Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Tabooli's Day of Reckoning

I wasn't supposed to blog again until after I got to San Francisco, but something so devastating has happened to me. Don't worry, I am physically okay. I left my house this morning at 5:30am before the wreckage. It rained hard here last night. The storm system left all the roads wet this morning, but not nearly as wet as the tears that were about to stream down my face.

The wreck happened at approximately 7:00am this morning. That is the exact time when I realized I had just lost. That wasn't a typo. I actually L- L - L- Lost. I need to spellcheck that word. Yes, the Office Guy beat me in our regular Wednesday 6am tennis match. We only have an hour to play, so we just play one set. I blew a 5-3 lead and lost 7-5. I can hear you bastards in my Hater's Club cheering crazy like you are at an Oprah give away party. Bitches.

I neutralized the Office Guy's impressive serves with equally great returns. But the Office Guy had a game plan to beat me today. He used my own weapon-of-choice, the drop shot, against me. I used that against the Office Guy in our first two matches when I noticed that I had a big advantage in out hustling him. He is an ex-marine in his 40's, but he has lost about 10 pounds since we last played. His slimmer waistline greatly improved his hustling and thus neutralized any advantage I had over him. I watched in horror at the audacity in which the Office Guy made point after point on the drop shot. He ran to the net just as hard as I did too. We were charging so hard at times, I am surprised that we did not run slap into each other.

I did make the Office Guy play two additional games , in which I won both, so I could leave the tennis courts with a 7-7 record in my head. That is the ONLY reason I haven't hung myself yet. Damn. Two losses in one week. I am not used to being in the loser's lounge this frequently. My butt is beginning to make imprints in the sofa here! Dammit to hell! Arrrggghhh!!!

Now, I dare not check my email or voicemail. The calls will surely start pouring in from all the office locations gleeful that I lost to the Office Guy. I must now avoid making eye contact with anyone in the hallways. Blogworld, please pray for me that I leave today with a shred of my ego left. I feel like my largest organ has been cut out and stomped on. :( Boo Hoo... Sniff Sniff... How could this have happened to me??? Why have the Gods conspired against me today?! Why?! Why?! Why?! It truly feels like the end of the world. :(


Blogger J. David Zacko-Smith said...

Darling, loss is inevitable - even among great champions. I've played tennis for 20 years and even had a coach for a while, so I'll fly down there and whip office guy's butt for ya!

June 20, 2007  
Blogger BRETTCAJUN said...

You whip Whipping Boy's butt first (keep him down). Then beat Office Guy. Then you play ME! :)

June 20, 2007  
Anonymous Brettcajun's Haters Club said...

We are rejoicing! Potluck dinner celebration tonight!

June 20, 2007  
Blogger -Tony- said...



(thanks for the lesson)

June 20, 2007  
Blogger Zeitzeuge said...

Ooo, I LOVE potlucks!

June 20, 2007  
Blogger BRETTCAJUN said...

Mark ... your vollyball team would have been SO FIRED by me.

June 20, 2007  
Blogger Paul said...

Don't you just HATE those drop shots?

How about working on your sharp angle returns to the opposite side of the court?

We're always cheering for 'ya!

June 20, 2007  
Blogger TonkaManOR said...

"I feel like my largest organ has been cut out and stomped on."

What because you lost, you're reduced to being a eunuch? So where is Slab?

June 20, 2007  
Blogger gayborhood gringo said...

have fun in san i won't be there :(

June 21, 2007  
Anonymous John said...

You are crazy, but soooo lovable!

June 21, 2007  

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