Saturday, March 31, 2007

Walking in the horse pasture... good for your soul.

Thursday, March 29, 2007


As I stared across the court at my new tennis foe, I kept repeating "I AM NOT GOING DOWN LIKE THIS!" I was down 1-3 in the first set against a new salesman at our company. He is a jock that coaches two soccer teams in his spare time. He is taller and built bigger than I am. He had a killer serve that curved hard to the left or to the right. When I was initially making contact with his serves, the ball would fly way off the court. I finally got used to returning his serves and pulled even at 3-3. Then I lost a game. I was down 3-4. NO MAS! I worked hard at winning the next three games to take the first set 6-4. He was dejected.

During the second set, each and every game was very competitive... but I was just a little more consistent and hit a little sharper. I waxed him in the second set 6-0. The final score was 6-4, 6-0. Put that in your crawfish etouffee!

I either had everything to lose from playing this match or everything to gain. If I had lost, everyone where I work would have made fun of my tennis skills. I would have been the laughing stock at the whole company. I would have been declared a "fraud". Fortunately, the message is going to be heard LOUD and CLEAR that I whoop ass on the courts. Woohoo! Victory tastes oh so sweet.

Slave Boy

Tuesday, March 27, 2007



Our Coach resigned on the eve of the NCAA Tournament. Things looked bleak for the LSU Lady Tigers. But who needs a coach now?! How do you win a Championship? WITH SYLVIA FOWLES AND DEFENSE!!! LSU is making it's fourth Final Four appearance in a row. Our star player is junior Sylvia Fowles who is a monster on the court. The SEC is dominating the Women's NCAA Tournament because stellar speed + swarming intense defense = National Championship. All the Pac 10 teams, being the pacifists that they are, were muscled out the tournament. No big surprise there.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Armed Robbery in New Orleans

Someone robs you at gunpoint in the French Quarter. You call the police and they file a report. They contact you the next day recovering your stolen possessions and tell you that they caught the guy that robbed you. A year passes by and you are often wondering if something ever happened to that person. You have never been asked to pick them out of a lineup nor have you been contacted to testify against the person in court. Even though the minimum sentence is 15 years in jail for armed robbery, you have this sinking feeling that nothing was ever done to this person and he has been long released back on the streets.

This is an all too common feeling for the people who live in New Orleans. They do not feel safe because there is no one here to protect them. How can you say there is a justice system in New Orleans if the bulk of the crimes are not prosecuted? In the local media, NOPD blames the DA's office for not prosecuting enough cases. The DA's office blames NOPD for not giving them cases that are good enough to prosecute. What's the truth here?

What the city of New Orleans needs for the French Quarter: more cameras covering every street from every angle, quick charges brought against the criminals, quick testimony from victims, and the quick prosecution of criminals. The victims need to be notified of the status of the prosecution of the criminal. If the criminal gets let loose back on the streets because of a technical error, foul up, or too much time passed before their case was heard... then the victim should be informed of this. This would serve the purpose of evaluating the effectiveness of the justice system.

Effectiveness cannot happen when bureaucry eats away at time. Justice should have a sense of urgency and be immediate. Why can't victims be brought to the NOPD headquarters immediately to give their testimony? If the armed robber is caught, why can't the victims get to pick them out of a lineup that same day? Why can't there be some court system set up to quickly examine the evidence, interrogate the parties, prosecute and sentence someone for armed robbery?

Why is it so hard for New Orleans to conduct basic justice in an efficient manner? There is a balance of justice that must occur to make sure the innocent are not wrongly incarcerated, but I think most will agree with me that in New Orleans... the scales are tipped heavily in favor of criminals.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Geaux SEC!

The SEC is running roughshod through the NCAA Women's Basketball Tournament. LSU defeated Florida State LATE last night to go onto to the Elite 8 against the UCONN Husssies. It'll be a rematch game where the Huskies barely escaped Baton Rouge with a one point win on national television. The Teneessee Lady Vols play a TOUGH Marist team today. Ole Miss has a date with the Oklahoma Sooners. Jawja (Georgia) plays Purdue.

The ACC lost three games yesterday (Duke, NC St., and FSU). Their conference is down to ONE team... the UNC Lady Tarheels. I have watched UNC play in this tournament, and I wouldn't be surprised if they got eliminated before the Final Four. This is not going to be the ACC's year like it was last year. It is looking a whole lot like the SEC's year. Yeah... we dominate football... and now we are here to dominate women's college basketball.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

The Price I Must Pay

I am starving. I am chewing on baby cut carrots and I am still hungry. I am tired of this dieting and exercise shit. Sure... I did manage to drop my weight for the Austin tennis tournament, but I am really still pudgey. Eliminating the pudge on this 36 year old body is going to take more effort. So, today I worked out my upper body hard this morning. I have eaten: a bannana, a Muscle Milk Shake, a protein bar, a skimpy grilled chicken salad, and baby cut carrots. I have a grueling 45 minute Spinning Class to go to in a little while. Sounds like fun huh?

But at what price? This sucks. I must endure the smells of fried food and pizza all day at the office from co-workers. They are the typical overweight Americans. They pig out and boy does it show! If you ask them, they say I am "scrawny". Lord knows they look like they are all carrying around baby elephants. In the gay world, I am a little on the pudgey side. I don't have a washboard stomach (never had that) or a six pack. I can pass as having a decent shape ONLY by expertly mastering the sucking-in-technique. Yeah, so if my face looks blue when I am wearing a tight t-shirt... you'll know why! But oh do I crave my Taco Bell #4: a Mexican Pizza and two taco supremes ready to explode sour cream in my mouth at every bite. (I am literally salivating as I am typing this.)

I must endure all this low calorie eating and exercise, because I can't stand looking at my side profile in the mirror. Boy do I look pregnant! I can mask this somewhat by skillfully sucking in. Of course, I am trying to minimize how much sucking in I need to do. Why? Because sometimes when you are visiting with friends and forget to suck in 100% of the time, those dickhead friends gleefully point out my pudge. Those are the embarrassing times I'd like to minimize. It is the price I must pay for having dickhead friends. Or is it the price I must pay for being a gay man?

Truth trickling out about Pokey on ESPN Message Boards?

LSU Lady Tigers former head coach Pokey Chatman

"Common sense!! Those of us who live in Baton Rouge and have lived in BR all know who Pokey's lover is. It was no secret. Now it becomes a problem because once Pokey (senior at the time) graduated, her lover (freshman at the time) was still in school. After about two years, Pokey became an assistant, and that's where the "problem" came in! Pokey was first a teammate and then assistant coach, when her lover was only a Junior. "


The TRUTH about Governor Kathleen Babineaux Blanco's decision...

“When I look back at the storms, if I had had the knowledge that I would be treated as a pariah by the national Republicans in office, I would have joined the Republican Party to save my state,” Blanco quipped.“Then I would have been hugged and kissed and lifted, and I would have been declared the best governor in this whole country,” Blanco said in an interview Wednesday at the Governor’s Mansion. “I wish I had realized that earlier. I think that was the fatal error.”

She's right. Look how well the federal government has treated Mississippi and it's Republican Governor Haley Barbour. Mississippi has been treated a lot more favorably than Louisiana because, as good ol' boy Republicans, they have the President's ear. We all know how well this administration rewards loyalty. Our Governor was painted in the same light that they try to paint Senator Hillary Clinton or Senator Mary Landrieu. Just because they are women and Democrats, the good ol' boy network tries to run them through the mud.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

You've been a good Governor...

Our first female Governor Kathleen Blanco will not seek re-election. Instead, Kathleen will spend the rest of her term helping Louisiana recover from hurricanes Katrina and Rita. She wants to focus all of her attention on seeing the recovery completed rather than campaigning for re-election. I am personally very sad that she is not going to run for re-election.

It has sickened me to no end to listen to Governor Blanco get bashed on conservative radio stations, the Walton and Johnson Show, and by career do-nothing Dubya-ass-kissing pocket-lined politicians like our Senator David Vitter (R). Senator Vitter does not have an original idea or thought. He only opens his mouth when Karl Rove and the Republican machine in Washington DC starts pulling the strings and talks through him. Sad huh?

The voters in Louisiana really suck. If we could just stop letting white men in Baton Rouge (except the Garden District and Government St area) and all of St. Tammany Parish vote, we would probably be a blue state. For some silly reason, Baton Rouge and St. Tammany Parish usually carry a large number of red votes for whatever slick-talking-money-lined career-politician that is running. All the flag waving, red voting, love-Dubya-until-it-makes-you-puke is the only thing that embarrasses me about Baton Rouge and St. Tammany Parish.

The rumor is that former Senator John Breaux is running to be our next Governor. I am personally hoping that our hard working Senator Mary Landrieu will run. Mary works hard. She tells it like it is. And Mary even threatened to punch Bush in the nose! How cool is that?

Monday, March 19, 2007

My "Heavenly Day"

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Are there any Bears in these woods?

I am walking every acre of land looking for one. I like them hairy, muscular, and hung.

Country Living

Living in the country is not the most glamorous life, but it sure makes you feel closer to planet Earth and God. I love nature. I don't like that my rooster Rocky attacks me every chance he gets, but it's part of living in the country. So far, the family farm's broodmares have given birth to two Fillies and one Colt. It is going to be exciting to see all the new offspring since half the broodmares were bred by a palomino stud.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

When I am not writing my Sci Fi novel, I am goofing off making this video:

Making Out With Brettcajun

I was in a creative mood last night. I worked on a new lip synch-to-music video and a really BAD TASTE video called "Making Out with Brettcajun". After several production runs, I decided to trash both of them. Why did I trash both videos? Well, when one is lip synching to a music video, they must really have ALL the words properly memorized. The "Making Out with Brettcajun" video was HILARIOUS, but oh so wrong on so many levels. Hmmm... let me count the reasons: immature, disrespectful to my partner, smacks of narcissism, etc. My haters would have been out in droves when they got a hold of this red meat. Unfortunately, that video is going under lock and key in the Brettcajun vault. Perhaps I'll release it when people stop taking everything I do so seriously. I do not need anymore lectures on why my life should be as mundane as yours is! Meeeeooooooowwww!

In all seriousness, I do want to contribute something to the world. It's a shame people don't take the time to use their talents for the greater good of society. So, I am continuing along with the slow pace of writing my book. I even changed the premise of the book after it hit me suddenly while I was Austin last week. If I can write a book that is entertaining, then I have contributed something to the world. I'd rather be known for a brilliant Sci Fi masterpiece than "Making Out with Brettcajun".

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Intrigue, Backstabbing, and the "L" Word....

I have never before witnessed such a soap opera in women's NCAA hoops. If you go to the ESPN message boards for College Women's Basketball, there is a whole lot of drama swirling about the sudden exit of the very successful LSU Lady Tigers coach Pokey Chatman. The tale is so juicy because it deals with the "L" Word, possible inappropriate contact with a former player, and behind the scenes backstabbing from Pokey's own assistant coach Carla Berry. It's enough intrigue and drama to explode onto the scene like raging tabloid fodder.

I am personally angry with the LSU administration. LSU has severed ties with a very popular and nationally well respected coach. Pokey Chatman has brought the LSU Lady Tigers to the last three Final Fours in her short three year career. Games are regularly broadcast showing the LSU Lady Tigers against national powers such as: Tenneessee Lady Vols, UCONN Huskies, and the Ohio State Buckeyes. Besides the football coach, Les Miles, Pokey Chatman is the only other LSU coach that consistenly brings LSU national television exposure.

For the LSU administration to force you to be accompanied by a supervisor at all times when around players since February is jawdropping scandalous! What do they think? Do gays and lesbians need constant supervision because we are predatory? Is that what you straight people think?!?! Pokey should sue LSU for sheer S T U P I D I T Y!

I would be incensed if I were Pokey. Why? Just look at my gay dog Boudreaux. I love him to death. He is the toughest Dachshund you'll ever meet. He'll beat up your Lab. Boudreaux has an exclusive sexual preference for other male dogs. Does this make him a sexual deviant? Should I be so embarrassed and worry what my neighborhood thinks of my gay dog? Should I ship him away to Big Gay Al's sanctuary for gay animals? HELL NO! I love Boudreaux!

My point about my gay dog is... having a sexual preference should never be an employment issue. If Pokey had sex with a former player... so what?! Being gay or lesbian shouldn't force you to be supervised at all times. If I was Pokey, I would personally punch in the nose each and every LSU administrator who came up with that BRIGHT idea.

Pokey... we love you! I am praying that you come out of this with your own can of whoopass! GIVE CARLA BERRY AND LSU HELL!!!

Monday, March 12, 2007


The Shrew and I were both eliminated in the second round. Both contests were very competitive and matched us against opponents with similar skills. I lost 6-4, 6-4 to the 6th seed. E.Shrew lost to the 7th seed 6-3, 0-6, 2-6 in a three hour marathon game. What I realized is that the winner is going to be the most physically conditioned person. The volleys were long and you had to cover the whole court for 2-3 hours in one single match.

Now for TMI... In the afternoon, I had a bad stomach bug that left me bed ridden for 14 hours. I couldn't drink anything because I couldn't keep anything down. I had a bad headache and I was constantly having to rush to the toilet to expel everything for the upteenth time. Perhaps I got food poisoning or maybe the 7 red bulls I drank in two days didn't help. E.Shrew was with me the whole time and thankfully he helped me feel better. He's a good partner.

We just ate at Denny's, and I feel so much better. I'll catch a few tennis games (rooting for Brian D. and Kevin), then we'll fly out of Austin this evening back to New Orleans. It'll be good to see my dogs again.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

E.Shrew and I advance to second round (in Singles)

I won my first round game 6-3, 6-1. E.Shrew won 6-0, 6-2. We advance to the second round tomorrow early in the morning for a big day of tennis on Sunday. We lost brutually in doubles 6-0, 6-2 to a team that was very hard to beat. We'll be in the consolation tournament for doubles tomorrow. Wish us better luck in doubles! Root for us in singles.

Tonight, we are going to Kel's (Who Threw That Ham?) birthday party in Austin. Should be fun!

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Austin Tennis Tournament

All of my hardwork and training is about to be put to a test. E.Shrew and I are once again participating in another gay tennis tournament this weekend. The 32 man singles bracket and 15 team doubles bracket is filled with drama and intrigue. There are new faces, familiar foes I have a can of whoopass open for, MOFOs I can't seem to beat, and several competitors that usually play in higher classifications but are gracing our little division.

If you are a fan of Brettcajun, you'll be rooting for me. If you are Kalvin, Darin, Joe, Steve "haters", you'll be rooting for my ass to lose and lose badly. There is even a chance for fans and haters of E.Shrew to either wildly cheer for him or gleefully hope he falls flat on his face. If you are into relationship drama, root for us to meet each other in the championship game. How ever would our relationshiop survive that?!

The action starts Saturday morning. We play our first singles match at 10:00am and our doubles match later at 4:00pm. Sunday is the day where most of the action will take place and we'll surely meet our fates. The tournament concludes on Monday. 

If we lose a first round game in the tournament in either singles or doubles on Saturday, we move to a consolation bracket. We will surely get our asses beat in doubles, so you can check here on Sunday to see if we can claw back for the Consolation Queen title.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007


I could NOT believe what I have been reading all over the local news and ESPN message boards about LSU's Lady Tiger Coach Pokey Chatman. At first I was angry because I believed this was a Nick Saban run for the mega millions move. I immediately expected Pokey was leaving for either the dreadful Florida Gators or the so so Texas Lady Longhorns. It all made sense. Florida has been TERRIBLE for years. Texas has been an also ran for the last five years under Jody Conrad. But now there are rumors that it may be improper conduct with a female athlete at LSU. How horrible for Pokey! Damn... I wish her the best of luck with whatever is going on. This is a sad day for LSU Athletics.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Scruffy McDoo

Every morning I wake up and face a perplexing dilemma. Do I shave the beard off or do I keep it? Sometimes I think I look too scruffy and OLD. Other times... I kind of like it. Right now at two weeks, my beard is getting into a wirey phase where I'll have to trim it soon.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Be Tough or Go Home...

Pokey Chatman's LSU Lady Tigers used HIGH INTENSITY to upset Pat Summit's Lady Vols in the SEC Tournament on Saturday. It was a nice surprise considering the LSU Lady Tigers have been on a glaring slide in the last few weeks. Large Tony is probably going to think I am picking on him again.

If I am going to do well in this weekend's tennis tournament in Austin, Tx, I need some of this same high intensity. I have been ramping up my cardio and practicing LOTS in preparation for this tournament. My physical toughness is right where I want it to be. From all the OCDing, I have dropped 6 pounds in ten days and I am in pretty good shape.

What about my mental toughness though? When I am on the tennis court and simply going through the motions feeling happy to be playing a game of tennis, I lose. When my confidence is high and I am angry at my opponent like Pat Summit surely gets when her Lady Vols are down, I win. It is simple as that.

How do I bottle up this intensity for an entire match? Besides thinking my opponent looking over at me from across the court is SATAN, what other motivational tools can I use? What kind of mindset or strategy do I need to follow for a big tennis tournament with 32 players in my bracket?

That is what I am mulling over right now.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

"The Beard Movie"

Click here to get your own player.

This is yet another stupid and pointless video I have posted here on my blog. It's really silly. You probably shouldn't watch on an empty stomach or while you are drinking soda. Hell, you probably should just skip the video all together. I don't know how you guys put up with my silly ass.

Friday, March 02, 2007

OCD: Good for you and me!

Seven straight days of OCD has done my body good. I was feeling pudgey, out of shape, and often catching my breath playing tennis. It is amazing how seven straight days of cardio and/or working out can transform your body in such a little time.

This is what I have done in the past week:

Saturday: Doubles Tennis Match 2 hours
Intense Tennis Training 2 hours
Sunday: Singles Tennis Match 1 hour
Intense Tennis Training 2 hours
Monday: Spinning Class with Nazi Female Instructor 45 mins
Tuesday: Upper Body Workout 45 mins
Singles Tennis Match 2 hours
Wednesday: Leg Workout 35 mins
Spinning Class with BATSHIT CRAZY Female Instructor 45 mins
Thursday: No exercise or cardio -- worked an 11 hour day and did household chores
Friday: Upper Body Workout 45 mins

I should be playing plenty of tennis on Saturday with E.Shrew. The best part of this exercise/cardio OCD is that I am feeling GREAT! It is amazing how great you feel when your body is always pumped up on endorphins.