Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Bedroom Eyes only for you...

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Back from Vacay

I am back from traveling trip # 1,000,045. You would think I have no other responsibilities with all the traveling I do. I do enjoy traveling if nothing else for the change of scenery. I sure missed New Orleans and my rugrats Boudreaux and Pierre, but I can now vouch for them being just as fine as I left them.

Some interesting observations from the past weekend:

1. With all my badness, the good must outweigh the bad because my karma seems to be good. I felt very blessed all weekend.

2. Whether at home or on the road, I am always responsible for my partner's entertainment. What's that Pink song lyric? I have no problem being anyone's pet monkey. I am very content with my station in life. I wont impress you with my clothes or my fabulous career, but that's never been an issue for me anyway.

3. I wake up at 5am central time no matter what time zone I visit. This is obviously because I was raised on a farm. I can't help it much to the chagrin of my partner. It is the number one issue in our relationship. We even have rules regarding waking up the Shrew. That rule gets reinforced and recited each and every time we go to bed at night.

4. You can have a great vacation from simply doing something different than what you ordinarily do every weekend. You don't have to GO GO GO non-stop on a trip to call it a "good trip". To me, doing something different with the one you love is always a great vacation.

5. I drink WAY MORE locally than I do when I am in a strange city. For some reason, I drink very conservatively while on vacation. When I am in the comfort zone of my home city, I can be a bigger lush than Kelly. Want proof? Last night, I drank so many Bud Lites super fast at the Bourbon Pub like it was a mandate. I was drunk off my ass when we got home. I gulped some pizza down and passed out for the night. The Shrew could have gone out afterwards and I would have never known. But I did get up at 5am like clockwork this morning!

6. With 3 1/2 weeks left until the San Francisco bloggers orgy, I am pretty much on target to be where I want to be shape-wise. The thickness in my shape has returned. The leaner look was nice to see for a while, but I am way more "fuckable" being thick. So, I will be putting less of an emphasis on having a six pack. Oh, and I need to line up some Botox appointments before I leave as I will arrive being (GASP!) 37 years old. Just kidding! ;)

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Death by flying?

For the last two days, I have had that familiar feeling of dying. It feels like my time on this Earth will soon be no more. I become nostaglic. I try to make ammends with others. I hug my beautiful dogs Boudreaux and Pierre a little harder. I toss and turn at night. My heart feels tight. I see the Grim Reaper just around the bend.

No. It's not my birthday yet. That'll be in three weeks. It's that same feeling I get every time I catch a ride on that great mechanical flying beast. You would think with as much traveling I do, that I would no longer feel this way. But I do. I can't help it.

Flying makes me emotional. It makes me think of my mortality. I am always thinking if something is going to get me, it'll be because I am riding in a 153,000 pound steel contraption soaring in the air up to 530 mph.

I'll be away on vacay for a little while. If I shall part this dear Earth, please see that Boudreaux and Pierre are well taken care of. Please see that my chickens and even Rocky the rooster is well fed and get clean water. It's been fun on this world. God Bless. Keep working out. Keep your grades up. Love your family. Raise up a Bud Lite or your favorite alcoholic beverage and hug your local barfly. Continue the fight for your rights. I love you guys. :) It's been fun!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

A Day in the Life of Brettcajun

Friday, May 18, 2007

Tragedy Strikes the LSU family:

It is with great sadness that I must report that LSU's real bengal tiger mascot Mike the Tiger has passed away at 2:23am this morning. The cause of death is renal failure. Born in 1990, Mike was 17 years old. A press conference will be held at 2 p.m. today at the LSU Vet School. Mike V (he was our fifth bengal tiger mascot) will be sorely missed. He was beautiful and well cared for. I am going to miss you Mike. What a sad day for the LSU faithful.

Mike the Tiger Prowling :

Mike's Habitat near LSU Football Stadium and PMAC :

Mike's Habitat:
Mike spent most of his days peering over at the great tradition of Tiger Stadium:

Before every home game, the LSU Cheerleaders paraded him around the stadium to thunderous applause. He would sit directly where the visiting team came out onto the field. They would always put a microphone on Mike and let him let out a big growl to kickoff the mad rabidness of LSU Football.

Something apropos to the moment at hand:

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Getting on my soapbox!

I have reached a point where I am ABSOLUTELY fed up with some people. Now, this rant may very well expose me as a "lunatic" to some, but I really don't give a fuck. I am not the problem. You are. I am enjoying the free spirit of my Gemini personality. I am happy. I have lots to be thankful for. God gave me one life to live... and I am living it. I do not need any of your opinions on how I am living my life. If I want to put silly polls or pics on my blog... then so what? Who are you to judge what I put on my blog? Being mature means having no sense of humor? Since when? What a shame you take everything I do so seriously.

Let's run down a few things in case you haven't been paying any attention. I am out to my family and co-workers. I don't live in fear of someone finding out things about my personal life. I live on the family farm and work for the family business. The head knocker is my father. He controls everything. He has been controlling everything for my entire life. Don't you think that perhaps my "immaturity" is totally related to growing up in that kind of environment?

Now don't make me start wagging my tongue about a man well over 40 who can't come out the closet because he is scared of his own shadow. Who are you scared of? Your Mama? Your brother or sister? Who are you living for? Them or you? Rather than worry about my maturity level, fix your own self first. By the way, I came out to everyone 10 years ago. When are you going to grow up and do the same? And no... I am not taking this post down. You've done riled me up too much.

Rules are for those that need to take direction...

I follow my own whims. I am pictured above wearing an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt and an Aeropostel hat. The Grim Reaper is creeping up on my ass, as I will be 37 years old in June. The "rules" dictate that I am not supposed to be wearing these brand clothes on my late 30's body. I say screw that! I happen to like the way they look and the cost is very agreeable to my budget. I am not about to wear something boring like the Penguin brand of clothes, flowery shirts, or Paw Paw clothes anytime soon. I am simply wearing what I like. Besides, my mental age is 24 years old anyway. Sure, I dress younger than I really am. So what? I have pecs, shoulders, and strong back muscles that look good in tight fitting t-shirts. I workout too damned much to not ever get to show them off. Rules are the feeble minded and those that need to take direction.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

How did they know?

You are The Emperor

Stability, power, protection, realization; a great person.

The Emperor is the great authority figure of the Tarot, so it represents
fathers, father-figures and employers. There is a lot of aggression and violence

The Emperor naturally follows the Empress. Like an infant, he is filled with enthuiasm, energy, aggression. He is direct, guileless and all too often irresistible. Unfortunately, like a baby he can also be a tyrant. Impatient, demanding, controlling. In the best of circumstances, he signifies the leader that everyone wants to follow, sitting on a throne that indicates the solid foundation of an Empire he created, loves and rules with intelligence and enthusiasm. But that throne can also be a trap, a responsibility that has the Emperor feeling restless, bored and discontent.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Jesus Called... Jerry Answered!

God. It sucks to be a Republican right-winged hate mongerer right now. This is surely a sign from God that your movement preaches false gospel and is now being punished. How is that other spreader of false doctrine doing? Pat Robertson and his creepy 700 Club. Is Pat's ticker doing okay? What about that scary out-of-touch-with-reality James Dobson?

Is this wrong of me? Nope. I don't think so. I, along with countless others, have suffered the moral judgement of Jerry Falwell. He brainwashed generations of Americans that my very existence was an abomination. Good riddance. Hopefully, the next generation of Holy Rollers will look into their hearts AND use their brains before they start spitting out untruths to the detriment of many.

Universal Truths... revealed on my poll:

Is Brettcajun an asshole?

YES! 13% (8 votes)

NO! 44% (27 votes)

Brettcajun is perfect... that Darin guy is the REAL asshole! 27% (17 votes)

Chad Fox is my Baby's Daddy! 10% (6 votes)

Screw this shit -- I just want a 3 way with Kelly and Jeff! 6% (4 votes)

Total voters for this poll: 62

Monday, May 14, 2007

Oops... I did it again!

I must have this unique talent to STIR THE SHIT. It took me all but five minutes to create the poll you see below this post. I just wanted to put something on my blog that wasn't about me. I wanted to create something that would bring the blogger community together by posting something that was fun and interesting.

Well... low and behold. I got some people pissed that I didn't put them on the poll. "You don't find me boinkable?!" Well, now I am getting news that some people on the poll may be irate for being on the damned poll in the first place. It seems like the whole thing was a bad idea from the get go. Damned if you do... damned if you don't.

In my best Eric Cartman voice - "God Dammit to HELL!!!" This blog and that post is for entertainment purposes only! Please don't take anything I do seriously. I was just doing something humorous, slightly controversial, and very entertaining. That's my MO. Comprendes?

For God sakes... the last thing I wanted to do was put another damn picture of myself on my blog. So... I try to do something funny... and get bitched at. Jeez! And now I am going to hear a lecture from Kevin M that I am once again "caring too much what people think". SON OF A BITCH! ARGGH!!!


Which blogger do you most want to BOINK! ?

Large Tony 28% (29 votes)

Brushstrokes AKA "Balls" 3% (3 votes)

Durban Bud 23% (23 votes)

Homer 27% (28 votes)

Moby 9% (9 votes)

Big Rob 10% (10 votes)

Total voters for this poll: 102

Large Tony is the MOST boinkable blogger! Congratulations Large Tony!!! You led almost the entire way. Homer actually tied you at one point at 4:30am in the morning, but you got another vote out there somewhere to push you over the top. Maybe Homer can now do the talkshow circuit and say he was one vote short of being just as boinkable as Large Tony. ;) Homer, you led a great late surge in your campaign. Your fans should be thrilled with it's efforts to put you in at #2. Durban Bud, you made a very good showing in the poll at #3 and you probably didn't even know you were a part of it. Most of the votes for Durban Bud came very early in the poll and also when Homer was right on his tail. Good Job Durban Bud!

There were a few surprise swings in the polls. As the polling began, Durban Bud and Large Tony had obvious East Coast bias. The poll numbers were heavily skewed to these two candidates. As the day went on, the votes in the South further propelled Large Tony and Durban Bud way beyond everyone else in the field. Apparently, sexy goatees and large schlongs are important to voters both on the East Coast and in the South.

Then a strange thing happened. Homer must have mobilized his zombie minions in a last ditch effort to get out the vote. Homer's late afternoon numbers surged well past Durban Bud. As the few remaining votes were still being tallied from the West Coast, Homer stood behind by only one vote to Large Tony. AMAZING FEAT! (Homer must have done a lot of last minute whoring around for votes!) The Castro district precints obviously gave Moby and Big Rob a surge in the polls in the wee hours. Both of these fine fellas have had a respectable showing in this poll. Poor Brushtrokes. That's all I can say! Maybe a last minute Jiggy Dance would have helped you in the poll. ;)

Thanks to all of you who voted in this little poll. Who knew that democracy was in action right here on this blog!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Distractions Cramp My Writing

For the third time in over a year, I am writing my SciFi novel again. Hold the laughs. It is very hard to write about something that has absolutely nothing to do with me. Look you bitches... I challenge any of you to not write about yourself, your life, or whatever drama you are currently going through. And that includes ICHAT/AIM/Yahoo Instant Messenger/Bear411 you fuckers! With the internet and buddy lists readily available on my Mac Book Pro, it is just too easy to get distracted while trying to write.

My Dachshunds are further distractions cramping my writing style. Now, mind you, I do LOVE the company. It is just that Boudreaux and Pierre, being the co-dependent dogs that they are, must either lay on my lap or on top of me at all times. They are relentless in trying to be close to me. I could fart, and the hairy rugrats wouldn't budge an inch! This means that the only way I can ever write on my Mac Book Pro is to creatively position my body to accomodate my dogs.

The temptation of the internet and the adoration of my furry children are not the only distractions. There are tennis tournaments I prepare for. Impaling Whipping Boy on the tennis court takes time away from my writing. I have to do all the household chores myself, as there are no illegal immigrants in my Parish. With a relatively high approval rating (translation: superstar!) with the handsy barfly crowd, I must work out. Gym time is something I absolutely cannot sacrifice. I suppose all these things help to explain why I have stopped and started writing three times in the past year!

Each break in writing isn't a total loss however. I do spend lots of time thinking about my story. I'll talk to E.Shrew about it just before his bedtime. (helps him sleep at night). Sometimes, I'll think about my writing while doing mundane tasks such as driving through bat shit crazy traffic. That was all time well spent in my book, because I have a great story in the works! Hell, if I don't interest my readers in the first five pages, then even my own mother wont read it. I would like for my book to be published one day. That is what my ego wants. (he is a slow learner)

So, my challenge is to balance writing with all the distractions. One good thing going for me is that I have never met a challenge that I couldn't hurdle over with a good dose of my OCD. Once that OCD has a fire lit under it, I am on the ground running baby! I have full confidence that my story is going to be way better than that snooze-fest drama they call Battlestar Gallatica on the SciFi channel!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

"Why I am the way I am"... Audio Podcast

Audio Podcast Download HERE.

Monday, May 07, 2007

The Hottest Artist in the World of Music

Amy Winehouse has definite gay appeal!

Have you loved a Mexican today?

So, I see this cute Mexican at Jazz Fest yesterday.

He had no shoes. He had to constantly ice down his bare feet because it was a hot day.

We let him hang with us. Fed him beer. Made him listen to Steely Dan.

We all pitched in and bought him some flip flops. He'll need that when he makes his trek to San Francisco tomorrow. We are all going to miss him terribly.

This may or may not be an actual accounting of events. I was really buzzy yesterday. I can only go by my memory and the pics I found on my camera. ;)

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Tate is Great!

Tate Tullier does AMAZING photography. His photography website is: Check him out! I got more pictures back from this talented photographer and I was blown away by the results. I can't post every pic on my blog though. Some are nudes. Those are going in the brettcajun vault. I am sure you guys understand. ;)

Friday, May 04, 2007

The Subtle Nuances of Greeting Her Majesty, the Queen of England, and Brettcajun:

Considering Queen Elizabeth II is now in our country for this weekend's Kentucky Derby, it is high time we all brush up on our knowledge of how to greet her majesty the Queen of England and this queen.

1. Rise when she enters the room.

Men should fawn when I pass by and be prepared to immediately get down on their knees should the call to action ever come when I enter the local watering hole.

2. If you make eye contact with her, it’s ok to smile. She will be introduced by a host.

Don't wait for E.Shrew to introduce me. In fact, I'll be walking around like the Shrew is not even there. Make cruisey goo goo eyes at me and lower your eyes towards my protruding crotch. This is the only proper way to pay your respect.

3. Give a gentle but firm handshake when she offers her hand after the introduction.

A grope, nipple tug, and buttocks cupping is what I expect. It is considered rude to simply offer a peck on the cheeks when I offer my hand on any of your parts.

4. Refer to the queen as “your majesty.” Lower nobility, like her husband The Duke of Edinburgh, are “your highness.”

I am to be referred to as "your slabness", "sexy", or "coonnass". The only proper way to address the Shrew is "your evilness".

5. Women can give a slight curtsy, crossing the right foot behind the left and bowing slightly.

Women are to immediately gasp, spin around and head straight out the door. Their presence is neither requested nor wanted whenever I hold court.

6. Men should bow their heads slightly when shaking hands with her.

Men should wait for the signal. If I give the bedroom eyes signal, you may greet me with a kiss on the mouth. A tongue only if I initiate it. For those who get the polite but plastic smile, you may only kiss me on the cheek.

7. Wait for her host to lead her to you, do not walk up to her.

This queen rathers the throngs of fans crowding her space and rushing to get to meet her. I am the star and you are the starfuckers. Comprendes?

8. The queen will steer the conversation and determine when it ends.

Generally, I can only spare five minutes before I must move on unless I find you incredibly sexy. Then, my attention is all yours for the evening. Generally, it is not much talking going on but plenty hugging and fondling.

9. Lastly, don’t touch the queen during conversation: not only is it considered impolite, her security will likely swarm in on you.

Don't worry about E.Shrew. Typically, I seem to forget he is even around during times like this. It is VERY IMPORTANT to touch this queen. I am very handsy and only respect others who are equally so. Sharing our admiration for each other can only be accomplished by the physical and not the verbal.

There you have it. Rules how to greet her majesty, the Queen of England, and Brettcajun the other queen. By the way, if every post this week has been cocky, blame it on grueling times in the gym and beating Whipping Boy back to the Stone Ages. A good drumming on the tennis courts will actually cure me back to being humble. ;) Let us all pray!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Revenging Thy Foe

Wikipedia defines REVENGE as the vengeful wish that consists of forcing the perceived wrongdoer to suffer the same pain that they inflicted in the first place. An extreme case of revenge was on my mind when I met Whipping Boy at sundown today. The bitter taste of defeat kept my mind focused on the task at hand. It was high time I was going to administer the big knockout punch he so richly deserved. Whipping Boy was going down!

With the humiliation of losing etched permanently in my mind, I walked on to the courts of God foresaken Jefferson Parish with justice to administer. My plan was to open up strong and stay strong until Whipping Boy was splattered, snuffed out, and put out. From the opening game to the end, that nail in his coffin was prominently on display. Whipping Boy could not make any adjustments. I wouldn't let him. I made him play defense the whole match. He watched in horror as the impotence in his play was being exposed by muscle, grit and sheer determination.

Whipping Boy was fully throttled 6-2, 6-3 in straight sets. The unrelenting shock and awe of my drop shots made his head spin faster than Linda Blair's nappy one. Whipping Boy couldn't win on "winners" this game. He had more unforced errors than ever before. In less than one hour, I delivered one of the most lopsided results in our storied history. I could only lift up my asswhooping-delivering racquet and blow off the smoke rising from it. Revenge was SOOOO sweet!

As a result of Whipping Boy's piss poor defense of his #1 ranking, he predictably tumbles down the poll after only a very brief stint on top. I can only SMIRK at the misfortune. ;)

Brett's World Rankings*:

1. Brettcajun
2. Whipping Boy
3. E.Shrew
4. Office Guy
6. E.Twin
7. Peppy

*I am still waiting to put a few "L's" on BrianD's, Kevin's and Heath's ass in the near future so they can be properly ranked in this poll. It's coming!

If You Are Sexy and You Know It... CLAP YOUR HANDS. CLAP! CLAP!

I have finally figured out my weight/diet ratio that maximizes my sex appeal. I usually operate in extremes, so whether I am pigging out or dieting... the results are usually punctuated with an (!) point. These pics were taken in my leanest of days a month ago when I was going full throttle "Drop the Pudge". They have been heavily cropped to keep the blog PG-13. ;) Since then, I have gained back five pounds to get the ideal weight for me.

My secret sex appeal formula is: work out upper body twice a week, lower body once a week, play a strenuous two hour tennis game against a real opponent. Eat half bad. Eat half good. Good sex. A good sense of humor. A little color on my face (some sun exposure). StriVectin-SD. Keep my beard trimmed to a 5 day growth. That is the formula that works for me. If I stick to this formula, my approval rating goes up.
What is your secret formula?