Thursday, March 30, 2006

Why the LSU Golden Girls are the Prettiest

Click Image to see them up close! Have you seen their requirements? Look HERE. You'll notice that is says near the bottom that you must audition in a two-piece black leotard and flesh-colored tights. Make-up and hair style should be worn in a fashion which accents and flatters facial characteristics (e.g. "Pageant" style. ) They advise to avoid wearing your hair/make-up as if going to the gym to workout during the audition. And they even mandate that these girls are subjected to periodic weigh ins to make sure they maintain their audition appearances! Wow!!! No wonder the LSU GOLDEN GIRLS ARE SO HOT!!!

Perhaps schools like Tennesee should do the same? Look at the consequences!

UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEE ROCKY TOP GIRLSOkay Tony, don't get mad at me! This was Spider's fault for bringing it to our attention what those Tennessee girls look like! Tony, if you can prove otherwise, then please send us something! For the record, I was going to use the Penn State girls, but there is no photographic evidence of what those girls look like. It is a Happy Valley SECRET!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Coming Soon!


A little bird tells me that a rough edit of the CurveCast/Brettcajun BITCHFEST is complete. The official polished version will be out soon! Why is it taking so long? It was outsourced to those damn Union workers in Bedford, Indiana! Just kidding!

Back to the Grind

Hallelujah! I am healed! See... prayers do work! Last night, I worked out for the first time. It felt GREAT!!!! My wrist did not hurt one bit from bench presses. I am back to the Grind. Because of my sprained wrist over the last four weeks, I stopped all working out. My wrist kept bothering me anytime I would do something simple like reaching into my pocket for my keys, turning a door knob, or putting Slab in a vice grip.

Well, now I am very happy about my wrist. I have been such a baby about it. I did NOT want to go see a Doctor about it. I had Tony friends bugging me to death about going to see a specialist. I don't like doctors. I am a typical stubborn male in that respect. I am glad it finally healed up, because that is one trip to the doctor's office that I don't have to make! WOOHOO!

Now, I have to make up for lost time before I hit Las Vegas next week. I am going to let my OCD work it's magic in the gym so I can be the stud I wanna be! Now, if only I can get HBJOCK's ass to the gym... everything will be alright in the universe.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Podcasting with Scotty

Well, I finally done the deed. I cranked up my Skype and did a dual podcast with Scotty. Skype and podcasting is pretty neat. Scotty and I could see each other on our webcams as we were doing the podcast. It was a nice treat to see Scotty and Joel in person. Look for that podcast later in the week. Scotty is doing the post production on it now.

What was my experience? Well... I was worried that we would either have nothing to talk about or it would turn out boring. Boy... was I wrong! We effortlessly cranked out 30 minutes of talk in no time. It was so easy to do the banter. Now I am warning you... I probably came off as sounding FULL OF MYSELF. Imagine THAT!

Scotty coyly plays the NICE guy. Was this a conspiracy to expose me as an egomaniac? Hmmm...... So, yeah... I will probably come off as a MEGA BITCH (think Shannon Dougherty). Damn you Scotty! You had to play the NICE CARD! This was a secret ploy to cause my viewers to tumble, huh? Oh well... you guys expect crazy self boasting antics from me. You get it in this upcoming podcast! Look for it coming soon!

I still need you guys to call in my HOTLINE and leave me messages for future podcasts. I have been greatly disappointed that I have had only two calls since I posted this listener line. Where is the love fellas???!!!! Waaa ..... Waaa... Hell... even if you loathe the ground I walk on... call in! If I make you SICK... call in! If you have any questions for me... call in! 206-333-0450

Monday, March 27, 2006

IT'S GREAT TO BE A TIGER!
LSU 62 Stanford 59

CONGRATULATIONS LSU LADY TIGERS!!! FINAL FOUR BABY!!!

My Mood

Video: Miranda Lambert - Kerosene
by chevyz71cowboy

A Sheep without a Shepherd...

I am now but a mere sheep chugging it alone on the grassy plains of life. My Shepherd has had other important duties to tend to... as he always does. I am leaving the flock now. I am leaving my Shepherd. I am ready to shed this wool that has gotten far too cumbersome to carry. The warm rays of the Sun feel encouraging as they strike my lanolin soft skin. I am now naked without my wool. Should a lone wolf come out from nowhere to devour me, would that necessarily be a bad thing?

Saturday, March 25, 2006

FINAL FOUR BABY!!! LSU 70 Texas 60 OT

I am SOOOOO proud of the LSU TIGERS! My Alma Mater disposed of Iona, two Texas schools, and Duke to advance to the Final Four. WAY TO GEAUX TIGERS! LSU!!!! TIGERS!!! FINAL FOUR!!! HOORAY!!!!

I was asked twice today if I was sure I was a gay man. Once by Scotty, because I had to put off our podcast because I was about to watch the LSU vs. UT game. And then at the Good Friends (a gay bar in the French Quarter) by a woman. WHAT IS IT ABOUT GAY PEOPLE WHERE SPORTSSSSSS IS JUST NOT WATCHED??? BUTCH IT UP YOU MARY'S!!!!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

GEAUX TIGERS!!! LSU 62 DUKE 54


HEY FIGHTING TIGER!

Hey, Fightin' Tigers, Fight all the way Hey, Fightin' Tigers, win the game today. You've got the know how, you're doing fine, Hang on to the ball as you hit the wall And smash right through the line You've got to go for a touchdown Run up the score. Make Mike the Tiger stand right up and roar. ROAR! Give it all of your might as you fight tonight and keep the goal in view. Victory for L-S-U!

Well, LSU put on a superb defensive effort against the #1 ranked Duke Blue Devils. See... the SEC isn't so weak afterall is it? That means there is just ONE ACC team left in the Elite 8. The SEC has two teams (LSU and Florida). If the Vols of Tenneessee hadn't choked like some poor sucker of Tony's BIG BOY... we would be really proud!

Geaux Tigers! Geaux SEC!!!!

Big Baby SEALS the game for LSU!

Waaaa... Waaaa... Poor Duke...

Our next foe is the Texas Longhorns. Well, if we can beat the Texas A&M Aggies (arguably a BETTER school), we can beat the Longhorns. Okay... that was just a small little joke to rile up a few readers in Texas! ;)

If anyone wants to rip Scotty a new asshole, please call and leave a message here on my listener call in line: 206-333-0450. We are working on our BITCHFEST podcast this weekend. I need some Brett fans to call in, give me some love, and dish on my counterwhore rival Scotty. I encourage you to leave a comment about anything and everything you ever wanted to say about Miss Drama Queen.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Rained Out in Austin

Dear blogger buddies, Brett fans, and Brett Haters:

I know a burning question on your minds have been about the Austin tennis tournament. Well, the event was washed out. Everyday, participants had to call a weather hot line to check on when play would start. On Saturday and Sunday, it stopped raining after 3pm. Unfortunately, the organizers cancelled the whole day by then. So... the Austin trip was a bust. I got home in the wee hours of the morning after 8 1/2 hours riding back from Austin. Poor Tom had to drive all that way. He is a trooper!

Austin is a beautiful city. There was a beautiful skyscraper that looks like a Transformer Robot head that I loved. The State capitol building is GORGEOUS and awesome. I thought the campus of UT and their football stadium was ho hum and kinda ugly. As an LSU Alumni, I may be biased because we have one of the most beautiful campuses and stadiums in the nation. We did see the LBJ Presidential Library. It was the first time I have ever been in a presidential library, so it was interesting. There were 50,000 more people in Austin this weekend for their music festival SXSW. It was jammed packed in downtown Austin with a bunch of hippies that were drunk or high. I swear every one I saw looked like they smoked pot regularly. We all noticed something curious about drivers in Austin. Either they are horrible drivers, can't drive in the rain, or can't drive when there is some music fest adding more people on the road. It seemed like every mile of road there was an accident. Anytime we went anywhere, we would regularly pass three multi-car accidents before we would arrive at our destination. What is it with you Austin people??? DRIVE RIGHT!

So, I was pouty all weekend because everything I worked so hard for... was washed away in the rain. I swore off tennis for good! Okay, that was just my anger making me say that. I threw a temper tantrum all weekend because of the weather. I always plan my trips in perfect detail so I can be assured of maximum fun and entertainment. When the weather throws a monkey wrench in my plans (like it did this weekend), I fail to overcome the disappointment. I am incapable of coping with plans gone awry and end up having a shitty weekend. That is what happened this weekend: a shitty and rainy weekend in Austin.

I am now at work with three less vacation days and no heroic tennis stories to share about any conquests. BUMMER! Oh well... Now that I don't have to worry about my wrist anymore, I can get my ass back in the gym again and be the stud I wanna be. Then there is the book that I am writing. I can dedicate more of my time to that. Then there is figuring out how to record audio and video podcasts with ACCEPTABLE formats and download times.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Rain Interrupted...

The Tournament officials postponed the tennis tourny until the next day because of rain. The problem is that it stopped raining after they made this decision. Tomorrow is supposed to be MORE RAIN! Hmmm.... me thinks me not gonna play tennis in Austin. Today we shopped at Neiman Marcus last chance clearance store. That was all we did! Grrr.... now we are hunting for a good Mexican restaurant before we hit the bars. Well... I'll play tourist and hit all the bars tonight then. The nightclub named "Rain" (how appropriate) was cool last night. The Shrew want's to see stripper at Charlies. we'll check out that place first, then hit all the others.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Me Against the World...

The queers are in Austin! We are brimming with excitement! The drama and plot lines are thick. Which one will CHOKE? Which one will CEASE THE DAY? Who has the determination and grit to advance the most in this tournament?

I suppose I should thank the tournament directors for rebalancing the bracket. My tennis coach in Houston had told me that I had a bad draw. Now it looks like me, the Shrew, and Whipping Boy will probably not face each other in the tournament. I wouldn't face E.Shrew now until the Semi-Finals. We would only face Whipping Boy in the finals. Considering the longshot... we probably are not going to even play each other in the tournament. I guess that will save friendships and my relationship with the Shrew.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Nothing But Steers and Queers in Texas...

And one is coming your way today! I'll be in Houston this afternoon, then off to Austin on Friday for the BIG GAY TENNIS TOURNAMENT! HOORAY! I'll post the links and brackets so you gents can follow me, E.Shrew and Whipping Boy all through the tournament. Stay tuned!

I am going to miss my children the most! Poor babies.... Daddy always hates when he has to leave you two behind. SNIFF! SNIFF!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Yes, It's True...

With an innocent comment, I inadvertently ruffled the feathers of a fellow blogger. (IMAGINE Brett starting shit!) Hmmm.... It all started when I posted this in his comment section. I got an email from this blogger that said something like (I am paraphrasing here): "OH YOU BITCH! HOW DARE YOU PUT A GIANT BILLBOARD ADVERTISING YOUR PACKAGE ON MY SITE!" (HA HA!!!)

I sent a quick note of apology to my benevolent master Tony. I am sorry Tony.... in the world of dongs ... you are the KING! :) In the pecking order of peckers, Tony has TOP rank. He is world reknown for HIS member. Please forgive me Master Tony. I humbly bow to my knees to give praise and worship to the great and almighty Tony dong. Sir... I am unworthy to receive this... but I humbly oblige.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

I dreamed of Moby...

I was startled awake this morning by my SECOND consecutive dream of Moby last night. This is the first time I have EVER dreamed of a fellow blogger. Have you guys ever dreamed of fellow bloggers before? Well... each dream had the EXACT SAME theme and ending. The sequence of events in each dream were different... but the message was the same when the dream ended. I hope Moby doesn't get offended that I am sharing a dream about him publicly and not privately.

Dream #1:

I arrive in San Francisco to see Moby. I am very excited about it. I am suddenly aware that when I find Moby and his place, we are taking public transportation to go to some party. Moby has a very nice place. I somehow see his business card and his office. Apparently he is not really a 911 dispatcher or an EMT. He is really a lawyer! Yes, but he is an admirable lawyer. His practice is defending the rights of clients with HIV. I immediately feel proud of him and his profession. He seems noble to me. When Moby sees me, he is kind of fumbling around and seems nervous. We then go to an area with other people waiting for a bus or something. While we are waiting, I notice a tower that has people bungy jumping off of. I admire that people are willing to do that. They are all lined up waiting to bungy jump. Then after I turn back to the waiting area, I notice that I cannot find Moby. I start to panic! Where is he??!!! Just then, three Jamaican guys with that funky hair surround me. They ask me how much money I have. I start to feel great fear. Even though it was risky, I squeeze through them and run to the men's bathroom nearby. There, I start yelling out "MOOOOBEEEEE! MOOOOBEEEEE! Where are you MOOOOOBEEEEE?" I go from stall to stall looking for him. This public restroom is the biggest pulic restroom I have ever seen. It is almost like a labrynth. I finally think I find Moby in a stall. I am outside a stall door and I feel that it is Moby there behind that door. I suddenly get a text message on this big gadget thing I have. It is a message from Moby. It says, "I can tell you don't really like me. I am sorry about leaving you behind." I start to fret. I say "NOOO!" "That is NOT true!". When I look up, I realize Moby is not still in that stall. He must have escaped when I was looking at my damn gadget!

Dream #2:

I am with Moby in that same public transportation waiting area. There is still a tower with a bungy jumpy service and people lined up to see it. I still have that proud feeling of being with Moby. He tells me to follow him. I start following him. He takes me up to a second level place via an upward moving platform. It look futuristic. He inserts his card and punches a few numbers. He is now dispensing medicine to a person as if he was a bartender. I looked amazed and say "WOW! That is neat!" The guy that needed the medicine announces that he is going to tip $1. He has four quarters. He tips Moby 75 cents and this woman that is suddenly nearby Moby a quarter. He looks at me and frowns (like I did nothing to help him) and says "This is for them. You are not getting tipped." I was thinking "That's okay. I am just here with Moby. I didn't do anything. I don't need a tip." I then notice that I am suddenly looking for Moby again. I am walking around and I keep losing things on me. I keep dropping things! I am struggling to walk without dropping things. I am embarrassed. Then I notice the same woman that was with me, Moby, and the customer in the medicine dispensing machine. She asks to see my gadget device. I show her. She seems to really admire it and takes it from me! She runs back to the public transportation area. I am PISSED! I said "GIVE THAT BACK!" I then suddenly notice that Moby is nowhere to be found. I see the woman with no device. I hit her on the head and knock her out. The device is still nowhere to be found. I then have a feeling that I really need the device to contact Moby again. So, I start knocking out all the people in the public transportation waiting area to search for my only means to contact Moby. I finally find it on the ground. I pull up the same text message I had in the first dream. I try to reply to Moby via this device but to no avail.

Then I suddenly wake up. I just felt like I had a powerful dream with a deep meaning. What feeling I was left with was... "Moby is something to be proud of. If you go to San Francisco, don't be expected to be guided around by anyone. You are on your own." WOW. It was almost like God emphasizing that point on my heart.

What does it all mean? Have any of you ever dreamed of another blogger? Could this have been caused by eating too much Velveeta, Rotelle Tomatoes and Chips last night????

Friday, March 10, 2006

Brett against the World!



Heart of Texas Classic IV
March 18-20, 2006
Austin, Texas

Austin Tournament Bracket

The Draws came out today, and I (#4 on bracket) have the WORST DRAW!!!! Arggggh! I have to play the #1 seed after my first round match. E.Shrew (Seed #6) and Whipping Boy (Seed #21) have MUCH EASIER paths to the Championship! I feel like I am being picked on... with my wrist... and now the draw. Or maybe I should look at it as a CHALLENGE to better myself! (Overcoming a HUGE obstacle!!!!) Hmmmm?

I'll do a special 3rd podcast BEFORE the tournament. I want to talk about the tournament, my unfair seeding by the Tournament Gods, and possibly have Whipping Boy (Tom) and E.Shrew on that podcast. It'll be great to record their expectations for the tournament and post it before we play.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Eagle is Healing

Well, this Eagle is healing. I played an old BUZZARD last night on my hometown court, and I was surprised that the discomfort from hitting the ball was a lot lower than before. I even beat the old Buzz in the first set 6-4! He rallied in the second set and won that one 7-5. We called the match a "draw" and did not play the third and final set.

The Draws for the Austin Tournament will be posted by Friday. I am so excited to see who we all play. There are some people in our division that I am quite familiar with. It'll be interesting to see if I end up having to play Whipping Boy or E.Shrew in the first or second rounds. I am praying that neither one of us have to play the other in the tournament. The LOSER of any of those matches will surely hold a grudge and hate the victor forever and ever. I know I will! ;)

So... a daily dosage of Advil and ice is making me feel better. My wrist is still not totally healed from the sprain over the last couple of weeks. I would have to say that it is probably at 80%. Even Slab is happier. It doesn't quite hurt when I use my wrist to take care of his needs. ;)

Monday, March 06, 2006

My Future Foretold by Fortune Cookies

I got totally PIGGIE at a local chinese restaurant today. I ordered Crab Rangoon (OINK!), Sesame Chicken, fried rice, and an eggroll. I guess they presumed such a large order would be for two people, so they gave me two fortune cookies. Lo and Behold... inside one fortune cookie was something that has NEVER happened to me before! I got TWO fortunes in one cookie! Wow! That means a total of three fortunes in all!!! This is what my fortunes read in the order in which they were opened and read:

Trust is the secret to finding the answer you're looking for.
Time makes one wise. Ask Advice from someone older than you.
Some chance of glamor and excitement is coming to you.

What does this all mean for Brett? Does anyone know???!?!!?!

As a Competitor, I am an Eagle...

who once soared gloriously from the heavens onto the tennis courts. As my talons clenched the tennis racquet, I once conquered the tennis courts which were my battlefield. My wingspan stretched out and sent every competitor, from Heath to E.Shrew, hurling down from the skies defrocked of dignity and their manhood. There was no one that could challenge me. I steadfastly disposed of every inferior foe that flew onto my court.

Alas... that is now in the past. For this Eagle is severely wounded. The Vultures are now circling high above ready to swoop down and pluck out my eyeballs. Tom (Whipping Boy) and E.Shrew took turns yesterday pecking at this injured Eagle that cannot fly anymore. I was beaten down and taunted by the Shrew, who reminded me on each and every serve how many games I had won in our match. (I lost to the Shrew 6-0, 6-2)

I have been playing with persistent pain in my right wrist for two weeks now. I am worried. The Heart of Texas Classic IV Tennis Tournament, March 18-20, 2006 is looming in Austin, TX. However, I am NOT at 100%. If you know me, you know I LOATHE losing at anything. So, this injury has brought great consternation and agony to my competitive ass.

This wrist injury first occurred after I had a grueling upper body workout in the gym right before a tennis match with Tom. Whipping Boy fired a shot across the net and a sharp pain shot across my wrist as I hit his bullet back at him. Ever since, I have been playing in pain. I am icing my wrist regularly now and taking advil... but it is still sore when I play with Slab tennis.

I don't have much time. I feel this is a movie script developing: CHAMPION MUST DEFEAT ADVERSITY TO BE A CHAMPION ONCE MORE! (playing Rocky's Theme)

Saturday, March 04, 2006

What I did today with E.Shrew....








Fabio and Gobblet were lunged on Saturday and Sunday. While they are doing magnificiently, they both still have plenty wild buck in them. I guess they are in their teenage years. I have to go out there and spend more time with each of them each day. They have become much more "jumpy" since they were shy, young, and adorable colts.