractive group of people. I had NO IDEA. I think everyone had a worked out body. Hanging out with this group was like hanging out with some really cool buds. The time just flew by! The best line probably came from Adam. He hugged me and said "I don't hate you". Awww... that was sweet and meant a lot.

I met Lewis from the Spirit of St. Louis and his partner with Jimmi and Dan earlier today. Lewis was soooo sweet... and let me eat his cake. It was just as delicious as I imagined. Lewis's BF was very nice. I can confirm that everyone in this group looks just as good in daylight as they do at night. I enjoyed spending this short little adventure together. By the way, these pics were stolen from Lewis's blog. I haven't taken any pics yet with my camera!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Tabooli's Day of Reckoning

I wasn't supposed to blog again until after I got to San Francisco, but something so devastating has happened to me. Don't worry, I am physically okay. I left my house this morning at 5:30am before the wreckage. It rained hard here last night. The storm system left all the roads wet this morning, but not nearly as wet as the tears that were about to stream down my face.

The wreck happened at approximately 7:00am this morning. That is the exact time when I realized I had just lost. That wasn't a typo. I actually L- L - L- Lost. I need to spellcheck that word. Yes, the Office Guy beat me in our regular Wednesday 6am tennis match. We only have an hour to play, so we just play one set. I blew a 5-3 lead and lost 7-5. I can hear you bastards in my Hater's Club cheering crazy like you are at an Oprah give away party. Bitches.

I neutralized the Office Guy's impressive serves with equally great returns. But the Office Guy had a game plan to beat me today. He used my own weapon-of-choice, the drop shot, against me. I used that against the Office Guy in our first two matches when I noticed that I had a big advantage in out hustling him. He is an ex-marine in his 40's, but he has lost about 10 pounds since we last played. His slimmer waistline greatly improved his hustling and thus neutralized any advantage I had over him. I watched in horror at the audacity in which the Office Guy made point after point on the drop shot. He ran to the net just as hard as I did too. We were charging so hard at times, I am surprised that we did not run slap into each other.

I did make the Office Guy play two additional games , in which I won both, so I could leave the tennis courts with a 7-7 record in my head. That is the ONLY reason I haven't hung myself yet. Damn. Two losses in one week. I am not used to being in the loser's lounge this frequently. My butt is beginning to make imprints in the sofa here! Dammit to hell! Arrrggghhh!!!

Now, I dare not check my email or voicemail. The calls will surely start pouring in from all the office locations gleeful that I lost to the Office Guy. I must now avoid making eye contact with anyone in the hallways. Blogworld, please pray for me that I leave today with a shred of my ego left. I feel like my largest organ has been cut out and stomped on. :( Boo Hoo... Sniff Sniff... How could this have happened to me??? Why have the Gods conspired against me today?! Why?! Why?! Why?! It truly feels like the end of the world. :(

Monday, June 18, 2007

Pre GBS2 Video



This is my final blog post before I go to San Francisco. I have a special guest with me. I talk about the Gay Bloggers 2 Summit and you may see a jiggy dance at the end. You have to have Quicktime player. This is for mature audiences only. If you really don't have a sense of humor... then do us both a favor and DON'T WATCH.

Download Here.

My Blog Rating

What's My Blog Rated?



This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

ass (9x) gay (5x) hell (4x) shit (2x) queer (1x)

Just call me "Prison Bitch"

Lately, I have been going through some lumps. As a result, I have been sleep deprived ALL WEEK. This rarely happens to me! Typically, I don't have anything going on in my Noggin to stress about. But a family issue happened. Then a mean hateful email. I have been hot wired in the head for most of the week. The bad thing is that my boyfriend hasn't been around to comfort me in times like this.

So, I went ahead and did a Britney Spears. That's right! I cut off all my hair. I am not going to put a picture of it on my blog, because I have been told by my Hater's Club that I am over my quota for the week. One more picture will fuel hate filled riots in the street. You'll just have to see it in person in San Francisco.

I walked into work this morning and my secretary says "Ooh... I don't like it!" Whatever. I told her it was my new prison bitch look. Perfect since I am going to San Francisco this week. Maybe I can get a stand-in role for Titan.

Despite only getting two hours of sleep Saturday night, I was able to defeat Whipping Boy in a deathmatch duel under the most miserable of conditions. The temperatures were in the high 90's and the humidity in the 80's. Hell, I even went out in the French Quarter and hung out with a bunch of buddies.

Looking back on the week that was... I could clearly see that the lack of sleep made me more paranoid than usual. But my friends still loved me just the same. It is so funny. I get invited to all the A-list parties. I get approached first about entering Daddy or Leather contests. I keep my social calendar pretty full. Unfortunately, instead of focusing on my personal achievements for being well liked in the community, I have to spend all my energy and time focused on one hateful email and a family practice that has been in place for years.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

My Sunday Church Sermon

It's been nine long days without my partner, E.Shrew, around. I will not see him again in eight more days. This personal time away from each other has giving me a lot of time to reflect. I am Shrew-less. Sooo... anything I say, do, or experience is totally on me. That means I have had a great opportunity to explore life as an individual. It is kind of a good time to do a checkup on me personally.

My personality comes from three major areas: my upbringing, religious background, and career. In a lot of ways, I have become a version of my father. Only the entrepreneural spirit and woman chasing gene didn't get passed down to me. I often like to pick on others and I can be a "shit stirrer". It is true that I, like my father, somehow get a kick out of others reactions. It an amusement to us. If I pick on you, it is usually done light heartedly and means that I like you. On the religious front, I was passively raised Catholic. I have no fear that I am going to burn in the fires of hell or turn into a pillar of salt. I wasn't raised to be mindfucked by some hocus-pocus bullshit long used to suppress the feeble minded. Then there is my career. I work for a successful family company. I have never had to worry about my behavior being found out and it hindering my career. I am very lucky in that sense.

So... VOILA ...now you denizens of Earth have this Brett monster to deal with. Well, I say don't look at me as a monster. Look at me as an oddity that should be appreciated for it's rareness. I am not blind to my actions, behavior, or words. As much OPENNESS and wearing my feelings on my sleeve I exhibit, you guys sure give feedback packaged right back to me that way. I realize I can be a presence or a nuissance. Brett Happens. But instead of trying to make me boring like so many bloggers, why can't we all just let me do my thing and appreciate the oddity of it all?

To clear up a few misconceptions:

1. No, I don't put myself above everyone else, have a God complex, or love myself too much. I am actually HIGHLY critical of myself. I am constantly on my own ass on just about everything I do. My worst critic IS myself. I do listen to what others say, and try to make adjustments in my behavior if someone successfully convinces me that I am out of line. But I can always look at the bigger picture, whereas some of you seem to miss the forest for the trees.

2. My "personality" creates lots more friends than enemies. The people who don't like me haven't invested enough time in really getting to know me. They pull things out the air and render their "YOU ARE EVIL" verdict. But you know what? I DO realize that not everyone is going to like me and that is OKAY. I chalk it up as their loss. You may go around thinking I am full of myself, but what if I am really just more self actualized than you are?

And finally, I want you folks out there to know that I was so held back by my own insecurities about being different, that I shut myself out from everyone. I thought I was the only gay in the village. My life changed drastically after I came out and I was finally among my people. Now, I can confidently say that I have many friends and I am thankful for them all. So, I successfully changed from being very socially retarded to the cool person I am today. :)

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Birthday Hangover - UGH!



I am so hungover. UGH! There were too many free flowing shots and beers from bartenders and friends. UGH. I am feeling it this morning. Kinda feels like a bus ran over me. Where's my blogger buds when I need them? I need Kelly to massage my neck. Moby cook something. I am starving. Where's the mouthwash? My breath is icky. Blah. Where in the hell are my personal assistants? I need some TLC and detox. I don't wanna go to rehab... NO NO NO...

The great thing about staying at the Shrew's batchelor's pad in the French Quarter, is that I can take many luxurious showers and turn it into my own rehab sanctionary. Ahhh... how I love to take showers... takes all the discomfort away. I don't want to see the Shrew's water bill this month.



UPDATE: Okay... I am leaving the Rehab center and going home to the country. I have already heard TWO reports before 5pm today of bad behavior by someone that looks like me. I SWEAR I didn't remember ANY OF IT. Could there be another brettcajun roaming around? I am horrified. I am punishing myself tonight.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Mirror Mirror on the Wall... Who's the Prettiest 37 25 Year Old of them All?



You see folks... I used to get depressed about my birthdays, but not anymore! I have made a vow today to stop worrying about getting old. How did I come to this breakthrough? Well, quite frankly... I am now officially using my mental age of 25. After doing so, I feel sooo much better! And just between you, me, and the lamp post...I am holding up pretty well compared to some of my friends. While they battle their expanding waistelines, saggy sugar tits, and gray hair, I only have to worry about my crows feet. Thanks to good Cajun genes, lots of working out and exercise, and timely expenditures on facial products, I think I have put myself together pretty well! Look out New Orleans... this twink is coming down to PAR - TAY all weekend! Woohoo!

Losing Away in Loserville

Well, this is what it is like to be in Loserville. It's kind of creepy! I have only been here a few times in my life. It is pretty dank and dreary here. It looks like something where Gollum would live. Hmmm... it seems like Whipping Boy has made a nice cozy home here for himself. Let's see... he has a fridge and cabinets full from all his frequent visits. Plenty boxes of those fattening Toaster Streudals he eats. (explains a lot) Wow. There is even internet, cable tv, and a telephone. Damn! Whipping Boy must be lounging around here full time! Jeez... I am glad I only visit this dreadful place every once in a blue moon. Whipping Boy can't win back to back any better than he can swing a bat or shoot a hoop. (it's always all air) Well, I guess I'll visit this place again sometime in late 2008. Whipping Boy sure is keeping this place looking well lived-in. That's important for insurance purposes! Don't worry... I didn't touch your precious or dare peek into The Book of Ralph.

GBS Shirt Pose



I got my two GBS shirts in yesterday. I am not one of those big picture taking whores, so I only have two pics for you fellows. I also got a maroon t-shirt. (not pictured) By the way, I cropped the pics because I am in my boxers and didn't want you guys to see Slab in the morning. This is his feeding time. I am sparing ya'll from the one eyed monster.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Ending The Sadness of Their Charade

My southern family is in woeful need of being fixed. When I am with the family, I am the black sheep. When I bring my partner, you would think I am bringing over an unwelcome anxiety to meet the family. They are perfectly polite, but there is an unease that they all try to mask. They can be perfectly chatty, but they give off this vibe that my lifestyle makes them nervous. Conversations are sometimes strained and words are chosen very carefully around the young ones because they all really think my lifestyle is a choice. God knows that sexuality is something you choose off a menu on a whim. I must be awfully boring in my menu selections because I keep picking the same item.

It is always the same old routine with my family. FIRST, I get the dreaded phone call inquiring if I am home alone. THEN, if I am home alone I am asked if I want to join the family immediately for a get together. My family thinks this is perfectly acceptable to treat me this way. There always seems to be some underhanded wheeling and dealing going on so I can't bring my partner.

When I beat them at their game and bring over my partner anyway, my father inwardly gets the redass. He'll even mention it to me later at work, "Why didn't you leave him home? Why can't you just be with your family?" Yes, apparently it is perfectly okay to let me know that they really only want to see me.

If my father is the kingpin in this scheme, then my mother is the habitual apologist. My poor mother. In her most exasperated voice, she says "Well what can I do? I can't change your father." Mother, you can do a lot more. I am so tired of being laden with your guilt trips for not being around the family as much nowadays. Why would I want to be around a bunch of people who only wants to accept half of me? I think it is sad that they choose to pretend that the other half of me (the more fabulous half) doesn't exist. Or if he does exist... he's hidden away in a broom closet.

Tonight, my mother expressed her hurt that I already had plans on my birthday this Friday. She tells me that they were thinking about taking my twin brother and I to dinner. Perfect for you folks that my partner is in Europe right now, huh? How much would you like to bet if my partner was here, then they would do nothing for my birthday?

This is the agony I must endure with my family. They seem to think that their actions have no consequences on me. I am sorry... but you folks can do MUCH BETTER. For all the things they have done for me, I still deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.

So, this Friday... I will be celebrating my birthday with a more loving family... my friends. They happen to love me unconditionally. My friends don't psychologically torture me by only liking half of me. I suffer in sadness because my family carries forth of it only being MY problem. I didn't choose this lifestyle, but I can choose to end the sadness caused by their charade.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

My Inner Rebellion

I often wonder who this blogger "brettcajun" is sometimes. I definitely see patterns in my persona. I hate losing, growing old, and flying in airplanes. I love winning, traveling and watching sports. You know how I like throwing in a racy picture of myself every now and then to elicit a response. I relish pushing the envelope on this blog doing things that none of you others out there would dare to do.

But why? What is driving me? How can I possibly live up to this "brettcajun" character? You guys that will be in San Francisco next week surely expect some oversexed sword wielding tazmanian devil don't you? How can I possibly live up to that hyped up guy? The truth is... I can't.

The more I continue on with this blog, the more I realize that my blog persona is really me projecting things about myself that I admire the most. It is probably me being at what I consider my very best. It is a person that I very much admire.

But I am afraid I am not really this strong. The sad truth is that I am wimpier in the real world. At work, I would probably be called "passive" by co-workers. I typically strive for unity over strife. I have a hard time with confrontation. I avoid it like the plague. Does this surprise you?

You should be a tad surprised considering all the chaos my blog persona creates, huh? Yes. I think so too. I often wonder about this brettcajun person. I would like to think in the end that he helps me learn more about myself. I would like to think that he does more good than harm. If he is bringing me closer to self actualization... then great!

What is Brettcajun? Brettcajun is probably a manifestation of my inner rebellion against myself. That is very close to the truth. I sense this. But I also think he is a part of me as everything else is. I do know one thing. I will never stop blogging. It is a part of me. I know in my heart that blogging gives me a tremendous outlet to express myself. It may be all inner child... but I love that part of me.

Monday, June 11, 2007

MY BLOGGER PRIDE VIDEO


Download Here. You have to have Quicktime player. This is kind of explicit and for entertainment purposes only. Basically just me goofing around and being a shithead. Not intended for children, families and especially NOT my family. (You country bumpkins shouldn't read my blog anyway! Peeping Tom Perves!) You would never think I am turning 37 this Friday after this video! HA HA!

Louisiana Hot Sun Bearing Down on my Pudge

Those ten extra pounds I have around my waisteline meant nothing as I cleaned up on the tennis courts yesterday. In a high humidity day with temperatures close to 100 degrees, I battled it out for almost three hours with Heath. I bolted out to a 4-1 lead in the first set, before blowing it. Heath rattled off 4 straight victories to take a 5-4 lead. I was distracted by all the old fogies playing near us I suppose. With a rare loss looming on my ass, I sharpened my play to finish Heath off with three straight wins. I took the first set 7-5 after feeling that hot Louisiana sun bear down on me. During the second set, I bolted out once again to a 4-1 lead. Heath won a couple more games to cut it to 4-3. But sadly for him, he melted like the candy bar he is named after... and I finished him off in straight sets 7-5, 6-3. Pudgier or not... I am still a competitor to be dealt with as I celebrate my fourth straight tennis match victory. :) Who can stop me?

Brettcajun's Tennis World Rankings:

1. Brettcajun
2. Whipping Boy
3. Office Guy
4. E.Shrew
5. Heath

Saturday, June 09, 2007

HUNG OVER

Jeeez.... it is 6:00am and I feel like crap. My Tranny name would be Trainwrecka. UGH! One last night with E.Shrew before he jets off to Europe for two weeks. The Bourbon Pub. Good friends. Five big ass shots and seven beers knocked me off my ass. I remember telling my favorite couple in the whole wide world I loved them hundreds of times. E.Shrew and the couple wouldn't stop staring at me and talking about me. GRRRROOOOOWWWWL. Lordy Lordy. Look what I have done. I went out with a bang for E.Shrew's last night. Lord knows what I did or what I said. I will surely be reminded of last night and embarrassed by it over and over again. UGGGH! Yes. even on weekends and knocked on my ass... I get up with the chickens!

I'll meet a friend for a nice gym workout in a little bit (even though I am still hung over). Then, off to the French Market for the Tomato Festival! Woohoo. I love New Orleans. Always something fun to do.

Friday, June 08, 2007

45 Random Things about Me.

Forty-Five Random Things About Me. (Tonka tagged my ass)

1. What’s your name spelled backwards? nujac tterb

2. What did you do last night? Drove to Baton Rouge. Turned Around. Drove to New Orleans to see the Shrew. Went out to the Bourbon Pub. Saw Brian, Greg, Jody, and John all last night. A good night!

3. The last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Steely Dan ITunes Essentials.

4. Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery? Yes, I have. It was strangely fascinating.

5. Last time you swam in a pool? The Shrew's Batchelor Pad Pool in the French Quarter.

6. What are you wearing? Polo shirt. Jeans. Columbia Cross-Terrain Suspension shoes. Boxers.

7. How many cars have you owned? FOUR. Toyota Pickup, Ford Tempo, Pontiac Grand Am, Nissan Pathfinder. Gradually moving up from trailer trash to Soccer Mom.

8. Type of music you dislike most? Holy Roller Music on the radio gets changed the quickest.

9. Are you registered to vote? Of course. Registered Democrat. GO HILLARY 2008!!!

10. Do you have cable? Yes, fiberoptic digital cable and digital phone for my HiDef widescreen television.

11. What kind of computer do you use? Windows XP Pro at work. Mac Power Book Pro laptop at home.

12. Ever made a prank phone call? Only to friends for SHOCK and AWE.

13. You like anyone right now? I like my Dogs. I like the Shrew. I lust for Durban Bud.

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? Probably not unless I knew I only had a month left to live.

15. Furthest place you ever traveled? This is embarrassing. I haven't been outside Canada, Mexico, or the Carribean. I guess the answer would be Whistler Ski Resort in Alberta.

16. What’s your favorite comic strip? Garfield.

17. Do u know all the words to the national anthem? Probably Not. I would screw it up and mix it up with the words to the prayer "Our Father".

18. Shower, morning or night? I shower every morning and every night. I always like to "be prepared" and be squeaky clean. On weekends, I could very well shower three times a day. Ask Mark from zeitzeuge about my clean shower obsession.

19. Best movie you’ve seen in the past month? Some pay per view straight porn on my cable tv.

20. Favorite pizza toppings? Black Olives, Green Pepper, Mushrooms, Pepperoni, Italian Sausage, Cheese, Bacon.

21. Chips or popcorn? Kettle Chips or Zapps Potato Chips (A Louisiana product!)

22. What cell phone provider do you have? Cingular

23. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? No.

24. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? LOTS! Every Debutante in the South grows up with their Mama entering them in beauty pageants. My last title was "Mr. Bayou Grizzlies 2006". My reign of terror is almost over.

25. Orange Juice or apple? Orange Juice.

26. Who were the last people you sat at lunch with? Probably the Shrew after fixing him the best roast beef sandwhich he has ever had.

27. Favorite chocolate bar? Caramello. Give me the sugar rush I need.

28. Who is your longest friend and how long? Cruella Deville. (since 1993)

29. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? Two days ago for a family burger cookout at my sister's house.

30. Have you ever won a trophy? I am E.Shrew's trophy husband. ;)

31. Favorite arcade game? My most favorite of all time... Roger Wilco of Space Quest lore.

32. Ever ordered from an infomercial? HELL NO!

33. Sprite or 7-UP? Doesn't matter. Tastes the same.

34. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work? Cintas uniforms at work sometimes.

35. Last thing you bought at Walgreens? Facial Exfoliation, De-wrinkle creams.

36. Ever thrown up in public? Last time was after I got off a ride that turned you around and around and upside down.

37. Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love? Finding true love. Passion, Love of Sports, and Masculinity is what turns me on the most.

38. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes.

39. Spongebob or Jimmy Neutron? Sponge Bob is a SUPERSTAR! LOVE HIM!

40. Did you have long hair as a young kid? Not really. Worse thing was the perms my mom used to give me and my twin brother. We looked like we had hair club for men weaves on! HA HA!

41. What message is on your voicemail machine? Something boring. No one calls my home number but telemarketers. I get contacted mostly by email or my cell.

42. Where would you like to go right now? To Washington DC. I have never been. I would love to sniff around Jimbo and Durban Bud.

43. Whats the name of your pet? Boudreaux and Pierre (dogs). Rocky (rooster). Myrtle, Betsy, Mary Contrary, Roadrunner, Henny Penny, Fancy, Miss Goldie, Rosie, and Minnie Pearl (Hens).

44. What kind of back pack do you have, and what’s in it? I have a Swiss Army black deluxe back pack. It is essentially my man purse, gym bag, overnight bag, carry on bag, etc. I have it crammed with bills to pay, Mac Book Pro, phone numbers, receipts, usb flash drives, my jock strap, loose change, and my shaving kit.

45. What do you think about most? SEX.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Everyone with Testicles... please observe a moment of silence




I just witnessed something I wished I hadn't. As a male member of the human species... I could only feel extreme sorrow. I have images in my head that will now never go away. Two colts were castrated today on the farm. YIKES! Poor horsies. I was told that the horse is injected with a "date rape" drug. He see's "pink elephants". He soon collapses on the grassy field. The deed is done. My eyes have never seen such horror. Within 10 minutes the horse wakes up from his drug induced state and apparently never knows what happened. Did you know it is considered good luck to throw the balls on the barn roof afterwards? Neither did I! Needless to say... no one wanted to. We all felt all of our manhoods were a little cut today. :(

Bitch Slapping the Office Guy

The Office Guy, an ex-marine, was ready for duel #2 in an epic tennis battle this morning at 6am. He had been practicing for two whole months for the rematch. In our last battle, I was initially on my heels as I watched in horror as he scored Ace after Ace with awesome serves. The Office Guy's serves come at you fast and furious with a curve either way to the left or way to the right. I literally only have a couple seconds to react. Being the competitor that I am, I learned real quick to be on my toes and beat him with stealth placement and excellent hustling. Every fiber in my being sharpened and tensed up to beat him 6-4, 6-0 in our first match.

This time would be different. The Office Guy entered the tennis court with a swagger. He was confident this time would be different. Just as I expected, each serve was just as awesome as before, but this time he had a hustling ability that matched mine. Oh shit! He rarely double faulted, unlike in our first match. Each game was excruciatingly long. The Office Guy's tactic was to slowly work his way closer and closer to the net. My challenge was to keep him as far away from the net as possible. (or to at least win half those skirmishes at the net)

Despite falling behind in each game, I went up 2-0 on the Office Guy. I play best when my back is against the wall. This continued my latest trend of starting off strong. The Office Guy then rattled off three straight wins as he was playing a perfect game while I was running around making mistakes. He scored three Aces on my ass in that stretch. I had to do something to take away his serve strength. My back was against the wall, but I found the strength to consistently nail the corner crosscourt with speed and ferocity that matched his serves. That became my "money shot" that had the Office Guy on his heels.

After slugging it out for one hour and twenty minutes, I won the first set 6-4. We were both drenched in sweat. With only 45 minutes left until we were both supposed to be at work, we had no choice but to call it a game. I walked off that court proud of how well I played up to my fierce competitor. This marks my third straight victory. Who can stop my streak? Can anybody? I am now ready to put Kelly and Jeff's ass on the court and bully them around. And David in Seattle... you'll be sleepless soon after the horror I got coming to your ass. ;)

Monday, June 04, 2007

Doggie Loving

Download Here. You have to have Quicktime player. I do speak in this video eventually.

Boudreaux
Pierre
Brettcajun
Crystal Gayle
Two Love Songs
Scandalous!

Are You Ready for the Hookers Ball?

In 18 days, all the hookers in the blogworld will descend upon San Francisco for the Grand Hooker's Ball. This is not a low rent blowjobs-in-the-parking lot working girl convention. Think of it more like a high class Heidi Fleiss madames convention. What I am trying to say is that this will be the Who's Who in gay blogworld. This is the first time that we'll all see who Photoshop's the most, who's the truthseeker, who's the insatiable, and who's the no show.

This is high pressure folks. We will practically be on the big stage naked and in full frontal view of each other. First impressions are important. If I am pudgy during that one weekend, everyone will consider me pudgy for the rest of my blog life. What if you get a pimple? You'll be pimple boy for the rest of your blog life. See what I am talking about?! This is high pressure folks!!!

What if my camera crew runs slap into Kelly's during a grand production? There will be HELL TO PAY if my show is ruined! I might also suggest that Dan and Jimmi have stun guns ready just in case there is no silence on the set of their DanNationCAST because too many attention whorish bloggers are too busy videocasting, podcasting, or photoshooting.

Can't we have handlers available to assist us all? Handlers can be made available to smooth over the clashing of egos, hissy fits, tooting your own horn, trying to toot Adam or Kelly's boyfriend's horn, or any diva-like behavior.

My personal handlers are in charge of preventing anyone challenging me to a Jiggy Dance Whore Off. The thought of someone studying all my cool moves, dissecting them, and outdoing me to sixteen and 1/2 minutes of thunderous applause makes my spine shiver. I have my pineapple prop ready just in case.

In the meantime, I'll be OCDing at the gym every single day just in case Atari or Kalvin wants to do me. I have been trying really hard to read the urban dictionary so I will be able to communicate with Chad Fox. Just in case I run into this hunk, who renders me speechless and frozen, I will try to get some psychotherapy. Oh that reminds me... I need to check in with Moby to make sure he can accomodate and feed my entire film crew as well. ;)

Friday, June 01, 2007

Tugging Nipples Gives Me Away...


For any victims of nipple tugging done by me at the bars... I am sorry. I can't help it. It is almost instinctual. It is a bad habit I can't stop. I ... must ... tug ... your... nipple... can't .... stop .... must .... tug ... nipple! If you have been one of my victims, then you should take it in stride and feel flattered. Why? Because if I tug your nipple... then I think you are HOT! If I don't tug your nipple, then in a nutshell... you are not hot to me. Those that frequent the Bourbon Pub in New Orleans are always at risk for getting their nipples tugged by me. Don't fret. Just grin and bear it. Me nip tugging you is basically the tell tale sign that gives my HOT/NOT HOT meter away for everyone to see. For better or worse... now you know!

PROGRAMMING NOTE:

The previous blog entry was yanked after it was a ratings loser. It certainly was NOT the typical fluffy post you see on blogs these days. I am supposed to be the Sandra Dee of Jiggy Dancing. For an established blogger with a brand image (but no advertisers), I am supposed to be palatable to the masses. Simply put, my post about my "mentor" the crystal meth user was probably too dark and personal for anyone to read. It was about a dream I had. The first dream I can remember having in a very long time. It was so memorable and touched me that I wrote about the stream of conscienciousness floating around my head afterwards. Now, I can throw out an eye rolling pic of myself and generate 15-25 comments in one day. The silence after this post was deafening. It sounded to me like a big THUD! Since I got the feeling it was probably too personal and too shocking... I yanked it. My dick is not bigger than Rosie O'Donnel's. Just in case you were wondering.