DanNation CAST #4

I had the pleasure of being on a podcast recorded, produced, and already posted lickity split by Dan and Jimmi last night. We dish on: my blogger reputation, other bloggers, Dan doing a farm animal, manscaping, and Cyndi Lauper, etc. Thank you guys for having me! :) DOWNLOAD HERE

EGGS are coming out of my ass!

My refridgerator is full to the brim from one week's worth of eggs. Those hens are cranking out at 100% capacity. (9 eggs per day) Everything in this basket is what I collected in ONE WEEK. This is minus the five or so eggs I accidentally dropped from handling them badly. So, I am taking all these eggs to work with me tomorrow for my co-workers. These farm fresh brown eggs are the most delicious eggs you'll ever eat. The same thing goes for that white mass you see in the picture. (LOL!)

WAR on the TENNIS COURTS!

Under the hot Louisiana sun, I awaited a new enemy combatant. That's right. I said "enemy combatant". This is not romper room... this is WAR! I was loaded with Red Bull and pure adrenaline. I could taste my foes defeat before he even arrived.

I was actually approached by this foe after he had heard and read ad naseum about my tennis conquests. This particuliar individual plays league games in Baton Rouge. Well, I am always UP for anyone with the balls to challenge my rule on the courts. This duel was going to take place on my home turf. A country asswhooping was in order. Or was it?

Would I be ready for this challenge? Have I been properly prepared playing Whipping Boy? Or has Whipping Boy been such an inferior opponent that I have been lulled into playing bad tennis? These questions were about to be answered.

I was ready. I had already known this opponent years ago when I lived in Baton Rouge. He knew my reputation. He was at many game parties where I lashed out at my teammates whenever we were losing in Taboo or Charades. He knew my gloating and sneering competitive attitude. He was hellbent on wiping any smirk off my face tonight. Enemies must be decisively CRUSHED. I was hellbent on sending this enemy combatant packing and crying all the way back up to Baton Rouge.

In a pre-game warmup, I disturbingly realized that I was about to be the one to get my ass handed to me. The Enemy Combatant informs me that he has been playing tennis since he was 8 years old and played in high school. He served at least two aces almost every game. He even had spins on almost every single shot (even serves). When I could hustle to the ball, it cruelly only bounced about a foot all the while spinning. I was toast. I lost in straight sets 6-0, 6-1 before I even got warmed up. We went on to play three more sets where I lost 6-0, 6-0, and 6-0. So, if I can do math right, I lost 30 of 31 games. :(

Sooo.. I am going to still play this person before my Houston tournament in November. It can ONLY help me better prepare for tournament play. Right now, I am going take a hot shower and lick my wounds.

Dreaming of Bloggers...

Have any of you ever dreamed of other bloggers? Even ones you may have never met in person before? Previously this year, I dreamed of Moby before I actually decided to fly to SF to meet up with: Moby, Tony, Homer, Rob, Chad Fox, Dan, Brandon, and Kel.

I had a dream last night. When the dream sequence began, I found myself at some kind of slumber party. Well, maybe it wasn't a slumber party. Maybe it was a blogger get together. I didn't recognize any of the people there but ONE. This person is a blogger that I have yet to meet. We have sometimes knocked heads in the past. Can you imagine me knocking heads with anyone?! Presently, I have a very cordial relationship with this blogger.

My first reaction upon seeing this person face-to-face was one of elation. We simply stared at each other and smiled. I felt all the past run-ins were quickly washed away from both of us. We hugged. I tried to go behind him, lift him up, and crack his back. (something I only do for very special people). We laid on the floor together and cuddled. It was a joyous occasion. At that one moment, our minds and souls were ONE. Imagining forgiveness with this particuliar blogger was a nice feeling. I know it will come someday soon.

The human element of forgiveness was a key theme to this dream. I am the world's biggest forgiver, although it does not always happen without much foot dragging. I must first let my PRIDE subside a little first. Sometimes, I am forced to give someone the silent treatment when we run into each other in public. That is for their benefit... TRUST ME. I do this when I know that any interaction will probably not go well. I will not be able to stop my tongue from splitting in two, spitting like a serpent, and giving the individual a good tongue lashing. Until someone can lock us in a room together with straight jackets on until we straighten things out, sometimes forgiveness takes time. But forgiveness does come eventually...

Geaux Saints...

What a wonderful game. I watched a magnificient game last night in New Orleans surrounded by some of my best buds. The New Orleans Saints (3-0) defeated those dastardly Dirty Birds from Atlanta 23-3 and seized control of the NFC South division with a good old fashioned ass whooping. Vick and the Falcons looked dickless out there on the field. Congratulations New Orleans Saints! Thank you ESPN. Thank you NFL. It's great to see the spirit of New Orleans and Louisiana shine bright before the world again!

Life Still Goes On When You Lose...

The 1:1,000,000 chance event finally happened to me. At first, I was not going to blog about it because writing about my tennis play is a known ratings LOSER. My producers said ratings need to stay up to keep advertisers happy. I argued back to my producers... "Have you seen the shit Scotty has been doing?" They had a conference call and all agreed I had some capital to spend from all the GOOD shit I have been doing lately. Sooo...

I lost to Whipping Boy for the first time since October 2005 when my wrist was injured. I blew a 5-1 lead in the 7 point tie-breaker game. Whipping Boy won the first set 7-6. Then I was lethargic in losing the second set 6-4. I can make excuses that I was exhausted from the lack of sleep the previous night or how I was still sore from the previous day of tennis. I can bring up the fact that Whipping Boy had his BF show up at opportune times to distract me. Or I could blame it on my mind being on other things. The mere fact that my house is going to be leveled next month is enough to cause me to NOT concentrate 100%. I could blame it on lots of things.

So, what does it feel like to lose at something? Well... kind of anti-climatic. You would think I would lose my shit on the spot after experiencing the sting of defeat. But I didn't. I was calm. I didn't throw my racquet across the court and ping Whipping Boy or his BF in the head. I kind of felt the same as I did whenever I beat or tied Whipping Boy. I was still tired. I was still sweaty and stinky. It almost felt the same. I remember thinking "So, this is what it feels like to lose?" Hmmm... the Earth still spins. My dogs and chickens still need to be fed. I still have to go to bed at night and wake up the next day for work. Hmmm... I guess life really does go on when you lose.

Note to self: contact Whipping Boy immediately to schedule the REVENGE next match. Cracking knuckles.

Down on the Farm II

I present to you a videopodcast of me with some furry friends. I edited this movie using Quick Time Pro. You must have Quick Time Player (free download) to view. Click the banner below to have a look...

To download it directly... CLICK HERE!

Happiness by Brettcajun

It is true. I have been in a funk ever since my beauty pageant win and the sixteen and one half minutes of uninterrupted applause. Okay I made that part up. The applause was really more like 10 seconds, but it felt as long as what Suzanne Sugarbaker received for winning Miss Georgia World.

I have been nagging myself to death about going talk to someone professionally. But that male pride is getting the best of me. To go talk to someone else about helping me get myself out of a hole is just weak. I am a man for God sakes! Men are supposed to be strong. Who is going to protect the women-folk if the men all need to go to counseling? Okay... scratch that thought. Who is going to protect Boudreaux, Pierre, and Lucky the dog if I can't take care of my own damned self?

Which brings me to my own Happiness plan. Hear me out folks. What if I start doing more of the things that I hate to do? Can you see the genius of it? Maybe just maybe that'll actually push me from the extreme I am trapped in to a happier middle ground. Could this work? Or is this hairbrained?

Just today, I eased my stubborness and linked those bastards bloggers that I read regularly but who have adamantly refused to add my blog. They can have their coolness points by not linking to the fabulous me. I am going to be like Jesus and turn the other cheek.

At the gym this morning, instead of starting off my week doing the typical upper body workout... I started with legs. I HATE working out my legs. Sometimes, I go through the whole week or month without doing any leg exercises. I even started the leg workout with the most hated 345# leg plate press. The few times I do work my legs, I avoid this machine the most.

After work, I am going back to the gym to do something I hate the most... non-sports related cardio. Yep. That's right. I am going to do the boring old treadmill next to Peggy Sue and her thunderous thighs. Yee Haw.

Will this finding-happiness-by-doing-things-you-hate-to-do-strategy work? Wish me luck!

Talking to a Higher Power or am I just Batshit Crazy?

Over the last two nights, I have felt myself communicating with a higher power in my sleep. The first time involved my father. The higher power summed up for me the deep and underlying issues I have with my father. I have to say that it was a summary that I haven't thought of before... but I agreed with their assessment. The second time was asking me when was I going to deal with my _________________ issues. I am leaving that part blank to keep some privacy to myself. I remember being defensive in this second encounter as I was arguing my points of view of how I will successfully deal with the _________________ issues.

I am left pondering if this is all my subconsciencous throwing back my own worries and thoughts back to me. Or, is this a higher power trying to take the wheel of my life which has been spinning in circles lately?

Whatever that is going on... I wish it would continue. I actually like nightly consultations with either my brain or this higher power. These consultations always seem to cut through the bullshit that goes on in my life and gets to the point. I like that.

E.Shrew and "Lucky" the Dog...

Uggghhhh....

My beloved LSU Tigers lost to Auburn yesterday 7-3. Time simply ran out on the LSU Tigers. The game ended with no time left when LSU caught a pass a mere five yards from the Auburn endzone. It was heartbreaking. Damn the NCAA clock rule changes!

I am not going to dwell on the loss because it was really a good game. The Auburn and LSU fans at Jordan Hare stadium were great. The whole game felt like a playoff game. (only college football doesn't have playoff games) The energy was electric. I was on my toes at home for the entire game. It was THAT close. Every play was so crucial in this game for both teams.

Congrats to the Auburn Tigers and your fans. I only want for a team out of the SEC to go undefeated and make it to the BCS Championship Game. Notre Dame was exposed as a phoney yesterday. I think Ohio State will lose too eventually. Perhaps Georgia, Florida or Auburn can secure that #2 spot and WHOOP some USC ass. It is a shame that we don't have a playoff system in college football. I think SEC teams would crush the patsies (like USC and Oregon) and triumph. But our current bowl system is designed to make every team feel special.

What did I do after this game? I promptly ordered E.Shrew and Evil Twin to the tennis courts for tournament play. (Winner stay up... first one to win 10 games wins tourny) I needed to work off some steam. Predictably, I beat them both. Brett: 10, E.Shrew: 7, Evil Twin: 4. Hell, if LSU can't win, then I can at least do it!

Who are you calling Mary?

A Lab puppy showed up at my doorstep starving a couple days ago. He was the most adorable puppy I had ever laid my eyes upon. Under his beautiful blue eyes was a patch of powder on his nose. He was so hungry, he had helped himself to some chicken grow and start feed. I promptly gave the puppy food and water, which he devoured like he hadn't eaten for days.

Originally, I thought the puppy was a female and called it "Mary". E.Shrew found the "lipstick" poking out today. To my utter embarrassment, I can't properly identify the sex of a puppy! Come to find out, all those nipples on the underbelly were really bites NOT nipples. I have since sprayed the puppy for fleas, gave him Frontline and a pill for heartworms.

So, now "Mary" is "Lucky". I posted signs all over the neighborhood for the missing puppy, but I have yet to get a call from the owner. Does this have anything to do with me putting "FEMALE LAB PUPPY FOUND"??? Hmmm... if I can't find the owner, does anyone want to adopt a black Lab puppy with two beautiful blue eyes?

See what happens when you elect a German as Pope?

I find it humorous that our German Pope and the Vatican still have power to cause mass protest around the world. I get peeved that you never find gay people crashing the gates at the Vatican demanding a change in their homophobic ideology. When are gays and lesbians going to rise up and confront those that try to restrict our rights and happiness? That is what I am curious about. The purging of gay priests MUST stop. So must the Church's view that the only acceptable stance for lesbians and gay men is celibacy, silence and invisibility. I say we Catholics do as the Muslims are doing and make our voices heard LOUD and CLEAR. It is time to kick the Vatican to the present day. Who is with me? Come on guys... get off those sex hunt sites for one day and confront those that oppress you.

Auburn Jokes

Q: Why don't they teach drivers ed. and sex ed. on the same day in Auburn?

A: They don't want to wear out the mule.

Q: What's the difference between an Auburn cheerleader and a heifer?

A: About 20 pounds.

Q: Why don't they serve ice water at Auburn football games anymore?

A: The guy with the recipe died.

Q: Do you know why AU fans wear orange?

A: So they can go from the construction road crew straight to the game without having to change clothes.

Q: What is the long and hard on an Auburn student?

A: The first grade.

Q: Why wasn't Jesus Christ born in Auburn?

A: Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

FOOTBALL IN THE SOUTH: Bring It On Auburn!

Football in the South is more precious than the air we breathe or the food we eat. Without SEC football, there is nothing worth living for. It is our passion and PRIDE. Football in the South is a religion followed fanatically. We don't passively follow our football teams like those West Coast Yahoos. For that, I am proud to be a Southerner.

LSU is coming Auburn. We AINT rolling into the Plains to do any cowtipping either! You've been punks for years. Now it's time to show you Aubies who is THE BOSS in the SEC! How do you spell victory? V. A. U. G. H. N. (the hapless Aubie field goal kicker).

Mom's Secret Desires...

As found on her digital camera SD card.






Darn it. I knew I shouldn't have booked her and my dad the VERY BEST tickets in the house. This only leads to lust for Tim McGraw. (sigh)

When you have brown eggs coming out of your ass...

you quickly began to panic and search for SOMETHING to do with them. So E.Shrew made a Quiche dish: He made this Quiche dish with: broccoli, cream cheese, sour cream, mozzarella cheese, cheddar cheese, boneless chicken breasts (store bought), mushrooms and brown eggs from our very own chickens. It was very delicious and easy to make. Of course, our cholesterol is going to shoot through the roof from digesting all these brown eggs. But... what the heck! ;)

From FEMA Trailer to Custom KB Home

Now that daily egg production has reached 7 per day, E.Shrew and I upgraded the roost from a shabby FEMA Trailer to a custom prefab KB Home. Notice the new building code called for an elevated house. This is actually an outdoor playhouse we got for 60% off at Toys R Us. The doorbell even works too! Are these the most spoiled chickens in the universe or what?!

Colt Weaning Day

Today is the day that all 12 colts born this year were weaned off their mothers. Eight colts went into stalls in the main barn. Four of the colts were put together in an adjacent pen. It is an eerie feeling when you walk through the barn and all the colts are calling for their mothers.

Isn't this LSU cheerleader beautiful? Not HER... look at HIM!
And E.Shrew thinks I have a pudge problem..

LSU vs Arizona Wildcats

We start off the football pre-game with beers at The Chimes with two very good friends Brian and Greg.Arizona Wildcats Cheerleaders pose with Mike the Tiger pregameWilbur the Arizona Wildcats Mascot acting QueerLSU Cheerleaders Parading around with Mike the Tiger PregameLSU Marching Band from Tigerland Pregame MarchLSU vs. Arizona Wildcats LSU vs Arizona Wildcats
LSU getting ready to kick an extra point after TD

LSU wins in a blowout 45-3. The Arizona Wildcats do not score their fieldgoal until the very last minute of the game when all the LSU reserves are in the game. I still remember this Arizona Wildcats fan (female) who yelled before the game "Let's show these Southerners how we play football in Arizona!" Okay lady... I saw and I was NOT impressed.

Auburn... your asses are NEXT!!! LSU is NO Mississippi State. You had better bring your "A" game Aubies! LSU is ready to steamroll you.

Another SEC Team Whooping A PAC-10 Team's Ass this week...

LSU plays a crappy Pac-10 team from Tucson (Arizona Wildcats) in Baton Rouge tomorrow afternoon. I will be there with 94,000 of my best friends. Yes... that is how much us Southerners pack our stadiums for college football. You West Coast Yahoos probably fill your stadiums with the same number of people that attend our high school games. This game is in the bag because the Arizona Wildcats IS a Pac-10 team.

I look forward to our next foes... the Auburn Tigers. They are probably the most hated team in the SEC. Well, them and the Tennessee Vols. Don't get mad Large Tony... if ya'll would only stop playing Rocky Top so much during the game I am sure SEC fans would love your team a little more.

It's NOT great to be an Aubie next week...

Auburn is LSU's Whipping Boy... see it here!