Thursday, December 20, 2007

The Twisted Family Sit-On-Lap Game

Last Saturday, my family had an early Christmas party where we exchanged gifts. The adults were instructed to bring one present for the gift game. We each pulled a piece of paper which contained a Cajun name or word. When my sister read your word from the Cajun Night Before Christmas book, you got to either open an adult present or steal someone else's. I drew "Boudreaux" and it was the first word read that anyone had. Because of my lucky draw, I got to pick the first present AND then steal the last one after they were all opened. I ended up with a real nice plant stand that changed hands the whole night. Woohoo! My sister-in-law was pissed! (EVIL GRIN)

The cringe factor didn't happen until we got to a twisted family game. My sister made us all sit in chairs lined up a big circle. She read from a long list of instructions that went like this... "If you are wearing a watch... move to the right." If nothing would apply, you just stayed seated. To win the game, you had to be the first person to get to your original seat. If you did, you won a present.

As the game began, we found out that if you were stuck occupying the same seat because one moved and the other didn't, you had to sit on their lap. Sometimes, two of your family members were sitting on your lap at one time. CRINGE!!!

We would have all survived this embarrassing family bonding game had it not been for my Evil Twin brother. Everytime E.Shrew or I had to sit on or get sat on by another male, my brother would bust a gut laughing and roundly make fun of whomever had to be involved. You know... because we are gay. Ewwww. The way he was acting, you would think it was the most scandalous thing to happen to anyone! The painful guffaws were constant everytime we moved and it lasted an excruciating ten minutes before the game mercifully ended.

E.Shrew was pissed being subjected to my brother's immaturity. Even my brother-in-law looked embarrassed by his behavior. Nobody else in my family behaves this way. Being gay is a part of who we are, but it is not all that we are. Yet, it was made painfully clear that it was icky every time another male had to share a chair with us. GROAN.

As for myself, I have had to endure this my whole life and I am quite used to it. I choose to tune it out. But I really can't now. E.Shrew doesn't want to ever go to another family function if he is going to be subjected to my loudmouthed twin brother. The "gay" issue always seems so big to him. Why? I wonder if my brother is hiding something?


Blogger Paul said...

The Twisted Family Sit-On-Lap Game ... I had never heard of it, but I love it! It's definitely going to be played next week with my family. Thanks.

I know that you can put up with your twin brother, and I imagine that at some point E.Shrew will be able to handle it too. I just hope that the twin brother doesn't have a gay son.

Merry Christmas, Brett!

December 20, 2007  
Blogger Drew said...

My ex and I kind of got something similar from a friend at his brother's Christmas party last year. She was all about the gays winning the games because thats what they do. And oh the gay guys would love this gift. And oh gays dressed so well at formal functions. It got tiresome. Nothing as immature as what you had, but just the constant reminding of everyone that we were gay. As if we all need to be reminded.

December 20, 2007  
Blogger Sorted Lives said...

As E Shrew should have been pissed. If M's family would have done this and his brother acted this way, I am sure the comment, "Ohhh, hush you big ol' queen" would have come from these lips... I'm just sayin'.

December 20, 2007  
Blogger Gooster said...

BIG *BEAR HUGS* for you, but I don't blame E.Shrew. I have left parties for lesser things or embarrassed them to the point they left by pointing out the frivolous and sophomoric nature of their actions. (Yes, even with my own family!) I will not put up with that level of disrespect myself. I don't think it's a gay thing, it's a respect thing. I guess I expect a certain level of humanity from those around me, and even if it isn't directed towards me, I will not be tolerable towards it! My friends and family know better than to spar with this bull, I keep my horns sharpened!

December 20, 2007  
Anonymous Derek said...

Your brother just may be hiding something. I never heard of that game, it actually sounds fun. I remember the first time I brought a man home to meet my family. I too tuned many things out, but once I brought someone home, I had to see things through their eyes as well as my own. Still love my family to death, but it was a truly learning experience.

December 20, 2007  
Blogger Sorata said...

Is your brother normally like that? I mean, does he make fun of people like that all the time?

Though I'm sure he should be quite used to having E.Shrew around, I was just wondering whether it's they way he deals with "embarassing" situations. Of course I don't think that's the correct way, but I just wonder...

December 20, 2007  
Anonymous catrina said...

Your brother is a homophobic jerk!
Did he have to sit on anyone's lap or vice versa? I'd have had to make a comment (or a guffaw), hinting at possible STD's he got from a sheep or something. Yeah, I'm in the holiday spirit! :-)

December 21, 2007  
Blogger Bryan said...

Yeah, family, holiday gatherings and homosexuality can be a deadly cocktail. Had similar crap at Thanksgiving. You should've asked your brother on the spot what exactly he is so afraid of. That probably would've shut him down...

December 21, 2007  
Blogger Lewis said...

Please, kids....THE WORLD NEEDS US GAYS IN IT....BADLY. They need to continue to be subject to us holding hands,kissing, patting one another on the back, and (apparently) sitting on one another's laps at family gatherings. Remember: IT'S THEIR PROBLEM...not ours, not yours. Everyone must keep their own troubles and issues.

December 21, 2007  
Blogger Lewis said...

Oh, and one more thing.....
I'm all about calling people out for their actions or words. Telling them the way it is....
I always stand up for justice and rightness. Time is too short to let it slide, as we've all done for far too many years. I'm afraid that brother would have heard back from a good, solid, way. TO BE UNKIND IS NEVER OKAY.

December 21, 2007  
Blogger Adam said...

Your brother is queer. End of discussion.

December 22, 2007  
Blogger CJ said...

Ten minute family game? I should be so lucky. People could have triple bypass for as long as some of my families games have gone.
Maybe your brother is jealous of your relationship? That's what brings on that nervous laughter.

December 23, 2007  
Blogger cb said...

I thought your twin was gay. Oh well, how about I fuck him anyway?

December 26, 2007  
Blogger Lacey said...

I'm surprised you haven't called him out on that shit. He needs to respect you and ESchrew, damnit, and you need to let him know exactly what you expect from him.

Not that you asked for advice, but that shit pisses me off. I agree with gooster. It's about respect.

December 31, 2007  

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