Being a WHORE on Mardi Gras...

Ahhh.... it's great to see the city of New Orleans back on its feet! The French Quarter was packed like the good old times. This was a great spirit lifter for the citizens of New Orleans. As you stand on the balcony of Oz or The Pub, you see a sea of ants on Bourbon Street milling about. Good times are back again!

Yes, I was a WHORE during Mardi Gras. In fact, I spelled it out for everybody. I wore this black (a good slimming color!) T-Shirt that fit my muscled body perfectly. It had the word "WHORE" in big bold white letters. I swear I have never heard "WHORE!" shouted at me by so many strangers in one day! The fine print on the shirt said "Hate Me in Public... Fantasize about Me in Private." I got so much attention from that shirt. I should have taken pictures, but neither me nor E.Shrew felt like carrying around our camera. Sorry guys... I wear everything tight... there is NO room! Plus, I had to leave my hands free for extracurricular activities during that special event we call Mardi Gras.

So, me and Shrew did Mardi Gras. I think we both had a great time. I did my darndest to pace myself and stretch out the day. I am not a big drinker. So... walking around socializing and drinking for hours on end can be a challenge for me. Luckily, there were so many HOT HOT HOT boys and so many dear friends, that time passed by swiftly and fun was had. It was near 8pm last night and I had finally begin to feel like I needed to shutdown. Three straight days of drinking, carousing, and merriment will do that to this 35 year old body.

Was I a whore? Not really. The only eyebrow raising moments came when the locals wanted to use "Mardi Gras" to get frisky with me or the Shrew. What was once the customary greeting of a peck on the lips suddenly become fullfledged french kissing. The usual copping a feel of your pecs or your ass, suddenly became your friend unbuttoning your button fly jeans and taking out your business. Again... this was all done by FRIENDS! While I am not a prude (NO SHIT SHERLOCK!), it puts you a little on the nervous side worrying what your BF thinks about it. You better believe me and the Shrew were tabulating in our heads what each friend did to the other. When you go out in New Orleans (me) or live there (Shrew)... it always happens. You just can't get too irritated or bent out of shape. You just chalk it up as one of those things that happens.

I try not to get jealous. I don't particuliarly like the jealous types anyway. You know.... the ones that shriek "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY MAN!" if you touch his boyfriend. Sometimes jealousy lets you know someone really does care about you. But often times... jealousy is a wasted human emotion. Gay men need affirmation from others that they are attractive. Yes, completely narcisstic and ego driven... but very necessary for a healthy self esteem. With gay couples, we all give our partners much more latitude than a heterosexual couple would. I like that. As long as the Shrew respects me and shows me he cares when it counts, it shows that we smoothly sailed through Mardi Gras.

Partying for Mardi Gras

I'll be back to blogging in a day or two. I am partying non-stop at Mardi Gras. New Orleans is PACKED with HOT BOYS!!! WOOHOO!!!!

Woe is the Foe who goes against me...

I was in some ass kicking mood yesterday! I was a man on a mission... fueled on endorphins. I left the gym with my muscles swelled up with a redbull and a protein bar in my hands. I was ready to face my arch-nemises on the tennis courts.... Whipping Boy Tom. He has been getting cocky lately. It was time to knock him back down and show him the proper pecking order in the tennis playing world of Brett.

Tennis is a mental game. That is why I dominate. I am very strategic. Most importantly, I REFUSE TO LOSE! LOSING IS FOR LOSERS!!!! That's my MOTTO. I don't congratulate my opponent and say "nice shot" or "nice game". They are the enemy that MUST BE DESTROYED. I seek out their weaknesses, and then I bring them to their knees in doom. That's why I am a champ. I have that killer instinct. That killer instinct propels me to victory... that is if I stay healthy on the courts.

Last night, I was humming along leading Whipping Boy 5-3. It seemed like it was going to be the same old same old 6-3 set win for me. But no... Whipping Boy came back from his pending doom. He rattled off three straight wins. I was now down 6-5 to the MOFO! GRRRRR.... I was NOT going to lose this final game. I earned win #6, and we had the set all tied up at 6-6. We were now going to play the very heartwrenching 7th game tiebreaker.

Whipping Boy SHOCKINGLY jumped out to an early lead. This was NOT going to be one of those "Miracles on Ice" wins for Whipping Boy. I refused to lose. I fought back. It was now 4-3 in favor of Tom. This was a critical time for me. Whipping Boy then hit a thunderous bullet at me. I was between the midcourt line and the net. I swiftly returned his bullet back to his side of the net. It was at that moment that my right wrist gave way to a sudden and sharp pain. To my horror, Tom returned my shot. In pain, I grasped my racquet with both hands to score the important point. Why was it important? It tied our game at 4-4 in the tiebreaker game thus ensuring bragging rights was whisked away from Whipping Boy. I was in pain. My wrist felt like it had a major case of carpal tunnel syndrome. I threw my racquet down and told Tom that I couldn't play anymore. Thankfully, he was a good sport about it. I think he finally believed me when he saw the swelling.

Ahhh... the limitations of the human body. In retrospect, I have to stop letting my competitive spirit dictate such a rigid day for me. I worked out TWICE yesterday before the tennis match. Even though I feel invincible after a good workout, reality says otherwise today. I do hope my wrist heals up soon for the gay Austin tennis tournament next month! If my wrist doesn't heal up today, I'll need some of you boys as volunteers for a very important JOB. ;)

Me as a Plucked Chicken...

Some of you have asked what I look like without a hairy chest. Here it is! Now mind you, I took these quick pictures with my webcam in the worst looking room in my house (my computer room). I realize these pictures are not breaking any ground in quality on this blog. Look at these pics as "mug shots". Be patient... you may see some professional pictures coming in a few weeks!


Yeah, I know you Brettcajun HATERS out there are cringing... yet more pics...

I feel like a PLUCKED CHICKEN!

I am now officially "a plucked chicken". After fretting about doing it for a long time, I finally trimmed my chest hair. It was the first chest hair trimming in my 35 year old life. I was always scared to get my chest trimmed because I was afraid I would look like Buddha. Well... I say "trimmed". It looks more like a shave. I set my beard trimmer to "3". I wanted my chest hair to look the same length as my goatee. Unfortunately, I turned that trimmer upside down when a certain hair patch would not properly trim. The rest is history. I am now a plucked chicken.

When I first saw the end result... I was not impressed. E.Shrew saw the final result and exclaimed "you look better with hair!". I cringed. I knew I had made a boo boo. It took me this long to grow this much hair... will I ever grow it back swiftly enough?

The funny thing about the passing of time is that you get used to the changes. After a few days, I started liking my new look. You could finally see my belly button and my suckable nipples. They look lucious. My pecs were looking more impressive than ever. When I suck in, I am a hottie!!! (I hear the blogsphere groans you bitches!)

Now, even E.Shrew thinks I look delish. He has grown to like the new look too. The only problem... I really have to concentrate on NOT having a buddha belly. Hair does this nice little trick of hiding some man belly. Now, I'll have to (GASP!)... eat like a bird.

For those of you who are concerned... my hair seems to be growing nicely! Wow! I am as shocked as you are! So... I'll be nice and hairy chested in time for Austin (March 17th-21st) and Las Vegas (April 5th-9th). Don't you worry!

Busting Free!

Ahhhh.... FREEDOM.... that sweet taste of FREEDOM .... YES!!! God... it feels fucking wonderful to be free at last!!! What a RUSH I felt this morning as I worked my legs under bone crushing weights. This is what I was meant to do. As I squatted 350#'s and did my 300 # calf raises, it became all clear to me. I am destined to be a video podcaster... NOT an audio podcaster!

How did I come to this conclusion? Look at me! I am built like a porn star. Anyone that knows me will tell you I am a very "touchy feely" physical person. I am also very easy on the eyes. I have those bedroom eyes. They are Caribbean Blue. You'll either find yourself wanting to dive right in those Blue Eyes, or wisk me away to the nearest bed.

What I make up for in the bedroom (and the mirror), I woefully lack on the ears. I do not have the great verbal skills other chatty Kathys podcasters do where I can just espouse on everything and anything so effortlessly. Some of you like my TWANGY voice, but I can't entertain you with my wit for very long in spoken word. Hell, I had a migraine on Valentines Day from the hazard of TRYING to entertain you with a podcast!

So, I am sticking with what I do best. I'll give you a peep show on webcam, push my naked pics on you, gyrate in your lap, let you feel my pecs, take out Slab in a bar and wave him at you, or cut up with you in a social setting where a drink of Bud Lite will interrupt me before I have a chance to get too long winded.

Yes... my destiny has always been and will forever be... visual and physical. When you come to my hometown, I wont ramble on and on about anything. I'll more than likely take your hand and make you feel the hardness of my pecs. Or perhaps I'll bring that hand down lower. But I wont... EVER... talk for any great length about anything and everything. That's not my style.

Technical Difficulties

I give up!!!! Grrr.... I worked so hard on my podcast. It took me forever to figure out how to FTP it to www.archive.org site. Well, it worked... then it stopped working. So, I posted it again with a different file name. It worked again. Now, it stopped working. I GIVE UP!!! Grrrr.... between working out, training for my Austin tennis tournament coming up in March, working, taking care of Jack E. Shrew and my two Dachshunds, and lunging horses... I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS BULLSHIT!!!! GRRRR..... ARGGGGHHHHH!!!!

Time of the Season for New Colts...

You are looking at the first colt born of the season. He was born late Monday night. So far, there are two colts born on the family ranch. There are many more Mares that look like walking bloated water tanks... ready to give birth at any moment! These are exciting times! Today, me and E.Shrew repaired fence, lunged Fabio and Goblet, and marveled at the beauty of God's creations.

What to Look Forward To...

I promise you peeps TWO podcasts this weekend! I will do a video podcast AND a longer audio podcast. Why the two formats? I can only do up to 3 minutes of video, because it eats up a tremendous amount of megabytes. So... it just be enough time for me to jerk off do a little something visually. On my audio podcast, I hope to share more about my life, play 20 Questions with E.Shrew and perhaps lash out at my rivals. Who knows? Stay Tuned! ;) I am sure it'll be devilish fun.

Which Bitch Will Show Up the Other At the Grammys Tonight?

I am personally rooting for Madonna to put on a showstopping opening to prove that she is... THE DIVA!!!! Sorry Matt and Sam. I know ya'll love your Mooriah... but no one does a better show than Madonna!

BRETT STRIKES BACK!

The nuclear arms race in the blogworld is getting HOT! As some of you may know, my arch-rival Scotty launched a new and improved podcast. I was livid! How dare her! How do I compete with the blog counterwhores of the world?! I was spitting fire. I had to do something to catch up! I know! I'll show some nifty dance moves and some FLESH! (EVIL CACKLE)

You may ask... Why are you such a mega bitch? My answer... Because I can be!

So... I present my very first video podcast: Brettcajun's First Video Podcast.

It is a m4v file (MPEG-4 Video File). You have to have Apple's Quicktime Player to view it. You will not hear the music I am dancing to... but you'll hear my voice within 30 seconds.

Click Image for Special Motivational Message from Brett!

Sunday Lunging

Whoa.... Brett with a WHIP! I was really proud of both horses. They were easier to handle today, which was the second straight day we lunged them. Fabio and Goblet did wonderful today. Fabio did his usual great running. Goblet did MUCH better than yesterday, which was his very first time in a lunging ring. Don't worry folks... neither one had to be whipped much because they ran in the right direction and seemed to know what we wanted them to do.

Saturday Lunging

Fabio and Gobblet are two very skittish colts. We failed miserably trying to put halters on them. We finally had an idea about coaxing them through an alley way on the way to the lunging ring with a bucket of food.

This is Goblet's first run in the lunging ring. I felt bad for him. He had so much trouble trying to figure out what we were trying to make him do. We had to whip the shit out of him to make him run in the right direction in the lunging ring. This is a regrettable part about training a horse, but it must be done.

Afterwards, you have to see if the horse wants to be your friend. It takes plenty running (and whipping in Gobblet's case) before the horse figures out that being your friend is much more desirable to getting whipped and ran hard in the lunging ring.

Fabio cantered in the lunging ring like a pro. This was the third time we have lunged Fabio. Very seldom did we have to use the whip on him. Fabio ran well, then changed direction perfectly when we wanted him to. It was a treat to see Fabio do such a great job.
This is a picture of me lunging Fabio. E.Shrew took more pictures of me lunging Goblet and Fabio, but this is the only one where I didn't look fat or nellie running with a whip. (lol!)

After running Fabio hard around the lunging ring successfully, I am showing him some appreciation. I am letting him know he can be my friend.

Both horses did a great job. I am smiling because our efforts to lunge Fabio and Gobblet paid off. It requires a lot of patience, but the job is very rewarding. We walked away feeling we accomplished something wonderful with these still very young and somewhat wild colts.

Agony of Defeat

Evil Twin and Whipping Boy. They are gloating about the impending IMPALING they were about to do to us. They were MEAN to us! Me and E.Shrew. Gawd... just from looking at these pics you can tell we are about to get our asses stomped!

Me and E.Shrew do NOT make good Doubles Partners. Neither one of us are great net players. Everytime a shot was lobed right over the net, we froze up and choked. We were humiliated in the first set 6-0 by Evil Twin and Whipping Boy. We finally got our act together for the second set. We beat them 6-3. There were some tense arguing about the out of bounds line. All of us were contesting several calls. The final set came and went too fast. Me and E.Shrew lost the third and final set 6-3. We hit better than Whipping Boy and Evil Twin, but we could not handle their agressive SPIKES at the net. Arrrgggghhhhhhhhhhh! I was glad Tom got to meet my twin brother. He thought we were both fiercely competitive. I am sure that was a trip for him to see.

Maximus Buttimus Kickamus

Do you hear that can of whoopass opening?!?! YEEEEEP! Time to put Tom (aka Whipping Boy) and my Evil Twin Brother back in their places! My twin brother LOVES to brag that he is the dominant twin. Despite my hundreds of more victories against him, he still thinks he is a better tennis player. HOGWASH! Whipping Boy tried to change up the teams because he was claiming my side was stacked with the better players (of course!).

In defense of the teams chosen, me and E.Shrew have NEVER won a doubles tennis match together. Why is this? It has something to do with neither one of us being great team players. Working together to defeat the evilness on the other side of the net seems to be a supreme challenge for me and the Shrew.

There is no doubt in my mind that this match will be a close one. Evil Twin Brother and Whipping Boy have strengths in their aggressive net play SPIKING tendencies, but both have tendencies to hit the ball straight into the net. What's my favorite taunting slogan I often yell out? "LIMP WRISTS CAN'T WIN!".

Me and E.Shrew prefer finesse in our game in a doubles match. We are laden with tendencies of precision stealth placement of the ball. The object of today's game is to make those MOFO's run their asses off chasing the fast and fierce darts we fire at them. That'll be the key to us winning today. It'll be interesting to see what strategy wins today... SPIKING or STEALTH PRECISION. Results will be posted after the game!

Can Someone Please Explain to me what Blogshares is?

The biggest question I have is: WHY AM I A CHEAPO STOCK???? I punch in HOMER and SCOTTY and see their market valuations and I am ready to PEE GREEN WITH ENVY!!!! Scotty is like the Krispy Kreme of the blogshare market! Now I know the bitch can put away some Krispy Kremes, but his stock doesn't have to soar like their stock once did! Scotty's valuation is $35,000 to my pitiful ass $12,000!!!! It makes me feel like a Stuckey's on a lone Texas highway! Arrrgggghhhh..... And I have an investor that own 50% of my stock! WTF?! What is this thing????

I want to be an entrepreneur...

What could I offer anyone? Sure... I thought about it all. I could open a store and sell all my Brett fans (and haters) shirts, caps and shit. You know like "Fan of Brett", "NOT a Fan of Brett" , "I'll Bend On All Fours 4 Brett", etc. Naaaah.... too much overhead. Probably not enough demand. Then I thought about selling my used jock straps, plaster Brett dildos, mini-porn movies made by request, etc. But could I really live with myself if I totally SLUTTED myself out? What if my family found out? Hmmm.... ummm.... NO.

Then I finally had a great idea! I was going to create a Paypal donation website to support my creative and lifelong endeavor of writing a book. It'll give me an extra income so I don't have to work 10 hours a day on the job just to pay the bills. I'll spend time after hours using my creative energy writing. If my work of fiction becomes the next "Harry Potter" book, then I will truly be an entrepreneur! WOOHOO! Is this a good idea? Or can any of you think of something better for me to do entrepreneurial?