Monday, July 31, 2006

Me and E.Shrew
At our favorite bar... The Bourbon Pub.


Darrin (New Orleans) and Ike (from L.A.) met us at The Bourbon Pub. They are brettcajun fans! Wow! That was a trip. Me and E.Shrew were glowing from the recognition.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Sunday Out in New Orleans


Steve and Brett
Steve and I go WAY BACK. He is a fellow Cajun that is actually shorter than I am. He does work out in the gym harder than I do, but I kick his ass in tennis whenever we play.

Greg, Brett, and Brian
This is my favorite couple who I always hug up on in New Orleans. They moved from Chicago to New Orleans last year. I am always hanging with these guys. They buy me and E.Shrew shots and that gets us pretty fucked up. They are fun to hang with. Of course, they probably think I am batshit crazy.

Brett and Barry Bareass
Barry Bareass introduces the strippers at Oz on Sundays. He always wears the most outlandish outfits. The stripper that gets the loudest crowd response wins $100. Me and E.Shrew HAVE to watch the hotboys at this show after BINGO. They usually have three of the hottest hunks in the contest.

Whooping Ass Is What I do...

If ever there was a time that I was going to lose, it would have been on this hot sultry day in Louisiana. The weather in New Orleans was HOT AS HELL. Whipping Boy picked me up in the French Quarter, which is in the middle of the crime riddled Big Easy. The local police have FEMA trailers on all the courts in City Park, so we had to opt for the brand new courts at the University of New Orleans. We crossed bombed-out looking areas of the city to get to these courts. There among all the devastation and the few signs of life, stood the bright blue tennis courts.

Every muscle in my body was sore from a week of intensely working out. I was tired of being pudgy and scrawny compared to all the hot boys at my gym. I wanted to really crank up the weights so I could be one of the big boys like them. Pumping iron and going heavy on the weights were all worth it because I look great. It was going to doom me today though because my muscles were sore and tight.

Or would it? Champions play with pain. As I stared down upon my foe, I repeatedly said to myself "I REFUSE TO LOSE TO THIS MOFO". My inability to hustle and the sore muscles mattered not to me on this day. What mattered most was my attitude. I could be hobbling around on wooden legs, and I'd still beat your ass with my attitude. Predictably, Whipping Boy succumbed to that attitude in straight sets 6-3, 6-1. Another can of whoopass administered by moi.

I chalk up my winning streak to paying particular attention to my motto of: "LOSING IS FOR LOSERS!" Whipping Boy should change his motto from "ONCE A WHIPPING BOY...ALWAYS A WHIPPING BOY" to mine. Maybe that would make a difference.

Brett's World Tennis Rankings:

1. Brett (3-0)
.
.
.
101. Whipping Boy (0-3)

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Come to Jesus Meeting


Well, today I had my "Come-to-Jesus" meeting with my twin brother. We talked no less than FIVE TIMES during the course of the day. Much of the family has been interrogated, cross-examined and put under a spotlight. I can tell you that I am OVER IT. I frankly don't care anymore who did what, who said what, or what they saw. I think I got my point of view to all those crazy folks. In the end, I have decided that I will continue to blog. It means so much to me to have an outlet to express myself. I'll still be the same person I have always been. If that embarrasses a few people close to my heart, then they'll just have to get over it. I want to say "THANKS" to those of you who left comments or emailed me today. Each and every one of them made me feel better and encouraged me to move on! ;)

Clipped Wings


I feel like my wings have been clipped. My twin brother tells a good friend of mine that he stumbled upon my blog. He tells my friend that he found many pics of me shirtless and found articles of me "dogging" dad. He sounded disgusted by the blog. My friend warned me of this immediately so I could quickly convert posts to "SAVE AS DRAFT" for anything potentially embarrassing to me.

While taking my mother to her monthly eye doctor appointment in New Orleans, she shocks me by declaring "I've heard about your blog." She says it with an air of disgust. Hold up. My parents have never used a computer or the internet, yet now my mother is throwing my blog in my face! I replied back to her "that is my PERSONAL website." MEMO TO FAMILY: I have never talked about my blog with you because it is my own private space on the internet. It was never meant for family to personally read. This feels like my whole family is now reading my journals. FREAKY!

The FREAKIEST part is that my brother can apparently talk to my friend and my family about this, but can't even bring himself to talk to me about this. How fucked up is that? Where's the respect for ME? What has he done? Has he printed out everything and gave every single post and picture to dear old Dad to secure his place as #2 favorite son? I wouldn't put it past him! He calls our dad "his buddy".

E.Shrew (Michael) was incensed that my brother didn't talk to me about this first. He encouraged me to call my brother immediately. He warned me to not passively aggressively blog about it BEFORE I talk to him. So, I called my brother up last night and he must have sensed WHY I was calling him (the twin connection). He rushed me off the phone before I could tell him what I was calling him about. He was at his kids football practice. He promised he would call me afterwards, but I never heard from him. Big surprise?

Now I have a dilemma. My brother begged me to go to Las Vegas with him next weekend. I didn't want to go because I was bored with Las Vegas. I only agreed to go because I knew he had never been to Las Vegas, and he wouldn't get the true Vegas experience if he went for the first time by himself. Me and E.Shrew spent PLENTY of money to go on this trip just for him! Well, shit... now we feel like canceling the trip because we both feel I have been backstabbed and betrayed. He has obviously been reading my blog for a while, and he feels comfortable discussing it with everyone else BUT me!

Now I am wondering if my brother is the reason that my friendship with Whipping Boy was severely damaged earlier this year. There was a mysterious comment on my blog that had our company name AND my father's name. It referenced a secret. Well, I blamed Whipping Boy for that and it has severely damaged our friendship ever since. What if this was my brother making the comment way back when? I even posted about it HERE.

As I am writing this, my intuition is creeping up on me. Perhaps my brother and certain other family members have known about the blog for some time. Maybe my brother purposively told my friend BEFORE the trip to Vegas, so I would get tipped off. Why would he do this? Hmm... let's see... maybe he wanted to make sure "WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS, STAYS IN VEGAS". Maybe he didn't want me blogging anything potentially embarrassing to him. Hmm... just a hunch... but my twin brother is strategic and cunning that way!

So, what should I do? A part of me wants to just shitcan the whole blog now. Another part of me says I should continue on with the blog and ignore any family nosiness. If my family sees something that embarrasses them, then they shouldn't be reading my damned blog!

Monday, July 24, 2006



I am sorry. I tried watching Project Runway. I just can't bear to watch it. To me, the show is TOO GAY. The lisps. The attitude. The hand flapping. I am ready to grab the remote and go FLIP! I may be a little gay, but that show is just too God Damn gay for me! So, what does a straight-acting-trying boy like me do? You bet your ass I ran to Youtube.
LSU Marching Down to Tiger Stadium


LSU Fight Song Outside Stadium


LSU Pregame from the field...


Thirty Nine more days until LSU Football Season. Grrr... I can't wait. The LSU Marching Band... oh how I miss thee. And the LSU Golden Girls. Oh how much prettier you are than any other SEC dancing squads. Yes, Tony, even prettier than the VOLuptuous Babes. The LSU Tigers are invading Knoxville this Fall. Are ya scared??? Can you smell the whoopass LSU is gonna open on ya? Yeah... Project Runway is making me scary butch. It may have the opposite effect on the rest of ya'll.

Déjà Vu

Pardon me for allowing my blog to grind down to a snail's pace. It is not that I have writer's block. It has really come down to the fact that I am redirecting my creative energy against that force called déjà vu.

Life for Brett has become so mundane. For example, I go out and I see the same old tired people out in the bars. How many times can you really pass Brian, Greg and Joe and give them a hug or a nipple tug? It creates a very temporary warm feeling, but ultimately that feeling goes away as fast it came. How many times can you see Becky Allen and Pat call another game of bingo at Oz? How many times can you see Barry Bare Ass in another audacious costume introducing the same strippers every single weekend?

How many times can I whip Whipping Boy in a tennis grudge match? When is he EVER going to rise up and challenge me? Should I switch to doubles, so he can have a snowball's chance in hell against me by forcing me to play as part of a (COUGH) team?

Folks, I am simply channeling my energy elsewhere. I am up to 60 pages in my book. Instead of being the picky perfectionist, I have let loose the reigns and allowed my story to flow. I had to force myself to put worries of the grammar behind me for now. The story is the most important part! If you wonder why my blog has slowed down to a crawl, just know that my creative juices are flowing like a river right now into my book.

I do eagerly plan on watching Adam's very first video cast tonight. This is a very exciting development for his blog! I also plan to listen to the latest Curve Cast from those loveable bears in Bedford, Indiana. I am waiting on pins and needles for which will come first: Joel updating his blog or Scotty doing another weigh-in.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Me and E.Shrew at the Bourbon Pub in New Orleans





These were the photos that Camilla captured of me and E.Shrew out at the Bourbon Pub last Saturday night. As you can see, I am always sticking my tongue out, tugging on nips, or hugging on some poor bastard. Of course, I never ask permission. Yes, it's downright exhausting dealing with me if you are my friend. Ask Joe. Now, he'll say he NEVER volunteered for that role. Wait... what did he recently say to me? "I don't even like you!" Such a good buddy. (lol!)

Monday, July 17, 2006

DOWN ON THE FARM VIDEO ((( Podcast )))


Click the following link and then the little green arrow under my logo: Quicktime Movie. For direct download of Quicktime movie... CLICK HERE. For those of you who have trouble, try this MPEG version.

For those of you who were tired of the Jiggy Dances in my computer room, this video podcast is for you! It is me in the outdoors and on the farm. This video podcast is worksafe and clean. I may say one curse word, but that's really it. You get to personally meet George the STUD, Nancy the riding horse, Boudreaux and Pierre's backyard, AND those famous country bumpkin chickens!

Sordid Weekend Tales

I should never be allowed to handle a beard trimmer. In an effort to clean up my hair, I put a beard trimmer on #3 and whacked my hair off almost down to the skin. I tried in VAIN to fix the screwup, but I did it even more injustice. E.Shrew was of absolutely no help to me. Here I was screaming that my beautiful hair was screwed up for the whole weekend, and all he could do was stand there laughing his ass off at my debacle. Then E.Shrew had the NERVE to try to take a picture of it! He could have been helping me! I clenched his camera and asked him (in no uncertain terms) if he wanted that camera thrown in the toilet. He caught the severity of my steely nerves, and decided it was best he leave me alone. Thank God for my LSU cap! I later had a friend give me a military haircut Saturday which saved the day. I look so butch now that the men were practically throwing themselves on me. Grrr...

In the dog park this weekend, Jack E. Shrew decides to take a big wizz on a young lady's feet. She is sitting in a plastic chair, reading a book, and minding her own business. She suddenly jumps up and begins to SHRIEK "OH MY GOD! SOMEBODY'S DOG JUST PEED ON ME!!!" To E.Shrew's horror, it was his hilly billy dog Jack who peed a river on her flip flop wearing delicate feet. E.Shrew could only hold back the laughs and try to convey his most heartfelt "SORRY!" The lady screamed back at him, "Well... you can at least come wash my feet!" She was stomping around the dog park mad as a hatter looking for a hose to wash off her pee laden barnacles. Uhhh... E.Shrew never did try to make good and wash her feet.

Later as we are driving through the French Quarter, we see a lady in a black dress propping up her legs on a rail on a second floor balcony. Shockingly, there it was... looking down at us below... her MUFF and her cellulite laden thighs! Apparently the lady was cooling off from a hot day in the Louisiana sun. I was still recovering from my hangover from the night before, and it only made my head hurt worse. E.Shrew was equally horrified.

We did have fun visiting with a friend we call "Camilla" this weekend. Camilla is a very fun person to hang out with. He always makes us smile. Camilla took a few pictures of us acting up in the bar. He thinks we make a very cute couple. Camilla promised to email us those pictures, but I have yet to see them. (COUGH) If you read this Camilla, please go ahead and email me those pictures. My fans really do want to see YET another picture of my tongue stretching out to lick another person or body part.

If I were Israel... (HOT TOPIC!)


I want to go on record stating that I fully support Israel's offensive in Lebanon. I DO feel sorry for the innocent Lebanese, who have to deal with the misdeeds of Hezbollah. If I was in charge of the Israeli response, I would go further than Israel has. I would order the return of the soldiers and a total cease to terrorist tactics by Hezbollah. If this wasn't stopped in 24 hours, I would threaten to rain thousands of cruise missiles down on Southern Lebanon and Syria. If that didn't stop the opposition, I would threaten to use NUKES on Damascus (Syria's capital and largest city) and Beruit. It's time to flex muscles and let the Arab world know that any provocation will be met with deadly force that will put their communities in jeopardy.

Now, this is why I am not the leader of Israel. I would be far more aggressive in my response to Islamic terror. The Muslim world must surely know by now that there are very negative consequences to their actions. Wiping Israel off the map is NOT going to happen. What MAY happen is that the Arab world will be wiped off the map. Now, either get along with your neighbors, or jeopardize your world with extermination. You are not dealing with all that hand wringing from those EU bureaucratic pussies. When Israel or the U.S. responds... it acts decisively. Israel is cracking it's knuckles and ready to punch you hard. You live by the sword, you die by the sword. It's your call Arab world.

This just in... Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said any Israeli attack against Syria would be an aggression on the whole Islamic world and warned of a harsh reaction, the official Iranian news agency reported Friday. I say "FUCK IRAN". They just want to distract world attention away from their nuclear ambitions. We should send cruise missiles into their terrorist supporting country as well. They are all together in this anyway. Everybody knows Hezbollah, Hamas, Syria and Iran are all CIRCLE JERK BUDDIES. Sorry I am venting this morning. I just feel like calling a spade a spade today.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Finding Myself in a Charitable Mood

Last year, I was a poor country bumpkin and struggling to make ends meet. This year has been a time of brighter days. I can actually be a little charitable in fact. Instead of blowing money on silly things, I have donated to two worthwhile causes today. Check them out.

The first donation was to: The Public Clinic of Tilory, Haiti. From Dave's site, I pulled this: Tilory is a community of about 2,000 residents, located on the border between Haiti and the Dominican Republic. The village is extremely remote and difficult to access from the Haitian capital, and it is very difficult for Haitians to cross the border to access goods and services on the Dominican side, especially so in the past year due to political unrest and violence in Haiti. There is no electricity in Tilory, and the community has been in the process of building an aqueduct to bring clean water to its residents for several years. The people of Tilory, as in most of rural Haiti, live in extreme poverty. The lack of adequate health care means many common, easily curable diseases are allowed to go untreated. Much of the illness in the area is related to the lack of clean drinking water.

The second donation was to Mark's Charity: AIDS Arms, Inc. The purpose of AIDS Arms, Inc. is to assist individuals in accessing the healthcare, resources and support necessary to successfully manage the challenges of living with HIV/AIDS.

I feel better today. I have done a good deed. And my attention was a little less on myself today. Hallelujah!

Dreaming of St. Croix


I am going to the Carribean in the next few months. I have never seen my boyfriend's house in St. Croix before, so this trip is going to be especially sweet. It'll be seven days in the sun in the U.S. Virgin Islands. I can't wait! Now that I have something to look forward to, I'll have to really focus on my workouts in the gym. Thanks E.Shrew for the wonderful birthday present! My boyfriend is the coolest.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Ahhh.... Feels SOOO Good.....

I experienced a greater feeling than any drug, sexual release, or win has ever given me this morning. It felt soooo good. It came after I carried my excuse-riddled slacker ass to the gym . I willed myself to a hard upper body workout. I fought those familiar demons that were saying: "Oh... but you are too tired", "Your back is still sore from that limbo contest", or "It's been so long since your last workout... just do a light workout until you can get back to where you were."

I successfully completely SIX hard workouts using the same weights I left off at 10 days ago. Let me tell you...it wasn't easy. I had to constantly fight off the whiney part of me that was pouting. I made my ass stay in the gym and do as many reps as I could until my muscles were numb. I left the gym this morning feeling powerful. The euphoria was intense. I feel invincible like Superman. Where's the Gock's candyass when you need something to kick?

Ahhh... and an added bonus was hearing this song on my stereo:

Bossy by Kelis
(feat. Too $hort)

{Kelis} You don't have to love me..... you don't even have to like me...... but you will respect me........

[Too $hort]
You know, it's a hard pill to swallow
When they tell you you strange
You ain't hot
Then in the blink of an eye
They got on what you got
That means i'm a boss!

Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch that beat go...

[Kelis]
I'm bossy
I'm the first girl to scream on a track
I switched up the beat of the drum
That's right i brought all the boys to the yard
And that's right, i'm the one that's tattooed on his arm
I'm bossy
I'm the bitch y'all love to hate
I'm the chick that's raised the stakes
I told young stunna he should switch the bass
I'm back with an 808 cause i'm bossy

Ooh lemme slow it down for ya so you can catch the flow
Screw it up make it go extra slow
Real girls get down on the flo
(on the flo get down, on the flo)
Ooh i gave you a taste you want some more
Touch down on it like a pro
I ride the beat like a bicycle, I'm icy cold
Ooh from the 6-4 hoppers up in crenshaw
The money makin playas up in harlem
Don't want no problems
We gon keep it bumpin while the 808 is jumpin

Diamonds on my neck, di-diamonds on my grill
Diamonds on my neck, di-diamonds on my grill

I'm bossy
I'm the first girl to scream on a track
I switched up the beat of the drum
That's right i brought all the boys to the yard
And that's right, i'm the one that's tattooed on his arm
I'm bossy
I'm the bitch y'all love to hate
I'm the chick that's raised the stakes
I told young stunna he should switch the bass
I'm back with an 808 cause i'm bossy

Ooh (i bet i bet i bet) i bet cha neva heard it like this before
My baby be closin'them phantom doors
Got the bar poppin this that you can't afford (can't afford)
Ooh i'm drinkin blastin the crowds it's all smokin
All the while i'm all open
Me and my girls we stay fly and we love to stay high
Ooh from the 6-4 hoppers up in crenshaw
To the money makin playas up in harlem
Don't want no problems
We gon keep it bumpin while the 808 is jumpin

Diamonds on my neck, di-diamonds on my grill
Diamonds on my neck, di-diamonds on my grill

I'm bossy
I'm the first girl to scream on a track
I switched up the beat of the drum
That's right i brought all the boys to the yard
And that's right i'm the one that's tattooed on his arm
I'm bossy
I'm the bitch ya'll love to hate
I'm the chick that's raised the stake
I told young stunna he should switch the bass
I'm back with an 808 cause i'm bossy

[Too $hort]
It's bout time that she get with me
Can't stop starin, she's fine and she's pretty
Damn girl, don't hurt em
If niggas don't back back, you gon work em
Put your mack down, i know your background
Whatchu want girl, you gettin mad now
That's how you do it, huh?
Well i'm the coolest one
In fact, bitches in the back bring em to the front, bitch!
Tell that man you's a boss bitch
Make some noise, raise your hand if you's a boss bitch
I don't think he understand you's a boss bitch
Get some help if you can cause he lost it
Ain't no refunds, she spent the cash mayne
In your benz with her friends in the fast lane
Flossin, you say "how much it cost me?"
About a million dollars playa, she's bossy

[Kelis]
I'm bossy
I'm the first girl to scream on a track
I switched up the beat of the drum
That's right i brought all the boys to the yard
And that's right i'm the one that's tattooed on his arm
I'm bossy
I'm the bitch y'all love to hate
I'm the chick that's raised the stake
I told young stunna he should switch the bass
I'm back with an 808 cause i'm bossy

Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh... watch the beat go...
Uh uh...

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Jimmy Swaggart Does Live Right Down the Road from Me...

The Personality Defect Test

Televangelist
You are 14% Rational, 85% Extroverted, 14% Brutal, and 71% Arrogant.

As the Lord as my witness, I swear upon the good book that you are indeed the TELEVANGELIST! Characterized by extreme arrogance, self-assurance, and extroversion, you would make a very charismatic leader (though not a very good one). On top of that, you are also more intuitive than rational, predisposing you to a more spiritual or emotional outlook on life. Thus, you are thoroughly irrational, and you tend to think that sound logical reasoning is overrated, and that it is much better to trust your gut instincts--which must be pretty big instincts, considering the size of your gut. You also tend to be rather gentle and considerate of others' feelings.

Clearly, you would make the perfect televangelist. You could easily fleece people of their money and their dignity like so many sheep. Emotional, extroverted, arrogant, and gentle, you annoy the hell out of people who have to listen to the feel-good, intuitive shit spewing from your mouth. Not only that, but people may look down on you as a self-centered asshat. So while you are gentle and genuinely care about others, it is quite clear that you still care about yourself MORE. Why is your personality flawed? Because you are too damned extroverted, emotional, and arrogant. So preach your irrational message, brotha-man! I assure you, no one will be listening. Except for a few bums. But they just want you to feed them crackers and wine.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.

2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.

3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.

4. You are more ARROGANT than humble

Your exact opposite is the Spiteful Loner.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hippie, the Starving Artist, and the Robot.


Monday, July 10, 2006

Hell Hath No Fury... When You P*ss Me Off!!!

There was no way in hell I was going to win a tennis match today. I have been slacking off in the gym, not exercising, and totally PIGGING OUT for a week. My back and shoulders were hurting from an ill-advised participation in a limbo contest yesterday. Damn my competitive nature! Well, Joe TICKED ME OFF big time today by being a button pushing whore. Master P pissed me off by telling me I was going to get my ass beat and then compared me to my twin brother who is 20 pounds overweight. I was ready to spit fire.

Thanks to Joe and Master P, I properly channeled my anger, opened up a can of whoop-ass, and ROYALLY kicked Whipping Boy's ass in tennis this afternoon. I won in straight sets 6-4, 6-1. In fairness to Whipping Boy, that first set was very competitive. Thanks Joe and Master P! You two bastards are good for something afterall...

Brett's World Tennis Rankings:
1. Brett (2-0)
.
.
.
102. Whipping Boy (0-2)

Making Your Own Sh*t List

Do any of you guys carry around a Shit List in your head? Do you know what I am talking about? You may say... "Oh... he's SO on my Shit List!" Or ... "You are now #1 on my Shit List!" My current Shit List carries a couple people who were former friends of mine, but who I now give a "GO TO HELL" look to. I am not even counting certain bloggers (COUGH) that haven't added my blog yet. They were swiftly served with quick retribution from Mommie Dearest. That's all high school girlish. No... the people who are on my shit list are individuals who have REALLY gotten under my skin.

Brett's Shit List
1. Chip-On-Shoulders Queen: This person is one who I actually may get into a fistfight one day. He loathes every fiber of my being. Something about me being popular, fuckable, and fabulous sticks a thorn in his big butt. But you know what? He is Baton Rouge's most despised gay man. Ask anyone from Louisiana, Texas or Mississippi and they'll say the same thing --- "OH... I HATE HIM!" Yeah, he is the #1 most blocked person on every gay cruising site. He has been trying to bait me by trying to use an Ex of mine to get my goat. I am tired of this pissing contest. I think he has done just enough to warrant a knuckle-fist sandwich delivered by moi. One ASS KICKING would probably do him good. What would it accomplish? It would fix that bad ass attitude that has long caused great misery to others. I think he really loves being a mean bully. The locals would cheer me knocking his lights out. TRUST ME!

2. BOQ-FQ (Bitter Old Queen - French Quarter): This is one bitchy barfly (not that there is anything wrong with being a barfly). If you say one thing or take one action that does not sit well with Miss BOQ-FQ, your bridge is burned with her until eternity. I was taught as a Catholic to forgive others. Something I am very good at. Well, some people just can't get past any disappointment ... PERIOD. When Miss BOQ-FQ dramatically set a torch to my bridge and burned it down to crispy ash, I thought I must have done something wrong. Short of apologizing for my mere existence, I soon began to realize that there is something very wrong with HER! I watch from the sidelines every weekend with great amazement as I see bridges smoldering around her. How sad that she takes such delight in permanently truncating paths. Let's hope she doesn't die a lonely Miss BOQ-FQ one day.

3. BadBoy#1, BadBoy#2, BadBoy#3, etc.: This is reserved for every bad boy that I have ever foolishly chased after. I don't know why I have a weakness for bad boys. They look like trouble, they smell like trouble, and in the end I always get burned by them. When will I ever learn?

Who is on your Shit List?

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Joan Crawford

Watching Joan Crawford helps me get my inner bitch going. I know Tony is cringing right now because he would like for me to get past this "Joan Crawford Phase". I can't help it... I admire Mommie Dearest. Sometimes when you have had your belly full of SHIT from people, you just have to find your own inner Mommie Dearest and rip a new asshole in people. Mommie Dearest inspires me to do so! ;) Thanks Bobby for sending me this!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

The Book

What has Brett been up to? Well... the long holiday weekend involved a lot of overindulgence in food and alcohol in the Big Easy. Today, I began working on my book again. No, it's not an autobiography about me. That would be scandalous and shameful to the family.

The book I am writing is about a science fiction hero. For some reason, I can't ever get past 20 typed pages. I keep editing those 20 pages over and over again before progressing any further with my story. I have a couple people (my mom and my twin brother) who are curious to read what I have written so far. So, the pressure of coming up with a well-written and engaging story has slowed the writing process down a tad. It has been interesting to go over the storyline with my mom and brother. They were both very interested in the book and seemed genuinely facinated by my ideas and themes.

I also ordered the Strangers With Candy - Complete Edition from Amazon today. My dear friend Joe gave me the idea. I remember catching a few episodes and I laughed my ass off. Hmmm... maybe if I watch the crazy antics of Jerri Blank, I'll understand Joe better. I plan on watching this over the weekend in the country with E.Shrew as we have vowed to have a relaxing and do-nothing weekend coming up. So, it'll be us with the dogs... watching Strangers with Candy - on the couch. Ahhh... perfect.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Going Mommie Dearest on my Blogroll

Goodmorning to you... my wonderful fans. I am so grateful to you all, who have made me a star. While the rest of you are taking advantage of the 4th of July holiday by sleeping in late, Mommie Dearest is doing a little spring cleaning at her home. A few "troublesome" windows which didn't open and close right were knocked out and replaced. Mommie Dearest's day is never done. Now I suggest you get some cleaning of your own done.

Today, I plan to go swimming with my charming daughter Christina. I am going to teach her a little lesson about who rules THIS roost. When the little bitch whines about losing yet again, I'll just inform her that "AH, but nobody ever said life was fair, Tina. I'm bigger and I'm faster. I will always beat you. " Then I am sure she'll talk to back me, which will give me free reign to spank her ass MANY times. Ahhh... the joys of being Mommie Dearest.

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I am a patient man. I am soooo very patient. But as a passive aggressive crazy person... I am about to go Mommie Dearest on my Blogroll. Some of you fuckers blogger buddies have never added my blog to your blogroll. I have had the pleasure of meeting several of you in person. I would love to meet the rest of you (if you'll have me). My blog drives your counters soaring from my Jiggy Dance stunts, fabulous pictures, and my crazyass self. So will the following people get off their asses OR face Mommie Dearest: Chad, Darin, Kelicious, Donnie, and Phoenixboi. If you have no intentions of adding my blog, I will TEAR DOWN that BITCH (your blog) of a bearing wall and put a window where it OUGHT to be.(Delete it on my index) Okay... I feel all better now that I have that off my chest.