Chasing Away Misery and Scorn

Contrary to what many people think, I do not spend all my waking hours staring in the mirror. That is a GROSS misperception perpetuted by this self picture heavy blog. Do you want to know what I am really thinking about every waking hour? I think about WINNING.

My last humiliation on the tennis court has been stuck firmly in my craw for a whole week. Exacting revenge against the Office Guy was my only mission today. Win, and I would reign triumphantly. Lose, and great misery and scorn would rule the day. The battle horns sounded at 6:00am this morning. The Marine stepped onto the court snorting of confidence. To me, he was only the Office Guy. This battle would decide everything. Losing is for losers. And I did not want to be one today.

I was immediately down 15:40 in the first game, as the Office Guy expertly landed Ace after Ace. My searing return shot landed perfectly in the corner to keep me in the game. Then a fateful double fault by the Office Guy evened the score at 40:40. We traded the advantage at least 5 times, before I exhaustively won the first game after 20 minutes of play.

The next three games were long as we tested each others strengths and weaknesses. Playing it safe cost me dearly, as the Office Guy patiently waited each moment to hit his winners. When he hit them, they were lethal. Each one hurt as if I were kicked in the balls. I lost three straight games and suddenly found myself down 1-3 in the set.

I was MAD AS HELL. Here I was playing like a pussy, and the Office Guy was making me pay for it. I had to get back to playing aggressively because playing it safe was NOT working. Sure enough, aggression begin paying handsome dividends back to me. The Office Guy was now on the defensive as I attacked his backhand and consistenly nailed the corners with brutal speed. I rallied to win three straight and take a 4-3 lead in the set. I was now scoring more points off of hitting winners. The change in strategy worked brilliantly.

The Office Guy was stunned. He began walking around like he had just got his balls cut out. His demeaner turned to a look of desperation as HE was now the one backed into a corner.

Poor Office Guy. He was going to be cunning and try to deploy a different strategy against my ass. Audaciously, he tried to use Net Aggression against me. Oh... what folly! I have gotten to be quite the expert at that style of play. It played right into my hands. My hustling and ability to fire back winners on the run is second to none. I won the next two games making a mockery of the Office Guy's desperate strategic gamble.

After one hour and fifteen minutes of play, I triumphantly won the first set 6-3. We had no time to play a second set, but I was quite sure I would have cruised as my opponent was wimpering around like a whipped puppy. As he should feel... when I just handed him defeat.

Whipping Boy, E.Shrew, Heath, and Brian D. are next on the hit list. I will effectively demonstrate to each one their rankness. Showing opponents their station in life is how I GET OFF. I am cunty that way! ;)