First Meeting of the Brett Hater's Club
The first thing on our agenda folks is a discussion about why we are here. Our motto is "We wont stop until Brett ceases to exist!" (THUNDEROUS OVATION) Wow! What a lively crowd we have here! You guys are really stoked this morning! Okay guys... settle down... we have A LOT to cover today! We are going to start by displaying a special message from Brett himself. (LOUD CHORUS OF BOO's)
SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM BRETT HIMSELF:
I would first off like to say... FUCK YOU BITCHES! I know you hate the ground I walk on. I see you hiss at me when I work the crowds at the Bourbon Pub. I see those evil little smirks you all make when I pass by. Trust me... I am FAR from perfect... but each and every one of you bitches are the quirkiest motherfuckers on the planet! You want a pissing contest? Don't make me start calling out names and listing every fucking thing wrong with each and every one of you bitches.
You know what? I will not stoop to your level. I know that I am a work in progress, and I am simply going to concentrate on that. Yes, it's true that I am going to turn 36 years old in a couple of weeks. Yes, it's true that I should really be more mature at my age. But you know what? I am living life. I am actually more self-actualized than you are.
If I really did care too much about what others think... why would I do those God awful Jiggy Dances? If I wanted to portray myself as the sweetest little guy, why on Earth would I have posted my rant that strongly suggested that the black community needs to get its act together down here? Oh yeah... that was a ratings hit! But boy did my reputation fall precipitously! If I was really just another vain fag lacking substance, why am I spending so much time and energy on writing my novel? If I only truly cared about myself, why do I spoil my Dachshunds Boudreaux and Pierre, my chickens, and that boyfriend that goes by E.Shrew?
I do realize that my mere existence and antics have spawned two Brett camps. You have the Brett Fan Club and you have the Brett Hater's Club. The funny thing is that nearly all the people in the Brett Hater's Club are former good friends. Somewhere along the line in our interactions, I have disappointed you on one too many occasions. I joke to my current friends that often give me a hard time that I am glad to see that they are actively running for the Presidency of the Brett Hater's Club.
THIS IS THE DEAL FOLKS: I KNOW I AM FAR FROM PERFECT. Now... I must ask you this... aren't we all a little quirky in our own special ways? I can look at every single friend of mine and find many quirks. I think none of my friends are perfect by a longshot. Who really is? If anyone should be the President of the Brett Hater's Club, it really should be myself. Why? I KNOW I can do better. Working on being a better person is what I am working on every day of my life. Now all you bitches need to get off my ass, look in the mirror and concentrate on fixing your own damned self!