Twenty Days until Viewing Ecstasy
On August 30th, America's most beautiful contribution to the world begins. It is the BEST soap opera you can find anywhere. It is on this day that College football kicks off with a bang! You want drama? College football. You want heart wrenching and exhilarating live television? College football. In a few weeks, my television will finally come to life and actually begin serving a meaningful purpose. It will display the American cultural phenomenon of college football. It is truly the best that America gives to the world. Besides me. ;)
I am fortunate enough to live in SEC country where the best football in the land is played. It is this premiere conference where NFL teams draft more studs than any other conference. In the SEC, football is our religion. One loss by your favorite team, and your whole damned weekend is ruined. One bad call from a referee (cough LSU vs. Auburn), and the balance of power in the race for the BCS National Championship shifts dramatically.
There is plenty of intrigue in the SEC. Which unlucky SEC coach will be croomed this year? This is a term for when a team gets upset by sorry-ass Mississippi State. Usually, in a highly competitive conference like the SEC, you are fired if you are croomed. On that same line of questioning, what sucky football team will Georgia lose to this year? Last year it was to Kentucky and Vandy.
Getting to more serious plots, the weight of the SEC vs PAC-10 rivalry is on Tennessee's shoulders when the Vols take on the Cal-Berkely Bears. Talk about pressure on both clubs! LSU's Les Miles versus Alabama's Nick Saban duel on November 3rd will truly be an epic battle between Good and Evil. Will Steve Spurrier finally win a big game with the perennial under-achieving South Carolina Gamecocks? Who will win the annual slugfest between LSU and Auburn this year? Will those pesky Arkansas Razorbacks once again sneak into the SEC Championship Game when Auburn and LSU fans rightfully assume that they alone are sole heirs to that throne?
Nationally, everyone wants to know who will make it to the BCS National Championship game in New Orleans. Will it be #1 USC versus #2 LSU? Please God, if I can't win Powerball... let my LSU Tigers play the USC Trojans for the National Championship. If you can't intervene, then please bless some other SEC school to carry the torch to beat the shit out of media darling USC. PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!
I know all of you Food Network Heauxmeauxs are not even reading this sportssss post. I think it is sad. If you don't watch football, you miss the best in television. You'd rather watch some designer get their panties in a wad in something so unimportant to American culture such as Project Runway. Yet, you refuse to indulge a little in America's national pastime. Tsk. Tsk. Your head should be away from that sewing machine and deeper into football.