First Meeting of the Brett Hater's Club

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Brett Hater's Club.... WELCOME. Please take your seats as we are about to get started. Oh my... there are not enough seats in the auditorium for everybody. Gentlemen, if you would kindly just stand up behind the rows of seats, we can get started. Wow. We have way more in attendance for this very first meeting of the Brett Hater's Club than I expected. Okay... some of you can actually just stand up on the sides of those seated rows. There you go. Whew! It is going to be crowded folks, but I do thank you for coming!

The first thing on our agenda folks is a discussion about why we are here. Our motto is "We wont stop until Brett ceases to exist!" (THUNDEROUS OVATION) Wow! What a lively crowd we have here! You guys are really stoked this morning! Okay guys... settle down... we have A LOT to cover today! We are going to start by displaying a special message from Brett himself. (LOUD CHORUS OF BOO's)

SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM BRETT HIMSELF:

I would first off like to say... FUCK YOU BITCHES! I know you hate the ground I walk on. I see you hiss at me when I work the crowds at the Bourbon Pub. I see those evil little smirks you all make when I pass by. Trust me... I am FAR from perfect... but each and every one of you bitches are the quirkiest motherfuckers on the planet! You want a pissing contest? Don't make me start calling out names and listing every fucking thing wrong with each and every one of you bitches.

You know what? I will not stoop to your level. I know that I am a work in progress, and I am simply going to concentrate on that. Yes, it's true that I am going to turn 36 years old in a couple of weeks. Yes, it's true that I should really be more mature at my age. But you know what? I am living life. I am actually more self-actualized than you are.

If I really did care too much about what others think... why would I do those God awful Jiggy Dances? If I wanted to portray myself as the sweetest little guy, why on Earth would I have posted my rant that strongly suggested that the black community needs to get its act together down here? Oh yeah... that was a ratings hit! But boy did my reputation fall precipitously! If I was really just another vain fag lacking substance, why am I spending so much time and energy on writing my novel? If I only truly cared about myself, why do I spoil my Dachshunds Boudreaux and Pierre, my chickens, and that boyfriend that goes by E.Shrew?

I do realize that my mere existence and antics have spawned two Brett camps. You have the Brett Fan Club and you have the Brett Hater's Club. The funny thing is that nearly all the people in the Brett Hater's Club are former good friends. Somewhere along the line in our interactions, I have disappointed you on one too many occasions. I joke to my current friends that often give me a hard time that I am glad to see that they are actively running for the Presidency of the Brett Hater's Club.

THIS IS THE DEAL FOLKS: I KNOW I AM FAR FROM PERFECT. Now... I must ask you this... aren't we all a little quirky in our own special ways? I can look at every single friend of mine and find many quirks. I think none of my friends are perfect by a longshot. Who really is? If anyone should be the President of the Brett Hater's Club, it really should be myself. Why? I KNOW I can do better. Working on being a better person is what I am working on every day of my life. Now all you bitches need to get off my ass, look in the mirror and concentrate on fixing your own damned self!

What I did Memorial Day Weekend

Was it fucking HOT this past weekend or what?! Oh my God... that sun beat down on us in the Deep South pretty darn good. It was definitely too HOT and HUMID. Grrr...

I started the three day holiday weekend off with my friend Larry. I drove up to Gulfport, MS where Larry cooked the nicest meal ever. We had a wonderful salad, crab cakes, and steaks. I swear it was a better meal than I would have had in any restaurant. Afterwards, I got to tour the devastation once again. All I have to say is -- New Orleanians need to stop bitching. Whereas New Orleans is coming back alive and got most of its fabulousness back... the Mississippi Gulf Coast still looks like an Apocalypse. Where stately million dollar mansions once stood proudly on the coast, there is nothing but cement slabs and a small plastic-looking FEMA trailer marking the spot. All of the really nice restaurants, hotels and some casinos on the coast are all gone. Their rubble has been carted away for good. It is really sad. The place still looks like a war zone. A war zone that gets very little media attention as New Orleans siphons away all the post Katrina spotlight.

On Saturday, I hooked back up with the Shrew. (my BF) He tells me I have to start planting nice stories about him on my blog to raise his approval ratings. It is not that I say bad things about him on my blog. I usually only mention him in passing because I thought he would rather stay out of the madness of my blog. And for the umpteenth time... I never gave him the name "E.Shrew" or "Evil Shrew". His own dear brother gave him that name. Michael (the BF) LOVES that title and wears it sort of as a badge of honor. So, I am not disrespecting him. I am honoring him.

The weekend in New Orleans was a blur. All I remember is the intense heat. I remember that EAT, the new restaurant that replaced The Quarter Scene is SOOOO much better. The food quality was impeccable. The menu choices were superb. E.Shrew and his brother had the most excellent grits and grillades. I had grits, chicken fried steak, and gravy. I swear to God... all you Yankees hate grits... but this restaurant makes the fluffiest and best grits on the planet. Mmm... good!

There was the Greek Fest on Saturday, where I learned from the President of my Hate Club that I really should do something about my nose hairs. I TRY to trim them... but sometimes they sneak up on me and they grow too fast! I had fun at the Greek Fest. They were selling Abita Beer for $2 and had the most delish food. I got the best gyros sandwich I have ever eaten for $5. It was fun to hang out the President of my Hate Club and his entourage. What do they say? Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer? Just kidding... the President of my Hate Club really does love me deep down. He just has this penchant for giving me a hard time because I am an easy target. It has something to do with that defect I have about wearing all my feelings on my sleeves and not keeping any in my pocket.

Oh yes... there was plenty drinking this weekend. Some hot tourists were in town spicing up the local bar scene. I remember meeting a hunky older guy named Pat from Memphis. He wanted me to go back to his room at the Bourbon Orleans and make a "porn movie" with him. It was intriguing... but I had to turn him down. Oh... and that was wise... as the Shrew came right up behind us startling me as I was having this intriguing indecent proposal with Pat. The Shrew wanted to hear all the details... and I promptly told him. That is why I love E. Shrew. He doesn't sweat the small things. I LOVE that I have a boyfriend that is not the least bit jealous. I am extremely flirty by nature (Duh... you couldn't tell?) so I really need a boyfriend that can deal with that. And hey... E.Shrew gets hit on all the time too! He tells me his stories and I just smile. I feel like when others find my boyfriend handsome and charming, then I must really have something great!

Oh, I did come to a realization about the locals in New Orleans. They are a bit incestuous. Just about everybody hugs and kisses on everybody. That is the greatest thing in my book! It feels like a small tight-nit community. You can make a "fruit loop" around the Bourbon Pub bar and it can practically take 30 minutes to an hour as you are hugging and chatting with your buddies. It was a treat for me to spend so much time with some very special friends this weekend. I saw so many of whom I always look forward to seeing. It was all smiles and all hugs this weekend. The power of the human spirit was alive and well this weekend.

Of course, our spirits were merrily lifted with a little help from the buzzing from the beer. But it wasn't just about the beer. We were buzzing on life too. Before I close this post, I would like to bring up one more thing related to this "buzzing". Neither me nor E.Shrew are alcoholics. I sometimes get posts from anonymous morons that suggest I have a drinking problem. Uhhh... drinking 5 beers in a gay bar is not a drinking problem. You have a drinking problem when the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is fix yourself a stiff drink. We don't do that. And that, Marjorie - just so you will know - and your children will someday know - is the night the lights went out in Georgia on THAT discussion!

Piggish Ways Must Cease!

It's that time of the year again. It is so warm, it is time to get tanned and show off my hardworked body to the masses. After weighing in at a hefty 176#'s at the Doctor's office (with clothes), I need drastic action! I am a short fucker at 5'7". I am carrying around a little too much junk in my trunk. How am I going to take off my shirt and work the crowd at the Pub if I keep up with my piggish ways? (Taco Bell, men, etc.)

Today I went full throttle at the gym. I worked my muscles so hard until I felt that familiar numbness and euphoria echo through my body. I drank Muscle Milk that Moby gulps down. Thank God! After the grueling workout, I would have been nauseous if I didn't immediately drink or eat something.

I am going to start the Cyto weight gainer that Brandon is doing. I want to get BEEFY and THICK. The problem with me taking a weight gainer is that I am not as disciplined as I am sure Brandon is. I have been known to fall off the wagon every week and order Taco Bell Menu Item #4 (Mexican Pizza, Two Taco Supremes and a Large Dr. Pepper). With a weight gainer, I can't afford to piggy anymore!

You guys look for a new and improved JIGGY DANCE in the near future. Instead of that familiar computer room that you have all complained about time and time again, you may catch me in the outdoors. ;) Look for that in the near future!

Phlegm Phlegm Go Away...

Ughhh... I am well into my third week of coughing and hacking from the phlegm in my lungs. My doctor had prescribed a 5 day dose of a strong antibiotic and Nasonex. I also started taking MucenixD to help me out. I am still not better. When I cough, the phlegm does not come out! I drink plenty of fluids... but it is still there in my throat. I have had the same shortness of breath for the last three weeks. Over the last two nights, I have gotten next to no sleep as the constant coughing has kept me and my dogs up at night. Thank God my roommates haven't been home... they would have lost some sleep too.

So... I am going back to the same Doctor today. I am hoping something helps to get rid of this phlegm. It is NOT pleasant to walk around coughing and trying to hack up phlegm everyday. I don't want this is turn into bronchitis or walking pneumonia. It is so typical of me to avoid Doctors like the plague and think "I'll get better!" Uggghhh... I don't like being sick. It sucks.

Jack E. Shrew Still Loves Me

Half the blogworld is pissed off at you. Some of your own personal friends are heavily competing for President of The Brett Haters Club. What can you do? Well... Jack E. Shrew still loves me unconditionally.

An interesting read...

Time Magazine article on New Orleans. This pretty much says WHY people like me are sick and tired of the same old same old. This is why things have to change. This is why Jesse Jackson and Nagin should stand up and get active in their community and confront it's ills. I am not saying any community I am in is perfect, but the problems facing New Orleans and now Houston to some degree with the Katrina Refugees is reaching a boiling point.

A Hate Mail

"First of all I just want to let you know that I am a white male living in Texas.

I just read your blog about the Mayor race in New Orleans. I tried to respond but apparently you thought you would get some comments that was not supporting of your remarks so you have the area blocked.

I thought you were a cool guy but after reading those racist remarks I find you are just another redneck from down south. But then again, that does not suprise me at all. Especially looking at your pictures you even look like a redneck.

You really should be shamed of what you wrote. It's people like you that give the rest of the white race a bad name not to mention what others will think of you now that you have shown your true colors. You just let all of your friends know exactly what you are about. Maybe you should open your blog comments for all to respond or are you not man enough to take what others my write back to you. What a big man you are.

Those two black guys should have kicked your ass real good for you."

My Faux Paux

What I wanted to generate was a dialogue in my last blog post. Apparently, I ruffled some feathers by my tone. I got hate email saying I was a "redneck" and much worse. Talking about race in general terms is not easy and leads to charges of "racism". I was trying to initiate a dialogue because there are strong views about the root cause of New Orleans problems. Who is right? Who is wrong?

Why was I truly ranting? Do I really feel this way? Does any of this have to do with personal experiences in New Orleans? Probably. I was robbed at gunpoint by two black males years ago. I personally know many gay friends who were each robbed by black men in the French Quarter. Before Katrina, New Orleans had 202 people murdered last year. Computer models predicted that about 107 more people were going to be murdered before the year was out. I got this from a new Time magazine article right now on New Orleans crime before Katrina. It was always a black-on-black shooting. Then almost daily we would see on the news that some black male was wanted for holding up a convenience store or a bank. That is all we see on the news everyday! How can I not help but feel the way that I do when that is all that I see??? Is this just a media conspiracy to make us all think that only black men commit crimes?

Well...if nothing else... this generated a big discussion of views. I do appreciate those nasty little emails. Even the hate emails taught me a few things that I never thought of. So, that is good in my book. Special thanks to my local friend Joe for educating me so forcefully today! Yes, my ass is still smoldering from the fire he lit under me for what I posted. This has been one eye opening GOOD experience to say the least!

The Black and White of the New Orleans Mayor Election

[PREFACE: This may offend some folks. If it creates a good dialogue, then I have done my duty. I feel I had to get this off my chest. There are so many that feel this same way, but they cower about stating it publicly. I am tired of people being wussies! Why can't we talk about uncomfortable things? Talking leads to dialogue. Change can only happen if we have a heart to heart about the way we really feel. Do you really want to know what many people think of the election? HERE IT IS]

There are a lot of unhappy white folks in New Orleans now. You can see the depression on their faces. There is talk of selling all their properties and businesses and moving out of town. The black mayor "Willie" Nagin won a slim majority of the votes over the white Mitch Landrieu in this weekends New Orleans Mayor Election. Landrieu would have stamped a white face on New Orleans. In white hands, the people felt the city would flourish again. Businesses would come back. Now why is this a white and black issue? It simply is.

Ask any gay person visiting New Orleans or living there. They will tell you the same thing. They were never racist growing up. They equated their civil rights movement with the blacks, UNTIL they began going to New Orleans. The Big Easy has the largest population of uneducated, criminal, mischief-making blacks in America. Ask Houston if you don't believe me. How much has that city's crime and murder rate gone up since we gave you our Katrina Refugees?

That is the truth folks. Come down here, and you'll leave racist too! I have been robbed before. Many of my friends have been robbed too. If you own property, beware of the professional LOOTERS in the city. (some were NOPD) I have friends that were looted too. Apparently, the Mayor cannot pay the police enough to have a safe city. Where are all the police? Why haven't you hired them back? What are you doing with all your time?

That is why there is such depression now in New Orleans. Many feel that the black community has ruined the city. They drove the school system into bankruptcy. They chased just about every Fortune 500 company away with the illiterate and unskilled workforce. They are tired of New Orleans being "The Chocolate City" because it is mired in so much crime, corruption, and do nothing ignorance. Katrina was the catalyst that was going to wash away all of New Orleans problems and allow the city to start over. Landrieu was going to usher a new hope to New Orleans. It was going to be a better tomorrow. But now it seems like it is just going to be the same old same old. And that is why people are down and gloomy over here.

Mayor Nagin... it is time to CLEAN UP YOUR CITY. You can start by getting serious about criminal mischief. You can demolish all those housing projects for good and build new ones (if you have to) WAY ACROSS the river. You can protect the Marigny and the French Quarter from roving gangs of black youths by putting REAL cops on the street. It is time to throw away the trash for good. You must act now before everyone moves away to a more promising future. And New Orleans, once the Jewel of the South, falls deeper into decline and irrelevance.

My Beautiful Niece and Her Horse Nancy

Joe Thinks I am a Whack Job...

Folks... today has been a day of great elation for me! I woke up on today, this most glorious day, HAPPY! And it wasn't because E.Shrew came over and cooked a delicious meal for me! It wasn't even for the "quality" of our time together when the lights were turned off. What on Earth am I rambling on about? No Pete... I am NOT on anything!

In my brain is ingrained the most wonderful story yet to be told. The novel I have been working on has admittedly screeched to a halt at chapter #4 . I was not without any ideas, but I was becoming awfully aware that the larger story I wanted to tell was ho hum.

Then it happened! I have a new story arc for my upcoming fiction. All is not lost, because I'll take the same traits from my main character and put them in one of the characters in my new book. I am so excited! I have so much to write! God, I hear my calling... and I am dutifully serving!

FEMA Chicken Refugee Camp

Battling time and nature, I constructed an emergency chicken refugee camp. The chickens were suddenly growing too big for their shelter. They were flying in each other's faces, shit was piling up everywhere (even in their fellow chick's water!) and I had to act fast before any more feathers were ruffled! This FEMA Trailer chicken camp will have to do until E.Shrew gets up here in the country to help me contruct the fabulous Le Grand Poulailler. COMING SOON!

How Truthful is My Blog?

In light of the latest shit to hit the blog fan, (Am I the only one that thinks a woman is behind all these writings?), I started thinking of suspicious things on my blog. What if people think I made shit up about myself???

What if they think I jump over the neighbor's fence to take snapshots of someone else's horses? Or maybe I do a google search of horse images and post the prettiest ones I find? What if E.Shrew doesn't really exist? He COULD be a figment of my imagination! And what about my tennis playing? You haven't heard SQUAT from me about tennis in forever. What if I MADE UP the fact that I play tennis?

If I was accused of pretending to be something I was not, I would get mad and be hellbent on PROVING to you otherwise. I would call your ass up and give you a piece of mind. I would hand E.Shrew the phone and make him prove to you that he exists. I would send you pictures! I know I chronicle my life and this blog with photographic evidence of my existence on this Earth. You always see me doing many different things with many different people. When I travel, I usually post new pics of those events on my blog too. I also try to meet new bloggers whenever I go to a new city. Brettcajun fans know that Brett EXISTS!

Having merely a blog, a profile pic, and an email address just wont do in the TRUTH test. A genuine person is going to have pictures of himself doing various things with various people. A genuine person will have an email address or be able to instant message you sometimes. A genuine person will have a home address, a cell phone or a home phone number. And finally... a genuine person will be able to meet you in person.

So ask yourself... does your favorite bloggers pass the truth test?

Our Louisiana Sky

A New Horse on the Farm
The Paint Horse and Her Colt Me in the family garden. I am actually touching the rows my twin brother planted. It looks more lush than what I planted because I only used seeds to start my garden. He bought them as plants already.My Nephew Mason. He is the one that is the comedian. He tries to tell dirty jokes but they always make absolutely NO SENSE!This is what I planted with E.Shrew.My chickens. These are some NASTY creatures! I have to change their water and the pan underneath the cage TWICE a day! Yuck!

A Nearby Plantation...

Houmas House Plantation... in my home parish of Ascension. This plantation has been featured in the movies "North and South," and "Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte" starring Bette Davis. One room in the house is dedicated to Bette Davis where they have photos and memorabilia from her filming and stay at the plantation. How cool is that? In my rural parish!

Walking around the country...

So, when you say "She is such a COW!" Are you talking about a person or what's in the pasture next door? Hmmm... always challenging.

Don't get GLAAD... be MAD!

I should never write after a grueling leg workout. I get super aggressive. Add to the fact that I haven't been getting any, and I am placed in a testosterone asswhooping mood. As I was working out this morning, I couldn't stop dwelling on the latest Howard Dean controversy.

I am stewing over the misguided attention to this controversy. I am mad as hell that I have friends Joe, Kevin M., etc. that would rather waste a vote on something stupid like the Green Party or some marijuana legalizing Communist Party than to vote for the DNC.

Instead of fighting with the DNC, we should be battling insidious organizations like the Focus on the Family, Christian Coalition, and The Christian Broadcasting Group. All of these organizations are trying to constitutionally ban gay marriage. Karl Rove, evil puppet master of the GOP, loves to use gays as punching bags to rile up the religious faithful (the GOP base) every single fucking time election season rolls around. We become the punching bags.

And what do we do about it? Not a damned thing! We'll be the star of GOP commercials blasting in all those rural redneck communities. Their message will be "If you let the Democrats gain control of Congress, Gays will run amock in the White House! They'll be getting married on the White House Lawns!" Then they'll choose the most faggy of all fags to show to the redneck minions what life would be like if the Democrats were in charge.

How does that make you feel? Why aren't you mad with the true enemies of your gay community? Why shoot the leadership of the DNC, when you should be fired up over Karl Rove, Pat Robertson, Dr. James Dobson, and Fred Phelps of Topeka, Kansas. Instead of passive aggressively refusing to vote for Democrats, we should be battling our true enemies!

How can we expect for Howard, Hillary and Nancy to lead us when we don't speakout for ourselves? Get out of your gayborhood, get in the face of your enemy, and confront them! I am talking about STRENGTH IN NUMBERS massively hounding and protesting these purveyors of gay hatred. Show them that we are tired of being punching bags everytime the election season rolls around! TIME TO FLEX OUR MUSCLES AND BE ACTIVE IN OUR OWN POLITICAL CLOUT! STOP BEING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PUSSIES!

NSA Revelation Doesn't Surprise Me One Bit... How Can We Fight Back?

Why is this news shocking to anyone??? Ever since the dumbass Electorate gave the Republicans control of Congress AND the Presidency, I knew freedom was swiftly going out the window. Don't be surprised if there is a mole at NSA right now that works for the GOP that actively records and collects data on every Democrat running for election in November this year. This is what power hungry regimes do. They accumulate power through all means necessary. Dubya is no better than Sadam Hussein. Can the Europeans please band together, invade the United States and save us from the Tyranny of Dubya and his cronies?

How can we fight back against this trampling of our constitutional rights? As free citizens, we should fight back exercising our freedom of speech. In conversations with your friends... drop lines just so your NSA file gets big and juicy. Say things like "The NSA and Dubya can suck on my left nut." Or get combatitive and tell your friend on the other line what you feel like doing to Dubya. Tell them you are thinking about blowing up Bob Jones University. I encourage you to all have fun with the NSA. Regularly state in your conversations that you are a terrorist and that you are united in the fight against Tyranny. Say things like, "Code name VIVA LA FRANCE!" or "Our French Mole has agreed to get the others onboard to free us Americans from the tyranny of George W. Bush. The Revolution Starts Now!" Let's confuse the NSA and make those lines burn up with faux terrorist chatter. What do you say? I think it would be VERY American of us to do so! Oh Lord... now my NSA file will surely be set on a higher priority list now! Jeez... I love this Tyrannical Regime that I call home.

If you guys don't hear from me anytime soon, I'll be locked away with no rights to a hearing or a fair trial. I'll have to wait until Nancy Pelosi frees me after November. That's not too long of a wait for expressing my freedom of speech. Is it?

While the Shrew's Away...

Today is HUMP day. Well, instead of going out looking for something to hump, I have been a good boy. I am continuing to find household chores to do. I mowed the backyard with a pushmower, swept the carpart, sprayed off the carpart with a stream of water, sprayed carpet cleaner everywhere and vacuumed it up, dumped out chicken poop for second time today, wiped down furniture, polished all the wood furniture, windexed everything, washed and dryed a roommate's sheets, AND I bathed Jack E. Shrew, Boudreaux and Pierre.

It has been weird at my house. Neither of my two roommates have spent much time here in the last few weeks. I am all by myself at the house. I am just glad I am putting my free time to good use. It'll be nice to start the weekend with ALL my chores completely done. My weekend is going to be WIDE OPEN for merriment. I think the Shrew flies in on Sunday, but because it is Mother's Day, I probably will not see him until Wednesday or the weekend.

Oh, and thanks for all the comments you guys have been making on my blog. I am back at our corporate headquarters and I am doing fine. Work is not stressing me out anymore. Whew!

Sleepless on the Bayou

It is very rare that I do not get a goodnight's sleep. Typically, my head hits the pillow and I am asleep within five minutes. This hasn't happened in the last two nights. Last night I got ZERO sleep. This may have happened only five times in my entire life. And every single time it was because I was angry about work.

Anxieties about my personal relationship AND an impending showdown at work this morning created the perfect storm to where I got absolutely NO SLEEP. I felt sorry for Jack Shrew, Pierre and Boudreaux. I kept switching bedrooms and tossed and turned the whole night. Fortunately, my roommates were not home and they were spared my sleepless night.

So, it is 4am. I am still awake. I report back to our headquarters tomorrow morning for a Battle Royale. It has something to do with a misunderstanding about my role in the company. See... I filled in for a person that quit at another branch. Instead of letting this employee give her two weeks notice, the company let her go immediately. This was at the absolutely worse time because all of our employees at this branch were on a big job at a large refinery. So, I stepped in and answered the phone lines, sold products and handled repair work at the front counter, wrote sales and service tickets, did all the purchasing, arranged the shipping, ran credit card transactions, and did everything I had to do to keep this branch running smoothly. In addition, I had to bring my work over from our office headquarters because no one at our company could do my work.

Yes, I was a trooper. Sometimes it would take up to an hour and a half to make it to work because of a traffic accident. Most times it took just an hour. The drive back was bumper-to-bumper traffic that took an hour to get home. The best part was that there was no lunch break. I could not physically leave the building at all because I was the only one there. The branch could not be closed and the phone lines could not go unanswered. So... I had to either eat out the candy box or order pizza. Sometimes I couldn't get pizza delivered in this PoDunk town, so I had to eat out the candy box. I sacrificed for the good of the company so operations would flow smoothly.

After four weeks, we finally hired and trained a replacement. I was ready to go back to my office at the headquarters. Or was I? The powers-that-be let it be known that they had ideas of an extended stay for me at this branch. The trouble is... what they had in mind was totally beneath my rank in the company, my education and my skill set. My pride was injured at the misguided new career path that they had haphazardly chosen for me

So, today, I will walk into our corporate headquarters like a timebomb. The slightest wrong word choice will surely set me off. I will NOT yield to these dumbfucks. Hell hath no fury when my pride has been so injured. My knuckles are already cracked and I have my can of whoopass already open for this confrontation.

Things that make you go "hmmm..."

I had a great time in New Orleans last night. I had no plans to meet up with anybody. It was just me driving down there by myself. Lo and behold, like I knew I would, I saw many of my buddies out at the Bourbon Pub. I had a great time. I smiled and cut up with them. Having a good time while having a buzz is a great way to spend a Saturday night!

But then I had to drive back home (an hour and fifteen minutes away). When I announced that I had to drive back home, many were perplexed why I was not staying at E.Shrew's place in the French Quarter. He is off to Hawaii with his brother for a week. I said... "because I don't have a key to his place." They were shocked. I know... we are early into our third year together and I still don't have a key. I asked him for a key while he was away this week. Do you know what his response was? "You know I have never given you a key to my place, why would I start now?"

So... I was sleepy and driving back home muttering things under my breath. The reaction I got from my friends made me think that I must be the crazy one. It just makes me go "Hmmm...."

A Little OCD Does Me Good...

Doesn't it feel good to get off your ass and get some of those nagging little issues in your life out the way? I have let my OCD run amock and I feel damned better about it! Just yesterday, I started the morning at 4:45am. I jumped out of bed. I changed the water in the chick pen because one of those little dumbass chicks gets off on shitting in the community chicken pen water. So, I must change it twice a day! I cannot for the life of me imagine what drinking water with chicken shit in it must taste like day in and day out. So, I try to make it as pleasant for my feathered friends as well as I can. So, after feeding the chickens, I fed and laid down water for the dogs (Boudreaux, Pierre, and Jack E. Shrew).

Then I went to the gym to do an extensive leg workout at 6am. I drove in heavy traffic across the river from downtown Baton Rouge to report into work at 7am. Great... an hour and a half overtime for me! I work slavishly the whole day. I stop at the gym (again) so I can get in the tanning bed. I am too white! Stop and fill up my gas tank at Exxon (Grrr...) I wash, dry, and put up all the bed sheets, all the white clothes, and all the colored clothes. Sweep the whole house, vaccum the whole house, and then mop all the tiled floored areas. Afterwards, I unload the dishwasher and put more dishes in it from the sink. Then I start dusting and windexing. I am still not done! I even washed Jack E. Shrew. That was a BIG TASK. He hates baths and I now have a sore back from all the effort I had to expend keeping him in the bathtub. Ahhh... then I went to bed...

This morning, I call E.Shrew at 5am to give him a wake up call for his flight to Hawaii today. I do an awesome upper body workout at the gym. I was back at work at 7am for another overtime achieving day. I am not exhausted. I feel great! I am so ready to kick ass at Laser Tag with my twin brother and all the nephews tonight in Baton Rouge.

With each task being completed, I feel SOOO much better. When the weekend is here, I will have absolutely nothing to do but PLAY. And the boyfriend will be in Hawaii for a whole week. You know what that means, huh? I am SINGLE this week! WOOHOO!!!! So... hooray for my OCD! It wipes my slate clean and let's me maximize my play time!

Tomorrow's schedule is: report to Spinning Class at 9am for a hot new male spinning class instructor. Bring Pierre to get his annual shots at the vet. Get a 12 minute stand up bed tan. Get haircut by Sister-in-Law. Relocate my chickens from their little chicken pen to a more DELUXE one. Then...drive to New Orleans... and PAR - TAY all weekend! Woohoo! I can't wait!

Dear God...

You have shown me many times in the last couple days where I fail to listen. I get it! I am sorry! I will TRY to do better! Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own life, my own tasks, and my own agenda, that I forget to turn on my listening skills to the outside world. I am sorry. I will try to do better.

By the way.... thanks for letting the New Orleans Saints acquire Reggie Bush! That was a WONDERFUL GIFT that could have only been done by divine intervention! May we now trounce the Tampa Bay Bucs, Carolina Panthers and those pesky Atlanta Falcons in the NFC SOUTH in 2006! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Okay... back to the message at hand...I promise to work on my listening skills. Thank you for having the patience to show me time and time again until my stubborn self finally got it.

Yours truly,

Brett

My To Do List

1. SLIM DOWN - I swear to God... now when I put on my UT Longhorns shirt... I look like I have a beach ball around my mid-section. The ONLY thing that saves me is sucking in so much that my face turns blue. Sadly, it is getting to the point that sucking in AINT WORKING! Yikes! I need to start back up doing Spinning Class. I am doing NO cardio and it shows.

2. BUILD CHICKEN COOP - Those little chicks are a handful. I have to feed them twice a day and change the water constantly. This is a pain on the weekends when I am running around S. Louisiana with the Shrew. I finally got a baby chick feeder to where you can put five days worth of feed. This is helpful on weekends when I am hardly home. A chicken coop needs to be built within two weeks. The Shrew is going to have to help me with that.

3. MASTER Age of Empires III - I am "KingBrett" on Age of Empires III online. My 9 year old nephew KICKS MY ASS. I hang down my head in shame. Since I couldn't beat the rugrat, I made him join my team against other online players. We lost every game together!!! Oh my Gawd! Either I suck or I should stop trying to be the "French". GRRRR.... anybody that has had to endure playing air hockey or tennis with me KNOW that I hate to lose.

4. GET MY PATHFINDER DETAILED - I am tired of driving around in a dirty truck. I need to find the time to get my truck washed and detailed.

5. GET PUMPED UP - I want to be a HOT BOY. I need bigger arms, pecs, legs, shoulder, biceps, triceps, calves, quads, hamstrings and glutes. I need a totally new routine and I have to find some product to help me achieve this. I have the willpower. I just need to DO IT!