Sunday, June 17, 2007

My Sunday Church Sermon

It's been nine long days without my partner, E.Shrew, around. I will not see him again in eight more days. This personal time away from each other has giving me a lot of time to reflect. I am Shrew-less. Sooo... anything I say, do, or experience is totally on me. That means I have had a great opportunity to explore life as an individual. It is kind of a good time to do a checkup on me personally.

My personality comes from three major areas: my upbringing, religious background, and career. In a lot of ways, I have become a version of my father. Only the entrepreneural spirit and woman chasing gene didn't get passed down to me. I often like to pick on others and I can be a "shit stirrer". It is true that I, like my father, somehow get a kick out of others reactions. It an amusement to us. If I pick on you, it is usually done light heartedly and means that I like you. On the religious front, I was passively raised Catholic. I have no fear that I am going to burn in the fires of hell or turn into a pillar of salt. I wasn't raised to be mindfucked by some hocus-pocus bullshit long used to suppress the feeble minded. Then there is my career. I work for a successful family company. I have never had to worry about my behavior being found out and it hindering my career. I am very lucky in that sense.

So... VOILA ...now you denizens of Earth have this Brett monster to deal with. Well, I say don't look at me as a monster. Look at me as an oddity that should be appreciated for it's rareness. I am not blind to my actions, behavior, or words. As much OPENNESS and wearing my feelings on my sleeve I exhibit, you guys sure give feedback packaged right back to me that way. I realize I can be a presence or a nuissance. Brett Happens. But instead of trying to make me boring like so many bloggers, why can't we all just let me do my thing and appreciate the oddity of it all?

To clear up a few misconceptions:

1. No, I don't put myself above everyone else, have a God complex, or love myself too much. I am actually HIGHLY critical of myself. I am constantly on my own ass on just about everything I do. My worst critic IS myself. I do listen to what others say, and try to make adjustments in my behavior if someone successfully convinces me that I am out of line. But I can always look at the bigger picture, whereas some of you seem to miss the forest for the trees.

2. My "personality" creates lots more friends than enemies. The people who don't like me haven't invested enough time in really getting to know me. They pull things out the air and render their "YOU ARE EVIL" verdict. But you know what? I DO realize that not everyone is going to like me and that is OKAY. I chalk it up as their loss. You may go around thinking I am full of myself, but what if I am really just more self actualized than you are?

And finally, I want you folks out there to know that I was so held back by my own insecurities about being different, that I shut myself out from everyone. I thought I was the only gay in the village. My life changed drastically after I came out and I was finally among my people. Now, I can confidently say that I have many friends and I am thankful for them all. So, I successfully changed from being very socially retarded to the cool person I am today. :)

5 Comments:

Anonymous E. Shrew said...

Sorry I am in France...it is VOILA not VIOLA..

:)

June 17, 2007  
Blogger BRETTCAJUN said...

Whoops! Thanks honey!!!

Call me!!!

June 17, 2007  
Blogger hello, my name is danny. said...

good on you brett! just do what you do and appreciate the people who appreciate you. life is too short to try impressing all the people all the time.

June 17, 2007  
Blogger Paul said...

Brett ... Happy belated birthday.

I've always loved you for who you are!

Unique and just a little sassy.

June 17, 2007  
Blogger Lewis said...

Every journey is so amazingly different from the next. I am enjoying the last week or so and the bits and pieces you've allowed us to be a part of. I say, "go for it" -- today and every day. Make every single one of them count...for the better.

June 17, 2007  

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